Things that I can't accept & Sometimes makes me burst out laughing...

1. The reason behind why some people delete me from their facebook accounts. Seriously, I really can't help it if you actually think i'm genetically blessed.
   



2. The reason behind why people gossip about my tweets and blog posts. Seriously, I must have done something right for you to actually remember the things i've typed and discuss it behind my back and in your delight put me in a negative light.
   



3. Outrightly comment about my physical attributes openly and in public. I mean, Come on, do i look like such things will affect me? Yes, I'm fat. Yes, I do not wear S or XS. But so what? Unlike you who can't seem to love yourself, I actually love myself. I'm fine with myself and I know damn well what i'm capable off.
   



4. Things that goes against the law of nature. Yes, I'll have difficulty grasping htat. Seriously, how can you accept a pig flyinf about in your backyard? Maybe I can. As long as its not my pig. -.-

So yeah. Enough rants. For now.

Musings and Questions.

From then, till now. I'm not reall sure what you want from me. So what is it that you want from me?

Once upon a time, I believed that I'm a princess. But has anyone ever realised that there's so many types of princesses in the world?

I've always known life is hard. But has anyone ever received any warnings about its unexpected slaps and abuses?

I want to own my own empire. Build it from scratch. Layers of mortar after bricks till a great wall appears. What if I will return and continue a legacy instead?

Fear comes in many forms. But my greatest fear comes in the form of losing you, you and you. Makes me wonder, what's your fear then?

You know. people always say its best to be frank about your thoughts, candid with your words and let the other see you inside. Have anyone ever realised that its a much more dangerous situation than camping out by a nuclear reactor?

Sometimes, you care too much in life. Too much that you realise the other still puts up that wall. Flippant remarks that stabs you rheart. Its been said that a pen is sharper than a sword. Oh hell no. Words. Now, that's another story, no?

I'm Cooooooooooooool...

I'm as cool as a cucumber. As I lie on my bed, keeping my head averted to the ceiling awaiting the cool sensation to take me away. I've decide I shall pass the time by typing out this latest entry confessing my greatest love for the latest addition to my toiletries stash one can find either in my quaint little room or in the toilet. HAHA!

I'm still lying down by the way. Still attempting to keep my head toward the ceiling. I've contemplated on installing a screen up in the ceiling so that i can always be connected even while i'm doing my beauty regimen! How convienient?!?! and i can always dream on! HAHA

So this thing i'm gonna be in love with is FREEMAN PEEL-OFF CUCUMBER MASK. Retailing here in Adelaide at AUD9.99 in supermarket, its my newfound love.

It reminds me of the St. Ives peel-off mask that I used to love as a young teen and could no longer find it now.

Upon first application, its cooling, its gooey, and it has a slight toner feel when you first apply it. As though its filling and tightening your pores. And if you wanna follow the directions on the back of the tube, apply thinly if you're just willing to wait for 5 to 10mins. if you accidentally apply a thicker layer, its definitely gonna take a longer time to dry up.

How would you know if its all dried? just pat your fingers lightly all around your face to feel if the mask is dry, if its not, its semi-sticky and it'll be like UHU glue to your fingers (I'm not saying its equivalent, i'm saying the texture is similar to that)

you'll feel it tightening as it dries up. Its better for you to stay in one position usually, lying down as all mask regimen would advise. so do not follow me and proceed to type out a blog entry, i just cant sit still for a while, unless i'm sleeping of course.

What's the feeling after taking it off? You'll immediately be able to feel a difference. Your skin is smooth and cool and you'll definitely feel refreshed. Especially after close inspection to your peel-off, you'd notice that there's particles from your face stuck to it! YAY-NESS! Which means your face is clean and smooth.

Ratings? I would give it 5 out of 5 stars. Its easy to use, not messy, a clean peel-off and it doesnt crumble on your fingers as you try to take it off. =D Great consistency and it smells refreshing. And as everyone knows, cucumbers are always good for thy face!

And this review is not sponsored. I'm just doing it coz i want to.

APOLOGIES!!

Apologies for the lack of updates. The lack of internet in this new house has left without a choice. So here i am updating from my motorola dext for this most probably ultra short entry!

Yesterday marks the end of my term break but im still behind in my uni work! Sheesh! I swear im turning lazy especially after the china internship! I seriously cant wait for these assignments to be done and over with for me to start on new ones so that i wouldnt be trying to catch up!

*breathless*

So yeah. Im waiting for the day internet gets installed into this house. So yeah. Thats all!

P.s: oh. I might be getting a new phone. Heh. XP

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Here's a sneak preview of my current house.

Truthfully? I LOVE IT. HAHAHAHAH!! I love the layout of the house and its the best thing ever. Its comfy, its clean, its new, i have access to everything and I do not have to tiptoe around the house in disgust! HA!

so to everyone out there who's been asking me how's my new house? Here's the living room.

Now back to my attempt to completing both my essay.

PSSSTTTTTTT...

I know i'm kinda late and most probably totally outdated. But here's the thing, I've always heard of this product from the beauty gurus on Youtube and even the make up reviews online and I have always wanted to get my hands on this product..

So let me show you something!

When makeup gurus tell you that this thing work, oh hell yeah it does! I have tried everything from L'oreal, Garnier, Biotherm, Clean and Clear, Clearasil, you name it, i've most probably tried it. Why did I venture out to so many brands when, first of all its definitely not advisable?

Well, you see i'm an eyeliner person. I can go out of the house without any makeup on as long as my eyes are lined. It is rarely (near to 0) that one will catch me out of the house without my eyeliner on.

I'm sure many of you who wears eyeliner, either liquid, pencil or gel often have this problem where the kohl isn't fully removed. This applies to removal of mascara as well.

The PONDS cold cream comes in a tub about the size of the large size nutella spread. But the beauty of it is that, you don't even have to use a hell lot of it to get your make up off. and one layer of application (even though thin) is more than sufficient to fully remove your make up. On top of that, it has a moisturizer after effect and therefore allowing you to have a choice of applying your own moisturizer or not.

I've been using the PONDS cold cream for a month now and I have not had any pimple breakouts from it. The smell is rather pleasant, it has the smell of the NIVEA hand lotion + a more cucumber-ish smell. So its actually a rather soothing scent, if i may say so. On top of that, i have not really created a huge dent in the pot and I go out on weekends to clubs with full make up on. So that speaks alot.

But to any of you who still prefer a liquid form of make up remover/ deep cleanser, the makeup remover from SASA is a must to get then.

This thing comes in a few flavours/scent: Chamomile, Rose and Green Tea.

However, comparing the price of the SASA make up remover and the PONDS cold cream, i would say that the PONDS cold cream is definitely more cost friendly. Besides, its not easy for everyone to get hold of the SASA make up remover anyways. Especially if you're in a non-asian country.

And looking at how little you need it per application, the PONDS Cold Cream will definitely outlast SASA Makeup remover anytime!

So, if you're ever looking for a deep cleanser cum make up remover and you're at a shelf with the PONDS Cold Cream staring out at you, I would say..

Do not hesitate, just get it! It'll be a buy that's totally worth it!! =D

LOOKING BACK AT EAST ASIA

I was looking back at my entries.. I realise I didnt even post up photos from Beijing. Sad isn't it? The 2months that literally changed my life and I didn't have a pictorial post on it! DAMMIT!

10 days in Singapore was such a rush before having to fly back to Adelaide for Uni. SAD SAD! I swear its the uploading of all that albums on facebook that took up approximately 8hours left me tired. It feels as though i've been to war sorting out pictures. LOL!

But I think I should post up an entry! for old times sake. For memories. For friendship.

So i'll just end this entry with one pic first. I promise.. there will be more to come!

I should stop procrastinating and finish up my essays. Its somewhat overdue and I need to pack my room to move out this sunday! YAY NESS and hello geekdom since uni will literally be at my doorstep! YIKES!

Don't tell anyone pple! I'm a closet nerd and that's that! =D

Oh, and I have this itch to change my blogskin. Its been what? 7years with the same skin? Or maybe lesser. Bottom line, Its been too long.

PRODUCTION NIGHT

Another wedding to plan for.

Its just like another production. Lights. Camera. Action.

How I miss that adrenaline rush! As the lights come on, and you focus everything on your co-actor, you look out into the audience and you see nothing but a black mass. But you know its a full house out there. It always is.

You hear the random gasps as slaps were exchanged before you.

You hear the occasional sobs reminding you that you're not crying for yourself anymore. You're not crying alone.

You feel yourself drifting away from whatever that defines you and you feel an image of yourself looking at you from the sidelines.

You could be anything, anyone you allow yourself to be. You could allow your deepest secrets to be revealed but no one will take it seriously. The beauty of that.

Or maybe its the busy-ness that I miss. Crafting of sets, costumes and props hunting, lighting meetings, stage managers briefing, make up decisions. The auditions, the casting, the rehearsals, the emotions.

Or maybe its the creativity that I miss. The stage blocking. The vision you have in your mind as you type furiously onto your computer or scribble unto your notepad as a 6page scene unfolds before you. The smile carved on your face after you saved the final approx. 50page script knowing that you're gonna send it for printing the following day to be distributed at cast meeting.

Or maybe.. its just plainly the people that we miss. The good old people who stand by your side. Who supported you through thick and thin. Who had those late night post rehearsals suppers and early morning pre directorial meeting breakfasts with you. The people you meet while you're completing a project. The characters you'll have to deal it.

Its like a distant memory. Especially now, when you've left it all behind and appear to be so far away. So distant sometimes you question yourself of its authentication.

See. A wedding prepartion is just like that. A production. Only with drama of a different kind. *smiles at bride-to-be*

The Conversation.

Mom: I've reached a point in my life.

Me: What point?

Mom: You know.. that point where everyone i know is either sick or dying?

Me: In that case, I have reached a point in my life too..

Mom: What point?

Me: That point where nearly everyone i know is either attached, engaged, married, expecting or is already a parent.

Mom: *sighs* Time really flies.

When I'm here, i dont feel it. Heck. Sometimes I even forget I'm turning 25 this year. Nobody here cares about your age. Nobody here cares that you're waddling slowly to get to your destination. Maybe some people will not think that I'm waddling coz I have work experience under my belt. But, in Singapore's context, I'm definitely waddling. I think waddling would be considered fast. I think i'm like slugging behind. yeah. Slugging.

Then I turn on facebook and I see all these engagement photos my friends are posting up, their wedding preparations shoutouts, their expecting bellies updates and pictures of their kids. I really do feel as though I'm in a different world altogether. I'm no longer in that world. You know, that world where everyone is setting up their life.

Truthfully, I love my life right now and there's nothing I will do to change it. I love my social life. I'm beginning to love where I am. As shocking as it may sound to some. I'm loving it here. Which as a result makes me scared about what's gonna happen next year. The fact that I may get it and I may not. but hey. I know myself better than that. I should therefore give myself a little more credit.

But I really do feel as thought I'm slipping away from what I use to consider as familiar. Its only been 2 FULL years going on to 3 and I already feel like the outsider looking in. Amazing. I'm not going to complain, I can't complain. For, I have made this choice.

I should really start on my assignment before its all overdue. Seriously. Especially since I'm hoping to move house next week, i wouldnt wanna drag all these reference books all over the place. I should just finish it all and not procrastinate since my major essays have a higher word count than whatever i'm doing right now.

Peace out.

People watching.

People watching has currently been added to my list of favourite past times. Eating alone no longer meant that I had to eat quickly and run off. It now meant that I could eat slowly and watch the antics of the people in my current surrounding.

People on dates and in love that I can practically see hearts floating abouve their head.

People on dates but not in love. Now, that's another story. ha.

Kids. Self-explanatory. I classify rowdy teenagers as kids too.. -.-

The ringing laughter of toddlers and their toothless grins that never fail to melt hearts.

What does one think about? What is running though their heads? Here I am watching from the other side. From a perspective that they will never see. The outsider. Amazing, really.

A man walks by with strides that allows the gentle breeze to flow through his hair. Long flowing hair. Sometimes, I wonder. How do men have better looking long hair than us girls? Most probably they don't put as many styling products as an average girl? heh.

Currently munching on Oporto fries. I love Oporto so much better better than Macs me thinks. No idea when I'm gonna finish the fries though. bleargh~

Safe... I hope.

Initially, I thought I didn't care. When the news of the earthquake and tsunami plastered the papers around the world, I still didn't call to check how you were. Maybe circumstances made me this way. *shrugs* I've been hurt too much in 2010 that I don't wanna care about anyone anymore.

Mom called me to ask me if i've heard from you coz nobody could reach you not even your mom. My reply was laced with annoyance, "If no one can reach her, what makes you think i can? Its not as if we have special walkie-talkies. I'll still have to text her." When Deena asked about you and I told her.. i really didn't care.

After much persuasion, I texted you wondering how you were especially now with the nuclear plants explosion and I received an immediate reply from you telling me that things are bad but you're all well. I told you to come home, I'm sure your dad did too...

I wanted to tell you that Aikido School isn't all that worth it. I wanted to tell you just leave Japan for the time being and come home to the family that's worried about you. But what can we do if all flights out of Japan are cancelled and the transportation system within Japan isn't functioning. Besides, I wouldn't be there for you when you need me, since i'm 7000miles away from home.

At the end of the day, you're my cousin. Even though I act as if I don't care, deep down I still do. So here's to me hoping that you're safe and well and of course, very much alive.

What's Next?

Yes ladies and gentlemen, Wicked has FINALLY arrived in Adelaide! I've waited 2 years for them to release the dates for the Adelaide show and they finally have! The tickets are alittle pricey though. Well, quite pricey as compared to alot of musicals that was staged here in Adelaide.

But, hopefully (keeping my fingers crossed), i will not miss it. It'll be opening in April till end of May. So yeah, i'm hoping i'll have enough cash for it! I wouldn't wanna miss Defyinggg Gravityyyy.. =D Love love love that song!

The Last Girl On Earth Tour - Rihanna (Adelaide 2011)

Yup I went for the rihanna concert in Adelaide yo! awesome possum! so happy! so excited! it eliminates all annoyance i had. heh.

The video above, is the portion of the dance move that i intend to memorise! HAHAHA!

I ended up going with Rochana... And it was one helluva of an outing. LOL! Rochana was excited since the afternoon when I called her to ask her if she wanna accompany me to the Rihanna concert. And after much persuasion, she finally agreed. And she's been grinning from ear to ear from the moment she saw the tickets. HAHAHAHAH!

The opening acts was Far East Movement and Calvin Harris... and boy! Did they bring the house down! The energy from Far East Movement was WOOOHOOO! It made me feel so fly like a G6! Hahahaha~!

Calvin Harris' spins was epic! It was groove-worthy and definitely siccckkkk~! LOL!

The pictures below are from the Rihanna Concert and I really sincerely hope that no one out there would steal them pictures... okiez? you guys are kind hearted souls arent ya? heee.

The concert was separated into 4 acts of a dream where the storyline was that how it will be if she was the last girl on earth.

She opened the show with Only Girl with that flower dress which I personally thought was both cute and horrendous. Maybe she thought that too.. since it only appeared in that song! HAHAHAH! before she changed into the next glittery and uber pretty (yes, i'm bias w/ glittery things) costume when she did So Hard, S & M, Disturbia...

It was a visually pleasing performance. That's a definite! The dancers were not overpowering as compared to some artists. It was mostly about her and that's the way a concert should be.

I swear she has the sweetest smile ever! its so pretty and cute! her smile i mean. There's no way i could describe the rest of her as pretty and cute. HAHAHA! That's just an understatement! LOL!

Rockstar was awesomely done and the guitar was the cherry on top. Hahaha! I most probably am bias again. But I don't care! I love that song... even though the ones in the crowd were confuse at the beginning of the song what she was about to sing. Seriously people? Seriously?! Oh wells.

Please don't stop the music was another visually pleasing performance. My favourite costume of the night tooo~ Sexy but not slutty. Hate how much I love you was another crowd favourite. together with unfaithful, rude boy and well practically every other top 10 hits. But seriously, hate how much i love you was a really sincere performance by her. It was different. Different in a good way.

Act 4 started off with the wait is over, followed by Live your live, Run this town and take a bow. Take a bow being her final song.

It was definitely one of those concerts to remember and for those of you who have the opportunity to go for this concert. I would say that, JUST GO FOR IT! Its awesome possum. 5 possums out of 5!! Those in Australia, your last opportunity to catch her would be in Perth, for everyone else... This is the beginning of her world tour this yr, i heard she's heading into Europe after Australia am i right?

Oh and seriously people, if you're her fans, dance to her music then during the concert! I hope not everyone wasn't like the crowd in Adelaide who stared at me and Rochana as though we were crazy jumping, singing and dancing to her every song. LOL! Maybe the concert crowd differs from state to state, country to country... but please do yourselves a favour and let lose!

I definitely went home grinning that night. heh heh~!

The Wedding I'll have to go back for end of the year..

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1755979263347&oid=57586568433&comments

This is how awesome my android look alike looks like!

Androidify app is the bomb! go d/l it! for those who's on android 2.1 and above

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SLEEP DEPRIVED

I've been sleeping in so much the whole week. I mean not that I have issues with it coz its only week 1. which means no tutorials only lectures and its only introductory lecture.

I felt as though i've been sleeping to make up for all the lost sleep i've missed over the last 3 months. Both in Beijing and Singapore. But who am I to complain rite? I should start planning my trips back a week before school starts just so i could sleep like a pig.

now i'm hungry and having stomachache coz i've stuffed myself with a kit kat bar... Not a good alternative to food with an empty stomach. toodles.~

My entries are scarce recently... But I can't help it. I seem to be having to catch up with time. I seem to be constantly trailing behind and later on checking the time only to realise its late.

I cant sleep... Again. But this time, there's really something on my mind.

Have you ever wondered why some people refuse to tell people their past? Their backgrounds? Or maybe feel the need to hide a fraction of their ancestral identity?

Coz you can't trust people. People talk... sometimes too much. People see.. sometimes unnecessarily. People remember... sometimes too vividly. As a result? You just get disappointed with people. Especially those you never thought were capable of it.

To me, a promise is sacred. In my life, I take promises seriously. Due to circumstances in life, promises are never broken and therefore my attitude towards it gets extended to friends.

Sometimes you would think you know someone a little better, but more often than not, you're mistaken. When I make a promise with someone, I don't dismiss it easily once its broken. I am not one who gladly takes a leap of faith. When I take a leap of faith, it means the initial seeds of trust have been sowed.

At such a stage, its fragile and therefore it can be eliminated...

Just. Like. That.

Now I know why you were unaware of certain things. You were not from this life, you will not understand. Instead, you will think these are trivial matters of no importance whatsoever while they see the gravity of the matter.

BEIJING; AN EXPERIENCE OF A LIFETIME

2 Months have passed and so much have happened. The last 3 days of snow was memorable!!

its been more than 2 months since my last update here on blog. ANYONE MISSED ME? *stares at screen and hear crickets instead* lol!!

2 months hiatus and where did i go? Beijing. There's a helluva things memorable about Beijing. THE GOOD, THE BAD AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. I've made a lot of friends that I know I'll never forget. That I know that will cross the oceans to meet up and catch up on our lives. The effort that they are willing to put in sometimes blows me away. Some of my long time friends don't even do that... Hell. Some of my cousins don't even bother either.

And here, perfect strangers that i've met and gotten close to within a span of 2 months are planning the next time they're gonna see me and making sure if i will be in Australia or Singapore when that happens. People that lived on the other side of the world. People that see day when I see night. It amazes me still.

As anti-social as I am, I've made friends. Friends that have been there through the thickest of times in Beijing. Friends that became my temporary family in the absence of my real ones especially with the sucky internet connection and the lack of social network sites literally cut me off from the world and life I had back home. In return? I created a life in Beijing.

I had a life. I have people that I come home too. I have group dinners that I go for with the same people after work. Random activities that we do to pass the time like manicures, massages, or just shivering in the cold waiting for our Beijing pancakes to be ready and standing there bouncing up and down eating those street food.

Even as I'm typing this, I can't believe that it has all come to an end. There were days that I feel odd that those people that I used to see every single day isn't around anymore to come to my room to harrass me out for dinner or to get ready and go out in the middle of the night. Memories. heh.

Work was good. I lived the expat life and I had an amazing internship supervisor who was extremely concern with my well-being and if i were accustom to the extreme weather changes and that I start work at 10am and ended at 430pm to beat the peak hour rush. I had an insight into China Laws and I was doing foreign and international investments into China.

Money money money. Investments investments investments. Corporate corporate corporate.

Just the thing I like to do. So yeah, I definitely did enjoy my internship.

I lived the high life in Beijing. Work and play all within the same day, everyday. I liked it. It was busy but at the same time resourceful. I even played sparklers and fireworks during the Chinese New Year period...

There were some memories that I can't forget and it wasn't necessarily good. The day he fell sick in Beijing, fear rose within me; almost suffocating. How could it be a Deja Vu? How could one nightmare i've been having all year that never fail to wake me up in the middle of the night breathless and scared be replaying in front of me only in reality? When I saw him like that, I excused myself from his room to take my lappie and I remembered thinking if I was dreaming only to realise that I was tearing all the way back to my room praying silently that nothing worse will happen.

I didn't go to work that day becoz of it. How could I? Leave him there and expect him to call me if it gets worst? In Beijing, how long will it take me to get home from work considering Beijing and its traffic? What if something happen and I didn't get home in time? I will never be able to forgive myself.

It was as if my deepest fear came true. It wasn't a sight I would wanna remember, but it was definitely something I can ever forget either. Everyone saw the after effect of that day on me. After he left and despite knowing he's better, I wasn't relieved. People politely left me by myself; often checking up on me after.

Beijing was harsh in so many ways. Like the weather, my experiences were equally on each extreme ends. I've had that. I've had my brand new 1865RMB (SGD 373) Follie Folli watch stolen from right under my nose while I was busy checking out of City Hotel to transfer to Swissotel. I've had my wallet pick pocketed in the subway 1week after i end my 2mth internship.

But if I were to be given the another opportunity in Beijing, I wouldn't mind doing it all over again. There are some things in life that can't be learned or read about, but experienced and earned instead.

Beijing drove me insane with frustration sometimes, but truthfully, it was worth it. Coz not everything was bad. I've been blessed to be able to meet the people I've met on this internship. That was nothing, but amazing. =)

JOURNEYS

Steps. Decisions.

What else are there to think about? Apparently. Tons. One thing i hate about life is that the future is so hazy!

I had a conversation with a friend the other day. She asked me who am i gonna get married to? When am i gonna get married.

I asked myself; have i did everything i've wanted to do? Partially yes. But it is still a long list to be completely fulfilled.

Did anyone watch the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy? Season 7 Episode 10? In that search of love, she made a decision out of the kindness of her own heart. She sat there saying that she'll marry him coz she would be able to help him. Then my tears fell. Someone else would think its stupid of her, but truthfully... i thought it was the sweetest thing ever.

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A Month Later~

I didn't realise its been a month. And today marks exactly one month since I last updated my blog! And i only realised that when someone posted it on my facebook wall. LOL!

School's out. Exams done. Essays Finished.

I'm just currently waiting for my results! oh hell yeah! LOL! I hope i cleared all my modules this sem despite the glitches along the way. I mean I know i'm smart but I dare not give myself that kinda credit you know? LOL!

I'm currently packing. Packing to leave adelaide for Beijing. Many of you would know of this Beijing internship but I think many of you didn't think that I'm going as well. But fortunately or unfortunately (no idea how other pple would see it), i got the internship too!

I didn't say anything initially coz I didn't think I will get it, coz its a highly coveted internship for students all over the world. When I got it, I scream in excitement for awhile but didn't think anything more of it coz it was still a good 6months away. Then I got caught up and was whisked away by assignments, exams and flying in and out of Singapore. When that was all done, its 2 weeks away from going to Beijing.

I'm excited, scared, nervous but at the same time looking forward. This time next week, I'll be spending the first weekend of my 2 months in Beijing.

Just be happy for me people! And pray for me too in hopes that nothing bad will happen there! =)

I'll be back in singapore 3rd February till 25th February. SO pls, if you wanna meet me, its really a first come first serve basis as of now. I mean I'm not trying to make it as though i'm so popular but 3 weeks is not a long time and I still do have to spend time with my family too.. So yeah, i'll have to apologize beforehand if once again, i didn't get to meet up with you guys... =(

So that's what I'm packing for; 2 months in Beijing. On top of that, my housemates are moving out of here next year and they are moving somewhere in mid Jan or Feb when I'm not around so I have to pack all my things coz they decided that they would help me carry all my things to the next house! =)

Despite the dog, I actually like my housemates. They're kind people. They're nice too.

There's really nothing much about me that I can update and I know that i keep on saying i will put up a birthday post but I really forgot about it. I think i will soon. =) and I wanted to do a pictorial post but I left my cammie in Singapore with deena and pics are in Mel's cam. I will do it soon. Maybe when I'm in Beijing and I could walk over to his room and ask for pics. LOL!

By the way, ITS 36DEGREES TODAY AT 4PM! HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT RITE?!?!?!?!

I'm sitting in the dark in my room typing away with the fan on full blast and thinking to myself that i'm gonna evaporate into nothingness.

Love Life: Still can't be bothered. Maybe there were a few but kinda grew bored. When someone interesting comes along, i'm either busy or he is busy. SO YEAH. And again, maybe I can't be bothered to make the effort too. I dunno. To me, if a person like me, I'll know other coz he'll be the one being persistent.. Persistent and stalkerish is 2 different things HOKAY! just to be clear. I already have my fair share of stalkers in my short stint here so far. other than that, don't waste my time. HAHAHAHAH!!

Friends: Made a few more. But sometimes, I would prefer to not have. I don't know. Sometimes, they require answers that I don't usually think about myself. I don't really care you know? Sometimes, you wanna get as far away as possible from the things you leave behind so that you can play by your rules and be successful on your own terms. Make your own life. My friends, my friends are different. Coz they know me that well. Other people, other people judge, comment, dislike and then they demand answers. Seriously? After all that? Who are you for me to explain myself to?

Maybe that's the reason why its hard for me to make friends. But I am anti-social I know that for a fact. Friendship is suppose to be simple. Why does everyone make it so damn complicated? Like all other relationships, its all about honesty. Is that even so hard for me to ask? tsk.

Looks: On to different News, despite growing older. I still look the same. Some still think i'm 18. But no people. I'M 24 AND I'M PROUD OF IT! LOL! seriously, i don't get it why people lie about their age... I don't get it.

Its the same as how some pple think i'm eastern european (french to be the most far-fetched guess of all but i think its coz of the green contacts i was wearing that day) but no people, I'M ASIAN AND I'M PROUD OF IT! hahahaha! I'm proud of my conservativeness in some areas (but seriously, not all asians are conservative ok. Get that out of your head. Have you seen some of them japanese, vietnamese, or thai girls? Tsk.), I'm proud of my highly complicated ancestral line, I'm also proud of the diverse group of friends i have <- that. that you can achieve easily being asian. Coz we love pple that much! HAHAHAHA!

Birthdays: Everyone I know and close with have finally turned a yr older! Its about time too.. its DECEMBER PPLE!

THE MONTH OF WHITE, GLITTERS, SNOW, LOVE, PRESENTS AND EVERYTHING FESTIVELY AWESOME!!

Time to end the year with a big bang ya'll! Age is after all just a number isn't it? You're lying if you tell me that you wake up on the day you turn a year older feeling all wise and shit. -.-" You just turned a year older pls. Not like descend into some kind of enlightenment and got reincarnated on your birthday.

Ok I should stop now before my entries get a little more ermm.. angsty? HAHAHA!

I will write again soon after I'm done packing my things! I need to resume folding my clothes. Just did my laundry! heh. TOODLES! LOVE LOVE!

hello.

Again, its been awhile hasn't it? Hmmm. There's really nothing much for me to say here. I've been so tired I have yet to even blog properly for my Birthday. When i think back with regard to my birthday this year... the more I can't stop smiling. Haha!

What have I been up to? Well... i've been trying to finish my overdue essays. One down 2 more to go. and then i'll be back to the rest of the essays that is due sometime next week or the week after that during my exams.

Exams are around the corner. Beijing in about a month's time. I've gotten my internship details. Am I excited? yeah... i guess so. International Department and Commercial Law. Haha! oh wells. I don't know really! hmmm! i dont sound that excited do i? Maybe I'm sort of worried... yeah maybe!

Anyways, i'm in uni now...

timecheck: 1245am!

yeah! its midnight! time for all you pple out there to give me a round of applause!
HAHAHHAAHAH!!!

I'll give a proper blog entry soon when my brain is functioning properly! toodles!

2+4 = 24. Old? Nah...

1 year have passed and its that time of the year again; 2 days ago. Something happened on my bday that i'm not sure if i was being too unreasonable about it... hmmm.. do i feel guilty for being angry? yes.

Sometimes, i'm just so torn between what is right, what is wrong and what is it that i still have the right to do... confused?

yeah well. let me give you a scenario...

My birthday fell on a Monday this year. I was brought out 2 days before that Monday. The Saturday. Had dinner. Open presents. Went out. Party. Take photos... And then Monday came along and nobody called. and i didnt expect that somebody would assume other things.. maybe he was being concerned. Aiyah. i also dunno..

but the bottomline was that: was i wrong to be pissed/angry/sad/whatever when we already celebrated my bday 2 days before my actual day? should i have just let it go?

but we already agreed on going out on monday... AIYAH I ALSO DUNNO LA!

MOVING ON.

I actually enjoyed my really random birthday presents and the whole of saturday. Food could have been better but then again this is Adelaide, that's the nicest i've tasted so far *contented grins*

Didnt do anything on Monday coz nobody called... till afterwards when I kinda/sortof exploded via SMS. Went to pancake kitchen and ate everything i felt like eating.. it was a hell lot of food. =D

heh heh.

i'll blog again soon about the extend of my birthday.... coz i dont think it will end anytime soon.. =D

Confusion

Someone added me on twitter... yes. For all you pple out there, i have twitter! Hahahaha...

So thi girl found me on twitter and she's studying in my uni, she's malay, she's in second yr, she's from singapore and i actually enjoy replying her tweets.. we're now connected on fb now...

So she was excited after finding me... lol! And she was tweeting me rite somewhere along the lines of.. "AND YAYYYYYY! You're malayyyyyyyyyy"

And guess whats the next line? "You are malay.... right?"

I read that and i burst out laughing in the bus. Its damn fast and extremely amusing how she was certain of what i was only to question immediately... Lol!

Looking forward to the friendship.. and i find her blog enjoyable to read too..

And she looks damn familiar... maybe i've bumped into her at clubs before... adelaide is afterall... that small. =)

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OF CONVERSATIONS AND WORDS

Someone said to me the other day, "When I first met you, i thought you were arrogant."

The entire line never fail to smack me in the face even though its been flung my way ever so often. I know I am the kind that never have the friendly face if I do not smile. I know that for a fact. I blame that to the genetics. Sometimes, I'm fine with it. Coz, the face on its own is able to cut down the number of people who will approach me and talk to me.

So finally, when someone finally talks to me, stupid or not (that's another story altogether), i think they're quite brave. LOL

My friends always say i'm a social butterfly. But truthfully? I beg to differ. I don't really talk much. I don't make the move to make new friends sometimes. I tend to keep to myself. I don't like any form of attention from large groups of people. Oh, and I don't really care what other pple think and just speak my mind. Is that the makings of a social butterfly? I, personally, think not.

so on top of the face and the things that come out of my mouth sometimes where people wouldnt know how to react coz strangers wouldn't be able to decipher if its just sarcasm and laugh it off or that i meant whatever i was saying. Ok maybe i do mean whatever I say whether sarcasm or not.. but you know what i mean.

Do people have the right to be arrogant? I dunno. Personally, I don't think so. Whenever i heck care, pple step all over me, regardless of strangers, sales assistants and sometimes acquaintances. When I do give them my stupid face, i kena arrogant.

Its a "can never win" situation. LOL!

Oh well.

There are some situations that i refuse to let myself down a level. People may think I'm stuck up on my high horses. But seriously, only very few people know what I'm capable off and that few people don't think that I'm out of line or unreasonable for being the way I am with certain things.

I'm always told that God created us for a reason. And based on personal circumstances, I would like to think that the reason of my existence is to break the barrier of any form of biasness and prejudice.

From young, i've always had a dream in mind. That by the time I die, I must have already touch people's lives. Coz, being famous and powerful doesnt mean anything. Loyalty and care for others, now that's another thing altogether. Easy to say.. but seriously, not the easiest to hold on too.

but of course, before i can make that mark (which i dont think i have already), and also to take over the world, I will first need to finish all my overdue essays or else i wouldn't be able to graduate and begin my journey of world domination! MUAHAHAHAHHA *cues thunder and lightning*

So take care all and here i am gonna get ready at 9.05am on a tuesday morning to head to uni and hide in the library.

Beijing in approximately 1 and half months. Oh god help me. What was i thinking when i applied for that internship! I'm excited and at the same time scared.

Calm down nad, you should know yourself better.

P.s: I ACTUALLY FORGOT THAT THIS COMING MONDAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AND ONLY GOT REMINDED WHEN I ARRIVED BACK IN ADELAIDE COZ MEL TOLD ME MY BIRTHDAY THEME! hahahaahaha~!

Now you see it, now you don't.

I have a talent for disappearing. I wasn't aware I was capable of it since recently. No form of communication, news whatsoever. Its close to a month since my last entry and what have i been up to?

I went back to singapore. for abt 2 weeks i think? I wouldnt say that it was a bad thing, i would say that it was a bad time. seriously. Eversince i came back here to australia, all i did was sleep. I'm beyond tired its not even funny, and the worst part is that i have so many things i have yet to complete. And i think i will have to beg my lecturers for a few things now... haiz. terrible me.

my aim is to pass this semester. I'm not putting high hopes like aiming for credits or distinctions coz i know its way out of the picture rite now. yes, i've been screwing things up. *shrugs*

I'm not sure if i'm falling sick or not coz i'm having the worst headache ever! haiz. All i wanna do is sleep.

panic-striken. Yes, i was panic-striken when i reach singapore.

How's life back home? I dunno. I guess, it could have been better. Coming home this time round, to the new house, haiz, it felt as if my adelaide room was even more cosy. I understand why mom was upset. the house is so distant, no personal touch of any sort. it didn't feel like home.

I like the fact that there's more people in the house now though. but then again, i was still the only one making the most noise at home. Hmmmm. Can't people behave normally? *scratches head* then again, maybe thats their normal..

Sometimes, its sad seeing what's back home. Its easier coming back to what i left behind in Australia. At least no one puts on their double faced mask here. Its always simpler without them, knowing that i dont have to please anyone other than myself, know that there is no standards for me to behave when i look into their eyes, no obligations that i have to fulfill.

Do i really have no respect for them? Do i really think that little of them? but they're suppose to be my family. the family my children will have to know (if i ever have any).

If only they all behave like them, it will be a happier time for all of us...

HAIR

this was my hair approx. 6mths ago. obviously its no longer like that now.. saw the similarities? the hair and the print of my tee? lol!

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Scene, Stage, Lights...

Maybe its that time of the year again.

But they've came up to me again and said this, "Nad, I miss you and I miss acting with you and everyone else."

And then it will move on to their conversations of reminiscing of past productions. Is it a sign? I dunno.

But the question is, will i do theatre again or have i moved on from that point of my life? Was theatre just a phase? I don't know. I guess i will never know...

Maybe, just maybe... i will agree to doing a production again for old time sake. And maybe, then i'll know for myself if it was all just a phase...

Awesome!

I'll never get enough of this.. this is just perfect!

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Steps

The steps of a thousand souls leaves a humbling effect upon you. Taken by my trusty Motorola Dext, it has not devalue the picture. i love the effect. maybe i'm bias.. maybe.. i love my phone that much.. Lol!

My lappie's being a bitch now. my trackpad mouse isnt working... i am so annoyed that i take solace in blogging from my phone...

Mel says that techy stuff and me are just not meant to be.. yeah maybe.. i dunno. Time for a new lappie? i hope not. i love my things. i get attached to it.. if its possible i want it to survive with me till i die. able to watch my steps, my stumbles and finally, my victories. haiz.

Hari raya was ok.. not as bad as the previous yr.. sometimes i wonder why dont i have muslim friends from the same region.. but i realised that most malays dont think that i am malay and as a result, no one talks to me. Odd really; this world that we live in. People unite beyond the shores of their homeland and be exclusive and protective of those they speak to and mix with. I dont understand that... I never did.

Freedom of choice is an individual right. Just coz I dont look the same, dont sound the same; it doesn't always mean i'm that different from the next average jane. oh wells.

the human mind have always been a mystery. a puzzle that can never be solved...

P.s: even though you promised to be there, like the prev. years... you weren't. At least you were there the eve of it.. but then again it might just be due to the fact that i needed to borrow something from you. if i didn't need it, i would be alone too wouldn't i?

just like the year before.

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AM I SELFISH TO SAY THIS?

I realised something.

I'm upset about something. I'm not really sure what. Maybe its an accumulation of a hell lots of things.

I clubbed yesterday night, however, i didn't stay over as i usually do. I went home straight. I dunno. Maybe coz I was afraid. Afraid what if I break down and cry and when someone asked me what is it that is making me upset? I dont even know what is it.. heh. How's that for fantastic?

Also, I realised I do not know how to ask someone to be there for me. I don't know how to tell someone. HEY, Can you just hang out with me today... just because? or.. Hey, can i just meet up with you for fun?

I am afraid of showing anyone my feelings. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of being rejected. So i try. I try to be mature about everything and just suck it up.

I blame it on the fact that i'm the only child.

As a result, i worry more for others than myself. I try to not show others if i'm upset. If i'm affected. Coz, i dont know. Maybe i've always tried to be there for others. I know that other pple have their own set of problems.

Music became my solace in a lot of things. Music. With every beat that thumps in the club; my body moved along with it. With every move; my sorrows, my disappointment, my stress, my annoyance, my worries - disappear.

Anger, frustration, disappointment, happiness, sadness and yes, even love. It tells my story that no one could decipher. which is alright with me, since i'm quite closed up and have no idea how to let others know.

And my private world shines as bright as the sun again. And i forget whatever it is that have been affecting me. I feel that i could conquer the world all over again, make a difference, save the animals, find a solution for global warming! heh.

But yesterday, Music wasn't enough. As the music ended and my weary feet dragged itself back to mel's place and after i wiped the make up away. I stared at myself in the mirror and whatever that is affecting me came through. My eyes couldn't hide it as it came staring back at me.

I felt so alone. Odd isn't it?

So i decided. I needed to leave. Before i actually burst into tears in the wee hours of the morning.

I read people like a book most of the time. I can see it in their actions, expressions, eyes... that they need someone there.. and I will ask them out in my most thick skinned ways. But when it comes to me. I don't know how to be thick skinned.

Sometimes, I just want someone to be there too. But more often than not, nobody realises that I need them. Just coz, I don't know how to hint, ask or even outrightly say that they've been missed. Or... I need a friend rite now.

Coz i always feel that someone will ask me... What's up? And I don't have the answer for it. What if there's no answer, and no one thinks that its not important and they tell me they're not free?

wait. it has happened before.

Didn't i say that i'm afraid? Once bitten, twice shy.

As i left, i hugged mel as usual... But i hung on in desperation almost refusing to let go. And then the voice inside my head spoke, "if you hang on any longer, he'll know some thing is not right." and i quickly let go. But i've hung on long enough for him to realise. All I could say was "thank you for tonight" and give whatever smile/grin i could muster and left.

Reached home. Usually when i'm in this mood, I'll pack my things and go swimming. And do 60 laps before i'll be so tired that my mind clears. But over here, i don't have that option. I changed into my track pants and tee shirt and left the house.

I did the one thing that i hated the most.

I went for a run with my mp3 blasting in my ear.

Now i'm home again. Feeling somewhat better and definitely awake.

so yes.

I'm lonely. I need someone there for me too.

Someone that i don't have to explain everything to.

There. I've said it.

BLURP BLURP

I have added a new dish to my ramadhan menu. Fish and Chips. Terrible rite? How to lose weight like that. OH WOES BE ME.

I shall make it tomorrow. YUM YUM. I HOPE IT TURNS OUT NICE THO! hahahaha~!!!

what shall i eat tonight.. hmmmm...

I'm in uni now. Yes I finally attended my PEACE AND WAR tutorial for the very first time this semester. it was an interesting experience i would say especially with majority of my classmates being law students.. *rolls eyes*

There's something about law students, as i have noticed from poly as well as now, that they tend to behave as if they own the world and that their opinions are the only thing that matter and everyone else is wrong. I've always hated that about the law student. Its an attitude that exist even before they know what is really in store for them. -.-"

Oh and they really think they're the smartest around. i'm like seriously?! Its really rare to find lawyers that are likeable. More often than not, we find those that we just wanna slap them and tell them.. hello? we do not owe you a living. -.-" And then you wonder why you're not well-liked rite? terrible people.

I hope i wasn't like that. And i hope when i finally do that law degree i'm not like that. I think I won't be.. and as usual, i'll stick out like a sore thumb. bleargh~ Oh well, when have i ever managed to blend in anyways rite? LOL!

that's all from me now folks.. i'll update more when i feel bored!

TOOODLESS~!!

A WEEK HAVE GONE BY

Since everyone's blogging about their breaking fast menu, i'm jealous. So i shall join the norm of the homosapien societys and blog about my breaking fast menu.

Its been a week and 1 day since I fasted.. Ok maybe just a week since yesterday i realised i wasn't dreaming. but i really woke up to take my flu medication. Coz when i finally woke up at night.. i found the foils scattered on my table.. so yeah! *POUTS*

Got a scolding/nagging from mommy dearest this afternoon coz she found out i was sick again. HMPH! and i'm out of prescripted medication. BLEARGH.

BUT ANYWAYS,

moving on to other topics.

I had driving this morning and today's lesson was: PARKING. me: -.-"

Ever since a certain night drive to Port Adelaide, i've hated the thought of parking. but then again if i were to have my own car.. i will have to put my car somewhere and not in the middle of the road rite? so i will have to learn to love parking a car. tsk.

I have planned out my breaking fast menu for this week.. sort of planned.

First on the list: WONTON NOODLE!

i'm craving for something soupy! so today i've eaten alittle bit of my wontons!! so happy! i still have a tupperware full of meat still naked. will recook it again either tomorrow or sunday...

I even have dessert today! Saw that my housemate bought cake and i thought to myself; WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT I ATE CAKE?

And i can't remember. so coz of that, i concluded that it must have been a really long therefore i would like to have some cake... heh heh

Its a Chocolate Mudcake I bought at Central Market just now. So now, i'm left with half a cake that i am going to keep for either tomorrow or later. See how.

2. AYAM MASAK MERAH AND TOMATO RICE

The reason for this is coz I kept on thinking of tomato rice the past few days. Hopefully i know how to make it. Half the time with me is that... I dont have the recipe for things, i remember the previous taste of the thing I had and imagined how it was cooked and then, i cook it to mine or someone's unfortunate luck.

The reason for the ayam masak merah is also coz i told Mr. Zainal (a.k.a daddy) that I could cook and i am able to cook the abovementioned better than his brother (brother being the unbeatable cook in the paternal family).

Yeah, i know. Ego and Pride is also another huge trait of that family. So yeah, I've landed myself in that situation where daddy would wanna taste the food when i'm back end of the yr so i have to practice to prove him wrong.

3. CHICKEN CHOP AND MASHED POTATOES.

It just that i'm craving for mashed potatoes. So i was thinking it will be abit sad for me to boil potatoes and make mashed potatoes and just it that like that during break fast without anything else. So it got me thinking and coming to a conclusion that chicken chop will be the best thing to pair it with for a complete main course! =)

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so that's all for now, but in the midst of my laziness, i've actually gotten all the ingredients for the stuff. except the chicken for the chicken chop. i cant remember what kind am i suppose to buy.. hmmm *ponders*

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Friend is leaving tomorrow morning and asked me to hang out tonight. And as you all know i'm somewhat unwell. but you know. The last time i saw him was 4years ago. hmmm. I also dunno. hmmmmmmmm. *scratch head*

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I'm currently doing tutorial while sipping on my lukewarm lime juice... yum yum! =D

Random Update

Its been 2 weeks i think since i last posted something here...

I'm not really sure what is there to write about.. i'm tired most of these days... I think its coz my asthma comes and goes.. bleargh. I havent exactly been going to uni...

I know this is kinda of overdue and approximately a week belated.. BUT

SALAM RAMADHAN TO ALL THE MUSLIM READERS OUT THERE

AND SELAMAT BERPUASA MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BACK HOME!!

I'm checking out flight tickets for Beijing... kinda driving me crazy as well! hmph!

Anyways, i think i'm stressed out about something but i'm not really sure what exactly it is. but i have a really huge urge to spend you know.. even tho i know its really unhealthy and i think thats the reason why i've been cooping myself at home. To reduce the temptation.

I buka out yesterday at a new asian restaurant in the city. I shall remind people not to go there if they wanna go there. its like.. really not worth it la. the food was bad.

I'm craving for mashed potato but i'm really lazy to make them rite now... its like.. so leceh la i wanna go bother myself and make the mash potato. boil potato, put this, put that.. hmmm.. but then again, since i'm craving i might just go and make it.. maybe thursday or friday sounds like a good time to make it.. =)

i havent been cooking much this year also.. i'm not really sure why.. but i think its coz i'm quite uncomfortable in this kitchen. small is one thing, unclean and messy is another.. bleargh.

i'm so thirsty now.. but i cant drink anymore. argh.

i have lecture at 10, i should go sleep now.. but i cant. =(