There are just many things.

Please don't feel betrayed for me. I knew. I've always knew but I chose to believe in the greater good of others. I chose to believe in those words.

I'm buying my time. Yes, I'm waiting. Been waiting for the longest time. For the courage to be given to you, to tell me the truth.

Not many know what I'm capable off. Only some. Many tend to underestimate. But i'm just saying, once i've waited enough and still not get anything, you definitely don't wanna know what's next.

Ever heard of Phoenix rising from the ashes? Yes, Gossip Girl, Serena Van Woodsen did that in the previous episode.

Yes, that.

That i'm capable off.


........ And far worst.

Been there, done that. Don't tempt me to do it again.

Was everything I knew a lie? Or was I just in denial?

Now tell me, what was the truth? I can't believe that you could lie to me in my face despite all that you've said. Despite all that you've felt. Even when you suspect that I know the truth?

Was I, a reason of convenience?

Was I, the perfect cover?

I trusted you with my life and yet you couldn't even bring yourself to be honest to me.

Why? Have I ever done anything to you?

Tell me how am i suppose to breathe with no air?
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel when you ain't there
There's no air, no air...

No Air - Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown

EH NAD...

Now, isn't that just familiar? LOL! I realised that not only merlimah uses that with a certain tone of voice... so does everyone else. lol!

Deena keeps thinking that Jordin Sparks is my long lost sister. LOL! Fine, i agree there is some resemblance.. But not that much hor! she is afterall, pretty. I on the other hand is rather questionable.

I was surfing the net when I came across this. I swear Omar didn't realise that his most embarassing moment has been caught on camera and the ENTIRE thing was taped. LOL!

http://multimedia.asiaone.com/Multimedia/Story/A1Multimedia20071212-2170.html

Hari Raya's in a few days. 2 to be exact. Am I excited? hmm there was alot of things planned for this hari raya... Some of the things remained even th0ugh certain things have changed. It may be my last hari raya here. Who knows. My gut feeling seems to be agreeing with me though.

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SIDETRACK: HALLY! Your cake order is done please message me when you wanna collect it! You can either come to my house and collect it from my aunt or what la...

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After this hari raya, alot of things will change. The year will definitely end. Faster then expected. I have yet to inform Dad of my impending departure. Still finding the right words, and waiting for the right time. Do I really have to tell? haix.

There's alot of things running through my mind. Its better to keep mum sometimes but yes, I have been worrying. Worrying about alot of things. Swallowed my words and bury it deep within. There's just so many things that I wanna say out but I just don't know where to start.

Alot of pple have told me that I'm stronger then what I appear to be. Is it really? That was a random sidetrack by the way.

------------------------------------------

I'm just waiting...

Its been a truly interesting week, the last one.

Yes last week I was sick, still am, my voice is still rocker and I'm still coughing like free.
I have pics to post up.

It’s been interesting how things are turning out in my life. When I look and remembered the things I used to think about, now I know my life is turning out as I have always planned it to be. Haven't gotten everything that I've wanted. Little baby steps towards it. Slow and steady...

Been sleeping late during the weekends, slept at 6am in the morning. I'm beginning to wonder whether i'm able to finish my beadings by Hari Raya. This is annoying! I've found the cutest, cosiest peranakan shop. I am so in love with it... I'm serious. The owner is sooooo nice lor. *Drools* Haizz... I think my maternal great grandfather's blood is stronger than my Middle Eastern ones. LOL!

Speaking of Middle Eastern, I am envious of those arab/lebanon/(insert any other countries that is related) singers. They're like.. PERFECT AND FLAWLESS! Ok fine there were some minor adjustments (READ: Plastic Surgery) on their nose or something... but they were flawless even before the surgery lor! HAIZ.

Its.. Damn sexy lor! haiyo~ I could turn lesbian if i were surrounded by such females on a daily basis. They're my new inspiration. I shall be like them lor~! Slim and flawless.. *drools* (dunno whether its achievable or not) super sexy can!! haiyo.

Like the rest of us who are falling sick like flies in the office, our office server has caught the virus as well. Its been having connection hiccups and finally flu has everything overflowed and its now ill till further notice.

I've been looking at accommodation and I've decided that there are some stuff that I want more than others. On the other hand, there just some that I have no idea how to get.

I've been getting really weird attention lately. *stares at face* Maybe, I grew a new mole.. OR MAYBE! I grew another eye?! Ok I still am not able to point out what exactly it is but I’ve been receiving attention from the opposite gender. Good-looking males to be exact. That's for sure. Even though it is rather surprising. LOL!

Anywayz, enough of me ranting on before my internet connection fails on me again!

Toodles~!

"As a Malay, I've always been told that I have to work twice as hard to prove my worth. When I was younger, I always thought of myself as the quintessential Singaporean. Of my four late grandparents, two were Malay, one was Chinese and one was Indian.

This, I concluded, makes me a mix of all the main races in the country.

But I later realised that it was not what goes into my blood that matters, but what my identity card says under 'Race'. Because my paternal grandfather was of Bugis origin, my IC says I'm Malay. I speak the language at home, learnt it in school, eat the food and practise lesser Singaporean than those from other racial groups..."

"...... It is not just the NS issue. It is the frustration of explaining t non-Malays that I don't get special privileges from the Government.

It is having to deal with those who question my professionalism because of my religion. It is having people assume, day after day, that you are lowly educated, lazy and poor.

It is like being the least favourite child in a family. This child will try to win his parents' love only for so long. After a while, he will just be engulfed by disappointment and bitterness.

I also believe that it is this 'least favourite child' mentality which makes most Malays defensive and protective of their own kind. Why do you think Malay families spent hundreds of dollars voting for two Malay boys in the Singapore Idol singing contest? And do you know that Malays who voted for other competitors were frowned upon by the community?

The same happens to me at work. When I write stories which put Malays in a bad light, I am labelled a traitor. A Malay reader once wrote to me to say: 'I thought a Malay journalist would have more empathy for these unfortunate people than a non-Malay journalist.' But such is the case when you are a Malay Singaporean.

Your life is not just about you, as much as you want it to be. You are made to feel responsible for the rest of the pack and your actions affect them as well. If you trip, the entire community falls with you. But if you triumph, it is considered everyone's success."

I salute this reporter for typing and writing the one thing that i've been tired of explaining to everyone or anyone when it comes to my race in the Straits Times. They're few like her who take their own stand despite what others think.

We are afterall not born to conform to society's expectations... aye?

THE MOST ANNOYING SONG OF THE YEAR...

GOES TO

Rihanna's Disturbia.

I thought Umbrella was bad. But Umbrella was subtle. LOL!

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And mel, I'm so EXCITED FOR YOU!!! wahahahah~! Welcome to my world! WAHAHAHAHA

I've found respect in this answer.

i'm afraid that as time passes, i'll lose my courage to love..

I hope the person who said this won't mind me taking it and copying it here on my blog.

It takes a very courageous person to admit something like that. Well to that person, good luck on your quest coz not many has managed to retain that same passion.

It is afterall not only finding someone you love, but most importantly, finding someone you can't live without. no? :)

Its sunday and it already felt like a really really long day.

I'm down with everything that you could think off, it has hit me. Sheesh. Yes. I am sick. AGAIN.

Wanna say that i've been playing in the rain.. never lor. Its been a long long time since i played in the rain.. seriously.. hahaha.. kinda miss it actually. Shall play in the rain one of these days ONCE i've recovered. HAHAHA~!

Yes yes. One wonders how old I am. *rolls eyes*

I'm beginning to wonder how on earth if I fall sick in Australia? That's it lor. haiz.

Positive note: I have finally got my wireless working. LOL! i seriously think that Singtel is super helpful pls! LOL!!

I've been really close with my lawyer and it just dawned on her that I would be leaving her soon. And she told me that she wanna leave coz of that. I told her to not talk nonsense. LOL. One thing she keeps asking me on a daily basis is if whether i'm really sure about becoming a lawyer.

That is one thing that i'm really sure about rite now. About becoming a lawyer. yup yup.

To go or not?

Taipei Open Fencing Championships 2008. November 2008.

For the very first time coach asked me whether I wanna go or not. Hmmmm...

Should I go or not? One thing's for sure, confirm gonna get myself slaughtered there.

Mommy told me not to waste money since its gonna be a quick competition. Hrmph!

I am currently trying to ignore the pain in my ankle. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPPENED!

I was walking around perfectly fine yest AFTER fencing training.

speaking of which, I did really well yest at Fencing. The guys died! like they DIED. Ran out of energy! WAHAHAHAH~!! Totally love it pls. I mean hello! I haven't been training for very long as well.

Made a new friend. Roy. ROY IS SUCH A NERD I SWEAR!

and the best part? he thought i'm a first year TP student. lol!!!!

Roy to Neo: you from poly ah? NP? No wonder its so much easier to talk to you..
Neo: *points at me* this one from TP.
Roy: Oh ok.. No wonder its such a different feeling talking to you guys as compared to the rest.
Me: That's becoz, we're nice lor!
Roy: you guys fun to talk to
Me: where you schooling?
Roy: TP
Me: which course?
Roy: *Confidently* Biomed. You won't see me in school la.. i'm graduating already... gonna enter the army soon.
Me: WAHAHAHAH~! how old do you think i am?
Neo: you think this one in school ah?
Roy: *stares at both of us & turns to me* aren't you in first yr or something?
Me: WAHHH!! *turns to Neo* don't insult me hor! I look young ok!
Roy: Huh? how old are you?
Me: How old are you?
Roy: 21
Me: I'm 1 yr older than you lor. I graduated like 2 yrs ago.
Roy: ARE YOU FOR REAL?!
Me: I get that all the time pls!
Neo: YOU'RE BORN IN 86?
Me: Ya?
Neo: WE'RE THE SAME AGE!
Me: This one lagi best. *takes out my suit and lamee to suit up*

But of course, my sunday started at 830am when Neo msged me. ANNOYING. I swear he finds joy in annoying me at the weirdest moments! bleargh~!


For somebody who has disappeared to Aust for a mth for pilot training, he sure makes his presence back here known pls! *rolls eyes*

830 lei! 830AM ON SUNDAY MORNING! I mean c'mon who wakes up THAT early on a Sunday and think that everyone else is like him to wake up that early to reply a msg?! sheesh. I only replied him at much comfortable timing obviously. khekhekhe~!

EEEEEEEE~! I am still quite annoyed at my loss of sleep on sunday. lol!

Neo btw is a chinese guy who has his most random mat moments! For example, when i reached he just took out his phone..

Neo: Eh eh.. Ader message sial.
Me: *stares and dies*

Neo was telling me about his break ups and the most recent with his Australian girlfriend...

Me: What happened with that one until you dont wanna see her?
Neo: That was a spectacular breakup. I knew it wouldnt last the moment it started.
Me: o.O"
Neo: Oh I broke up with my australian girlfriend a few days before i left for aust for my pilot training.
Me: You mean this trip?
Neo: Yeah.. very good rite?
Me: Huh? What happened?
Neo: Its another spectacular breakup lor!
Me: -.-"

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I'm going to watch Avenue Q!!

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I got meself a lappie! I never thought that day would actually come. I love my lappie! But i think I'm gonna start modifying it myself. KHEKHEKHEKHE~!

And no, I didn't get myself the Macbook... Even though mommy actually nearly bought it for me, the thought of having to find mac compatible programs was the reason why Macbook is currently not in my possesion. Haix.

Asus Lambhorgini lappie was out of stock! it was sadded pls!

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Deena's daddy got for her the Iphone. It was surprisingly cheap. Deena ask me to get an iphone as well so that we can have matching phones... I told her.. Wait first, if she cant she can ask her daddy to get another iphone for his adopted daughter, i.e: me. Since I need to get another line once i'm overseas anywayz... Which also means I need another phone.

Maybe... Just maybe... It might be the Iphone. khekhekhe~! But first, i'll have to wait and see what are her complaints from the Iphone.

Without pain, there is no love
Without love, there is no pain.
-12 Lotus

What's that suppose to mean? When you love, you'll hurt and when you hurt only then you know that you have loved?

hmmm... If that is the case, i would be willing to go through the rest of my life without love, then, there will be no pain.


You're my needle; I'm your thread.

Things I need to get/do:

1. Laptop (IT Fair this weekend, shall ask mommy)
2. A room
3. Send payment
4. CID license
5. Cancel school and get pvt.
6. Get my corset frm tailor. (this has nothing to do with sch stuff, this is hari raya stuff, I realised that I have one hot pink corset there.)
7. Get the necessary stuff for nxt yr in the nxt 5mths. (sobs!)

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Btw, thanks for telling me all that the other day. It helped. Alot. Maybe it was my mistake for thinking like that. But i suppose its only natural no? There are times where I just don't know what to do. Thanks for being patient. For always being patient.

Told you you'll eventually find things out from me, the way you always have.

Thanks for having faith in me the way I've always have in you. I will come around. I promise. I've not broken any promises so far, have I? I've taken a step the other day, no? And its not away from you.

-------------------------------------------------------

Deena, cheer up ok? There's all the stuff toys i've bought for you to accompany you! I don't know whether the decision you made yesterday will stay that way or not la. But you know what I mean.

And Deena, I need help! to get certain idiots of my back! ARGH~!

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I'm bored and I'm currently at work after my 2 days mc. My fever's gone (thank god!), my voice suck and I'm currently trying to mentally tell and distract myself not to throw up. BLEARGH~!

Now, I shall go disturb my lawyer. hahaha.. She missed me. LOL!

Let's see... Its been close to 10 days since i blogged! A definite shocker, even to me! lol!

First up, I actually like it here... Now, i'm even playing hide and seek with a certain department when I arrived work not according to the dress code as stated in their books. LOL!

The thing is, I've never found anything wrong with it, even my dept thinks that there's nothing wrong with it... Maybe one day I shall wear whatever I was wearing and sashay over to the avoided department and later on see whether is there a mass email being circulated 15mins later. kwang kwang kwang~!

I haven't met anyone for the past 2 weeks or so. Basically, eversince I started here. Not that I come home late or anything. Its easier sometimes, living life like this. Going through life as though i'm a different person and have no association to what I was.

Its been difficult not talking to you. Its been difficult not having anyone for me to tell my nonsensical moments or even at times just having someone to keep me company, among other things. Its been difficult avoiding questions as though I'm hiding things. Sometimes, I don't know what privellege I have anymore and therefore not wanting to be a bother.

I've not disclosed anything to anyone coz nothing is concrete. :)

ANYWAYZ, a decision have been made. I might actually be rejecting top 21 of the world just coz of what I have to do initially. Stupidity? Or just basic survival skills? Hmmm... Many would wanna be in there... but suffering for a year?! lol!

I'll be sending my fees over, can't wait for top 11 of the world to reply me since they've already sent out their offers for this year's intake last Christmas. Christmas this year will be a little too late for me to hold on to any offers without accepting.

So yeah, I'm leaving all sort of familiarity behind rite now.

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My own hopes and dreams are my current driving force and strongest motivation.

Told you If was never in my dictionary. When. Now, that's a better word.

Alot of people are asking me this.

So now i'm telling.

I'll be leaving either mid January or mid February.

Yup yup.

I better not forget to go to CID to apply for my license. bleargh~!

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Omg Deena, Sandy's getting married! Why is everyone getting married? 22 only leh! 22!!!!

Olympics Mania

I've always been one of those who have always caught the Olympics. I have a strange fascination for it.

But hor, apologies to those people who is gonna be outrage by my comment. But seriously, this is the most kayu olympics i've watched so far lor! Annoying. Scared kena murder issit down there?

And and and... I'm in love with gymnastics! Especially, Fabian Hambuechen from team Germany! YIPPEE!!

And you know wat's the best part? We're both born on October 25th! khekhekehe...

Of course there's the other eye candies like.. Michael Phelps! lol!!

--------------------------------------
I was watching Fencing yest. lol! There's a reason why I didn't do Foil. I fell asleep watching it... Even though it was the world's no. 1.

And and and... i think my refereeing skills have improved. But have to watch Men's Sabre later... Confirm cannot see a thing one. They're fast. They're like beyond fast. Sometimes I wonder why they dont do 100m sprints instead. khekhekhekhe~!

WHAT IS SO DIFFICULT ABOUT MAKING A CHOICE?!

Sheesh. Nad. Stop it eh. Virus.

I just have to make a choice and I better make sure its not a choice that is the right thing to do.

My days and nights varies just like the sun and moon.

The days so carefree, so easy... The smile as bright as the sun. Its a mask so easy to put on.

The nights are another story altogether. The mask falls as the moon rises.

-----------------------
olympic has begun!

Its been a week. Things have been hilarious here. I'm serious.

ZH caught my eye. He is awkwardly funny can! bleargh~! I wonder... when i become lawyer, would i have secretaries eying me like I have at times eyed my lawyers. lol~ But i guess i have to hire male secretaries first i suppose. Muahahaha~!

ZH is the lawyer that became a lawyer coz he has no other choice. His qualifications did not allow him to choose other career line and he has the worst tendency to do a direct translation from Mandarin to English! I'm serious. His english, you can really die laughing lor sometimes. So, in the department he is the one person that wants to be a fisherman or be a rockstar.

LJ. LJ is my lawyer. She and me... hmmm we have a ONE OF A KIND relationship. She is the kan-cheong queen of the century. I'm serious. She made me change things like crazy when she is kan-cheong. She says she's been like this since school. BAGOS! Everything also wrong lor. Until I will take the thing from her and arrange it myself. That is paranoid at its best. I tell her don't paranoid anymore or I wont be coming to work already~ WAHAHHAHA~!

We spot check what each other had for lunch. She has concluded that I am mischievious. Oh well. lol.

MZ is my other lawyer. I shall call him shy old bear. LOL!

Everyone's nice... for now. lol!

There are times that I can't wait to start my career. lol~~ Things are just getting alittle confusing... Bleargh~!

Cuteness.com

I'm gonna be a lawyer tooo! So that I can be classified under cuteness.com... WAHAHAHAH..

The people I've been oogling at here... but nevertheless the lawyers here are nice. The nicest i've met so far in my short period of employment. Most prob coz they're a bunch of really young lawyers. *wiggles eyebrows*

They've been treating me well. Yup yup. But then again... I may be speaking too soon.

They're goodlookers. I wanna be a goodlooker too! I swear it comes with the career. WAHAHAHAH~!

My time could have been billable... nvm nvm. we'll see what happens next. khekhekhekhe~!