HAIR

this was my hair approx. 6mths ago. obviously its no longer like that now.. saw the similarities? the hair and the print of my tee? lol!

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Scene, Stage, Lights...

Maybe its that time of the year again.

But they've came up to me again and said this, "Nad, I miss you and I miss acting with you and everyone else."

And then it will move on to their conversations of reminiscing of past productions. Is it a sign? I dunno.

But the question is, will i do theatre again or have i moved on from that point of my life? Was theatre just a phase? I don't know. I guess i will never know...

Maybe, just maybe... i will agree to doing a production again for old time sake. And maybe, then i'll know for myself if it was all just a phase...

Awesome!

I'll never get enough of this.. this is just perfect!

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Steps

The steps of a thousand souls leaves a humbling effect upon you. Taken by my trusty Motorola Dext, it has not devalue the picture. i love the effect. maybe i'm bias.. maybe.. i love my phone that much.. Lol!

My lappie's being a bitch now. my trackpad mouse isnt working... i am so annoyed that i take solace in blogging from my phone...

Mel says that techy stuff and me are just not meant to be.. yeah maybe.. i dunno. Time for a new lappie? i hope not. i love my things. i get attached to it.. if its possible i want it to survive with me till i die. able to watch my steps, my stumbles and finally, my victories. haiz.

Hari raya was ok.. not as bad as the previous yr.. sometimes i wonder why dont i have muslim friends from the same region.. but i realised that most malays dont think that i am malay and as a result, no one talks to me. Odd really; this world that we live in. People unite beyond the shores of their homeland and be exclusive and protective of those they speak to and mix with. I dont understand that... I never did.

Freedom of choice is an individual right. Just coz I dont look the same, dont sound the same; it doesn't always mean i'm that different from the next average jane. oh wells.

the human mind have always been a mystery. a puzzle that can never be solved...

P.s: even though you promised to be there, like the prev. years... you weren't. At least you were there the eve of it.. but then again it might just be due to the fact that i needed to borrow something from you. if i didn't need it, i would be alone too wouldn't i?

just like the year before.

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AM I SELFISH TO SAY THIS?

I realised something.

I'm upset about something. I'm not really sure what. Maybe its an accumulation of a hell lots of things.

I clubbed yesterday night, however, i didn't stay over as i usually do. I went home straight. I dunno. Maybe coz I was afraid. Afraid what if I break down and cry and when someone asked me what is it that is making me upset? I dont even know what is it.. heh. How's that for fantastic?

Also, I realised I do not know how to ask someone to be there for me. I don't know how to tell someone. HEY, Can you just hang out with me today... just because? or.. Hey, can i just meet up with you for fun?

I am afraid of showing anyone my feelings. Afraid of being hurt. Afraid of being rejected. So i try. I try to be mature about everything and just suck it up.

I blame it on the fact that i'm the only child.

As a result, i worry more for others than myself. I try to not show others if i'm upset. If i'm affected. Coz, i dont know. Maybe i've always tried to be there for others. I know that other pple have their own set of problems.

Music became my solace in a lot of things. Music. With every beat that thumps in the club; my body moved along with it. With every move; my sorrows, my disappointment, my stress, my annoyance, my worries - disappear.

Anger, frustration, disappointment, happiness, sadness and yes, even love. It tells my story that no one could decipher. which is alright with me, since i'm quite closed up and have no idea how to let others know.

And my private world shines as bright as the sun again. And i forget whatever it is that have been affecting me. I feel that i could conquer the world all over again, make a difference, save the animals, find a solution for global warming! heh.

But yesterday, Music wasn't enough. As the music ended and my weary feet dragged itself back to mel's place and after i wiped the make up away. I stared at myself in the mirror and whatever that is affecting me came through. My eyes couldn't hide it as it came staring back at me.

I felt so alone. Odd isn't it?

So i decided. I needed to leave. Before i actually burst into tears in the wee hours of the morning.

I read people like a book most of the time. I can see it in their actions, expressions, eyes... that they need someone there.. and I will ask them out in my most thick skinned ways. But when it comes to me. I don't know how to be thick skinned.

Sometimes, I just want someone to be there too. But more often than not, nobody realises that I need them. Just coz, I don't know how to hint, ask or even outrightly say that they've been missed. Or... I need a friend rite now.

Coz i always feel that someone will ask me... What's up? And I don't have the answer for it. What if there's no answer, and no one thinks that its not important and they tell me they're not free?

wait. it has happened before.

Didn't i say that i'm afraid? Once bitten, twice shy.

As i left, i hugged mel as usual... But i hung on in desperation almost refusing to let go. And then the voice inside my head spoke, "if you hang on any longer, he'll know some thing is not right." and i quickly let go. But i've hung on long enough for him to realise. All I could say was "thank you for tonight" and give whatever smile/grin i could muster and left.

Reached home. Usually when i'm in this mood, I'll pack my things and go swimming. And do 60 laps before i'll be so tired that my mind clears. But over here, i don't have that option. I changed into my track pants and tee shirt and left the house.

I did the one thing that i hated the most.

I went for a run with my mp3 blasting in my ear.

Now i'm home again. Feeling somewhat better and definitely awake.

so yes.

I'm lonely. I need someone there for me too.

Someone that i don't have to explain everything to.

There. I've said it.

BLURP BLURP

I have added a new dish to my ramadhan menu. Fish and Chips. Terrible rite? How to lose weight like that. OH WOES BE ME.

I shall make it tomorrow. YUM YUM. I HOPE IT TURNS OUT NICE THO! hahahaha~!!!

what shall i eat tonight.. hmmmm...

I'm in uni now. Yes I finally attended my PEACE AND WAR tutorial for the very first time this semester. it was an interesting experience i would say especially with majority of my classmates being law students.. *rolls eyes*

There's something about law students, as i have noticed from poly as well as now, that they tend to behave as if they own the world and that their opinions are the only thing that matter and everyone else is wrong. I've always hated that about the law student. Its an attitude that exist even before they know what is really in store for them. -.-"

Oh and they really think they're the smartest around. i'm like seriously?! Its really rare to find lawyers that are likeable. More often than not, we find those that we just wanna slap them and tell them.. hello? we do not owe you a living. -.-" And then you wonder why you're not well-liked rite? terrible people.

I hope i wasn't like that. And i hope when i finally do that law degree i'm not like that. I think I won't be.. and as usual, i'll stick out like a sore thumb. bleargh~ Oh well, when have i ever managed to blend in anyways rite? LOL!

that's all from me now folks.. i'll update more when i feel bored!

TOOODLESS~!!

A WEEK HAVE GONE BY

Since everyone's blogging about their breaking fast menu, i'm jealous. So i shall join the norm of the homosapien societys and blog about my breaking fast menu.

Its been a week and 1 day since I fasted.. Ok maybe just a week since yesterday i realised i wasn't dreaming. but i really woke up to take my flu medication. Coz when i finally woke up at night.. i found the foils scattered on my table.. so yeah! *POUTS*

Got a scolding/nagging from mommy dearest this afternoon coz she found out i was sick again. HMPH! and i'm out of prescripted medication. BLEARGH.

BUT ANYWAYS,

moving on to other topics.

I had driving this morning and today's lesson was: PARKING. me: -.-"

Ever since a certain night drive to Port Adelaide, i've hated the thought of parking. but then again if i were to have my own car.. i will have to put my car somewhere and not in the middle of the road rite? so i will have to learn to love parking a car. tsk.

I have planned out my breaking fast menu for this week.. sort of planned.

First on the list: WONTON NOODLE!

i'm craving for something soupy! so today i've eaten alittle bit of my wontons!! so happy! i still have a tupperware full of meat still naked. will recook it again either tomorrow or sunday...

I even have dessert today! Saw that my housemate bought cake and i thought to myself; WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THAT I ATE CAKE?

And i can't remember. so coz of that, i concluded that it must have been a really long therefore i would like to have some cake... heh heh

Its a Chocolate Mudcake I bought at Central Market just now. So now, i'm left with half a cake that i am going to keep for either tomorrow or later. See how.

2. AYAM MASAK MERAH AND TOMATO RICE

The reason for this is coz I kept on thinking of tomato rice the past few days. Hopefully i know how to make it. Half the time with me is that... I dont have the recipe for things, i remember the previous taste of the thing I had and imagined how it was cooked and then, i cook it to mine or someone's unfortunate luck.

The reason for the ayam masak merah is also coz i told Mr. Zainal (a.k.a daddy) that I could cook and i am able to cook the abovementioned better than his brother (brother being the unbeatable cook in the paternal family).

Yeah, i know. Ego and Pride is also another huge trait of that family. So yeah, I've landed myself in that situation where daddy would wanna taste the food when i'm back end of the yr so i have to practice to prove him wrong.

3. CHICKEN CHOP AND MASHED POTATOES.

It just that i'm craving for mashed potatoes. So i was thinking it will be abit sad for me to boil potatoes and make mashed potatoes and just it that like that during break fast without anything else. So it got me thinking and coming to a conclusion that chicken chop will be the best thing to pair it with for a complete main course! =)

-------------------------------------------------------

so that's all for now, but in the midst of my laziness, i've actually gotten all the ingredients for the stuff. except the chicken for the chicken chop. i cant remember what kind am i suppose to buy.. hmmm *ponders*

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Friend is leaving tomorrow morning and asked me to hang out tonight. And as you all know i'm somewhat unwell. but you know. The last time i saw him was 4years ago. hmmm. I also dunno. hmmmmmmmm. *scratch head*

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I'm currently doing tutorial while sipping on my lukewarm lime juice... yum yum! =D

Random Update

Its been 2 weeks i think since i last posted something here...

I'm not really sure what is there to write about.. i'm tired most of these days... I think its coz my asthma comes and goes.. bleargh. I havent exactly been going to uni...

I know this is kinda of overdue and approximately a week belated.. BUT

SALAM RAMADHAN TO ALL THE MUSLIM READERS OUT THERE

AND SELAMAT BERPUASA MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY BACK HOME!!

I'm checking out flight tickets for Beijing... kinda driving me crazy as well! hmph!

Anyways, i think i'm stressed out about something but i'm not really sure what exactly it is. but i have a really huge urge to spend you know.. even tho i know its really unhealthy and i think thats the reason why i've been cooping myself at home. To reduce the temptation.

I buka out yesterday at a new asian restaurant in the city. I shall remind people not to go there if they wanna go there. its like.. really not worth it la. the food was bad.

I'm craving for mashed potato but i'm really lazy to make them rite now... its like.. so leceh la i wanna go bother myself and make the mash potato. boil potato, put this, put that.. hmmm.. but then again, since i'm craving i might just go and make it.. maybe thursday or friday sounds like a good time to make it.. =)

i havent been cooking much this year also.. i'm not really sure why.. but i think its coz i'm quite uncomfortable in this kitchen. small is one thing, unclean and messy is another.. bleargh.

i'm so thirsty now.. but i cant drink anymore. argh.

i have lecture at 10, i should go sleep now.. but i cant. =(

23.5 hours down and 26.5 hours to go!

That's the hours of driving i need before getting my license. OOOOOOO. I can feel it coming! NEAR!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

so i can't help it. but i'm staring at cars now. HEH HEH.

I'm looking at the Volkswagon Beetle, Puegeot 206, Toyota Celica, Holden Astra and Mazda 3. But rite now, rite at the top of my list is the Toyota Celica.

I'm not usually a fan of black cars coz i think they remind me of mafias. But i think that only applies to sedans.

One of the criteria tho is that it has to be a 4-seater.

Happily only i go in search of cars. Sekali tak dapat. SERVE ME RIGHT!

Choice 1: This is a modified 1997 Toyota Celica. Its been well used and the mileage is on the high side b(appr. 193k kms). Its on a negotiable price. 10k. But I have no idea why i still find it attractive.. the car i mean.

Choice 2: 2000 Toyota Celica. Now, this one is almost new. A really low mileage but of course the price is on the high side coz of that. its a whopping 17,880. But the mileage is 28111kms. I hope the price is still negotiable... So yeah. I'm not really sure how i feel with a white car..

Choice 3: 1999 Toyota Celica. The only problem as of now? Its Manual and i'm learning Auto... Its similar looking to the 2000 series but somewhat different.. LOL! Mileage: 138000. Price: 12k

Choice 4: 1997 Toyota Celica. Mileage: 172, 747. Price: 8.5K. Transmission: Manual

Choice 5: 2003 Peugeot 206. I think this car is pretty. LOL! Mileage: 60,000. Price: 15k

Choice 6: 1996 Mitsubishi FTO. I've actually never thought of Mitsubishi before... hmmm maybe i should take a look at it too... Mileage:108,000. Price:8,499. Transmission: Manual.

Choice 7: 1998 Hyundai Coupe RD FX. I have always like the hyundai coupe from back home.. so i dunno eh.. hmmm.. Mileage: 145000 Price: 7,999. Transmission: Automatic

Choice 8: 1999 Alfa Romeo GTV Twin Spark. Mileage:120,000. Price: 9250. Transmission: Manual. Hmm not bad hor i think... but. i think the back seat like big enough to put my bags and school books only instead of human beings.

Choice 9: 1997 Mitsubishi FTO GPX. Mileage: 67,000. Price: 9,500. Transmission: Automatic.

Choice 10: 2000 Toyota Celica. Mileage: 150,000. Price: 12k. Transmission: Manual.

Choice 11: 2000 Volkswagon Beetle. Mileage: 93,190. Price: 12,380. Transmission: Manual.

I know this is superficial but i think only beetle can pull off funky colours! so i love! LOL!

Choice 12: 2003 Peugeot 206 T1 MY02.5 CC. Mileage: 53,000. Price: 13,600. Transmission: Manual. COLOUR: LIME GREEN! *grins widely*

Choice 13: 2000 Toyota Celica. Price: 13,950. Mileage: 117,600. Transmission: Manual

Choice 14: 2004 Mazda 3 BK Series 1 MAXX Sport. Price: 13,777. Mileage: 113,925. Transmission: Manual

Choice 15: Holden Astra. I am not a big fan of the Holden Astra.. so i'll just show you how it looks like coz i haven't exactly look for it the way i have with the others...

I think thats all i wanna blog about in this entry.. KHEKHEKHEKHEKEHEKH

so i'll leave with this.

Randomization V5.0

My nails are long... not sure if i should cut them or just leave and experiment for the time being.

Leaking. yes. its the time of the month.

Stiff. happens everytime i've recovered from asthma. my back aches i'm not sure if its cramping up.

Guilt. I'm not really sure why I feel guilty. Guilt-ridden. had trouble sleeping this morning coz of that. slept only at 9 i think.

Spot. cant seem to find the right spot on the bed to hibernate. Odd. First time in months.

School. YAY. SCHOOL REOPENS TMR! I am excited. i vow not to miss any classes and go for lectures. i somehow think that the vow will be shortlived.

Cold. The temperature is playing with my mind and the wind is chilling my bones. lol!

Ramadhan. Its around the corner again. a really small corner. Second Ramadhan away, im getting used to it.

Whats the most fatal four letter word? LOVE.

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Lust

Remember how i constantly lust over the Bvlgari Rings? The Unique B. Zero1 ranges which was originally in either gold, white gold or platinum.

Well, this is one. It was in white now it has arrived in black.

This year's B.Zero1 has arrived and its in black ceramic.

18kt pink gold with black ceramic? Its a definite eye candy for ladies or gents me thinks... =P

But nothing will win the hearts of the ladies with the white ceramic. But then again, it really depends on what you wanna project don't you? Image is afterall your aura. =)

Wonderous world

the picture is taken with my motorola dext. i will post up the other pics from the same outing taken from this phone.. i've decided to explore the settings on the phone and it hasn't disappoint thus far.

it was a breathtaking sight indeed. mount lofty, 4th july 2010.

to see the world in a grain of sand
and heaven in a wildflower.
to hold the universe in the palm of your hand
and heaven in an hour..

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GASTRONOMOUS ADVENTURES

tonight's dinner.. lol! its times like this i appreciate the guy's existence especially when i haven't been cooking and have not gone groceries shopping.. lol!

high protein dinner always highly appreciated. I love meat more than rice anyways.. hee. im gonna stay contented the whole night..

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When seasons change and school's out...

My exams are done and i'm officially on hols now.. WINTER BREAK! the temperature's alittle more constant now.. but the rain... oh god the rain.. someone save me!! lol. the wind is deathly when it blowing.. its chilling to the bones..

what will I be up to this term break? hmmm

hopefully i'll be able to go to the zoo... LIKE FINALLY!!

will I be traveling interstate? not sure... but as of rite now, I have no plans for it... yet. =D everytime I think of interstate adventures, can't help but reminisce 2009. the most random occurrence ever. wonder when that'll happen again.. heeeee.. I love my girls. that's for sure..

for now, I'll just have to see what this break have in store for me.. =)

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stupid stupid sun.

its so bright!!! i cant even sleep anymore. or maybe i've slept that deeply that i promptly woke up at 1030 plus plus. but the thing is.. i wanna sleep somemore! Or at least i think i wanna sleep somemore. I'm at mel's place. why? i clubbed yesterday. I couldn't take anymore of South Africa Apartheid.

2 more papers next week..

Hmmm..

how was my public policy exam? I wouldn't say that i did badly.. but i'm not sure if i did well. if i manage to maintain my credit for that subject i'll be pleasantly surprised/happy/insert positive descriptive word. If I got an overall D for the subject, I will laugh so hard for the entire Adelaide to hear and maybe Singapore would be able to hear the faint echoes of it! AHAHHAHAHA. But then again, that's a little too much for me to hope for... i think. =P

Its a very dunno what kind of paper la.. i have mixed feelings about it.

3 sections.

Section A was 5 short essays worth 40%,

section B was "multiple choice" worth 25% (i think i screwed up this section coz some of the questions was fill in the blanks. how that qualifies as multiple choice? I HAVE NO IDEA. the should have made it like Section B. Part 2: Fill in the blanks or something. kns.)

the last question was about commenting, analyzing, evaluating the policy instruments that have been implemented by the Australian Government. 5 issues was listed and we had to choose 2. it was 35%.

I chose the one on climate change and global financial crisis (i did GFC for my policy briefing paper, basically i vomited out nearly everything that i could remember from my essay).

Who would have thought that the day have arrived for anyone to see me typing such a blog entry aie?

Approximately 3yrs ago, i would expect myself to be blogging about my law exams and complaining and whining about it. The overseas bit, yeah well, that was the only thing that hasn't changed from my daydreams. lol.

1 and 1/2 years more to go and i'll be able to hopefully complain, whine, get stressed out by my law exams instead! *waves pom poms to motivate self*

Political economy of Asia Pacific Region on Tuesday. I would like to think that i'm prepared for the paper. coz everytime i read my notes i'm thinking, why am i reading things that i already know from tutorials, readings, essays. I dunno. so confused. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Politics of Third World States on Wednesday. That's my last paper. Its the free writing paper. I'm doing on South Africa Apartheid. yup yup. Don't you think i sound smart typing that? I feel that my smartness have went up a notch just by typing that out. LOL!

I think i'm limiting my essay to approximately 2000 - 3000 words coz i have no idea how long that will take me to write it out manually during the exams itself. So i'm doing the essay with footnotes, type, print, drag to essay and copy it out on the answer booklet that's provided.

I hope that's alrite tho; me bringing in a completed essay.. hmm i mean how else can you do a free writing paper rite with a question of your choice? i missed the last lecture coz i was sick and the lecture wasn't posted up online.. bleargh~ i'm sad. if i cant bring in my essay i most probably will cry in front of my exam venue.

so that's about it with regard to school i suppose. hmm.

On to other topics, what if suddenly one day i announce that i'm attach? LOL! not that i am though.. just wondering what will the general reaction be... HAHAHAHHAHA. that's so random rite?

oh wells.

Seasons may change...

But I?

I may dress and look different to weather the storms

I may be vibrant for weeks and dull the next to adapt accordingly

I may be forgotten but on your way back you might just bump into me again

I may achieve my dreams and bask in my successes

but...

I remain rooted.

Despite all the years, the steps, the changes; beneath it all i'm still the same person you once knew.

P.s: I'm going to start watermarking my photos coz i've realised that some people are starting to take the pics from my accounts and claim it as their own.. so yeah.

O moon, how I long for thee?

Last week was study vacation, today is the start of exams. Well not mine anyways, mine starts tomorrow. I have Australian Government and Public Policy tomorrow at 845am.

Am I prepared? No. Actually, i'm not sure.

Truthfully, i have no confidence in this sem actually but i am clueless why my essays speaks otherwise?

BTW, APOLOGIES FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES.

the last few weeks have been hell with me trying to complete my essays and some of you are aware that i fell sick. And i received a week extension for one of my essays. That on its own threw me off my planned schedule! ARGH.

I was suppose to email my public policy tutor some stuff but he's off for a seminar overseas already,

my corruption essay is due today even though i'm halfway through it; its not done.

my public policy exam is tomorrow - i'm quite worried about that coz i actually thought it was Thursday instead of tmr. SO thank god i checked my timetable on saturday! Alittle late but its better than me checking it tomorrow afternoon or something. I've done some of the past exam papers but i'm still not satisfied coz i haven't fully go through my textbook properly. HAIZ.

funny how 1 week can throw you off your entire schedule. oh wells. no point regretting now.

But after tmr, i have approximately 1 week till my political economy exam and 8 days before my free writing paper. so maybe i would fall aslp tmr after the paper and study political economy once i wake up and get that done and over with and then bury myself in the library to settle my free writing paper for my 3rd world politics exams. yup yup.

yes, i'm that tortured this week and last that i actually put on make up to school today to study coz i didnt wanna look at myself in the mirror in library toilet with bright lighting and scare myself. so yeah...

Anyways, this is all for now.. i'm even tired trying to finish this entry.

GANBATTE TO ALL HAVING EXAMS. most prob its just those in Queensland and Adelaide, coz Josh who's in tasmania is already back in Singapore for the hols.. so yeah..

i'm sipping mocha rite now and i have a can of redbull in my bag for emergency rite after this mocha is done with.

and to me: ALITTLE BIT MORE NAD!

Tell me, How true is this?

What men should know : A woman who truly ♥ you will be angry at you for so many things but will stick around.

What women should know : A man who truly ♥ you will never let you go no matter how hard the situation is.

Men obviously know the above really well and exploit it to no end.

SHORT UPDATE

Been busy with school. Its not funny. Exams upcoming, timetable's out and I still have pending essays to be handed up. Yup yup.

Lack of slp. BLEARGH NOT FUNNY. Eversince i left singapore, i havent drank much coffee, mocha especially. but these 2 weeks, i drink at least 2 cups of large mocha everyday in school.

Tired. Seriously, the amount of books i'm reading its like major knowledge overload. NOT FUN.

Driving. I've done 7 hours of day driving. which means i'm left with 33hrs day driving and 10 hours night.

BTW, did any of you realise how fast the days have been passing. dammit.

I have lost track of dates a long time ago. Basically, ever since i've been lacking sleep to do essays. I only function on today, yesterday, tomorrow, last week and next week.

Ok. i'm going to wear my socks. its 630pm now. i'm taking the 7pm bus to the city. need to unwind. been doing often. its the only outlet for me. truthfully its cheaper than watching a movie. I will blog about it more on why.

And you know wat's the best part? My essays usually form itself the following day and then suddenly everything makes sense. So I know what kind of studying person I am. i can't just sit still in my room enclosed within the 4 walls and a room. and its been proven with my essay results this sem as compared to last sem.

i'll update more when my mind isn't occupied with my Political economy of Asia Pacific Region - Asian Financial Crisis Paper.

Ya. smart me had to pick that topic of all things. LOL!

oh wells. byeee

GIRL TALK

you know, being a girl, there will always be situations where there will be someone attempting to get to know you.. correct?

but you know wat's worst?

the fact that they got to know you, then the attempt to break up with you when there's nothing going on to begin with.

I dunno why, but i've always had more guy friends in certain portions/aspects of my life.. i'm not complaining, coz i enjoy their company... gives me a break from the normal things that some girls talk about. clothes, make up, shopping and boys.

BOYS. sometimes i really wonder, what's so great abt such a topic? I dunno.

Anyways, as i was saying...

while i appreciate their company, there are times that some just can't seem to stay just as friends. I think many of you who already know me, knows that the issue of boyfriend has always been a very non-talked abt topic. Even from when i was really young.

one thing is coz, i'm choosy. i'm really choosy. i know that and it doesnt help that countless people have pointed that out to me as well.. but yeah... I do things my way.

While i appreciate and feel flattered at the expression of interests at such an early stage of acquaintance, i actually find it ridiculous.

How can you be THAT interested in me rite?

While i keep an open mind about accepting friendships (at times, against my better judgement), i have no idea why some people just cant accept the fact that... we're friends.

why can't we just be friends?

do you really have to work to start something? rite from the start?

but i'm not like that. i've never been like that.

But one thing for sure, in any friendship - you have to get to know each other. so in the process of getting to know each other, you will find out certain things about the other party...

but.

guys, they don't exactly listen do they? even if they tell you that they do. So they listen to whatever they wanna listen and come to whatever conclusion they wanna come too.

that pisses me off the most. you misunderstand the words i say just coz you don't read or listen properly, how is that my fault? and why is it that i have to clarify things that you misunderstand? shouldn't it be the other way round?

so one thing, i would say here. if you wanna get to know me, you'll have to accept everything about me. my past, my present and my principles in life.

Why do i always have to defend myself about me?

Coz i seriously cant be bothered to explain why certain things happen the way they do in my life. Havent you realised?

I HATE TO REPEAT MYSELF.

So, stop asking me why am i living my life the way i am. Coz thankfully enough to both god and my mom, i have to luxury to do so. Stop asking me more about my love life when you start getting all suspicious right from the start. I don't have a love life. Stop asking me about my past when you're jumping to your own conclusions from the beginning. My past is part of me. Deal with it.

So i dont know why, i have to be selective about which side of me i have to showcase coz i don't believe in that bullshit.

you wanna know me, accept me as i am.

And deal with that.