The One of A Kind

I'm at work trying to adjust my letterhead.

And as a sidetrack: I'd like to tell all you people that... MY PHONE CANNOT SCROLL DOWN! So irritating i tell you!

Random Moment: Ooooohhh, i just found post its in my blazer pocket... i wonder what is it doing there?! *wonders for awhile*

---------------------------------------------

My blue black that i got from Q.Y on sunday, it has turned an ugly dark dark purple!

---------------------------------------------

Had training yesterday. I was angry with myself. Very angry. I was disappointed with my performance during training. I couldn't take the strain yesterday... I couldn't even hold on that long.

My stamina has gone down the drain and i was very pissed off. By the end of training, i was ready to cry. My stamina has disappeared. The stamina which I got back from fencing nearly every single day last year, has disappeared.

I thought to myself, what happened? Last year, i was working too... then i realised, i was working somewhere else.

Yes, maybe i was being too hard for myself. But i can't help it. Your coach is there knowing how much more you're capable of and there you are not being able to match up to it. He's motivating you all the way and you can't seem to push yourself any further. Deep down inside, you know, you could have done it.

Maybe i shouldn't have reduced my trainings. I should just go back to 3 - 4 times of fencing in a week. But I'm so worried i can't commit to it due to work schedule. Everyone knows how shitty my schedule is.

I was de-moralised. I can't believe i performed as i did yesterday. I need to gain back my stamina and i need to get it back soon. I could not get my instant recover to chase my opponent. I WAS SO FRUSTRATED!

Coach reminded me to start re-doing my shuttle run. I need the short bursts of energy. That's the only way my body could withstand training. Long distance training is fine, but the speed and short bursts training are more crucial.

Right now, my long distance is fine. In other words, i could endure the long hours of training, the arm training, the movements... But, I CANT HANDLE MY SPEED TRAINING! My anerobics is like shit. argh!

Seeing my performance yesterday, i didn't even dare ask my coach whether i should join the Fencing Singapore International. Matt will definitely kill me if he finds out I might actually be backing out of my decision of joining FSI taking place in the mid of July.

ARGH.

Then I realised something else, SEA Games is at the end of this year. Out of the many reasons that i have for putting my studies on hold, Fencing was and still is one of it, coz i've let it go because of school once, i'm not going to let it go again.

I've realised that deep down, competitive fencing is something that i wont want to let go.

ARGH.

Yes yes, i know, my priorities are kinda screwed up rite now. lol! Its time to take things back in your control and get serious all over again Nad!