My head's a tangled mess and its no joke. There's so many things I wanna say but for the first time in a very very long time I have no one to tell it out too. I'm back to before and trying my best to hold everything together and not fall apart.
My random moments are kept mum. I used to remember few years back, I found comfort in something and finding it strange that it was as such and the same person felt that way as well.
My mind's been going in pictures, songs, words, phrases, incidents, expectations, standards.
My blogging is gonna be a lot of random things where no one will understand. Well not many will i think.
If I were to grow up in another country with lesser legal restrictions with the kind of mismatched family i'm in, I'll be one of those daughters of really really rich underground families who really hates what's happening in her life and really have no idea what the family is doing but she knows that she's different but no one will see it.
The other day was fun. I might be doing it again next weekend. The two of us girls should go again, maybe it will be 3 next week.
The most interesting part about it is when everyone's asking us if we're locals. When we say yes... they were like... "Oh cool! So you guys eurasians rite?" My cousin just stared at me and turned back to them: "Nope. We're Malays." You should see the shock on their faces and the WTF look that followed it. "Malays? You guys gotta be kidding rite?" Me: "Errr... Nope" Them: "Oh... Wow."
I swear that night was a confidence booster. LOL!
LEONA LEWIS - Bleeding Love.
I don't know why they're like so into this song. When one phone rang, and the other rings, nobody realises that its 2 different phones ringing. *rolls eyes* I mean I don't deny that the song is nice la.
I lost my IC. lol! It was funny though, no matter how serious a matter it is.
BABYFACE - Nobody Knows It But Me.
The song was playing in the car yesterday. Damn the radio. But then again, Class 95 was playing really good songs.
Don't you think expectations are getting a little high? No no. Seriously, I have nothing to offer to anyone. Period. I'm just a normal girl, not exactly very special i may add.
I've stayed away from various singers now, namely Babyface, Elliott Yamin, and yes. Even backstreet boys.
I was watching Princess Diaries 2 the other day and again yesterday night on channel 5. I think the song Breakaway fits that entire situation of the movie. I don't know why but everytime it plays in that movie, never fails to make me feel hollow inside.
Prince Caspian is hot even though I hate the uncertain attitude of the character. And I think King Edmund looks like Ali. Which I find disturbing since I find Edmund cute and well Ali is my cousin. And Ali is annoying and Ali also cannot find out that I find the similarities between the both of them or he will never let me forget that.
My mom's current favourite song is Babyface - What if. I hate that fact that she tends to play it in loops that i've begun to memorise it already. Now can even sing it without the need of the song.
I've always found inspiration in Legally Blonde. Even more now actually.
Papa. Hmmm... Don't even know where to start. Yesterday's kenduri was cute. The kids were really cute. The Darul Ma'wa kids were singing some weird ass song which after awhile got stuck in my head. "Watermelon, Watermelon. Banana, Banana. Kici kici kici kici. Rambutan, Rambutan" I still have no idea what fruit is Kici Kici.
We took pictures recently and she commented on how i look. She said that something is wrong. Its a smiling picture and yet... Then she realised. The eyes. I guess those who know me will realise. *shrugs*
You know what i hate? I hate politics. Especially, office. These hypocritical buggers are pissing me off. I'm tired of politics. I've had enough of it from the prev place. I just don't want anymore. Is it really tooooooo much to ask?
I'm tired. Can't anyone see that?
I promised something. I am here to deliver it even under the most unfair circumstances and under the most painful situations. I know many wont understand. But there are just some things worth more than anything else. When I've given my word, nothing's gonna it.
I should go karaoke one day and make a fool of ourselves eh Deena? LOL! Before or after bowling?
Suddenly, I don't know whether I can live up to expectations. Haiz. Woes be me.
Fading away. I can survive this. I hope.
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