Life.

4years ago, i wanted this law degree. fought for it. cried for it. never dreamt of doing anything else other than it. Left home, did everything i could to come here and here i am today.

Alot of things have changed since 4 years ago. I have experienced the world the way I never thought I will. Went to Australia. Lived in Adelaide - the most boring place imaginable to a city born and bred. Did a degree I never thought I will. Met some amazing people. Made friends. Opened my eyes to a society which was so different from how I was brought up with. A society that never cared about how old you are but nevertheless, see your skin colour and wonder what you are. Sometimes, i find that they're a strange group of people... but i'm pretty sure to them, i am strange. I got my driving license - who would have thought? a South Australian Driving license... I definitely never thought of that when i was growing up. Went to China for an internship. Met some incredible people. Made unforgettable friends. Memorable life-changing experiences. Graduated from BA. Worried myself shitless about my life plans. Got rejected from various unis. Got accepted to law school, here.

4 years ago. I told myself. I can do it, its just 3 years of suffering and then i'll be able to do that degree that i've always wanted. every year that was what i told myself to get myself through the daily grind and the constant questions why did i not do something even more interesting... That 3years came to an end. and now i'm where i've wanted to be.

Of course alot of things have changed since then. environment. social. financial. and me included.

The year have flew past in a blink of an eye. One moment i was pondering over the law school's offer letter and the next i'm about a month away from my 2nd semester's exams. a year has passed since i was in law school. 2.5 more years to go and i'll be out in the workforce.

Truthfully,I never understood what it was with lawyers who told me that they enjoyed law school and did not enjoy the working life. To be honest, I am the reverse. I never enjoyed law school. not back when i was in TP and definitely not now. School is a chore. If you wanna know when i ever enjoyed my education? it was in high school. Math, english literature, art... they were subjects that allowed your mind to be taken over, swayed into a world you never thought existed.

Back in Singapore, i most probably survived law school coz of the coursemates that I was surrounded with.. You have about 2 and 1/2 kind of law students. The nerds, geeks and those where life outside school never existed and they most probably know the pages of various paragraphs of a law textbook better than the routes of the various bus number. OR. You have the slackers, the ones that never bothered about classes but nonetheless get through law school to the disgust of the nerds Then, you have someone like me. the 1/2. the reason why i refer to as 1/2 coz we're a species that is rare to come by in a law school. The species that does not fit in. The species that crave for a social life, the species that looks at fashion magazines, talk about music, the latest trends, coloured lenses and designer brands... and when turning up in school, looked like a fashion or media major instead of a law student. Unfortunately, to the disgust of the nerds as well who wondered why does the faculty let such an abomination, like us, on the pedestal known as the law school.

Back in singapore, you do not really feel so different. Coz everyone speaks the same language. I'm not talking about english. I'm talking about the sarcasm, the wit, the slang. We were 2 and 1/2 kinds of law students that had the same wavelength who flocked together. The wit of the law students were charming, funny, annoying and moronically insensitive at times. But we knew the essence of it and no one minded. coz it was afterall, said in jest.

Somehow, here, i'm not sure which is it? Is it the age difference? Is it the culture? But how can wit be so disjointed in that sense? How can i be the one giggling to myself at the subtle sarcasm that the law lecturers throw to the class and receive a familiar smile in return, while the rest of the class sits and stares at me wondering why one earth am i grinning like the chesire cat... Sarcasm and wit is no longer humorous once it has to be explained. Just saying.

I've wondered for 3 yrs, what if when i finally arrive at the one thing i've been coveting, i'll ask myself.. is this all there is to it? Unfortunately, i'm already asking myself that. Here i am, at a point of my life where i've been dreaming so much about... and i'm thinking to myself, what now? is this all? How can something i've been chasing be so.. erm.. unchallenging? Lack of a better description. I am so afraid that in 2.5 years when I am finally working at i have no idea where in a country which i have not decided about, i'm just gonna sit there as a lawyer and go.. holy shit. is this all?

I have never regretted the past 4years. Never once. But I couldn't help thinking that if I did something else instead of the bachelor of arts, maybe i would not even bothered going for the law degree. I'm at a point where i'm constantly afraid that i'll be the biggest disappointment to my mom and myself. And it seems as if its a feeling I can't seem to shake off. *sighs*