Of budget reports and other shitty things

I'm not one who complains much. Not one who complains easily. Not one who gets pissed off easily as well. I'm someone who is calm, cool and collected.

Recently, there was an event. I wasn't part of this event coz everything is up to the convener and I was too busy with Uni work anyways to be part of it. Even then, I was disastrously handing up late assignments coz of people who do not understand my sense of urgency. who thinks that their stuff were more important then mine.

But its ok. I'll deal with it. But I do not understand stupidity. You know what, I can't even tolerate it. Its just something I can never comprehend. Its tough being the position that I am in. Its hard. Really hard. But what can I do really?

People are gonna make mistakes and who ever that screws up isn't doing anything to rectify it. Why am I being too responsible? Why am I the one apologizing as if I'm the one in-charge?

Being a leader means taking one for the team. even though you're not at fault. So why is that person me? When the event was in another officer's campaign portfolio? I am annoyed. A leader have supporters that are uniquely loyal to them. Why do I have it and not him?

Its pissing me off. this entire thing. Sometimes, I don't know if i'm doing the right thing going through elections again. After all this.

Alot of things has happened since the last update of 1st March on this blog.

I'm glad life has taken a 360 degree change for me. I'm glad and grateful. There's so many things I would like to blog about.... but I'm not really sure where to begin... and i am truly tired post refresher week.

Just an update to whoever is still reading my blog... I'm on Student Council rite now... Yes you've read it right! :)

One day.

Never thought the day would come where I would have left home with a heavy heart. Well, surprise! it did. So much going on back home. So much opportunities. So much love for me. 

I have to accept the fact that I there are people in my life that i have to let go. People that one day i will grow apart from. Never thought that the day will come so soon. So fast. So early. Not when i'm still in my 20s.

Every time the topic of that came up, you get defensive. I get irritated and everyone else just don't understand what's going on. 

Maybe I'm still sore about it brought forward from the conversation we had before i left for Singapore. I agreed that we needed a break. I can't do whatever this is anymore. The irritation and disappointment i had from my birthday to now is still there. I didn't text you the whole time and only replied whenever I felt like. I no longer feel the loyalty i once had. Even though i know for a fact that I still will do anything for you when the time comes for me to do it.

It hurts. This realization. But at least, my life was fuss free. I noticed how much more valuable I was to the world. How much people actually thought of me. How well others treated me. The long awaited break from you was something I truly needed. But at the same time, I wondered... why couldn't you do the same? Treat me with the same respect, the same loyalty, the same courtesy as other pple do. 

Then I thought to myself.. but that wouldn't be you... would it? 

That conversation we had with your friend on wednesday. Yes, it was apparent how my words was laced with my frustration and irritation with you. But by the time we met my niece, i felt bad about it. We had a conversation once about how you would try to be better. and how you would do things that you do.. and how and what you think of the other...

I forgot to apologize for my irritation that night. Maybe my pride was in the way that I conveniently forgot about it. 

But here I am, telling you I know why you do the things that you do. Coz if you wanted me to see someone or know someone and you were comfortable with it then you would have done it a long time ago. Its just who you are. I can't change who you are and you know that I never will do that. Coz truthfully, while I am hurt and disappointed by you. Rite now, i don't really care. so yeah.