Of budget reports and other shitty things

I'm not one who complains much. Not one who complains easily. Not one who gets pissed off easily as well. I'm someone who is calm, cool and collected.

Recently, there was an event. I wasn't part of this event coz everything is up to the convener and I was too busy with Uni work anyways to be part of it. Even then, I was disastrously handing up late assignments coz of people who do not understand my sense of urgency. who thinks that their stuff were more important then mine.

But its ok. I'll deal with it. But I do not understand stupidity. You know what, I can't even tolerate it. Its just something I can never comprehend. Its tough being the position that I am in. Its hard. Really hard. But what can I do really?

People are gonna make mistakes and who ever that screws up isn't doing anything to rectify it. Why am I being too responsible? Why am I the one apologizing as if I'm the one in-charge?

Being a leader means taking one for the team. even though you're not at fault. So why is that person me? When the event was in another officer's campaign portfolio? I am annoyed. A leader have supporters that are uniquely loyal to them. Why do I have it and not him?

Its pissing me off. this entire thing. Sometimes, I don't know if i'm doing the right thing going through elections again. After all this.

Alot of things has happened since the last update of 1st March on this blog.

I'm glad life has taken a 360 degree change for me. I'm glad and grateful. There's so many things I would like to blog about.... but I'm not really sure where to begin... and i am truly tired post refresher week.

Just an update to whoever is still reading my blog... I'm on Student Council rite now... Yes you've read it right! :)

One day.

Never thought the day would come where I would have left home with a heavy heart. Well, surprise! it did. So much going on back home. So much opportunities. So much love for me. 

I have to accept the fact that I there are people in my life that i have to let go. People that one day i will grow apart from. Never thought that the day will come so soon. So fast. So early. Not when i'm still in my 20s.

Every time the topic of that came up, you get defensive. I get irritated and everyone else just don't understand what's going on. 

Maybe I'm still sore about it brought forward from the conversation we had before i left for Singapore. I agreed that we needed a break. I can't do whatever this is anymore. The irritation and disappointment i had from my birthday to now is still there. I didn't text you the whole time and only replied whenever I felt like. I no longer feel the loyalty i once had. Even though i know for a fact that I still will do anything for you when the time comes for me to do it.

It hurts. This realization. But at least, my life was fuss free. I noticed how much more valuable I was to the world. How much people actually thought of me. How well others treated me. The long awaited break from you was something I truly needed. But at the same time, I wondered... why couldn't you do the same? Treat me with the same respect, the same loyalty, the same courtesy as other pple do. 

Then I thought to myself.. but that wouldn't be you... would it? 

That conversation we had with your friend on wednesday. Yes, it was apparent how my words was laced with my frustration and irritation with you. But by the time we met my niece, i felt bad about it. We had a conversation once about how you would try to be better. and how you would do things that you do.. and how and what you think of the other...

I forgot to apologize for my irritation that night. Maybe my pride was in the way that I conveniently forgot about it. 

But here I am, telling you I know why you do the things that you do. Coz if you wanted me to see someone or know someone and you were comfortable with it then you would have done it a long time ago. Its just who you are. I can't change who you are and you know that I never will do that. Coz truthfully, while I am hurt and disappointed by you. Rite now, i don't really care. so yeah.

Of Birthdays and Celebrations

My Birthday came and went. Its been about a week since the 25th of October.

Of Trusts and Disappointments.

There's only one reason why i cry. Being helpless.

I am not one that cry easily coz to me crying is a sign of weakness. I hate showing the world I cry coz i've learnt the hard way that showing the world your weakness means that they have every reason to use it against you one day.

I do not trust easily. I do not trust pple since i was very young. Contrary to popular belief by alot of morons here in Aust, its not coz i came from an oppressive cultural and religious background. I swear some people are so misinformed by the media they think that only this country is forward.

I come from a first world asian country. do you really think that i'm oppresed? that i do not trust men coz of my religious circumstances? such ill-informed morons some places are made up off, i swear. but i digress.

being helpless comes in many forms. the form where i am frustrated coz it seemed that you didn't understand is one of it.

I was hurt. Insulted and disappointed.

Somehow, I am not surprised if you still do not know why. I've been thinking about the conversation we had last thursday. Somehow, the only thing that came to my mind was: I think we need a break. I don't know if that's the wisest thing to do.. but maybe i'll need to sleep on it...

That conversation... I don't know what to make of it. Sometimes, I don't know what is it you want. Did you think my problem was really with you seeing someone? Did you honestly think that? what are we? 5? Maybe that would be your reaction if I were to tell you that i'm seeing someone.. I don't know. Why are you always so worried about what i think or what others think of me? What exactly have i done for you to constantly undermine me? Why is it that you always feel the need to protect me? Is this really protection?

The problem we had or have always had has never involved anyone else. It has always been us. You and me. I hope you realised that now.

Sometimes i feel as if we're going in a neverending circle. Its always the same. Different day, different story, same problem.

There are days where i have always felt as if i know you so much better than you knew me. And i told myself, how is that possible? considering what we've been through. you must at least get away with something about me. But, judging from the conversation we had the other day, apparently not and my suspicions have always been right.

Everytime when i am unhappy with you, i think to myself. the difference between us is that; i care and you don't. How unfortunate of it that you proved it right that night. You confirmed it with your own words. And yet, you were clueless why i was upset.

Is this a joke? Coz, i ain't laughing.

There's so many reasons that would have made me leave but I only stay coz of one simple reason. And I can bet you right now, you have no idea what it is.

How easily things slipped your  mind. How trivial am i?

Unfortunately, alot of things have happened lately that I AM still upset, hurt and disappointed despite that conversation. I'm not someone who easily forgives and forgets coz life hasn't always been a bed of roses for me. So yes, I am still upset with you. I am still hurt with you. I am still disappointed with you. You know why? Coz of trust. My trust in you is wavering. that's why. And it won't be so easy to get it back.

You've treated me like shit. You asked me for a chance for you to make things right. I hope that you are aware of the full extent of what's happening between us. What I'm really feeling right now. The fact that i am utterly and truly upset. What you're gonna do, I don't know. But I hope you do know that its gonna take me awhile to come around this time round.

It hurts me to say this but... I'm still here but it doesn't mean that I trust you. I'm sorry.

Of Dreams and Illusions

What is a dream really? An illusion or is it something your heart desires but refuses to admit it when you're awake? Is it the perfect alternate reality?

Awake at 5.38am, and not coz i was unable to sleep. I had an extremely good night's rest to the point that I can't sleep any further.

--------------
It was dark. Familiar voices filled the air. A kiss that woke me from the slumber that i was longing for the whole day. Somehow, my subconscious tells me it isn't real. Visions filled my mind. I can't seem to distinct what is real and what is not. Disjointed memories and snippets of reality combined together in a heady wave of nostalgia. 

Of Discrimination and Prejudices

Lately, there has been lots of incidences in relation to racial discrimination in Singapore. Many find it appalling in a multi racial society like ours... but truth be told, have we always been free of discriminatory remarks or racially derogatory statements?

We find it ok if we were to make sarcastic remarks in jest regarding our own race and yet, we find it insulting if a member of the other racial group were to make such a remark about us.

The hard truth is that, we are an extremely young country. A young country that has progressed way beyond its expectations on the platform of the world. We're like an artist; that has grown under the scrutiny of the media and every single action, mistake, and bad decisions has its repercussions. Inevitably, along with expectations come judgement.

We judge. It comes to us as second nature. We judge the decisions of other countries. We judge the actions of our neighbours. We even judge the outlook of our friends. That is just human nature.

Despite what many choose to believe, we pledge ourselves 'as one united people, regardless of race language or religion to build a democratic society based on justice and equality'. we are still far from fulfilling our own national pledge.

Why? Racially and culturally, we have come a long way from where we started... but ultimately, the youthfulness of the nation still cry aloud for everyone to hear. 

Among the younger generation, like you and me. We have friends from different racial group that we have grown to care for, extremely fond of, or in some cases: have fallen in love with. Majority of the time, race is no longer an issue amongst us. Sometimes, it still is among the older generations. People wonder why the older generation have to make such remarks when they should be at the mental capacity to think otherwise... 

My family has been lucky to have always lived in an area where our neighbours were not Malays. When I meant lucky, i meant that we were allowed to show others who and what we are without judgement. For them to be able to get to know us and change whatever preconceived views they previously had. 

But, the truth is... for most of them, growing up they saw the malays as the poorer counterpart of the society. Unable to get an education, giving up on life and giving in to drugs, etc. How were they gonna change their views based on what they grew up to see? Further, those with parents who have seen such things, will naturally tell their children to stay away?

I mean, wouldn't you? tell your children to stay away from drug addicts and alcoholics and lowly educated people who just sat around doing nothing all day. Even though all these exists among the poorer people in each race, unfortunately, it became a starking stereotypical picture that is prominent in ours. 

My family has been very open about inter racial relationships (unfortunately, not everyone is as welcoming).. Mainly coz, we're from a very diversed ancestral line. However, my IC states that I am Malay. And that is what I identify with. I'm Malay, and proud of it. <- even though that is not always the case with some Malays. Some are embarrassed to be Malays coz of the very same reason our chinese or indian friends said.

I have been in an inter racial relationship.. and it ended mainly due to his parents being against me. For who I am. A malay girl. To them, Malays are poor and stupid. Definitely a huge insult to my family and I. But these still happen in the society we live in... It is hard to change the views of someone who has spent their whole lives thinking that way. You can't change the way your mother or grandmother thinks. Especially when they have thought that way for a good 30 - 40years. You definitely can't change a perception set in stone overnight.

Growing up, i have always fought to prove people wrong. to show them that i am not just any kind of melayu. I am a different malay. One that came from a different upbringing with different perspective and different dreams in life. And yet, sometimes, it felt like a never ending battle. But how many of us are like this? Fighting to make a difference. Striving to change the world. Hoping for a day where views will change.

The people I know, my other malay friends... they're different. They have high flying jobs. Live in higher end of the property market. Excelling in their studies and careers. Strive to make a difference in our society. Unfortunately, they are but a handful of malays. For every step forward one tries to make, sometimes, people do stuff that make the whole community take 2 steps back. 

Let's be honest here. Even if you're telling me that you've never made a racist remark regarding another race. Don't tell me you've never made one regarding your own... There are situations where you just go "Oh. how typical.. What do you expect of s/he? they're that kind of (insert race) what." I'm gonna be candid here. Even I have been guilty of that.

While some remarks are definitely uncalled for... the truth is.. things hasn't changed among each community for others to eliminate the possibility of saying hurtful things about you. 

I mean, if things have noticeably improved... people wouldn't still think that we are poor, stupid or lazy, would they? *shrugs*

sometimes, it takes a situation that gets out of hand for the community to realise that racism still exist among us. We have just been subtle about it and survived by being ignorant of the obvious... Until, of course, a slip like this. 

While I do get put off by the remarks made by people out of frustration:- who make it seem as though they're living out of an era when my grandmother first stepped onto that island, where vegetables were 5cents a kilo. I tend to wonder, were they left behind at some point in our progress towards the future? Are their world still in black and white while ours have arrived in 3D? *sighs* (even then, i tend to wonder, in which year was a wedding ever 50bucks? i know very well my parents spent a bomb and so did my grandparents...)

Unfortunately, its not just us. It exists in every country.

Life.

4years ago, i wanted this law degree. fought for it. cried for it. never dreamt of doing anything else other than it. Left home, did everything i could to come here and here i am today.

Alot of things have changed since 4 years ago. I have experienced the world the way I never thought I will. Went to Australia. Lived in Adelaide - the most boring place imaginable to a city born and bred. Did a degree I never thought I will. Met some amazing people. Made friends. Opened my eyes to a society which was so different from how I was brought up with. A society that never cared about how old you are but nevertheless, see your skin colour and wonder what you are. Sometimes, i find that they're a strange group of people... but i'm pretty sure to them, i am strange. I got my driving license - who would have thought? a South Australian Driving license... I definitely never thought of that when i was growing up. Went to China for an internship. Met some incredible people. Made unforgettable friends. Memorable life-changing experiences. Graduated from BA. Worried myself shitless about my life plans. Got rejected from various unis. Got accepted to law school, here.

4 years ago. I told myself. I can do it, its just 3 years of suffering and then i'll be able to do that degree that i've always wanted. every year that was what i told myself to get myself through the daily grind and the constant questions why did i not do something even more interesting... That 3years came to an end. and now i'm where i've wanted to be.

Of course alot of things have changed since then. environment. social. financial. and me included.

The year have flew past in a blink of an eye. One moment i was pondering over the law school's offer letter and the next i'm about a month away from my 2nd semester's exams. a year has passed since i was in law school. 2.5 more years to go and i'll be out in the workforce.

Truthfully,I never understood what it was with lawyers who told me that they enjoyed law school and did not enjoy the working life. To be honest, I am the reverse. I never enjoyed law school. not back when i was in TP and definitely not now. School is a chore. If you wanna know when i ever enjoyed my education? it was in high school. Math, english literature, art... they were subjects that allowed your mind to be taken over, swayed into a world you never thought existed.

Back in Singapore, i most probably survived law school coz of the coursemates that I was surrounded with.. You have about 2 and 1/2 kind of law students. The nerds, geeks and those where life outside school never existed and they most probably know the pages of various paragraphs of a law textbook better than the routes of the various bus number. OR. You have the slackers, the ones that never bothered about classes but nonetheless get through law school to the disgust of the nerds Then, you have someone like me. the 1/2. the reason why i refer to as 1/2 coz we're a species that is rare to come by in a law school. The species that does not fit in. The species that crave for a social life, the species that looks at fashion magazines, talk about music, the latest trends, coloured lenses and designer brands... and when turning up in school, looked like a fashion or media major instead of a law student. Unfortunately, to the disgust of the nerds as well who wondered why does the faculty let such an abomination, like us, on the pedestal known as the law school.

Back in singapore, you do not really feel so different. Coz everyone speaks the same language. I'm not talking about english. I'm talking about the sarcasm, the wit, the slang. We were 2 and 1/2 kinds of law students that had the same wavelength who flocked together. The wit of the law students were charming, funny, annoying and moronically insensitive at times. But we knew the essence of it and no one minded. coz it was afterall, said in jest.

Somehow, here, i'm not sure which is it? Is it the age difference? Is it the culture? But how can wit be so disjointed in that sense? How can i be the one giggling to myself at the subtle sarcasm that the law lecturers throw to the class and receive a familiar smile in return, while the rest of the class sits and stares at me wondering why one earth am i grinning like the chesire cat... Sarcasm and wit is no longer humorous once it has to be explained. Just saying.

I've wondered for 3 yrs, what if when i finally arrive at the one thing i've been coveting, i'll ask myself.. is this all there is to it? Unfortunately, i'm already asking myself that. Here i am, at a point of my life where i've been dreaming so much about... and i'm thinking to myself, what now? is this all? How can something i've been chasing be so.. erm.. unchallenging? Lack of a better description. I am so afraid that in 2.5 years when I am finally working at i have no idea where in a country which i have not decided about, i'm just gonna sit there as a lawyer and go.. holy shit. is this all?

I have never regretted the past 4years. Never once. But I couldn't help thinking that if I did something else instead of the bachelor of arts, maybe i would not even bothered going for the law degree. I'm at a point where i'm constantly afraid that i'll be the biggest disappointment to my mom and myself. And it seems as if its a feeling I can't seem to shake off. *sighs*

Of girly temptations and dolls.

I've always been a girl of many interests. And many does not know but I am a Barbie Doll collector. Falling in love with Barbie came about when I walked through a Barbie Exhibition at Raffles Shopping Centre, Singapore and fell hopelessly in love with the extravagant costumes and hairdo. That was when I wanted to be a fashion designer.

I would say, I have quite a number of dolls in my collection. However, Bob Mackie is a designer i've grown to love ever since i delve into the world of doll collecting.

Therefore, i'm just putting up a list of barbies that I intend to get either from him or other designers for my reference.

Bob Mackie Circus Barbie Doll (Release Date: 15/10/2010) - Gold Label

Bob Mackie Countess Dracula Barbie Doll (Release Date: 4/10/2011) - Gold Label

Bob Mackie Fantasy Goddess of Africa Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1999) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Fantasy Goddess of Asia Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1998) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Goddess of the Sun Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1995) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Golden Legacy Barbie Doll (Release Date: 7/10/2009) - Gold Label

Bob Mackie Le Papillon Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1999) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Madame Du Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1997) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Moon Goddess Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1996) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Neptune Fantasy Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1992) - Timeless Treasures

Bob Mackie Queen of Hearts Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1994) - 

Bob Mackie The Tango Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/1999) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Goddess of the Americas Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Fantasy Goddess of The Arctic Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/9/2001) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Lady Liberty Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Limited Edition

Bob Mackie Lady of the Unicorns Barbie Doll (Release Date: 15/2/2008) - Gold Label

Bob Mackie Radiant Redhead Barbie Doll (Release Date: 2/3/2002) - Limited Edition

The other designer that i'm obsessed with is Byron Lars... I have one of the barbie doll designed by him from the Treasures of Africa Collection, but of course, these are the other 4 from the collection that I will be tracking down...

Tatu Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/4/2003) - Limited Edition

Moja Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/9/2001) - Limited Edition

Nne Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/6/2004) - Limited Edition

Tano Barbie Doll (Release Date: 2/6/2005) - Gold Label

And these are the random dolls that are non designers that I will be tracking down...

Water Lily Barbie Doll [From the Artist Collection] (Release Date: 1/1/1997) - Limited Edition

Morning Sun Princess Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Collector Edition

Midnight Moon Princess Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Collector Edition

Evening Star Princess Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Collector Edition

Barbie as Athena (Release Date: 18/2/2010) - Gold Label

Barbie as Aphrodite (Release Date: 1/6/2009) - Gold Label

Barbie as Medusa (Release Date: 1/6/2008) - Gold Label

Dancing Fire Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Limited Edition

Empress of the Aliens Barbie Doll (Release Date: 14/6/2012) - Gold Label

The Mermaid Barbie Doll (Release Date: 9/2/2012) - Gold Label

Goddess of the Galaxy Barbie Doll (Release Date: 16/6/2011) - Gold Label

Barbie Doll as Cleopatra (Release Date: 12/8/2010) - Gold Label

The Scarlet Macaw Barbie Doll (Release Date: 20/11/2008) - Gold Label

The Pirate Barbie Doll (Release Date: 14/8/2007) - Gold Label

Enchanted Mermaid Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/11/2001) - Limited Edition

Maiko Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/12/2005) - Gold Label

Wind Rider Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/8/2006) - Gold Label

Empress of the Golden Blossom Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/10/2008) - Gold Label

Marie Antoinette Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/8/2003) - Limited Edition

The Iris Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/3/2002) - Limited Edition

The Orchid Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/5/2001) - Limited Edition

The Rose Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/3/2001) - Limited Edition [Can't remember but I might already have this doll... have to go check!]

Lady Camille Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/2/2003) - Limited Edition

Mademoiselle Isabelle Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/08/2002) - Limited Edition

Exotic Beauty Barbie Doll (Release Date: 1/11/2002) - Collector Edition

Barbie Doll as Catwoman (Release Date: 1/12/2003) - Collector Edition

Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra (Release Date: 1/1/2000) - Timeless Treasures

Thats about all.. so if anyone wanna sell any of the abovementioned barbies, feel free to leave a comment in my comment box... =) Of course, I will only consider a reasonably priced doll... and friends who can't seem to decide on what to get me for my birthday... getting me any of the dolls above is more than welcome! MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!!

shameless marketing...

there are many things that I've been doing in my life... some more out there than others... so I've decided that i should just post something here...

I've started something with a friend... something that many have urged me to do when i was in Singapore full time (once upon a time)...

i love it, this thing I've started... the intricacies, the whirlwind of buzz, the journey, witnessing new beginnings and being a part of it...

i am also proud to say that i'm good at it.

what is it you may ask? welllllll.....

I've started a wedding planning service. i would prefer to refer to myself as a wedding coordinator... or maybe a PA to the bride..

don't you think every bride needs one? someone who specifically deals with her wedding related schedule... making sure things are done right in their absence and catered to in accordance to their taste, specifications, requests and personal style...

So I've launched Jitters & Smiles and I'm proud to say its mine.

Jittersandsmiles.blogspot.com

Granted, I've not have that many bookings as I've been here in Australia... but trust me. Let that not deter you from engaging our services as I have a base back home in singapore that will be ready to cater to your bridely needs... :-)

So don't hesitate to email us at jittersandsmiles@Gmail.com

Time for a change?

A conditional offer from the university of Birmingham was received this morning... I was shocked beyond words... I've been waiting for a UK offer... been waiting for it for so long!! And now that it is here, I have so many things that needs further clarification... so many.

I've been dreaming of UK ever since that trip to UK when I was 14... a trip that changed my life... a trip that left a huge impression on me... I've always wanted to be there... 12 years have passed since then.

Circumstances have changed.
People don't stay the same and yet,
The dream of UK lives on...

What is with that country that pulls me in as so? Filled with adventures that one could only imagine...

So here, I will weigh out my circumstances again. Just like lady justice balancing out her scales...

Freedom

Today marks the second day i'm done with my exams. fast isn't it? yup. now i have a nothing to do with my life. LOL! i've never felt so.. ermm.. bored.

its that time of the year again...

Its the time of the year again.. and no. Its not Christmas... its not my birthday.. its just that.. its the time of the year again where its gonna be exams.. again. Fourth year in uni. who would have thought.. and no i'm not doing my honours.. i'm just.. well, waiting for exams for law school.

I'm here right now. here. and well. happy too. surprising isn't it? me? happy with uni. its been such a long time..

hmmmm

Its been a long time since last update. Law school has been treating me well but i'm easily tired nowadays. most probably due to the type of readings i have. its different isnt it? the type of english i have to deal. I've forgotten what it felt like.

dont get me wrong. i'm enjoying this so far... but sometimes you just wonder. turning 26 this year and still in uni. shouldn't i be traveling the world and working on climbing that career ladder? i've always dreamt of myself to be more, to do more. am i greedy? selfish? never seem to be satisfied with myself. i'm not a disappointment. i know that. but sometimes i just wish i'm not taking this long.

A month have pased.

A month have passed since I'M OFFICIALLY A LAW STUDENT!!! Wahahhahahahahahahahahaha!!, 2012 have been good after all!

Q2.Who is your role model? Why?

"While there are great women in the world, my mom will always be that great woman in my world; for the kind-hearted, understanding, wise and strong woman that she is."

The ending of my scholarship application essay.

New year, new day

Is it really? New year, new day? so what are my thoughts this coming new year? tons, really. Couple that with a heighten frustration with regard to service. Service. Yes, the service that a university cater to international students. Its driving me crazy. I've been waiting and waiting and I have half a mind to tell myself to just forget about it. Maybe its really not happening for me.

I was looking at other things though... I really want to have an overseas experience rite.. so i was looking through the visa, immigration and citizenship department. Trolling through their website and catching a glimpse of everything that I could think off. Skilled Migration Visa. Its a five year visa that could act as PR. Will allow me to study, work and live here.

But do i really want to postpone the degree? I'm not really sure anymore. I really need time to myself. Without anyone constantly asking me about it.


Might sound odd to you. Especially when I'm living here on my own with nothing to bother me about, pretty much... anything. But I need a break. So just grant me a break and quit asking me about that law degree application, coz at the moment I don't really wanna think about it. I've thought about it enough. more than enough. And i've scared myself more than necessary.

Of reflections and New Years.

Its 2012. wow. time passed by that fast and I am still where I am..

Not fretting... I'm just hoping I could stay here much longer! Praying really hard for that! yup yup!

2011 have been filled with smiles and tears here's to those who have been there for me throughout 2011. My mom who has been my pillar of support when I feel like giving up. Mel for putting up with my tears, tantrums, random nonsensical moments and still making me smile despite me getting on his nerves sometimes. Not forgetting Deena who's been there for me despite the distance.


Hoping 2012 will begin with a positive note. =) *bites nails*

I was blog hopping the other day and I came across a really old entry from Diary of a reformed Elitist.. but this really struck me.

Here, have a read! Diary of A Reformed Elitist

It carved a smile on my face... especially when I remembered the Personal Statement I recently submitted.

This is my personal statement.

"Fortunately for me I have always known what I wanted in life. However, I've never had enough confidence to seize an opportunity. Being an only child, it is definitely an odd personality trait in comparison to most only child, I tend to have a trail of "what ifs" residing within me. My mom has been the 1 person in my life that I look up to and admire. My parents divorced when I was 11. Being a single parent in an Asian country, I saw how difficult things were for her even though she never showed it to me. But I was not blind to the brave front and the snide remarks of our Asian counterparts that she had to put up with. That was when I realized she is living for me and I started being afraid of disappointments and rejections. Perfectionists me emerge in my daily life, it definitely greatly contributed in my career and curricular activities that I was involved in as I did not want to make a mistake especially one that would cause me any unnecessary financial burdens. I have always wanted to be a lawyer and wanted to apply for law school fresh out of high school but was stopped by mom. I was too young she said. I never understood why, nevertheless I still listened to her and took the paralegal route by completing my Diploma. I was exposed into the legal industry, learnt how different working life was, gained valuable life experiences and fell even more hopelessly in love with the profession. I rose quickly as a paralegal for being independent, self motivated and being able to work under time pressure. As a fencer, I was dedicated to winning as I compete privately domestically and internationally. As a theatre practitioner, I was precise with regard to every light, every word, every scene, every movement and every sound. I was obsessed with being the best to make up for things I lack in.

Few years passed and I decided that it was time for me to take the next step: university degree. I applied for law degree in various Australian universities and received a counter-offer instead: Bachelor of Arts with the choice of transferring into the law degree with the required grades. My first academic rejection. However, I accepted it hoping that I will be able to do the law degree in my 2nd year of uni. Unfortunately, due to administrative issues, I missed that opportunity. Not once in my life have I ever thought that I will be doing the majors I did in uni: International Relations and Politics. I was never interested in World Affairs or Politics and it was a wonderland of mysteries and adventures for me as I lost myself in a world that I was never familiar with and honestly, sometimes hated. It broadened my perspective and renewed my angle on global issues and people that I was either never aware off or simply did not care about. I stayed on for the full 3years to complete the degree that I thought I will never do in my life but undeniably have a soft spot for it now.

While Aristotle believed that "Law is the reason free from passion", I, on the other hand, beg to differ. My lecturer once told me "Ignorantia Non Excusat", a legal lingo she drilled into me when I was a law student completing my Diploma. Ignorance is not an excuse. It was then that I realized why my mom thought I was too young for the law degree back then. She wanted me to be more aware of the world we are living in, to understand the people in various environments and to respect them regardless. She also wanted me to have the confidence to be able to stand up for myself and make a change. Even though I was greatly upset back then but right now I am deeply grateful to my mom for making me wait as I finally understood the gravity of each action. This is because by being a lawyer, I will change and touch lives, mine as well as those around me. So here I am, at 25, a graduate of Bachelor of Arts - International Relations and Politics putting aside my fear of rejection and what ifs to apply for the law program in your university as a step closer to achieving my dreams."

Reading it, I can't help thinking... Was I unconsciously harbouring the typical upper class Singaporean mindset? Was I the outcome of a certain social class? 

Putting it aside, i'm really hoping that 2012 is gonna surprise me with good news! =)

Quarter of a Century

I've hit a Quarter Century officially! And its been a week since i've been 25.

Turning 25 was the same as turning 21, 22, 23, 24, or even turning 1. No difference... at all. The only difference is that your friends tend to rub it in and your relatives tend to ask you when are you gonna get married... Yeah, I know. Lame.

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FINALLY CONTINUING MY BLOG ENTRY.. as you can see.. its not just a week since i've been 25. I've been 25 coming to 2 months now! dammit!

Turning 25 on 25th was fun. LOL! well not fun as in there was a grand ball all set up for me. but fun coz where i'm living right now, my housemates, bimz especially was so eager to celebrate it! She woke me up so early in the morning wishing me happy birthday both on paper and in text. HAHA! it was sweet. I kinda suspected it was all bimz idea coz of the presents. Coz the previous birthday in the house, she bought DVDs too and she got me DVDs as well. Not that I'm complaining. I mean everyone else will think what the hell?? i got DVDs for presents? LOL! but DVDs here do not come cheap. But well, i've never actually received DVDs from my friends before... so this is definitely a first. Mel just stared and laughed when I showed him my presents the following day. I also got this chocolate round thing and the coral coloured roses that you see  in the picture below! so pretty rite?!

But at the same time i was also rushing to complete my essays so i was only home in time for dinner. Initially, I wanted to have dinner with mel, but we cancelled it since he wanted to have it during the weekends with just the both of us... SO i came home with Bimz trailing after me telling me that i have a huge bouquet delivered. I was like.. what huge bouquet? Bimz: "I found it sitting outside the door. I suppose it was delivered and no one was home. Its in the kitchen. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO OPEN ANYTHING ELSE ON THE COUNTER!!"


So, I rushed into the  kitchen (with inspector Bimz trailing behind me of course) and saw that! A delivery from my mom!!! =) so so happy!! and its so pretty and colourful!! SO. Once again, thanks mom!!!

The next present is from Mel. He gave me a week before my birthday coz he knew i was so swamped with assignments and this was his exact words "I know you have tons of assignments due and your present have arrived so I thought I should just give it to you so that you no longer have to drag around your laptop and break your back" hurhur. How sweet rite? rite?!?!

Truthfully, this was the surprise of the year. I never thought I would get the ASUS transformer Eee pad. There were 2 things about this that i was extremely surprise with. 1. The present itself. 2. The gifter. I was screaming so loud in his room!! i was so excited and happy and delighted and omg. no words could describe it. You guys should have seen his expression when he first asked me to guess and I asked excitedly if it was a Kindle. HAHAHAHHA! He looked as if he wanted to smack me.

But seriously. 

THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU! FOR THE LENGTHS THAT YOU WENT THROUGH TO PLAN TO GET ME THIS! I LOVE IT!! I PROMISE TO TAKE CARE OF IT REALLY REALLY WELL!!

The next present came from my cousin. The one in Malaysia? Yes. That one!!! I was back for 5 days to be exact for her wedding and I passed her her wedding/birthday present. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you the honeymoon i promised 3yrs ago. I was working then.. and now i'm a student. *pouts*

Anyways, I got the Diana Mini F+ from her for my birthday!!!! HURHURHURHURHR!!! You guys know how long i've wanted this rite? Yeah well... I FINALLY GOT IT! OMG! MAD HAPPY!!! hahahahhaa.. it wasn't exactly a huge surprise since i pointed it out to her.. but judging from the price tag in Malaysia, I didn't think that I would get it. So when i left with her sisters for Sushi King, she went in search of my birthday present with her husband! So once again, THANK YOU WAI! Should i thank Kunyit too? hehehe.

And Finally my last present from my mom! *drumrolls!!!* I came back to Singapore on Sunday/Monday after the wedding and was flying back to Adelaide Tuesday. I didn't think that I was gonna get anything from my mom and I was also just looking around for a phone since ALL OF YOU already know the condition of my phone then. So I was looking for either the Motorola Droid Razr or the Samsung Galaxy Nexus Prime. The latter of which hasn't been released in Singapore. I was damn angry tho. I mean I wanted the Nexus Prime so badly somemore. And then, I was playing with the Droid Razr. I didn't think that I will get it. I mean I didn't want my mom to buy for me especially not at that price. I just stared at it and I stared at her and when she told me to get it, I was conflicted. I just told her its ok la some other time can buy.

She told me that it shall be my birthday present since she hasn't gotten me anything for my birthday though.. I nearly burst into tears out of guilt at the handphone shop. My mom has done so many things for me the past few years and she has practically given me everything I wanted and she spent so much in November for the wedding and all and my flight ticket for me to come back and my dresses. I really didn't wanna ask for anything more. But she got me the new Motorola Droid Razr anyways! despite my protest! 

Maybe I didn't protest that much... *ponders* I don't know. But I was in dire need of a phone then.

And you know what. I LOVE THE RAZR. lol. Its my second Razr! the first one was my flip phone and the second one is the NEW IMPROVED MOTOROLA DROID RAZR!! hahahahah!! Happy happy!

How pretty is that thing?!?!? SLIM AND SHINY!! 

And you know what, Turning 25 isn't bad at all! =)

I'll blog about my cousin's wedding soon! I'm gonna go eat now! bye peeps!