22 was blessed with 3

It was a day spent with the person I can't lie too, the person who understands me and the person whom I truly love.

Thanks for all the wishes as the clock strike 12. I was still at Deena's place for my Jalan Raya and Neo messaged me. I didn't realise that it was already 25th Oct till I read his message. lol!

Toot-fied pls.

This year, I don't know why but I dont seem to expect anything. But nothing is something that isn't happening.

I thought this year I will be spending it quiet. The way I spent it last year. But seriously. How wrong i was. My cousin abandoned me last week despite promising me that she will spend time with me this year during my birthday. Surprise. She left.

So I decided, I will have my own fun without realising what they have in store for me.

I went to watch a play with Mel and he brought me out for my birthday dinner. Yes it was uber sweet.

Maybe coz I reach to a point where I wasn't expecting anything. lol!!

I was suppose to meet the girls to club that night but little did I know that they and mel have planned something for me! I was temporarily blind, I was given my birthday cake and everyone sang a birthday song for me!!! it was odd but.. you know.. sweet.. lol!!

They gave me my birthday presents and they TRIED to sabo me but i warned them that I didn't bring any extra clothes. So ya.. they were kind. LOL!

I was allowed to open my presents but I wasn't allowed to read a letter. It was painful pls, the fact that I had to wait till the time I reach home to read it.

The night was something I'll never forget. It feels as though its the last time I'm gonna spend my birthday here... Maybe it is.

The rest of the pictures are put up on my facebook under the albums titled "22 was blessed with 3" part 1 and part 2.

I'm looking at the photos and the presents laying rite in front of me. I'll never forget last saturday. that's for sure.

Many thanks to:

Mommy for giving me a Digital SLR for my birthday which made me scream for the entire hougang to hear when I saw it.

Tuti for the bag and perfume. Don't worry la, the bag is fine can!

Bear for the charm bracelet and the letter. Thank you. really. Truly and sincerely. No, not for making me cry. But we both know why. I'll cherish it... forever.

Deena for being the mastermind behind most of it all.

I knew a day would come when one would question me of my decision.

It was a decision made based on what I want to do and not other influence. Coincidences are something beyond our control.

People always think its expected. But seriously, one has to know me better than that.

I swear there are times where I think a person has problems with just the fact that I exist. I mean, one can't possibly be jealous of me. There's really nothing to be jealous about.

I'm not really sure how I manage that really. I try to be as invisible as I can be but it seemed as though I fail each and everytime.

What can people be jealous off? That my friends are richer then them? more good looking then them? I hang with the socialites? WHAT? fuck ah. It cant be me wat? I mean what's there on me to be jealous off? My boobs bigger then yours ah? WTF.

So yes. I concluded, I think its the mere fact that I exist.

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On a sidenote: nobody realised that I wore contact lenses today. And I wore blue. TRUE SAPPHIRE. Do you even know how bright that is? very.

Hari Raya is... NOT Over yet..

Been visiting my relatives. The grandaunts to be exact. Spent last sunday at Sennett Avenue and witness the old people indulge themselves in reminisence. The day spent in the garden, on the swings under the trees, was like a picture of eden.

Its uber sweet how they talk about their past. Their life. Their escapades. Their husbands.

It seemed so surreal that our grandparents married when they were 14 or so, lived their lives, had kids (lots of them sometimes) and went on even after their spouses passed on.

The emptiness in their eyes reflect the loyalty they buried within. The tone of their voice reflect the undying love for their partners that lived on in their hearts. The smile reflected the happiness and joy of the love they shared. The distant stare showed what they remembered so fondly off.

Somehow, my heart felt empty when I listened to their stories. At this day and age, where the mind ruled over the heart, you'll hear talks of individuals not wanting to have a family. To be able to live life by his or herself. To be independent.

Its when the festive season arrives, and the visiting occurs, that stories are told. So fondly. So everlasting. Forever etched in my mind. Even makes me want to have such stories to pass down to my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren...

But there's always the fear. The fear of being left behind not because of your partner passing on. Instead some other external factor. Yeah. I am perfectly aware that I'm not the most perfect woman to be with... And it has been lingering on my mind...

Alittle toooo long then it should.

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I want a fairytale. Found it once.
I want a love that will last. Found it once.
To find it again is something rather questionable...
I want it all.

Greediness is not a crime. Its a healthy indulgence.
If you think Greed is a sin; Indulgence is meant to be sinful anywayz.
So its fine either way... =)

This is the one song in Princess Hours that never fails to bring tears to my eyes. Not only when I stare at the television screen. Even when I hear it on my MP3. hahaha. ya i know. crybaby! LOL!

I still think the prince is cute. My mom however has concluded that he looks like a monster, with his half moon eyes and when he smiles, it disappears. I however, still maintain my stand that he is cute.

so ya. This song feels rather heartbreaking but I dont know why though. lol!

She's worried abt me alrite. She's worried how i'm gonna do there. She's even worried what if things just go wrong.

I've wanted this my whole life, would I really allow anything to jeopardize it? If she's wondering that I will other factors affect this. Then I guess I will just have to prove her wrong. Sadly.

I am not that kind of person and never once have I managed to let the other step over the line. There's a thin line in between everything and so far I have managed to maintain it.

Personal and career.

That's 2 different things and I'm perfectly aware of that.

And yes, I will try to tell you everything even when one of my subjects' results are atrocious.

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you

Flaws & All

We didn't realise what we mean to the other, did we?

I am just tooo scared for you. I think you know that already.

Thanks for thinking that of me and answering my question as to why I stay. I'll always be here. Yes, for you.

Fell asleep yesterday while playing with my pet on petsociety. Woke up only to realise that its already morning and my laptop was turned off and put at the corner.

Had the weirdest dream. Its been quite sometime since I last had such things. Sat up on the bed only to have a heavy feeling tugging on my heart. Something wasn't right. Its not right at all. My phone rang and the display pictue appeared.

Something was definitely not right. About to pick it up when it stopped. And then I knew why.

A long awaited invitation has finally arrived. A new player has been added into this game. Me.

I am not what she thinks I am. I'm much more stubborn then anyone I've met.

My only worry is that, what if, what if I accidentally exchanged words of insult in my anger?

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New Player has accepted the invitation. Welcome.

6th October 2008

I cant bring myself to do the necessary. I can't bring myself to post the entry typed out before this. The entry that was typed out 2days ago. Today is 6th October.

And Deena asked me whether is that what I really wanted. I couldn't answer her but instead only tears wet my cheeks. All I said was, Its for his own good. She told me not to be stupid. Its something that the both of us didn't want, she said.

Only god knows the feelings that I've been hiding inside. Guilt being at the top of the list, for now.

This yr's emmy nomination, I've been included. Most probably I'll get the prize for Best Actress, especially at the rate I am going.

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Am I really worth it to go through all this trouble?

SELAMAT HARI RAYA~!

Its the 2nd day of raya and i'm at work. Yayness.

The last few hari rayas, i'm either jobless or ya.. Most of it jobless lor. lol! i love being jobless on hari raya... I could sleep and wake up late after a late outing the night before and not worry how many more days of leaves i have after this or whether or not i have work piling once i return from leave.

So this time, I'm at work.. so there is no piling up off work. There is just boredom and the lack of interest to work. I didn't intend to even take leave this hari raya actually. But then my boss in particular has wondered why I have yet to apply for leave since everyone has gone on leave and all and here i am working like crazy.. similar to her, we both have reached a point of flipping out tables once. lol!

So ya, going on leave was due.

she's leaving for taiwan next wk and has been asking me whether i wanted anything... taiwan, wat's there in taiwan? i dont even know lor.. haix.

I am so sleepy, I swear I'm ranting like mad.

So yes. the point i'm trying to make is that. I'm on leave tmr.

WAHAHAHHA~!!

I have photos but i'm at work now and my photos are in the laptop. I forgot to bring my memory card here. point trying to make here: will upload later...

I'm in a kebaya top rite now. with office pants. It feels weird even though i've seen so many pple wear it this way before. Maybe coz i'm so used to wearing it full... But i was late lor just now.. cant be bothered to tie my kain. Point trying to make here: This morning wasnt the best morning. I'm in a bad mood.

Rite now, I'm just sleepy and tired. I dunno why but yeah I'm just like.. bleargh~!

And i saw syaz's Hari Raya photos in Australia. I swear its funny how they're all like so semangat you know.. cook everything and bake cakes and all.. LOL! Ok fine. I think i would do it too.. but its kinda bittersweet though and quite fun too.. lol!

I have that to look forward to next year. kwang kwang kwang.

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Berlalulah sudah ramadan sebulan berpuasa
Tiba syawal kita rayakan dengan rasa gembira
Anak muda di rantauan semuanya pulang ke desa
Ibu dan ayah keriangan bersyukur tak terkira

Bertukar senyuman dan salam ziarah-menziarahi
Tutur dan kata yang sopan saling memaafi
Suasana hari raya walau di mana pun jua
Memberikan ketenangan dan mententeramkan jiwa

Kuih dan muih beranika macam
Makanlah jangan hanya di pandang

Ketupat rendang sila nikmati kawan
Penat memasak malam ke pagi

Wajik dan dodol jangan lupakan
Peninggalan nenek zaman berzaman

Asyik bersembang pakcik dan makcik
Hai duit raya lupa nak di beri

- This year's fav. Hari Raya song.

Suasana Hari Raya - Anuar Zain + Ellina