An entry that has been dragged since my birthday.
Typed, editted, added more paragraphs and Finally. Posted.
Apologies for such a long entry!
I'm putting my heart on my sleeves, exclusive only for one.
An endearment I once used is something that will never be bestowed to another. It was for you. It will remain that way. Yours.
I pray for you everyday and hope that things will turn out fine. Coz you are worth more. More than anyone realised.
Remember what I told you pursuant to that letter. Some things can't be changed and my feelings are one of it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I'm counting my days here. Its approximately 108 days till my impending departure. Its weird how I can no longer say i'm going off in 6mths or next yr. Yes, i can still say next yr. But this year is already ending.
Everything I do here and rite now, seems to be my goodbye. I'm counting my days and suddenly it feels as though its not enough. so many things to do. So many pending things.
I wanna leave things as painless and as untouched as possible. Its already difficult seeing tears in the eyes i truly care about everytime she thinks about me leaving. she's been crying and only god knows how it breaks my heart.
Deena,
You're my best friend. I hope you will not cry anymore at the fact that i'm leaving. I know you're worried for me there by myself.
Hey, everyone will have to grow up and face the world by themselves one day.
Our time, is now. =)
I know you're afraid what will happen to this friendship. Will distance and time change everything? I hope not. I'm sad and scared about that too... Not only with you but with the rest of my friends. Our friendship has gone through nearly everything one could possibly think off.
It has been torn apart by boyfriends, its been torn apart by people back in school... But i will never forget how this friendship blossomed just by that one fateful art lesson, when i was trying to destroy your lime and you my chilli back when we were 13.
I will never forget of my first impression of you when i thought you were retarded. LOL!! and I will never forget how you saved my ass by pretending to be my "girlfriend". How i'll never forget those days in the blue pleated pinafore down at Hillside Drive.
I will never forget that one phonecall you made to me, crying about that one guy in your life. How you got my number? I still don't know. LOL! And suddenly just like that, we became each other's confidante.
I remembered those days when you were more afraid of me then your mom. I remembered how I got so pissed off everytime i see you cry and would really feel like killing someone. And usually, i did manage to "kill" the person in question. I remembered cicak, the comic strips and the oh so blonde moments when you guys mistook the sign for a taxi stand.
I also remember of those times where i'm reputated as the best friend not to be messed with and all your boyfriends seemed to be afraid of me. Even though I swear i would rather not be known as such a tyrant. hahaha.
I cry everytime you cry. And just thinking about the other day when you broke down in front of me is enough to send tears down my cheeks.
You've seen me change from that temperamental Nad to what I am today. You saw me at the top of my game and you've seen me broke down and being dragged down to the brink of depression. You saw nearly everything Deen.
I know you're worried how i'm gonna survive there seeing the circumstances and situations. Trust me, I worry too. I just hope you wouldn't miss me as much as you think you would. Hey, the world is small now. Everything is so easily accessible.
I wouldn't know when or if I'll come back. Maybe one day when I decide i'll come back to my hometown for good, I'll be back.
But other than that, I'll definitely visit. That is my promise. And I have not broken any have i? =)
Love Always,
Nad
Its like as though I'm dying with a terminal disease. This must be what those patients must be feeling. You want to do alot of things for a lot of people and yet your days are numbered.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of friends,
Lili has to stop trying to inspire me to get married. That is something that is unlikely to happen. She constantly asked me if I ever thought of being married.
My ans:
Yes. I have. At one point someone managed to change my mind... But now I think my initial mindset proved to be better.
So yes, if she or anyone else talks about trying to get me married. I'll fart in your face lor!!! seriously.
I know that I already have thought of names for my future daughters. Names which I've perfected over the years. Names that has been crafted eversince I can remember.
D.A. _. and D.S._. The spaces are to be filled in by my future partner so that he cant complain that he didn't have a say in his daughters' names. And sons? Yes well, I do have one name in mind and ironically, it starts with D as well. lol!
BUT this doesn't mean i'll get married. Names. are afterall, JUST names. so lili, stop trying to inspire me hor! I'm afraid of being left behind. I've seen it too many times, from my surrounding irregardless of race and religion.
Islam states for a man to marry a woman to love her, provide for her, understand and guide her, to shelter her, to be her pillar of strength, basically make her his world and vice versa till death do them apart.
Marriage no longer carry the same importance the way it was back in our grandparents' time. Sacred. Marriages was a lifetime union.
so lili, if you want me to get married so much, get me a man with a big fat wallet. Now marriage is always out of convenience isn't it? Do people still manage to marry coz of love? Or was it just some fairytale only told in storybooks for children to have cotton candied dreams?
-------------------------------------------------
I'm having such tight wallet. I am stressed out please! Now is just about the right time for someone to pass me seeds so that I can grow money!!! Can't believe i overspent THAT much this month.
BIRTHDAYS! BLEARGH!!
I'm definitely gonna get scolded by mommy tomorrow.
-------------------------------------------------
Rihanna's Take A Bow is going on in loops.
No comments:
Post a Comment