I was so looking forward to it.

So looking forward.

Now? I just don't know anymore.

Caution: HIGH VOLTAGE

some people can't lie. coz they cant keep track of what they say to you and tell others in front of you. yup yup.

I usually find out things. whether I like it or not.

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i'm just tired. omg. sometimes, things are just so weird. I just don't know anymore. yes, I dont. Its giving me a headache actually.

oh god. help me.

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i'm just so tired, i dont wanna wake up anymore. yes, no more.

Conversations with a talking seal...

Since an animal has not been bestowed upon me, I shall just refer to myself as... what else? Me.

Me: but i'm hungry!!!!!

Seal:hahaha i trying to be

Me: you trying to be hungry?
got such thing ah!?
wahhhh

Seal: haha
not hungry
weird

Me: this one only seal have such talents ah?

Seal: but i need to stop eating so much
esp since we gg melaka to eat
HAHAHAH

Please note that this possible trip to Melaka will only be taking place on 6th December 2008. Its in 2 weeks time. In the meantime we'll have a starving seal. So the Conversation continues...

Me: .......
you know
that is blogworthy
lol!!!

Seal:
WHAT!
WHAT IS???

Me:
your head is shining pls!! *coughs* platinum blonde *coughs*

Seal:
HAHAHAHAHAH
shhh!!

That's the best part! *points to last phrase/word/sound* She knows and admits it and still tries to keep it quiet!!

Beautiful.

Today was beautiful. And Dhanya, I thank you for inviting me to be a part of such a wonderful event in your life. Congrats babe, on the start of this new journey and chapter of your life.

The venue was beautiful, the weather was just right, the bride's gorgeous.

Yup Yup. Another friend of mine is married! heee...

Congrats once again!!

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This is the second wedding i've attended this year. Yup yup. Its nice but at the same time scary. This is when reality hits me most of the time. I'm growing old. I'm off a marriageable age. And that scares me enough to keep me quiet for the whole day. Well those are the thoughts of one that's not ready.

Who's next? Hmm i know another friend of mine is getting married in mid December, but i'm not invited to that one.. hahaha.. so yup yup...

Who's next? *look around*

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Right now I can't hardly breathe
Oh, you can do it, just know that I believe
And that's all I really need
Then come on, make me strong
It's time to turn it up, game on!

Now or Never - HSM3

To you who thinks that you can never do it, just know that I believe. That I always have.

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The year is ending and I am feeling my jitters all over again. yup yup.

Its actually coming true. Its no longer the dreams I used to come across when the eyes are closed and the night is still and the only thing that kept me exhausted was the mind, painting pictures, directing scenes, in my head while i'm the audience in my own play.

My dreams are coming true.

I believe it then. What you have always say. I believe it now why you called me a dreamer and you never once worry about me, dreaming my day away. Coz you have always knew that I have

always dreamt with my eyes wide open.

Its time then.

I will make my dreams, my reality.

In 9 weeks time, i'll make my first disappearance.

In 12 weeks time, i'll start my new life.

12 weeks. 84 days. 2016 hours. 120960 minutes.

I'm counting down to the day I leave the way Paro counted down the days for Devdas' return.

...... with great anticipation.

When funny is a contradiction.

Its funny how my friends are friends with my friend's friends. And in the end, it seemed as though we're ALL hanging with the SAME CIRCLE! I'm not sure whether its us, or its just Singapore being ultra small.

Its funny when I thought that everything is set, something else comes around.

Its funny how I thought that I could never be tortured further, I'm proven wrong. Again.

Its funny seeing things are turning out the way it is.

Its funny seeing how i'm uncaring i'm trying to be towards some people, but everything else betrays me.

Its funny how I wanna make people hate me to make things easier only to realise that task is much harder to be completed.

Its funny how my thoughts clouds my mind and things dont seem to make sense and I find solace in a memory.

Its funny how many times the word funny is used in this entry, but i'm not laughing. Nope. Not at all.

Then I would thank the star that made our wish come true (Oh yeah)
Cause he knows that where you are is where I should be to.

Right Here, Right Now - HSM3

Red is the new black.

That is my latest hair colour. If you've checked out my msn pic or facebook. you guys will know. and you also know that i dont dye my hair! So go figure!

But the red is getting brighter now!!! But i love this look! lol! just need to rebond my hair. after this i'll most prob go for ash or platinum blonde streaks!

They say that this will last about 4 months. But by the look of things, i doubt it. The red runs when I wash it.

I give it about a month. Therefore, I would need to camwhore before this look disappears.

bleargh~!

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"We live on Avenue Q... We live on Avenue Q..."

Caught Avenue Q on Saturday. It was... FUNNY! Definitely worth the money i paid for it. And me and friend actually booked the tickets 2 months back! can you believe it? lol!!!

But it was awesome. I've never been more blown away by an entire cast the way it did blew me away on Saturday. Super Duper Talented.

I teared, I laughed, I was rendered speechless by the multi characters played by the actors. The variation in the puppet voice and still managing to sing and sometimes, them along on stage with 2 puppets dueting, and they're the only one doing it! GOSH~!

I'm still in awe. I wish I could sing like that. Or even sing to begin with.

Bleargh~!

Next play: Office Party.
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The clock starts ticking and the nights grew sleepless. I wish that I could just sit somewhere and stare out into space and just let the waterpipes run dry.

The book is finishing, the chapter is coming to an end and the sentence is nearing its full-stop.

I've always known that I'll go somewhere else. Have always been dreaming of it since I was 14. When I stepped onto the steps of Oxford, and stayed in their classes, made friends with them and soon yearned to be there.

Now, i'm taking my step. Unsure steps, shaky and lacking in confidence. But the determination in my heart is stronger then the overwhelming emotions.

I'll survive this. Even if I'm doing it by myself.

The way i've survived alot of things in my life. By myself.

Its my dream, its my life. I'll do what it takes even if it means alienating everyone who has ever cared about me. Coz only you live your own life isn't it? I'll live my rules now.

Yes, I can do this.

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If you're no longer around one day... then I'll just have to suck it in and go on living. Because nothing good lasts forever. I should accept that.

An entry that has been dragged since my birthday.

Typed, editted, added more paragraphs and Finally. Posted.
Apologies for such a long entry!

I'm putting my heart on my sleeves, exclusive only for one.

An endearment I once used is something that will never be bestowed to another. It was for you. It will remain that way. Yours.

I pray for you everyday and hope that things will turn out fine. Coz you are worth more. More than anyone realised.

Remember what I told you pursuant to that letter. Some things can't be changed and my feelings are one of it.

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I'm counting my days here. Its approximately 108 days till my impending departure. Its weird how I can no longer say i'm going off in 6mths or next yr. Yes, i can still say next yr. But this year is already ending.

Everything I do here and rite now, seems to be my goodbye. I'm counting my days and suddenly it feels as though its not enough. so many things to do. So many pending things.

I wanna leave things as painless and as untouched as possible. Its already difficult seeing tears in the eyes i truly care about everytime she thinks about me leaving. she's been crying and only god knows how it breaks my heart.

Deena,

You're my best friend. I hope you will not cry anymore at the fact that i'm leaving. I know you're worried for me there by myself.

Hey, everyone will have to grow up and face the world by themselves one day.

Our time, is now. =)

I know you're afraid what will happen to this friendship. Will distance and time change everything? I hope not. I'm sad and scared about that too... Not only with you but with the rest of my friends. Our friendship has gone through nearly everything one could possibly think off.

It has been torn apart by boyfriends, its been torn apart by people back in school... But i will never forget how this friendship blossomed just by that one fateful art lesson, when i was trying to destroy your lime and you my chilli back when we were 13.

I will never forget of my first impression of you when i thought you were retarded. LOL!! and I will never forget how you saved my ass by pretending to be my "girlfriend". How i'll never forget those days in the blue pleated pinafore down at Hillside Drive.

I will never forget that one phonecall you made to me, crying about that one guy in your life. How you got my number? I still don't know. LOL! And suddenly just like that, we became each other's confidante.

I remembered those days when you were more afraid of me then your mom. I remembered how I got so pissed off everytime i see you cry and would really feel like killing someone. And usually, i did manage to "kill" the person in question. I remembered cicak, the comic strips and the oh so blonde moments when you guys mistook the sign for a taxi stand.

I also remember of those times where i'm reputated as the best friend not to be messed with and all your boyfriends seemed to be afraid of me. Even though I swear i would rather not be known as such a tyrant. hahaha.

I cry everytime you cry. And just thinking about the other day when you broke down in front of me is enough to send tears down my cheeks.

You've seen me change from that temperamental Nad to what I am today. You saw me at the top of my game and you've seen me broke down and being dragged down to the brink of depression. You saw nearly everything Deen.

I know you're worried how i'm gonna survive there seeing the circumstances and situations. Trust me, I worry too. I just hope you wouldn't miss me as much as you think you would. Hey, the world is small now. Everything is so easily accessible.

I wouldn't know when or if I'll come back. Maybe one day when I decide i'll come back to my hometown for good, I'll be back.

But other than that, I'll definitely visit. That is my promise. And I have not broken any have i? =)

Love Always,
Nad

Its like as though I'm dying with a terminal disease. This must be what those patients must be feeling. You want to do alot of things for a lot of people and yet your days are numbered.

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Speaking of friends,

Lili has to stop trying to inspire me to get married. That is something that is unlikely to happen. She constantly asked me if I ever thought of being married.

My ans:
Yes. I have. At one point someone managed to change my mind... But now I think my initial mindset proved to be better.

So yes, if she or anyone else talks about trying to get me married. I'll fart in your face lor!!! seriously.

I know that I already have thought of names for my future daughters. Names which I've perfected over the years. Names that has been crafted eversince I can remember.

D.A. _. and D.S._. The spaces are to be filled in by my future partner so that he cant complain that he didn't have a say in his daughters' names. And sons? Yes well, I do have one name in mind and ironically, it starts with D as well. lol!

BUT this doesn't mean i'll get married. Names. are afterall, JUST names. so lili, stop trying to inspire me hor! I'm afraid of being left behind. I've seen it too many times, from my surrounding irregardless of race and religion.

Islam states for a man to marry a woman to love her, provide for her, understand and guide her, to shelter her, to be her pillar of strength, basically make her his world and vice versa till death do them apart.

Marriage no longer carry the same importance the way it was back in our grandparents' time. Sacred. Marriages was a lifetime union.

so lili, if you want me to get married so much, get me a man with a big fat wallet. Now marriage is always out of convenience isn't it? Do people still manage to marry coz of love? Or was it just some fairytale only told in storybooks for children to have cotton candied dreams?

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I'm having such tight wallet. I am stressed out please! Now is just about the right time for someone to pass me seeds so that I can grow money!!! Can't believe i overspent THAT much this month.

BIRTHDAYS! BLEARGH!!

I'm definitely gonna get scolded by mommy tomorrow.

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Rihanna's Take A Bow is going on in loops.

Sensitive Doer (SD)

-WAS BLOG HOPPING AND CAME ACROSS A PERSONALITY TEST ON KIN'S BLOG-

(Just visiting? Take the free personality test and determine your iPersonic type!)

Sensitive Doers are gentle, modest and reserved persons. They cope well with everyday life and like their privacy. With their quiet, optimistic nature, they are also good, sought-after listeners and other people feel well in their company. All in all, this type is the most likeable and friendliest of all personality types. Tolerance and heir regard for others distinguish their personality. They are very caring, generous and always willing to help. They are open to and interested in everything that is new or unknown to them. However, if their inner value system or their sense of justice is hurt, Sensitive Doers can suddenly and surprisingly become forceful and assertive.

Sensitive Doers enjoy the comforts life offers to the full. They are very happy in everyday life. Sensitive Doers are often gifted artists or very good craftsmen. Creativity, imagination and an especially keen perception are just a few of their strong points. Sensitive Doers are very presence-oriented; long-term planning and preparations do not appeal to them. They take life as it comes and react flexibly to daily demands. They do not like too much routine and predictability. Their talents come more to the fore when work processes are variable and there are not so many rules.

Sensitive Doers like to work alone; if they are part of a team, they do not get involved in competitive or power games and prefer living and working together harmoniously and openly.

Sensitive Doers are completely satisfied with a small, close circle of friends as their need for social contacts is not very marked. Here, too, they avoid conflicts - quarrels and disputes put considerable strain on them. Sensitive Doers are often very fond of animals and are very good with small children. As partner, this type is loyal and reliable and is willing to invest a lot in a relationship. Mutual respect and tolerance are very important to Sensitive Doers. Their love of pleasure makes them a pleasant companion with whom one can experience intensive moments. They like to look after their partner with attentiveness and small gifts and are very sensitive to the partner’s needs - often more than to their own. However, should they meet the wrong person, they run the risk of being taken advantage of. They are then deeply disappointed.

Adjectives which describe your type
introverted, practical, emotional, spontaneous, sensitive, peace-loving, reserved, gentle, good-natured, independent, empathetic, friendly, playful, carefree, sympathetic, relaxed, quiet, modest, pleasure-loving, loyal, obliging, caring, helpful, optimistic

These subjects could interest you
art, music, craftwork, garden work, animals, nature, literature, drawing/painting, astrology, spiritual things, meditation, music, handicrafts, writing

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Don't you just agree to all those i've bold!?! LOL!