Its dark.

You dont know where to go... You search for something.. You just cant see anything...

You sit.

You wait.

For someone to finally notice that something's amiss.

Coz, everytime you approach,
they run...

I'm at my mom's office at the moment..

wahahhaa.. timecheck: 938pm... (yup. my mom's a workaholic at times)
Mom called around 730pm like that to ask me to accompany her at work...

And i didnt go to work today.. i'm so going to get into trouble.. i didnt have an MC.. and i'm online.. but nobody seems to be online...

this is sad...

i'm sorry to the senoritas for not joining you guys today.. i'm just tired and broke..

and i end up not joining my cousins at this turkish-moroccan lounge & relax place... Sounds high class ah? LOL~! so sad.. me never go~! ARGH~!

Sometimes, i think i'm just too responsible for my own good...

If my mom allows, i'll think if i reach home at 3am, my grandmother confirm nag the following day...

so ya...

haiz...

I just need something to do.. Badly & SOON~!

shit... i cant log into my stupid computer.. haiz..

my keyboard has failed me~!!!!!!

my letter 't' is spoiled..
The number '5' all the way to backspace is spoiled as well...

so ya. i cant log into my computer as my password has a T in it..

so sad sia.. this weekend no computer..

No blog~!
No MSN~!

SHIT~!

Hari Raya Day 2 AND 3...

I know its abit late to post this up...

but then again, its never to late to upload pics rite?

LOL~!
-i'm just currently extremely bored-

Remember how i was complaining abt the fact that my cousin came only at 950 am on the second day and how i wasted my time staying up waiting for them?

Yup.. SO ya..

Lemme present to you the 2nd day of Hari Raya.

The moment i reach home.. the house was in a state of chaos as everyone was getting ready to go visiting... and the first thing i did was ran to the nearest camera that i can get hold of and start taking pics...

Starting with myself of course...


My cousin getting ready...


And how guys just refused to take pics with you if they're not made up... Wat's happening to the world now? tsk tsk tsk..


SO off we went visiting... and the next thing we know.. we were taking pics, coz, the surrounding conversations were not captivating.. LOL!

so ya.. the 3 sisters tried to pose quietly so that no one around would notice..


Me and my not so good aiming.. but nvm.. as long got my face can already...


And the cousins took pics...


Then we happily perasan down there... and obviously got scolding later on.. coz, the flash was too distracting...


SO ya... we went off to the next house.. but obviously my fingers started to itch after like 15mins of trying to behave in the house la... so we went off to the dining area and took pics..


Then there's the drink advert... she thinks one of my DT members is cute.. whahahaha


Followed by the Kerepek Advert...


and of course, my mom couldnt help but sibuk wanna take a pic also.. so much for scolding us.. hehehehe...


Ok till here...

i'll upload the other pics some other day..

wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

It was saturday... I was really looking forward to that day...
Why do you have to do that to me?
Why do you have to talk to me about something i despise?

Darling, Tell me.

How do i love someone when i was never shown how to love that person?

Is that the real purpose of you agreeing to go out with me the other day? To talk about something that i shut myself out of? To compare our lives? You'd never know how much i hurt that day... You'd never know how much i teared the moment i reach home...

You know why? Coz, you already have the mindset that i'm in the wrong... You listen to them... But why you as my cousin, cant even listen to me?

You dont know wat i've been through.. Naturally, you wont know how much anger i have towards them... I'm sorry that i nearly let the entire bus hear me... but i cant help it...

Everything, the whole story, was against me... You keep saying you understand, but you didnt listen... You asked me to change... TO CHANGE? HOW CAN I FUCKING CHANGE? OUT OF THE BLUE... How am i suppose to do something i've never done my entire life suddenly?

Sorry. But i'm not you.. I'm not easily swayed..

You dont know how lost i felt that night... You dont know how alone i suddenly feel that entire day... you dont know how hard i had to put our conversation aside to enjoy myself that day... I suddenly felt as though the world shut me out.. As though everything i ever knew was turned against me...

Therefore, i beg of you.. pls pls pls.. don't compare our lives...

And suddenly that Saturday, i was so lost and alone.. With no one to turn too, i cried myself to sleep...

Why do i have to torture myself like that?
Why cant i just enjoy Saturday the way everybody did?

Argh~!

Mr grandmother is driving me crazy.. Can you believe it? That yesterday she stayed up just to wait till i reach home and scold me for reaching home late~!

ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And wat she said? I was so shocked that i was actually speechless.... Haiz

IT HURTS~! IT FRIGGIN HURT~! how can she say that abt her own grand daughter? i wonder whether or not she know wats the meaning of it.. seriously. coz, if she did, i'm very sure she means it...

coz, my grandmother never say anything she didnt mean...

but it hurts... it really does..

I was feeling too rebellious yest to actually feel insulted.. i was just grumbling under my breath... thank god she didnt see me doing that as well.. i might have gotten a slap in the process...

But today, its a totally different story...

why cant she believe me? why is she so against me going back at night.. its not as if i do anything illegal.. its not as if this country is soo dangerous that i need an escort home...

like this.. she insults..

just imagine... next week? 4 days. i'd definitely go home later than rehearsal days rite?

if only you knew wat she called me...

*cries*

Hari Raya

I havent show you guys any pictures from my hari raya... SO here it is..

MY DAY 01..

This is me with my mom la.. [Who else rite?] Morning of Hari Raya...


Then this is me... all set ready to receive guests... since we didnt go anywhere on the first day this yr.. My new earrings nice? LOL~!


Then my aunts came.. or rather old neighbours of my grandmother... but their children and me... are like cousins already.. that close la.. wahahhaa...


Then i had a great big surprise.. my cousin came with my aunt.. Lemme show you my uber cute nephew...

PRESENTING TO YOU: IBRAHIM


And then.. the next few pictures are those of my cousins la.. just a sneak peek into the rojak family i'm in.. lol~! More will come on saturday when my cousin has a open house.. wheeeee cant wait~! more pics~!







And here's my baju from the first day... NICE OR NOT?? Whahahaha...


That's all for my first day folks.. Wheee~!

Other day pics.. coming up soon... i havent even post the other events pics.. waaaaaaaa... *sobs*

Alot to upload... too.. little.. time... *dies*

P.S: To Hudz
EH.. if wanna jalan raya rite.. i'm free on the 20th la.. if you guys can make it la... hmmm we can always ask the other 8... Riana, Ain, Adi, Sambri, Khair, Ismail, Mimi, Hidayah and who else ah? is that all? oh ya.. there's 10 inclusive of the both of us.. so ya.. correct la.. Oh ya.. and i forgot, syaiful..

TO anyone else For now i'm booked on both weekend days for 2 weeks.. pls postpone any future or possible outings for now.. lol~!

Today's the second day of hari raya...

Instead of being at home like most of the muslim population in singapore, I'm at work... Rotting away...

AND~!

i noticed that none of the muslim colleagues are around...

Hmmmz...

Took pictures yesterday, i love my kebaya.. wahahhaha.. Have i mentioned it? ITs LIME GREEN~! WAAAAAAAA~!

I shall post up the pictures when i get home and sleepy or not too distracted by guests or cousins to post up the pics..

Hmmm.. I know its abit late but... there's still like a whole month of hari raya left.. so ya.. I'd like to wish all the muslim friends of mine out there and whoever reads this blog..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI~!

I know i'm not exactly the sweetest or nicest person around, so, i'd like to take this opportunity to say that:

I'm sorry for any wrongdoings that i might have done to you, I'm sorry for any harsh words that might have slipped out of my mouth, I'm sorry if i've hurt anyone in any possible way and did not realise it...

EVE OF HARI RAYA

That night wasn't exactly the happiest... The prayers/takbir, just the sound of it, its sad... I crept around the house after that final day of break fasting changing the bedsheets, arranging fresh flowers and burning aromatheraphy thingys... when i saw it...

I was wondering why on earth she didnt leave the room after prayers, still sitting there when she havent finished wiping the windows to our bedroom... I was just about to call to her when i noticed her shoulders trembling... Yup. I caught her crying. I just left as quietly as i came...

I knew it would happen. She was just too strong the prev yr. She didnt cry, she didnt show any form of emotion. And this yr? It was not easy. The entire year. It was hard.

I turned up the volume of the radio.. i just sat there still attempting to arrange the flowers or rather to make the vase look full when i felt it as well... Tears were rolling down, unconsciously. My vision blurred. I just continued wiping away the tears, it didnt stop. Thank god everyone was inside the room.

Slept late that night. i was helping my aunt to bake nutella rolls... Sheesh.. It was the most back breaking thing i've done.. it just refused to roll well~! But obviously it turned out well.. My aunt's a perfectionist.. if you think doing things with cookie hitler was bad.. think again.

But anywayz, its done and almost finish... and i ate most of it as well...

wahhahahaah

Morning of Hari Raya

I didnt exactly wake up in the morning.... woke up somewhere near 12... couldnt wake up la.. esp after the back breaking baking in the wee hours of the night.

Then bathe already, wore the new baju, then its ritual wat.. to ask for forgiveness rite... thats when i just stared at her and i couldnt say anything... I just said "sorry. Sorry for everything" She asked me... "is that even sincere?" i just broke down. and well, she broke down as well.

And after all that water~!

I GOT MY GREEN PACKETS~!

My relatives came.. My uber cute nephew came as well. Shocking visits from pple as well. hehehe...

stayed up late waiting for my malaysian cousins to arrive.. in the end.. they arrive at 9 plus when i'm already at work.. so ya.. waste my time only staying up late...

SO now.. here i am.. all sleepy.. and cant wait for the time to go home... since i havent seen my cousin in the longest time... esp when i've been psychoing her to pick me up from work..

I mean.. seriously, wats the use of having a car that you can drive but not picking me up rite?

whahahahhahaha...

For more updates...

stay tune for the next post during hari raya month.

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD WHO WANNA GO OUT WITH ME TO JALAN RAYA.

Please take note. As of yesterday:
I'm booked on the 12th of Nov.
Thanks.