Sunday, November 20, 2005

It was saturday... I was really looking forward to that day...
Why do you have to do that to me?
Why do you have to talk to me about something i despise?

Darling, Tell me.

How do i love someone when i was never shown how to love that person?

Is that the real purpose of you agreeing to go out with me the other day? To talk about something that i shut myself out of? To compare our lives? You'd never know how much i hurt that day... You'd never know how much i teared the moment i reach home...

You know why? Coz, you already have the mindset that i'm in the wrong... You listen to them... But why you as my cousin, cant even listen to me?

You dont know wat i've been through.. Naturally, you wont know how much anger i have towards them... I'm sorry that i nearly let the entire bus hear me... but i cant help it...

Everything, the whole story, was against me... You keep saying you understand, but you didnt listen... You asked me to change... TO CHANGE? HOW CAN I FUCKING CHANGE? OUT OF THE BLUE... How am i suppose to do something i've never done my entire life suddenly?

Sorry. But i'm not you.. I'm not easily swayed..

You dont know how lost i felt that night... You dont know how alone i suddenly feel that entire day... you dont know how hard i had to put our conversation aside to enjoy myself that day... I suddenly felt as though the world shut me out.. As though everything i ever knew was turned against me...

Therefore, i beg of you.. pls pls pls.. don't compare our lives...

And suddenly that Saturday, i was so lost and alone.. With no one to turn too, i cried myself to sleep...

Why do i have to torture myself like that?
Why cant i just enjoy Saturday the way everybody did?

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