Prayers from 10,000 miles away...

I pray that you will wake up soon to see the smile on the faces of your loved ones. I pray that you will wake up soon to ease the worry in their minds.

I'm not there, but that doesn't mean I don't know about this.

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This is just a clarification.

If only you read this blog of mine. Only then, you'll know how often i've been disappointed by everyone's actions. I'll never leave quietly. I have nothing to hide from any of you. All I wanted was some support, some assurance and maybe knowing that I have you guys. But it was too much to hope for.

You should know me better than that. I will never leave without saying goodbye. And you should know everyone else much better since you grow up with them; what they are capable off.

I am deemed as unimportant as long as I'm nothing even though they know I've brought so much to the family already. They always have thought of me as the one that will bring everything good to the family, but please... don't reappear once I've gotten what I've always wanted to have.

I did not leave quietly. I was ignored. But let me tell you something, I will return... quietly. Becoz, I don't want sudden association with any of you. Coz I know, then, all of you will return into my vision because of what I will be in the future.

There's no point in having your children to compete with me so that you'll be at the same par with me. They have each voiced out what they wanna be. Never force them to be what they don't wanna be. Success is not measured by which profession or certificate you get but by what you turned out to be by the end of it.

I'm sick and tired of having to constantly prove myself when I know at the end of the day. This is my life. You, have nothing to do with it.

It may sound as if I'm cutting off all ties. But I'll only be staying around those who have stood by me.

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Nur,

I wonder if you read this blog of mine. There are times that it appear as though you do. We both made a promise to each other and you promised me to be something that others here have never been. To not be like any of them. I taught you everything because of what you desperately aimed not to be. So please, go to school. Don't skip school anymore and allow others to think what they have always thought.

I know that you don't keep things from me. You tell me everything and even asked me permission sometimes. Doesn't mean that I'm here and far away from you... You won't have anyone to talk to. Doesn't mean that I won't know and I won't care. If I didn't care, this portion to you will not be posted up. So please. Keep your promise and hold firmly to your dreams. Don't disappoint me the way everyone else there already have.

Love always,
Cik DeeDee.

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Mama,

Happy Birthday. I'm sorry that I did not get to celebrate you turning 50 with you. =) But that doesn't mean I've forgotten about it.

I never wrote it in any of the past few entries coz I was afraid that you read my blog... BUT I hope you like the cake I've ordered to be sent to you! Enjoy!

Lotsa Lurve,
Dee.

When I was in Sec 1, Swimming and gymnastics was a compulsory thing.

Swimming was an after school activity, APART from CCA & house meetings / trainings. It was something that every student have to do. An SJC girl has to own a swimming cert.

Gymnastics was something that was done during P.E. on top of our usual basketball, volleyball and things like that...

GUESS WHAT MY JUNIORS HAVE RITE NOW?

All Seconday 1 and 2 students are exposed to Dance, Music & Drama Modules, each lasting 7-weeks for 4 terms.



The perks of being semi autonomous huh? You choose your own modules.

Bloody shit. I'm jealous. LOL! I want to be back in Sec sch too~

Devil Wife.

Yes so the thought has solidified in everyone's head.

GOOD LUCK TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND FOR GETTING ME FOR A WIFE. rite?

bloody shit. so pple have been telling me alllll over again. Good luck to whoever ends up marrying me. His life will not be peaceful.

I can be a sarcastic biatch to the husband but at the same time, he will see the other side of me that you people will definitely find it hard to believe that such a side exist.

Bloody fuckers.

I can be nice when I want to be alrite.

Hit me like a ray of sun...

Beyonce - Halo

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
Woah...

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again
It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out
Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo)
Halooooo ouuuu
Halooooo ouuuu
Halooooo ouuuu
Ouuuuu ouuuuu ouuuuu

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo
I can feel your halo (halo) halo
I can see your halo (halo) halo

Hello all. Its been awhile hasn't it?!

Let's see.. what have I been up to? Nothing much really. Just that been adjusting to school life. Have tons of readings to do due to my weird ass combination this sem.

I'm too caught up with my worry about certain things and surviving in school that I haven't exactly been.. ermm.. myself much. But apart from that, I'm a much more friendly person this past week then I was the beginning of school. I've started to smile alittle bit more.

I have a love hate relationship with school. I dont know it that I'm stupid or what. Have no idea why is my understanding of things is so much different then what the rest comprehends. Drives me crazy... Makes me start wondering whether did I read things rite. HAIX!

I've started fencing here. Its ok. But I definitely prefer my competition back in Singapore. It was much more challenging in a sense? I miss the guys and their nonsensical bickers. The guys here tend to buy insurance so much more often then the guys back home and sometimes, I try so hard not to roll my eyes. So in fencing, I recall, Tyson, Nathaniel (Nat), Mark (?), Rob, Tracey. Cant remember anyone else!!!

I had the worst nightmare. My first dream since I've reached here. I started crying in my sleep. The pain was too real. Then I woke up and ask myself... is it really? true? I dunno. I'm scared. *hugs self*

I've been procrastinating. My assignments are half done and one of it have to be handed in on Monday. Ok. not really procrastinating. more like.. i've been doing it bit by bit and now i've put it aside coz it doesnt seem to flow. BLEARGH~! maybe i'm aiming for too much perfection. But then again, maybe i should. There's too many things at stake.

I have a rash growing at the back of my left hand. I suspect its an allergy reaction and I have no idea to what. It has the same effect as my allergy reactions to any Calvin Klein perfumes. It itches so bad and at the same time painful. HAIX.

Oh. And I need to save up for a car. And I need a job.

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I look within too much that I've not looked out and around. I'm too scared to think about other aspects of my life that I currently live only for school.

MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM

I'm going through Midsummer Night's Dream for my seminar presentation coming up in 3-4weeks. Since I have not chosen my question, I thought it would be wise to do so only after reading the txt.

Now I remember why I'm a closet romantic. I've always been attached to the works of Shakespeare. I guess I'm a true blue literature girl? LOL!

As the words flew past, wouldn't it just be beautiful if pple still express their feelings so passionately like so?

A Conversation between Lysander & Hermia (When Hermia's dad forbids her to marry Lysander and to marry whoever he chooses)

Lysander:

Ay me! For aught that I could ever read, Could ever hear by tale or history. The course of true love never did run smooth; But either it was different in blood-

Hermia:

O Cross! Too high to be enthralled to low!

Lysander:

Or else misgraffed in respect of years-

Hermia:

O spite! Too old to be engaged to young!

Lysander:

Or else it stood upon the choice of friends-

Hermia:

O Hell! Too choose love by another's eyes!

Lysander:

Or, if there were a sympathy in choice, War, death, or sickness did lay seige to it, Making it momentany as a sound, Swift as shadow, short as any dream, brief as the lightning in the collied night, That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth, and ere a man hath power to say "Behold!" The jaws of darkness do devour it up: So quick bright things come to confusion

Hermia:

If then true lovers have been ever crossed, It stands as an edict in destiny: Then let us teach our trial patience, Because it is a cutomary cross, as due to love as thoughts and dreams and sighs, wishes and tears, poor Fancy's followers...

AND THE BEST PORTION GOES TO THE ENDING OF THE SCENE OF COURSE!

Hermia:

My good Lysander! I swear to thee, by Cupid's strongest bow, by his best arrow with the golden head, by the simplicity of Venus' doves, by that which knitteth souls and prospers loves, and by that fire which burned the Cathage Queen.

When the false Troyan under sail was seen, by all the vows that ever men have broke, in number more than ever women spoke, in that same place thou hast appointed me, tomorrow truly will I meet with thee.

IS THAT A PROMISE OR A PROMISE? LOL!

I truly think no one has the time to talk like that anymore! LOL! but hey, its nevertheless quite a fantasy to have such things in your head. A world so magical.

Where Mediocrity isn't so Mediocre.

Been out on plays marathon. Yup yup. Watched Mediocrity on Friday and After The End on Saturday.

And yes, I watched it alone.. I decided that if I were waiting for someone I might end up missing the Fringe festival and would screw up my assignment. I would still wanna watch a few other shows.. So we'll see. Lol! Its funny how theatre is dirt cheap here and on top of that, I'm on concession rate. MUAHAHAHAH~!

Its really different. As in when they say Caution: Nudity/sexual content, it really did mean that their actors will walk around naked and maybe about to have sex right there on stage. LOL! If they did, then it wouldn't be a play anymore. It'll just be porn; with a really long roleplay. WAHAHAHA!!

So I was at Bakehouse Theatre. Its a quaint little house like building, greyish black walls with bright red windows. Audience capacity isn't much just enough to have a cosy setting. But its a 15minutes walk from Victoria Square. Which is ok but if the sun is scorching, it might just be alittle painful. LOL! I like it there at Bakehouse Theatre.

I also like the fact that a play here doesn't necessarily have to be 24scenes or 2hrs long like the standard showtime back in singapore. Mediocrity was 30mins and it left an impression more than any 2hrs show i've watched.

Its cool how some of the audience are actors and in the midst of mingling while waiting for the house to open, they receive a phone call from a director and VOILA~! they're suddenly booked for an upcoming productions.

Its like the bustling life of Moulin Rouge.

Mediocrity was a show about everything Mediocre, nothing out of ordinary, so much so the characters are depicted from normal everyday people. The main character (for eg) have done nothing much in his life other then exist. He gets bullied by his wife, neighbour, boss and even his doctor. He gets puts down, lost all self confident and he finds solace in coffee. The one beverage he enjoys while sitting at the table and staring blankly into space.

He suddenly found release with death. When the doctor diagnosed that he might die, he gleefully took it as his escape (not initially but little did he know, the doctor has his name mixed up with someone else's. LOL!)

After the End was something about this guy who is mentally unstable. he was obsessed with this particular girl whom he claims the love of his life that he actually kidnapped her when she was sleeping or drunk or watever it is into this underground shelter and told her that there was a nuclear explosion up there and she cannot leave or open the hatch or the radioactivity will just kill of them.

Twisted but nice. Some thing is just not right about it and I cant seem to pinpoint what it is coz 90mins was DAMN LONG! i nearly did fall asleep.

Thanks to my blog entry, i might just be half way through my assignment.

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I bought a local band's cd. It was interesting, music arrangement and all. I was kinda approached by it. I think I give this music student vibe or something coz this is not the first time. Haiz.

But anywayz, the music was good. So i bought it. The band is called - A Sound of Mind.

That was the drawing / doodling I made in Visual Arts class. The one I was blogging abt? I think its doodling la since it was only given 5minutes before the lecturer walk about... MUAHAHAHAH..

how? not bad rite?

oh and one of the assignments is to replicate an art piece of a famous painter and know its marks. I have only completed one. The other one is in progress and I have yet to find another piece...

I've chosen Picasso's 3 Women from his cubism works. I have no idea if it is ok... Hmmmm... I hope I do the right thing..

But anywayz, here it is:

Like something wrong hor? i think its lopsided.. hmrph!

Today was a full blown school day for me...

Tomorrow would be mirroring today as well!

I had Politics through film today both film screening and lecture. LOL!

This week's topic was Russian Revolution. So we have to watch this Black and White Silent Movie called October. Its quite funny actually.. well, at least, I found it funny! LOL!

And then after that, I ran through 4 faculties from Humanities (in which my Politics Film Screening was held) to the Education building (on top of the hill) where I'm taking Visual Arts as a module this semester. It was a back to back timetable for me. About 5-10minutes to spare! bleargh!!!

So I had Visual Arts Workshop. LOL! that was fun seriously. Its still life drawing. Thank god our subject wasnt naked or i wouldnt have been able to finish all my drawings! WAHAHHAH!! I'll be too embarrased to look anywhere below the torso!! lol!

Truthfully, I never knew I would still have it in me to draw. After everything that has happened and me putting away ALL drawing tools 5yrs ago, I was actually skeptical about enrolling myself in this module.

So anyways, by the time I reached class, I was actually breathless. LIKE FISH OUT OF WATER SIA! and I met Jade. Remember the girl I made friends with at Week O? Yup. She took Visual Arts as one of her modules this sem as well!

I made friends with Chloe. This girl who happened to be standing beside me and I was clueless about everything since well, i wasn't aware there was a damn workshop last week. So I actually asked her what was it that she was putting inside the box (the instructor wasnt here yet. so i got no one else to ask rite? lol)

So I found out. I have assignments. Yup. 3 in fact and I'm already behind. LOL! but somehow I'm not worried. LOL! i need to shoot myself. OVER CONFIDENT SIA! LOL!!!!!

Plus this week's, I have 6 drawings to complete. And Melvyn will be the victim for 3 of it. Actually not only 3. I think for the entire Semester. lol!

Then I met the most hilarious guy in Visual Arts. Kelvin. At least I think that's how the name is spelt. I mean how else rite? He is ABC. Australian born Chinese. LOL! we're the 2 kutus who didnt know shit about anything coz obviously. Didn't know there was workshop last week. Champion rite?!

He wasn't a clown in class, he just appeared to be when we were both walking to the Plaza since I was on the way to an already LATE LUNCH and a (not so) Grumpy more like hungry Melvyn. Sorry hor! Forgot to tell you that class was 2hours! LOL!

Oh and you know wat else? Clumsy me had an easel fell on me today! Bloody shit. Embarrasing sia. So obviously, now pple know who i am! BABI AH!

I'll take a pic of my drawing today and will post it up later!!

So what am i doing in school? I'm actually gonna start on my readings and then... well.. maybe.. Check the fencing team out? They're having their training today and they told me that I can drop by and just see.

If things go well, this might just be on the list for me this year... http://www.unigames.com.au/extra.asp?id=368&OrgID=1

The all awaited Uni Games.

I AM SO GONNA DIE IN MY DRAMA STUDIES!!!

WAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA~!!!

THE AMOUNT OF BOOKS I HAVE TO HAVE AS MY TEXTBOOKS! YAY!

LOL!!!

and the number of plays i have to review! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I have a knack for this dont i?! getting myself into screwed up situations. LOL!

oh and guess what! i was late for international relations. So I didn't go for it. And now i'm writing to my lecturer to grant me permission to crash into another class!!! The one subject that I've been doing my tutorial for!!! *pulls hair*

I am actually frustrated with the damn bus.

Who am i fooling seriously?

Gosh.

I can't lie to myself forever... Can I?

I'm more then the person I am now. That I know.

Don't ask me what I did over the weekends - I did nothing.

Don't ask me who i went out with - I have no one.

Don't ask me whether i've made friends - I have none.

Don't tell me that at least I have someone here. Don't tell me that. Why? Do I really?


I've never felt this way before. Its ridiculous really.

Loneliness is a crime. It should be a sin as well. It should.


Just refrain from asking me things which I have to continously repeat myself. Please. I know it is all out of concern.. but ya.

Random Blogging.

Its been 10 days since my last post. To tell you the truth, 10 days later.. NOTHING HAS HAPPENED!

Wahahahahaha.. that is how unhappening my life is rite now.

School has started. Lectures only so i have yet to know who will be in the same tutorial slot as me. I'll find out next week! lol!

International Relations have driven me to dreamland EVERYTIME I attempt to do my tutorial. Don't get me wrong. I've done most of my readings and whenever I turn on my laptop, I'm either sleepy or I'm playing games.

So here I thought that.. You know.. i'm getting lazy. But i soon realised that its just the subject. Lecture is torturing shit out of me. But I've decided not to drop the module and just proceed with it. I know I can do this without feeling so clueless half the time. So yeah.

I'll start doing my essay soon. bleargh~ Since that will be the way to force me to finish reading everything. so ya.

And yes, I'm here in school library typing away for my tutorial [that's the only way for me to stay awake! Drag myself out of the house.] and taking a break to blog for awhile. lol!

Politics on the other hand has a total opposite effect on me! LOL! Politics through film is the politics module that i'm taking this semester and it is fun! I have an American Lecturer and he is uber funny! He reminds me of santa claus. lol!

Drama was cancelled.

And I missed my Visual Arts lecture this morning at 10. Coz I woke up at 920. Trust me, that is not STILL EARLY. that term doesnt apply here.

Coz my bus to school is at 9.22am and the next one will be at 9.52. No way in hell I could make it for the 9.22am or the 9.52am one. Even if i run up the hill to the bus stop! ARGH! Its annoying really! haiz.

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The weather is transition from Summer to Winter rite now. So i suppose now is Autumn? LOL! its cold. Not as in freezing cold. as in air con cold and its windy!

I went shopping the other day. I bought myself sweaters and a jacket... i needed it.. Badly! lol!

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Due to the cold weather, other things have been visiting me lately.

THE OTHER DAY I SAW A MOUSE IN MY ROOM! BLOODY HELL!

I didn't scream coz it was like 1am!!!! But yeah. I was traumatized! Tell me when will I ever get to see a mouse in a house in Singapore?! fuck. I was annoyed. I was frustrated.

That stupid mouse was the last straw with everything I had to deal here.

I actually called home crying telling my mom that I wanna go home coz of that stupid mouse. And that I didn't wanna stay in a house anymore! I wanna stay in a flat all over again! Lol!

Embarrassing. yes. Moment of weakness.

My landlord have set up mouse traps. She told me its normal since the weather is getting colder now. So they are coming to find a warmer place and food! *kills self*

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So I'm waiting for school to properly start and hopefully i'll have friends by end of the week! Things are really boring! Like totally uber boring! SHEESH!

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Oh ya. I watched Milk the other day. The film that won many many awards this yr? Ya. that one. Its about this gay political activist who is fighting for gay rights in America. Based on a true story.

SO what did I think about it? Well.. it was ok.. I mean the story was nice and all. But it was kinda slow in certain parts and all. And some issues were really really repetitive. I mean OK! WE GET IT ALREADY! NEXT ISSUE PLS!

the movie was kinda long, my butt was aching from all the sitting that day.

Movie here is kinda expensive. And i found my new favourite cafe! Cocolat! i love it there. Everything's chocolate! lol!

Only thing was that... company was lemau pls!

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Oh guess who said hello on webcam just now?!

YUP! MY GODCHILDREN! SO CUTE HOR? I WANNA BITE THE TWINS! Aaliah was blowing me kisses! LOl! sweetness.com.