The One of A Kind

Today is Saturday... It's been a week of holidays... And yes, I've gotten back my results...

Got it back at work... Told myself that not to cry at the sight of the SMS... Told myself that I have to be stronger than this... I can't possibly cry at work, its just wrong... Ever since I got it back, everything at work was a blur... All I saw was my mom's disappointed face and glimpse of reality every now and then...

Met my mom yesterday after work at PS. Before that, when I was all alone waiting for my mom... I locked myself in the ladies staring at the door... Tears rolled but I didn't cry...

I've let her down too many times... I've let myself down too many times... Maybe I should just get use to failing things... Maybe I gave myself too much credit... Maybe I am stupid after all...

Why?

Coz I failed 2 subjects!! Subjects that I actually bothered to study for this time round. Subjects that I actually took the initiative to ask someone to revise with me during a study week that I actually studied...

I can't believe it!!! I refuse to believe it!! I cant and won't accept this!!!!!!!! I cannot accept failing 2 subjects... I really cant... Gosh someone... Help mee... I just can't accept this particular fact... *buries head in hands*

And on the whole? My results ain't that great... It's not even OK to me... I expected more... I expected better... I actually thought things could and would improve this time round... I actually truly believed it...

HA! I guess it's a joke... A joke that I failed to laugh along with...

I kept stuffing myself with food yesterday, just to keep me distracted from thinking about it... I was so full but I just couldn't stop… kept telling myself its not true... telling myself that its all a nightmare and everything will be fine again when I woke up...

I even told myself that if this is not a dream... God, just don't let me wake up to see today...

Exaggerating, but true.

But, sadly, I woke up today... To see everything... To realize that it's not a dream... To realize that I refuse to accept it... To realize that I'm shattered... To realize that maybe, just maybe, I made a wrong decision... To realize that after what I sort of planned, I think I need to plan a new career path... To realize that I'm on the verge of giving up...

*Goes away and hope to never return*