The One of A Kind

Of Festivities, Happiness and Concerts...

Its the 2nd day of Hari Raya... And guess where am I? Yup, in Australia. Alone.

Its the most unexpected flood of emotions. I miss something. Somehow I dont think that it is home that I miss. Its just the absence of something but I cant seem to put a finger on it.

One thing for sure was that there were many tears from the other side of the webcam when I was talking too on the eve of hari raya and on the day itself.

I wont deny that going through this was hard. It did not help that I was alone. Yup. Of all the promises you forgot, you had to forget the one you made for this period.

On the day of Hari Raya, I couldn't cry. I just stared at the webcam and saw everyone trying to put a brave front for me. These are the things that people at home have told me about Hari Raya this year...

• How my house was quiet on the morning of Hari Raya coz nobody had to wake me up through various abusive measures
  
• How everyone have yet to eat even though it was 1pm Singapore time, coz i wasn't around running through the house going at top volume that I'm hungry.
  
• How my grandmother was still asleep at 1pm coz no one was there to bounce on the bed to wake her up
  
• How they only cooked sambal goreng and rendang coz there isn't anyone to complain about the lack of food...
  
• How my mom was the only one still awake at 4am singapore time on eve of hari raya finishing weaving the ketupats
  
• How my house isn't overfilled with flowers coz i went on a spending spree the day before
  
• How my nieces have decided, it is not hari raya if they don't get to meet their aunt on the first day. -.-" I told them, don't be stupid.
  
• How I found out that Deena still emote more for me then I ever have emoted for myself in the presence of others.
  
• How Deena ended up getting dressed coz I was pestering her on MSN and her dad just shook his head smiling when he saw me waiting on webcam and Deena went to find her Baju Kurung..
  
• How my cousins webcam me when they arrived in Singapore before going out so that they can ask me if their hair is ok... Just the way it always happen everytime i'm back home

And by the time we ended the conversations and closed the webcam, I felt shittier and more miserable then when the day started.

Hari Raya as I have realised meant more to me then some i suppose. Back home, Hari Raya have always felt like another day of festivities. Only till I came here then I realised the things that I've been doing every year for nearly 20years when Hari Raya is around the corner.

The lack thereof was definitely... upsetting.

I definitely miss

• The smell of cookies baking on the weekends when I wake up (it has reached a point where I wake up here and I thought I smell things baking from the kitchen and then I realise.. who the hell is gonna bake in this house other then me?)
  
• Weaving the ketupats on the eve of Hari Raya at high speed and every year my grandmother will get on my nerves (no idea whether on purpose or wat) about her surprise that I know how to weave the ketupats and where on earth i've learnt it from
  
• The smell of home cooked food on the morning of Hari Raya
  
• Disturbing my cats with the veins of the leaves while taking a break from weaving the ketupats
  
• Trying on my Baju Raya again to see if I have lost any weight since.
  
• Trying on the Baju Kurung my aunt makes and constantly going into her room and telling her too big la, lopsided la, cut this, cut that, why like that? till i get chased out of the room by the end of the night...
  
• Going on a spending spree for flowers at the nursery and bringing it home to my mom's annoyance coz I spend so much money on something that will last only a week, tops. And my retort will be, "nice wat. my money my wish ah!!! i cant decide what colour rose and daises I want then you like lillies wat! So I must get it also wat!!" - but seriously, 150 on flowers from nursery is definitely a hell lot of flowers even for my house.
  
• The yearly tradition of running to the tv at 10pm with the coconut leaves in hand on the eve of Hari Raya to plonk myself in front of it and watch Salam Lebaran on Suria.
  
• And then the one thing i miss most would be hearing the takbir rite after breaking fast on the eve of Hari Raya. It has always been humbling hearing it. This year, knowing consciously it was Hari Raya and couldnt hear it at the exact moment was hollow. that's the only way to describe it.

But but.. i think by next year, i'll get used to it.. I will have too.. if i'm not going back. but then again, if every one is in singapore for Hari Raya by the time i start working... I would be on leave and back in Singapore during this period rite? yup yup.

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BTW, I'M NOT GOING FOR BEYONCE'S CONCERT TONIGHT! HMPH!!!! COZ NOBODY IS GONNA GO WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They said that Beyonce is too expensive! Coz the only tickets left are the Gold class tickets, silver and bronze sold out can. I swear Adelaide can be so weird sometimes, why cheap tickets sold out first also I can't fathom!

HMPH! I sadded lor. You know how much I wanna hear Beyonce sing Halo live? ALOT!

Deena! where you when I need you to go to Beyonce with me? haiz. you confirm will go one rite? haiz.