The One of A Kind

Number 1: Johor.

Kay, i told you already what... I won't be going to Johor. My mom allows it but too bad it falls on the weekend that i'll be going to Malaysia itself... with a whole group of people that i'm not exactly excited to go with. So ya. There's no way of me being able to escape that. My cousin's getting married. So ya. It's a binding contract that is automatically consensual even if i didn't exactly gave my consent.

Number 2: Mood.

If people around have been asking me the reason why i look so down this pass few days as if on the verge of tears. I don't actually have an explaination. Most probably i'm frustrated about something, angry with something, extremely sad over some stuff that i can't actually bring myself to express it out loud.

Basically, i'll be like this for the weeks to come.. and after the Malaysia Weekend trip... This so-called unstable mood might prolong. Please excuse me if i don't hear you calling out to me, or actually didnt realise if there is really anyone around me, or just basically lost in my own world - like some said, on the verge of tears.

So ya. There's nothing for anyone to actually be concerned about.

My mom just calls it Temporary Depression... hahaha... It happens.

Number 3: A Message from Kay to Me (in other words the most recent blog entry).

Yup. You are right. I had lots of things to say. It's not that you didn't give me a chance or i didn't wanna say it, coz, i've actually typed out a reply. But then as you put it, it wasn't really meant for me and only parts of it was mine. So i'll put it aside till the appropriate time surface again. I mean what's the use of prolonging a matter that was already ending at that time rite? *smiles*

Yup. It did make me wonder why on earth you had that idea, instead of tears, the laughter that we shared made you conclude that this friendship is/was superficial. Honestly, I was disappointed. As you obviously have guessed how much a friendship between me and another person mean to me, so i guess you'd probably will know why i felt like that.

I do have somewhat similar problems. Not knowing how to comfort people as i'm afraid i say the wrong things. One thing different is that, you have always been the life of a party as you put it but i was never one. :D. You ever asked me why am i not social? remember? I believed i've told you the answer as well. Lessons were taught the hard way, circumstances made me like this.

Don't worry about getting laughed at... Coz, i'm very sure it won't happen. I know you've cried in front of a few people that you've known from a very short period of time. Tell me, which one of them have actually laughed at you? if they didn't, what makes you think we will?

I know you've caught me a few times as if about to burst into tears. But those tears never actually fall. Not in front of people, sometimes not even when i'm alone. I can't allow it to fall in front of others is that i know i wont stop seeing that there is/was someone who is actually concern.

You live by one rule and that only anger is allowed. For me, i promised myself that never to feel again. Emotions to me are just weaknesses. Well, because of this promise and obviously my ego and pride, i don't cry. I've kept too many things within and i know once i cry. I'll just break.

But obviously, know its alittle different, coz, i've started wondering how long till i get over the promise. Those times i cry was because of things that recently happen even during certain events that seemed as though nothing is bothering me and me crying was out of doing my job.

I agree, you can share sadness with someone you're comfortable with. But you share happiness with someone that you're equally comfortable with as well. but obviously, it all varies from a person's personality to the next. How much do they really wanna reveal?

I never forced you to tell me stuff. Actually, i've never forced anyone to tell me anything. Coz, i know, if a person is unprepared to tell me what's the use of pressing on. Afterall, it is their story and not mine. Besides, friendship is a lifetime relationship. If they feel uncomfortable now or its not a right time, somewhere along, there will be a time where its right, where they're comfortable and where the trust is enough. At the end, it will come to a point where you'll know.

let's see.. what else ah?

i guess that's all rite? yup, i guess that's it.. before i start being irritating and say you're welcome or somthing along those lines... :P