Its been a long week and yes, its only wednesday! I wanna sleep can?!? lol!!

But anywayz, things have been quite fun... i've never been in a close proximity with someone for such long periods and we have agreed that we should get 4D and most probably there is a high probability it will strike! lol!!

I've never hung out with them the way i did in such a long time! and trust me, i enjoyed it. I missed hanging out with them and there are some characteristics that exist in the 4 of us.

We're united. Strong brotherhood shite, ya know. And trust me, i was shocked that it exist.

Maybe its true wat they say.... Blood is indeed thicker than water.

MY TOLERANCE LEVEL IS AT A DANGEROUS LOW

Turning 21 doesn't mean that my tolerance level has gone up a notch. Yup. NOPE! especially when the past few days has been highly annoying!

Its Hari Raya still isnt it? yup yup. Well. we do go out with our friends every single hari raya.

I'm going out with my secondary school friends today. There were very few of us. we have settled to a very small group eversince sec sch. Hey, malay families dont really send their children to convents unless their parents are open-minded. Yes at this day and age, there is still such thing.

With a small group, there was you know... still some miscommunication about dates. Even though, the dates were set 3 weeks ago. ok fine. whatever. that was easily resolved. The 3 of us are still meeting.

I went to tertiary education at place where it was highly populated by my race.

I did have culture shock when i entered poly. Really. From a school of medium malay population to a school with barely any malays to a school where i see them at nearly every corner of school.

The culture shock was.... there were so many malays. and my problem? I couldnt really speak malay at that time (but that doesnt mean i failed Malay for 'O's! getting a B is even unacceptable for me).

My malay had an english accent while my english had a chinese accent. Its bad.

But anywayz, i thought, HEY! At least here my hari raya would be more fun! or so i thought.

The dates was set the same time i set my sec sch outing. 3 weeks. And here i thought it would be more than enough time to give people time to plan their time properly, to plan their outings and not drag it till the week itself and afew days ago... STILL unconfirmed. The best part? The date wasnt set by me.

I should have known better. What can i expect out of you know... i may sound very racist here. But maybe i am pissed. Maybe i am just very thankful by my upbringing. I'm definitely thankful who my close friends are...

At least, when people look at us... they know that not everyone is the same. There are still people who are able to put aside their differences and still come together all civilised.

I got a present from god yesterday for my 21st and rite now i'm suffering. All i wanna do is go home!

I just got a bday surprise from them just now. They bought a cake back after lunch! So sweet can!! and i tell you something, its been such a long time since the last i blew candles... and well..

I cannot aim where is the candle can! lol!! so embarrasing!

oh man.. my stomach really painful la!

i've been awake since 530am today.

Thanks dear for waking me up! totally appreciate it! *muacks*

I was at Azi's office at 640am... I swear i've never been so early to an office in my entire life before!!! SERIOUS!

and then i'm at microsoft. I've been at microsoft since 8. and i am still at microsoft la! only leaving at 530. I tell you... the office here is like WHOA! lol... the pantry here is like... 5 Star hotel standard la... they have EVERYTHING IN ABUNDANCE! and the best part? the pantry is overlooking singapore river, esplanade, the water stadium and all that la...

And i am actually typing from the pantry! you have sofas and couches in the pantry and free internet access with a really nice looking computer. I tell you, if i were to sit where i'm sitting rite now, with the view and all the comfort food and drinks within my reach.. for the next 3 days...

1. i could grow fat
2. i can even end up writing a most probably 20-scene play. The view is uber inspirational and calming. I SWEAR! you have to be here to believe it.

I want to work at microsoft! the dresscode is livable and everything else is uber comfortable. you just have very tight security here... thats all.. but other than that... I WANNA LOOK FOR A JOB OPENING HERE! then i wanna request for my table to be at the pantry.

They may call it a pantry... some will actually call it a mini free cafeteria... I, on the other hand, will just call it... MY LIVING ROOM!

AGE IS CATCHING UP!
And I think the 5 Cs are setting in.

ITS BEEN A REALLY REALLY LONG WEEK~!

i've left my job. I feel liberated.

-------------------------------------------

If i had a choice to rewind this yr's hari raya, i would! Things could have been different.

--------------------------------------------

Went out on Wednesday, looking around and walking everywhere and did everything imaginable. And when i reached home, i was still smiling from the outing. I continued smiling for quite sometime actually and then it hit me hard.

I am actually growing up.

I look at cars and make a mental check that I would want something like that in the future. I look at houses and make a mental check of how I would love the interior to be. Am I materialistic? I dunno. *shrugs*

Conversations of dream houses and dream cars were only exchanged around the girlfriends. We giggle and laugh at each other's silly dreams and encourage each other that its never impossible to achieve it.

We conversed about kids, our future, future husbands, future careers. We complained about why we've never met with someone who shares the same dream, sees the same future or even... like the same house.

Trust me, between us girls, we've agreed.. finding someone who likes the same kind of house is not impossible.... just quite hard to find. A dream house to a girl, sometimes, symbolises alot of things and for someone else to have the same thing in mind is..... undescribable.

All these while, to me it was JUST conversation topics.

As I was walking around, my mind wondered. I actually thought of the future (i.e: the possible outlook of my house), my career, my life, and it might actually be spent with someone.

That made me stop short in my tracks as I shook my head. I smiled.

Standing right here, is a girl who have believed nearly her whole life that she will never end up married. She has imagined her smiles and laughters with kids to be coming from the times spent with her nieces, nephews and her godchildren. She has visioned herself pampering those kids with all the things she could ever imagined. This is a girl who have walked away from every possibilities of leaving herself vulnerable to feelings. She reaches into her mind and goes into the familiar place where only she exists with her thoughts every time she hates whatever she's seeing.

And why did I smile?

Coz, I suddenly realised that this girl who was so afraid of showing her true feelings and has somewhat believed that love exists only in fairytales and in reality is just another word, opened her eyes and saw that there are still sunshine and rainbows in this world. She stepped out.

She entertained her thoughts and instead of worrying like she usually do.

She is actually smiling.

Smiling at the thoughts of her future.

And her really really near future plan is to get herself the MOTOROLA RAZR2 V9 to replace her Samsung E840 which is spoilt and currently deemed irrepairable. She has somewhat been "phoneless" for the past 2mths plus. lol! Maybe she'll get it by early next year.

So pray for my future plans pple! Amen.

It came and went!


Hari Raya Day 01.

AFTER all the late nights, the back breaking chores, it finally arrived.

So.

It came. It started of... OOOOoookayyyyy...


I was just starting to enjoy myself...


It ended of.... WtF.






Me wore orange this yr's first day. Wanted to wear my purple... but my M'asia's cousin coming tmr. And i wouldnt have anything to wear with them. So i made my aunt finish touching up my orange chiffon top and i raided my closet and found a suitable RED SONGKET that has been passed down from generation to generation and it has ended with me at the moment.



I'm beginning to believe that i'm ugly. ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!





This Hari Raya, I met 2 new additions to the 4th Generation of the family. From the left, is my newest and latest nephew which i cant remember the name and the right is my newest and latest niece... Thuraiah. They're both the same age different months.

Cuteness. And the best part? They love me! khekhekhekhe...

At least children don't hold grudges of the 2nd generation. We're born without having a choice as to who our parents are. Just make the best of things and bond with everyone, even if they're giving you the cold shoulder.








Girl, We need to hang. WHEN YOU COMING OVER? Today was unfair. Why does it always end like that? yr after yr? meetings after meetings?

Maybe, i always hope for something that I unconsciously am aware that is near impossible.


We're a multi racial family. We look different. We speak all languages. We watch all shows. We have a mix of tradition. We have a rich history. At the end of the day, we're still family. period.

There's more photos. But I guess the above is enough. 1st day of Hari Raya. I don't really wanna blog about it. Its been a long day.

Blazing with Anger

I'm fuming mad. Its so early in the morning and someone pisses me off already. I'm on leave today. Thought of going to work but mom says don't be too nice.


But work isn't pissing me off.

My aunt from Nederlands have touched base safely. AMEN.


So my house is so noisy! I havent been sleeping properly... havent finish doing the ketupat. But the lack of sleep and the noise isnt the thing that's pissing me off as well.

So what is it you may ask?

Hmmm... how shall i put it? Hmmm....


Siblings should put siblings first if they dont have any other responsibilities isnt it? If picking up your sister is considered a job, then I seriously dont know what to say. Someone who only comes once every 2 yrs, is it so difficult to do things willingly? Is it so difficult to come with a smile? Is it soooo difficult to stop yourself from saying such things so early in the morning?

Have you ever considered what others have done for you? The time she brought you out of Singapore coz you were in trouble in singapore. The time where you spent in her house, under her expense for 7 years. She has never considered it her job. She loved them as they were her own siblings even though she was adopted.

She got them out of trouble. She paid for their troubles. And still this?

Why so calculative? Or have things between siblings change without me knowing? Forgive me for my ignorance then.

Your words struck me hard. Disappointment is an understatement. I would have retorted. I would have snapped. But I didn't. I should have. But is it worth it?

Its coz of things like this that I wouldnt mind migrating and never come back. I have nothing here. NOTHING AT ALL. I just hope against all hope that an outsider will not associate me with them if they're not pleased with me... Just coz, their blood flows within.

But i'm fuming mad now. That's for sure.

Now, i'm not looking forward for tomorrow. I don't need to see their face, they definitely DO NOT make my day.

High on Red Alert

Guess what... HARI RAYA'S IN 2 DAYS!!!

I've been the most unexemplary daughter this Hari Raya. I've not helped my mom in any household chores or the baking of cookies. Its that bad.

My last day here is next tuesday. People will be thinking that i'm taking it easy. To tell you the truth, i am stressed out! I'm doing Patent files now, and i'm clearing the stacks of files behind me at hopefully high speed, even though i dont think its as fast as i have hoped!!! *screams*

The thing is that, i wouldnt wanna have back logs for the incoming secretary to clear. I've had to do that when i was asked to help the Patent Dept. IT SUCKED BIG TIME~!

In the last 4 days, i've released close to $40k worth of bills. That's an average of 10K a day! *gasps* My mind is currently blank with nothing but reporting to clients as well as the billing codes.

I AM TIRED. The whole of last week i've been going home late. I reached to the point where i told myself... I SHOULDNT BE TOO KIND. i'm not being paid overtime, my leaves for forfeited and any leaves that i've taken eversince i tendered... has been unpaid. Talk about fairness. Sheesh.

I SWEAR I AM TOO RESPONSIBLE FOR MY OWN GOOD. it sucks. If only my boss was more reasonable. HAIYO!

During my term of tendering here, i even broke my own record coz i stayed back till 11plus. I AM NOT WORKAHOLIC!! i hope. that will be tooo worrying if you think long term.

I'll never get married, never have children, wont have time for anyone or

anything... i hope i'm not workaholic! choi choi choi!! *touches wood*

Went Geylang yesterday, got his baju melayu. I HAD TO HUNT THE WHOLE OF GEYLANG LA! cb.

i thought it was easy looking for baju melayu. I sure as hell take my word back! In future, i'm gonna get mine and his at the same time and if cannot find colour, i'm gonna buy cloth and ask my aunt to sew!!! End of story.

Speaking of asking my aunt to sew....

She's sewing all of my baju raya this yr. I was supposed to have 3 and this yr's 1st day's colour is supposed to be Orange... But guess wat, my brilliance has reached its peak of all brilliant-ness~!!

Baju #1: bought the orange cloth and everything... its a match with my mom... only that my mom's is hot pink, while mine is orange. then... spoil factor was... WE DIDNT BUY LINING! so my aunt refused to sew.

Baju #2: Bought the orange chiffon. bought lining. My aunt sew it. and i realised that... I DIDNT BUY THE CLOTH FOR MY KAIN!!! the bottom is supposed to be orange lace. Where is it? AT THE SHOP OF COURSE! Or maybe, still in france. So i have the top and no kain!i might buy it... soon i think. lol!

i swear, this has to be the most scatter brain shit ever!

Yes, i'm in a mood for rants. HEEE~!

P.s: since blogger is blocked, i'm doing this post from multiply.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm too busy. Everything is on hold. I've not touched on secret project. I'm sorry but I think I will only resume after Hari Raya. There's too many things happening this Hari Raya, i can't seem to keep track of everything.

I've been busy the whole week. I didnt realise it was just a week away from Hari Raya and then i realised i still have not done a lot of things. The hari raya cookies are not as varied as the previous years. The irony? This year, i think my house will be more packed than before...

Anywayz, this is the only thing i entertained myself with today... TIRED~! I havent done anything. I've not checked my emails even... *faints*

And i look like Penelope Cruz? WAHAHAHHA~!!! That was hilarious.

%1

Barriers have been put up. Beware one and all! You can hear it in the wind, the animals are running for cover.

War is drawing near.

Ok. Maybe i am exaggerating.

Barriers have been put up indeed. A new protocol has been passed.

EVERYTHING'S LIKE BLOCKED IN THE OFFICE!
i can't stand it. Please la. So paranoid for wat?!

I came back from MC to find that i cant access BLOG from work! like wat the hell?!?!?!

The one outlet i use religiously to let out my frustrations at work is GONE! This spells DOOM! Seriously.

And if your PC can access google, then that means, you wont be able to access yahoo. Even my doramail is blocked. My only means of communicating urgent msgs to people is gone. SHIT LA!!

and seriously, pple have to stop pushing the blame to others. Its pissing me off. BIG TIME.

--------------------------------------------------

My nose is still blocked. My fever doesnt seem to be surfacing. I feel lethargic. And my mom says that i'm breathless even though I dont feel it. Maybe its coz i'm too used to it.

Mild lack of air doesnt really make much of a diff to me. LOL!

--------------------------------------------------

Things i need to get by or before hari raya:

1. Orange Lace
2. Heels
3. Bag?
4. Compact to replace the one i broke
5. His Baju Melayu

Things that is not so important but will need me to get (no deadline)
1. Hot Pink Thai Silk

--------------------------------------------

Its about a week more to that hawaiian vacation.

I couldnt see yesterday night. My eyes was burning. I resorted to putting ice on my eyes. The ice didnt last very long though. At least it managed to put me to sleep.

I woke up at 5am with a sharp pain in my right ear and my jaw, sore. I went in search of ice and managed to fall back asleep.

I've been surviving the whole morning but it seems that i'm deteoriating slowly. My eyes are in pain again. The light is being a bitch.

My head hurts so bad. I'm tired from squinting.

My nose seems to be training for the Standard Chartered marathon and my throat's as dry as Sahara Desert.

I looked at the calendar and realised that its 2 weeks from Hari Raya. This can't continue to happen every single year!!!

I'm doing my work in auto-mode... I have a really strange feeling I might get my full blown fever tonight and be on MC tmr.

But I have rehearsals tmr. I have not been attending rehearsals. I've been leaving the office late and all I wanna do is go home str. after that.

I really don't know what to do anymore. It seems as though i've not been making correct decisions this past few weeks. ARGH.

-------------------------------------------------
Bie, I miss you so much! Take care and hopefully i'll see you soon!