Haiz, i promised myself not to go near the computer.. or maybe go near the computer.. but don't blog.. but obviously.. once connected to the computer.. i just can't seem to pull myself away from typing away into another blog entry especially when i am perfectly aware that i have no idea what the hell i'm suppose to blog about....
The thing is, before i log onto blogger, i had something in mind... and once i've come to the create new post page... the thing that was lingering around in the corner of my mind just seemed to vanish into thin air.. There is just too many things stored in this small little things called the brain... Things that are worth the brainpower to remember or things that are just a wastage of brainpower if you wanna continue remembering it... coz.. its a waste of time...
This entire week, people have been approaching me and asking me "why on earth is my face so black?" Soome thought that i'm upset with someone, some thought that i'm just having a bad day while some thought that.. hmm i dunno owhat the other some thought.. because i think that particular other some.. didnt even approach me at the time when my face was "black".. well.. how am i suppose to answer that particular question of theirs?? I dunno whether or not i should answer it in the first place...
There was one entry where i wished that i would have all the answers in the world... but right now.. i just wished to know and be aware on whether or not things that i do or say is the right thing to do in the first place.... Being insensitive... that is the issue.. am i insensitive?? or am i sensitive only that i am not sensitive the way you want me to be?? what do you think??
Fingers and mouth of mine have gotten into trouble so many times with the thing called insensitivity.... Let me ask you.. does the sensitivity level of a person varies from each individual?? Therefore, how would you know whether or not you've been sensitive enough to a certain person's feelings? What is the reasonble level of sensitivity for an average person???
This month has just begun, but i've been getting into endless troubles.. Not because of anything big.. the thing is.. i've been getting into trouble because of the smallest, minute things... One incident was not too long ago when i just reached home and put my phone on the table, it slided off and obviously fell to the floor. That triggered of the first scolding that later linked to the next scolding... and the following one... I know the main reason is that she doesn't want this particular phone that i'm using to spoil.
But please, why is it straightaway? it's just a phone sliding off.. and the scoldings were enough to make me realise that you doubt my sense of responsibility... enough to make my heart break... enough to make the tears roll.. I know you're going through a difficult time at the moment... but i havent managed to spend time with you... you're the only one that i've got... the only one that i can turn too each time.. after a long day of frustrations in school... we share everything.. that i dun mind.. in fact... i cherish our sharing moments..
The only sense of comfort.. is when we tok to each other.. you telling me your worries.. and me telling you or rather complaining to you about things... we keep secrets.. secrets that no one else knows except us... secrets that contained problems... things that none of the family knows... things that you always keep them from knowing... things that you will tell me when you are feeling helpless... things that i thank you for telling me...
I know you're worried.. you're frustrated.. coz you do not know what to do.. you do not know what is going to happen next... both of us are alone if we face the world without each other.. both of us have friends... but certain things.. you just need someone that you can truly trust with to share... I've been trying not to get on your nerves... i've been trying to keep away from your paths... I've been trying to clear the paths that i've messed... looking back to double check whether or not anything is out of line.. but, when you scold me the way you do... Seems as if.. i dont cherish things that you give to me... i dont value my possessions... when that occurs, i'm at a loss having no one to turn too.. but just stare at a blank page of a diary as tears wet the edges...
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