ANNOYED.

I'm as annoyed as annoyed i can get. So, I need to rant.

I currently have ZERO TOLERANCE for the male species that I've categorized as my acquaintances only.

Seriously, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?

goddammit.

WHICH PART OF I HAVE LOTS TO DO BEFORE THE EXAMS IS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND? WHICH PART OF DON'T BOTHER ME TILL FURTHER NOTICE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Is it my problem that your interests in me seems to be alittle more than the average human being?

So stop being so bloody sensitive when I snap/spit/bite/breathes fire when you so much as say Hi and ask me stupid questions online. Find me another girl who would remotely be in a happy mood to see you online and entertain your stupid questions despite the lack of sleep and having the same life changing exams to sit for; then I will reconsider my attitude towards you.

One thing, the normal male species doesn't seem to understand. I AM NOT LIKE YOUR TYPICAL GIRL THAT YOU MEET EVERY OTHER DAY.

Get used to it.

Cb.

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

There's tons of things constantly reeling in my mind.

1. My Women Studies Analysis due tomorrow and I'm only halfway through it. I'm just scared that I am not on the right bullshittng track. If you know wat i mean.
   
   
2. The 10 topics that i will have to remember out of the 25 that is gonna appear in my Politics paper on Tuesday next week. Which I have not touched on, coz I thought that Criminal Justice was next Tuesday. Not Politics. Well, at least i realised it sooner.
   
   
3. My entire semester's worth of grades kept on replaying itself in my head, constantly telling my sub conscious mind that I need at least a Credit for the exams to get straight Ds and CRs in my result slip.
   
   
4. My conscious mind telling me to calm down and take things one at a time
   
   
5. Its strange, this fear. But I guess, I want it that bad... *shrugs*
   
   
6. My chest and back... hurts.
   
   
7. I need something to distract me right now but I can't bring myself to have fun coz it keeps on appearing in my head.

As a result?

Tonight.

A night where I can't sleep and I can't do anything coz I'm stumped. At a loss for actions.

And surprise, its already 8.05 am and the sun have been up for ages. And I'm mentally tired but I can't go to sleep and I will be heading to school soon. Since I need to get away from temptation at home such as the bed and story books and well, I do need to finish my Women Studies Analysis inclusive of footnotes. So ya. I need other kind of books.

Haiz.

EXAMS TIMETABLE.

		Date	Day	Start Time	Topic	Title		Duration			Building
		17-11-09	Tuesday	17:45:00	POLI1009	Govt, Business & Society		2:00			Sport Centre
		20-11-09	Friday	13:15:00	CRIM1004	Criminal Justice System		1:30			Sturt Gym
		25-11-09	Wednesday	13:15:00	ENGL1001	Professional English		3:00			Sport Centre

I have no idea why i was under the impression that Criminal Justice Exams is tuesday and not friday.

HAIYO! now i have to kill self after my women studies assignment.

And my paper ends at 8pm on Tuesday!

Callin' U

Just what I need to remind me to have faith. It came at the right time... This is the first time I've heard them... And truthfully, my respect goes straight out to them. *salutes*

I'm callin' U
With all my goals, my very soul
Ain't fallin' through
I'm in need of U
The trust in my faith
My tears and my ways is drowning so
I cannot always show it
But don't doubt my love

I'm callin' U
With all my time and all my fights
In search for the truth
Tryin'a reach U

See the worth of my sweat
My house and my bed
Am lost in sleep
I will not be false in who I am
As long as I breathe

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't feel nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

I'm callin' U
When all my joy
And all my love is feelin' good
Cuz it's due to U

See the time of my life
My days and my nights
so it's alright
Cuz at the end of the day
I still got enough for me and my

I'm callin' U
When all my keys
And all my bizz
Runs all so smooth
I'm thankin' U
See the halves in my life
My patience, my wife
With all that I know
Oh, take no more than I deserve
Still need to learn more

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

Our relationship, so complex
Found U while I was headed straight for hell in quest
You have no one to compare to
'Cause when I lie to myself it ain't hidden from U
I guess I'm thankful
Word on the street is U changed me
It shows in my behaviour
Past present future
Lay it all out
Found my call in your house
And let the whole world know what this love is about

Yo te quiero, te extraño, te olvido
Aunque nunca me has faltado, siempre estas conmigo
Por las veces que he fallado y las heridas tan profundas
Mejor tarde que nunca para pedirte mil disculpas
Estoy gritando callado yo te llamo, te escucho, lo intento
De ti yo me alimento
Cuando el aire que respiro es violento y turbulento
Yo te olvido, te llamo, te siento

[Translation:]
I love you, I miss you, I forget you
Even though you never let me down and always are by my side
For all the times I've failed and hurt you deeply
Better later than never to give you a 1000 apologies
I'm shouting silently, callin' you, I'm listening to you, I'm tryin'
You nourish me
When the air that I breathe is violent and turbulent
I'm forgettin' you, I'm callin' you, I'm feelin' you

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U...

oh, no, no
i don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
MY one and only

I don't need nobody
& i don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
all i need in my life

- Outlandish

COUNTDOWN

Seems as though everyone has begin their countdown for my return. Its 2 days ago when i was talking to deena that I realise I will be leaving here in approximately 3 weeks. yup.

HMMMMMMM...

it will be good to be home i suppose.

Chest Attacks.

Something that is hard to get, is ALWAYS worth it. She says.

I hope as hell she is right. Coz, I haven't been in the right state of mind since.

It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it.

I'm sure it will be.

.... At least, I hope so.

Conflicted.

At the end of the day, despite everything, it is morally right... isn't it?

Dear All,

Thanks for the birthday presents that arrived yesterday!

It was definitely a pleasant surprise!

I love it all!

The watch, the earrings, the swirly decorative thing and yes lili, the care bear too. Even though, i am not going to bring it around to sch... or am i?

MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA... LOL

Turning 23

in Adelaide!

was spent with Melvyn, of course!

No words could describe how I felt yesterday! Love the food, the company, the time.

THANK YOU FOR YESTERDAY! *smiles*

Love Always,

Dee

There's one person that i've always taken for granted.

Mawarni.

The one cousin that has always been with me from far. The one cousin that I always have sibling rivalry with. Yes, we're close enough to have such things.

We're so close that we're exactly a year apart from each other.

25th October 1985 & 25th October 1986.

Maybe its because of that, that we're so close. Apart from the fact that we're cousins.

We're the same zodiac sign but we're the direct opposite from each other. The one similarity we have is that we're both fiercely jealous beings and we're both super loyal.

But those are the traits of a scorpion. Yeah.

She never failed to sense if something is wrong. She has always managed to cover for me. She has never failed to tease me about the guys in my life. She has also never failed to make have the urge to claw her eyes out sometimes.

At the end of the day, she is one of the few people that I know that would practically do anything for me. Even though we're currently further from each other then usual, she still makes her presence felt.

Happy Birthday you!

I'll see you soon at the end of the year!

Love you always!

Dear Soulmate,

Thanks for finally coming around. I'm still coughing and my voice is still low but I am generally fine! =) and no I have yet to start studying. Heh.

Hope your list is getting better soon. Well, at least we both know that exams will be getting out of the way one day soon and the list will be therefore be getting shorter. I'm glad the huge red soft toy is keeping you company.

I love you too, soulmate. And I miss you tons as well! But I'll be back home soon. Its less than a mth to my first paper and soon it'll be done and I'll be home!

So till then, take care.

And the music video is the perfect ending to an entry. LOL!

Hey you! Yes, you.

what's going on? Haven't heard from you in ages! well, at least it can be considered ages in our definition.

Read your blog. Hmm, don't tell me things are still not settled? Call me alrite?

-----------------------------------------------

So where am I rite now at 9.39am Australian time (which is 6.39am Singapore Time)? I'm at Politics lecture. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! the first one i've attended this sem! lol!! i'm oh so proud of myself!

Guess what the lecture is talking about? Internet Censorship. You know ah, some topics would be the last on my mind to be catergorized under Politics... But ya...

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Now here I am in the library after Professional English tutorial and the presentation which i was annoyed about on my facebook status. Well, I was bent on doing an individual presentation when one of my group members caught hold of me sometime this week and I agreed on doing the pair work...

But anyways, that's done! YAY YAY! And I have fixed my attendance for English with assignments.. so that is goooooddddddddd~~

*bounces about*

I wanna fix politics attendance tooooooo~

--------------------------------------------------

Exams coming sooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn~!

SURPRISE SURPRISE

This is abit weird for me to post up here on my blog... -.-

But since I was too free and instead of studying, I entered this:

http://www.exploremodeling.com/Contest/Faceof_ELF_2010/16060/Nur_Nadira_Zainal.aspx

So... (This is the first time I'm saying this for myself.. it is kinda weird...) VOTE FOR ME k?

WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

*buries self*

Topman & Topshop...

COMING TO AUSTRALIA!

like... finally.

Glee Episode 7

Is my favouritest episode so far!!! Woot woot~! Something i can relate too i suppose...

'

Love love this song!

I actually love Mercedes's style! Woot woot!

Until Mel told me this just now, "Don't you think Mercedes is looking more and more like you from episode 3 onwards?" I was like.. really?! hmmm...

Exams coming sooooonnnnnn....

Am annoyed with group members.

need to start studying soon...

Cough is killing me.

Truthfully,

I am worried.

I wonder how badly have i screwed this semester up. Not because of assignments i've missed. more like my tutorial attendance.

This semester passed by in a blink. I'm not sure if i can say a blink.. but ya... i dont think I was about to blink and BAM! I'm at week 10 already.

I've missed alot of tutorials, i think.

Coz of assignments and/or waking up late (or not at all) the day after. and yes, finally, falling sick. i've been sick twice this sem. once upon returning from singapore; flu. and then, now; mild asthma.

So yes. I am... quite worried.

Dunno what i'm doing also la.. like.. i'm so busy.. sometimes i cant remember if i attended class or not. ya. -.-"

watever it is... I need to, at least, pass everything... yeah, even though I hate whatever I'm doing rite now. bleargh~

RANDOM-NESS

Its hard finding a friend who understands, what more a boyfriend rite? So stop asking me if i'm attached or not. If there's someone new or not. seriously.

LOL!

hmmm...

I'm currently doing my essays and the last one of the semester!!! I think. hmm

anyways,

the senoritas are having their jalan raye today and I hope its fun! just kinda sad that i couldn't be there tho! *sobs*

I think my cousin is an idiot. I'm serious. If i were there, she most probably already gotten a tight slap from me. And yes, I mean it this time round. I'm pissed off. Yeah. I mean at the end of the day, when you feel as tho you lose everything, you'll still have your pride. Don't ever lose that. Gosh, seriously, woman? Don't tell me, even that I have to tell you?

I seriously dunno she have brains for wat lor sometimes. Yes, I am really really really... pissed.

on other news, I'm just worried how badly have I screwed up this semester. yeah. *HUGE SIGH*

God, help me~

Of Tears & Heartbreaks...

Hope you're feeling better, really.

I don't know what else to say. I think everything have been said and laid out in the open. Its a choice to be made now i suppose. Its always the messiest thing when parents get involved. Trust me, I know.

I've never wish for you to go through all this. Its painful. Yup, really painful.

Everytime you asked me what was it that you have done wrong to receive all this. I have no answer to that. I've asked myself that a thousand time and have yet to reach an answer. How can I give you one? I've looked at the rest of us and have wondered for the umpteenth time what have we done wrong. And for the umpteenth time, I don't have an answer.

I know you do feel envious of others. So do I, even though I don't admit it. But hey, I truly believe that we're currently in whatever situation we are in because we allow ourselves to be put through this. Loyalty should be banned. lol!

I really hope you're alright. It really sucks that you're there and i'm here and its just so difficult to talk.

It really pains me to see you like this. You're worth more than this. I just hope you remember that and not let anyone put you down.

haiz...

-----------------------------------------------------------

I am so tired and lazy to do my essay that I am still stuck on bloody Criminal Justice. Oh god, help me pls! Now is really not the time for me to be sick and tired of school work. Just give me the strength for another 2 mths. If everything all fails, then...

Haiz...

I dunno.

Of Festivities, Happiness and Concerts...

Its the 2nd day of Hari Raya... And guess where am I? Yup, in Australia. Alone.

Its the most unexpected flood of emotions. I miss something. Somehow I dont think that it is home that I miss. Its just the absence of something but I cant seem to put a finger on it.

One thing for sure was that there were many tears from the other side of the webcam when I was talking too on the eve of hari raya and on the day itself.

I wont deny that going through this was hard. It did not help that I was alone. Yup. Of all the promises you forgot, you had to forget the one you made for this period.

On the day of Hari Raya, I couldn't cry. I just stared at the webcam and saw everyone trying to put a brave front for me. These are the things that people at home have told me about Hari Raya this year...

• How my house was quiet on the morning of Hari Raya coz nobody had to wake me up through various abusive measures
  
• How everyone have yet to eat even though it was 1pm Singapore time, coz i wasn't around running through the house going at top volume that I'm hungry.
  
• How my grandmother was still asleep at 1pm coz no one was there to bounce on the bed to wake her up
  
• How they only cooked sambal goreng and rendang coz there isn't anyone to complain about the lack of food...
  
• How my mom was the only one still awake at 4am singapore time on eve of hari raya finishing weaving the ketupats
  
• How my house isn't overfilled with flowers coz i went on a spending spree the day before
  
• How my nieces have decided, it is not hari raya if they don't get to meet their aunt on the first day. -.-" I told them, don't be stupid.
  
• How I found out that Deena still emote more for me then I ever have emoted for myself in the presence of others.
  
• How Deena ended up getting dressed coz I was pestering her on MSN and her dad just shook his head smiling when he saw me waiting on webcam and Deena went to find her Baju Kurung..
  
• How my cousins webcam me when they arrived in Singapore before going out so that they can ask me if their hair is ok... Just the way it always happen everytime i'm back home

And by the time we ended the conversations and closed the webcam, I felt shittier and more miserable then when the day started.

Hari Raya as I have realised meant more to me then some i suppose. Back home, Hari Raya have always felt like another day of festivities. Only till I came here then I realised the things that I've been doing every year for nearly 20years when Hari Raya is around the corner.

The lack thereof was definitely... upsetting.

I definitely miss

• The smell of cookies baking on the weekends when I wake up (it has reached a point where I wake up here and I thought I smell things baking from the kitchen and then I realise.. who the hell is gonna bake in this house other then me?)
  
• Weaving the ketupats on the eve of Hari Raya at high speed and every year my grandmother will get on my nerves (no idea whether on purpose or wat) about her surprise that I know how to weave the ketupats and where on earth i've learnt it from
  
• The smell of home cooked food on the morning of Hari Raya
  
• Disturbing my cats with the veins of the leaves while taking a break from weaving the ketupats
  
• Trying on my Baju Raya again to see if I have lost any weight since.
  
• Trying on the Baju Kurung my aunt makes and constantly going into her room and telling her too big la, lopsided la, cut this, cut that, why like that? till i get chased out of the room by the end of the night...
  
• Going on a spending spree for flowers at the nursery and bringing it home to my mom's annoyance coz I spend so much money on something that will last only a week, tops. And my retort will be, "nice wat. my money my wish ah!!! i cant decide what colour rose and daises I want then you like lillies wat! So I must get it also wat!!" - but seriously, 150 on flowers from nursery is definitely a hell lot of flowers even for my house.
  
• The yearly tradition of running to the tv at 10pm with the coconut leaves in hand on the eve of Hari Raya to plonk myself in front of it and watch Salam Lebaran on Suria.
  
• And then the one thing i miss most would be hearing the takbir rite after breaking fast on the eve of Hari Raya. It has always been humbling hearing it. This year, knowing consciously it was Hari Raya and couldnt hear it at the exact moment was hollow. that's the only way to describe it.

But but.. i think by next year, i'll get used to it.. I will have too.. if i'm not going back. but then again, if every one is in singapore for Hari Raya by the time i start working... I would be on leave and back in Singapore during this period rite? yup yup.

----------------------------------------------------

BTW, I'M NOT GOING FOR BEYONCE'S CONCERT TONIGHT! HMPH!!!! COZ NOBODY IS GONNA GO WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They said that Beyonce is too expensive! Coz the only tickets left are the Gold class tickets, silver and bronze sold out can. I swear Adelaide can be so weird sometimes, why cheap tickets sold out first also I can't fathom!

HMPH! I sadded lor. You know how much I wanna hear Beyonce sing Halo live? ALOT!

Deena! where you when I need you to go to Beyonce with me? haiz. you confirm will go one rite? haiz.

Glee

This drama series is my new past time apart from Big Bang Theory and the new season of Gossip Girl...

I love love love love their version of Gold Digger as compared to Kanye's original obviously... hmm..

Here it is:



And I think the character Mercedes is such a joy to watch.. And with someone her size, it is surprisingly pleasing to watch her dance. Love love love this scene!! Attitude! You go girl!



Seriously think its something worth watching... People should make more of this kinda bollywood worthy tv series.

High School Musical was a hit.

Now, Glee. *nods*

The vocals in Glee is definitely awesomer then some of HSM.

So yes, I am officially proud to say that I'm a... GLEEK!

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Btw, this is totally random but I think Taylor Lautner looks farking hot as Jacob Black in the New Moon trailer. YUMMY!

LOL!