Tuesday, October 31, 2006

People always say that when you work, you wont think of the stupidest things in your lives. You wouldn't be wasting your life away and at least you're doing something worthwhile instead.

How many of you agree with the abovementioned statement? Please raise your hands.

*Looks around*

hmmm Seems like not many agree to it. Or maybe, its because of the fact that most of my readers are youngsters.

It sounds like something a parent would say isnt it? Something that i know my mom once said.

But when you're working, you'll know what it feels like seriously.

And people like me, would dread it.

Don't you get it?

I can give you thousands of reasons why i hate (Ok fine, hate is toooo strong a word) dread work... but i'll just give you 10 for now... LOL!

1. When you're at work you keep doing the same things over and over again you'll wonder when it'll end

2. When you're at work you'll wonder how long you'll be staying here

3. When you're at work you realise that the already cleared table is not cleared again

4. When the superior just pisses you off because of stupid things

5. When you're at work.. you work till late by the time its time to leave you'll just go straight home and the cycle repeats itself the next day

6. Your social circle grows smaller especially with no.5 in place.

7. You're too tired to think about your future coz, you've been thinking the whole day by the time you leave you'll just switch off.

8. Because of No. 7, you realise that 5 yrs might have passed and you'll still be at the exact same spot you were 5 yrs ago.

9. You end up doing things alone after work, coz it gets done faster when you go by yourself and then you rush home to sleep

10. When you work, you're out every single day, you get pissed with things sometimes and there are times you wanna just die of boredom and when weekends arrive you prefer to lock yourself in your room and bundle yourself up in the blankets and sleep till late afternoon.

11. When you actually have an outside activity you do after work, you'll just do it and then you go home and the cycle repeats itself on the same day every week.

Ooops. I've overshot. lol.

Its not that i will reject going out.. but you know.. these are the things you do nearly everyday in your life. Its not as if everyday you'll go out rite?

Lol.

Sadded.

I've made up my mind. Just get me outta here.

Monday, October 30, 2006

If it could rain so heavily today,

so could the tears.

WHAT IS EFFING WRONG WITH ME?!?!

Why does the tears come ever so easily?
Why is it that when i need a ear you've disappeared?
Why on earth do i worry so much? Over everything?
Why on earth can't i feel things when i'm asked to.. but when i'm alone everything else tumbles around me?
Why is it that when i need a hug you're not around?
Why isn't everything easy?
Why can't everything disappear when i reopen my eyes?
Why are there so many choices to be made?
and finally, i'm asking this... Why am i burying myself in solitude?

WHY WHY WHY?!

Maybe leaving my life would be the best idea. But would i be able to endure it by myself is another different story altogether.

I hate being ignored. Like everyone, i'll definitely feel unwanted.

Maybe feeling what i'm feeling is not worth it. Maybe, i'm just wasting my time.

Sidetrack: My internet's back! i'm over the moon...Do you know i feel deprived without it? its like.. the weekend, and i cant even talk to the people i haven't spoken to or meet in ages. I miss them and i definitely need an outlet.

Sadded.
Its there for the past week.

The pain is literally making me tired.

For someone who seemed fine on the outside, everything else seems wrong.

Blockage, nauseous, stuffy. I feel shitty.

Counting the days, i've realised that i've been sick for more than 2 months already.

Now, instead of not being able to remember when was the last time i'm sick.. I cant remember when was the last time i'm well.

When you stand, you feel like falling. When you walk, you feel like throwing up. When you breathe, you'll feel needles poking thru your heart.

*prays*
Please don't let whatever happened before happened again. I can't bear to see her worrying all over again.
My home internet connection is screwy.

I cant blog or chat in the comfort of my own home.

How sad.

Aiyah. I'm sick of this la.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

2 decades of living.

and nothing interesting has yet to happen other than the fact that my colleagues are being very sweet coz, they have decided to have a mini celebration for me during lunch.

Pizza has just arrived.

*faints*

Special thanks to those who wished me.

In order, my thanks goes to...

1. Nur - My cute niece who msged me last night.. wahahaha

2. Azi - Who messaged me somewhere at midnight.. wahahaha..

3. Mel - Thanks for the 530am birthday message ah.. *rolls eyes* Luckilly i was sleeping like a log.. if not i would have strangled him already. WAHAHAH!! but anywayz, the msg was greatly appreciated.

4. Suk Ching - Where have you been!? I havent seen you in the longest time yo!

5. Mawar - My cousin who's in Malaysia who is like exactly a year older than me. Yup her b-day's today too!!


MAWAR!! HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY!!


Ok i forgot whether i gave her my blog address or not... wahahha.. i was just about to ask her what she wants since she's coming this friday.. WAHAHAH..


Marini a.k.a Baby - My other cousin who's coming this friday. Her b-day's on Saturday..

So to this 6 pple.. Thank you very much..

And of course to my aunt who gave me like 2 times more raya collection. WAHAHAHHA!!

Sidetrack: I think i'm having stomachache and I'm hungry.

tsk tsk tsk..

Oh and have i mentioned?!

I'm sooo tired!

WAHAHAHAHAHA

And the rest who wished me after i've posted this post. THANKS!!

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Its 4.11am and it marks the 1st day of Hari Raya.

And yes, i'm still awake.

I've been trying to connect to the net from midnight just now but my connection's been failing me.

You know, for the past 4 yrs, i fell sick on the first day of Hari Raya.

This year is no difference. Only that I fell sick yesterday.

You know, in a span of 2 mths i've fallen sick THREE TIMES!

shit man.

Maybe i'm dying? Ok i foresee afew people saying,"Stop Talking Rubbish Nad!" lol.

You know how guilty i feel? not being able to help my mom in the preparation and cleaning of the house and whatnots. And this is like the first time since i can remember that at 4am of hari raya, my mom is awake and we've just finished arranging flowers.

My cousins driving in from Malaysia this coming Friday. I'm looking forward to that.

Coz,
1. Its a friday. Duh! Who doesn't look forward to that?

2. I've not seen one of my cousins in the longest time.

I wonder who's coming tmr. Its the first day of hari raya and i don't think i have any plans for the day. Maybe i shall ask Siok Lan whether she wanna come over and eat since she's been hinting that to me for the past year.

Anyone else wanna come over tmr? LOL.

My Baju Kurung this yr is Turqoise.

I wonder whether this yr's hari raya will be any different. I'm turning 20 soon and I wonder will there be any change in my life for that as well.

I'm curious.

Oh and I've not gone for fencing for 2 trainings, my sir is confirm gonna nag and make noise if he thinks that i've gained weight. Which I HOPEFULLY don't think so. I'll definitely strangle myself if that happened.

I don't wanna be fat anymore!! *Rolls on the floor laughing*

I'm sucha contradiction. LOL!

My internet connection's screwing up again! ARGH! I shall try again tmr i suppose.

Oh and since its hari raya and all, before my internet connection goes haywire again..

I will take this opportunity to wish all muslims out there SELAMAT HARI RAYA.

And to all of my friends, regardless of race and religion, I'd like to ask for forgiveness for anything wrong that i might have done to you guys, be it on purpose or otherwise... OK? wahahhaa.. and since this is such a great month, being Hari Raya and all.. better forgive me ok?? WAHAHAHA..

And anything i might do after this, just continously forgive me till end of this month.. and anything that continues after that... just bring forward to next yr la ok!? wahahahha...

Love you all and i miss you guys. To all, Come my house ok?! And and and.. Jalan raya anyone?

"Why is it that everytime i close my eyes and all i see is you? Its only been a short while since we last met. Or maybe its just been too long for me?"

Sunday, October 22, 2006

My rehearsals with DSA has taught me alot of things!

I've met a girl the past few rehearsals.

What we lack in, they definitely have excess of it.

I swear she's an angel.

An angel who's always aware if my day is down. An angel who could literally make my day just by a hug. An angel that can make me smile just by a kiss even though i come from a really tiring day.

Once i reach rehearsal, i'll have a girl running to me and giving me a bear hug before planting a kiss on my cheek or rather showering me with kisses. LOL.

Arassi's her name.

Today she came to me and sat on my lap, hugged me like a koala and kissed my cheeks. She started showering me with little kisses last week. I was definitely shock at first, but after awhile i got used to it.

She's sweet, cute and angelic. Her hugs & kisses literally made my saturday evenings unforgettable.

But i digress.

She came to me today and sit in my lap and hugged me and kissed my cheek and kissed my ear which send me into fits of giggles and making her stop doing that was obviously in vain. She has definitely found one of my ticklish spots. *faints*

I finally got her to stop after i kissed her cheek. In return, i got the sweetest of smiles from her. My heart literally melted.

She continued sitting in my lap hugging me until i told her that i have to go for my rehearsal. She refused to let me go until i promised her that i will hug her after she finished her rehearsals and i've finished mine.

Then she just looked at me with the cutest of eyes and her chubby little hands caressed my cheek and she whispered in my ear, "I love you. You know that? Please don't forget that i love you" and she kissed my cheek again before hopping away for her rehearsals.

And once again my heart melted for that little girl.

I'll take a picture with her soon and post it up here.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I'm in one of my worst friday moods ever.

Seriously!

Its friday. Its the festive season and/or weekend.

And i'm at work.

How great is that? very.

So ya. I'm currently in my friday moods only you multiply that by 1000.

That'll be my friday mood today!

wahahahhahahahaha.

I'm feeling much better today. My 5-day long headache is gone!!!! YAY!!!

*sings* HAPPY! SHA LA LA! ITS SO NICE TO BE HAPPY! SHA LA LA!

The only downside is that the superior is still around.

BOO HOO HOO!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I'M PISSED.

Period.

Welcome to my world and my job.
Maggie: "Remember what i always tell you? Somedays are sunshine and somedays are rainy, but we must always try to be...."
Danny: "Happy everyday"

Somehow, i've been forcing myself to repeat that line over and over again in my head today and my script seemed to have more meaning than my life these past few days.

My ear's in pain, i have no idea why.

And i shall refrain myself from cursing. Period.


*chants to self* I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today. I shall not be in a foul mood today... *fades away*

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm bloody tired.

I swear i'm freaking PMS-ing today.. or rather this whole week..

I'm so impatient with every tom dick and harry that crosses my path... I couldnt really be bothered who i'm talking to really.

Seriously, i need a break.

From the following of course:-

1. my routined life.
2. my hectic lifestyle.
3. everything else that bugs me.

basically, just my life i suppose.

I swear i've made up my mind. I'm actually feeling a little happier.

Suddenly the air seemed so fresh despite the haze, my mind seemed so clear despite the splitting headache i'm suffering from yesterday.

Maybe coz, freedom is looming near?

Do i really dread it that much?

Do i?

Maybe its just that i want so much more than this. Definitely much more.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

OH GOD!

I'm at work now with a splitting headache.

ARGH!

How i wish i can just curl up in my chair and sleep till its time to leave. I've never been so worn out in the longest time.

I WANNA GO HOME!! *screams*

-----------------------------------------

On a brighter note,

There's so many things i wanna watch!

1. Cheek - Sounds interesting. For those in DT they should know her. Jean Ng, the drama instructor from last yr's coregroup and my current director will be acting in this show. Will be staged at the Drama Centre Black Box on 26th October. Ticket prices are reasonable.

2. Notre Dame De Paris - Now, THAT ONE! i really wanna watch!!! Its like the set seemed soooo IMPRESSIVE!! and i'm curious what its gonna be like in Indoor Stadium and all.. but the ticket prices are like.. *faints* Standard - S$298, S$198, S$158, S$118, S$68.. NOooo!!

3. Puteri Gunung Ledang The Musical - THIS ONE ALSO I WANNA WATCH!! It'll be at Esplanade Theatre and the ticket prices are:

Standard - S$95, S$65, S$45, S$35
VIP Box - S$95

*wiggles eyebrow* This one confirm watch one.. WAHAHHAHA!!!

4. Legend Alive Online: Mama Looking For Her Cat - Now, this play is like the most interesting thing that could ever happen. Wahahha.. its like a combination between stage and cyber space.. and the cast? its from singapore, vienna and austria! The director is like.. DAMN NICE la.. Now, how did i know so much about this? Coz, i would have gotten a role in it if... if... if... I COULD SING! *pulls hair* i don't care.. i'm gonna go and get myself a vocal trainer. HRMPH! But i still dunno why they need me to sing... its not as if its a musical.. or maybe.. they just dont like me! *stomps around* The tickets are affordable at Esplanade Theatre Studio and it sounds interesting enough for me to check it out.. so ya.. we'll see..

5. The Phantom of The Opera - now this one can KIV. Since, its in March next yr. WAHAHAHA!!

Ok i better get back to my work.

Will blog again later.

Monday, October 16, 2006

"Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone."

Haiz.

Hari Raya's coming pple! my house is painted! well, most of it anywayz.

Oh ya. Went for Magus Luna on Saturday. The 2nd Magus Luna in the history of DramaTec. Well, i hope Magus Luna will always be around. hahaha..

Now, Magus Luna brought fond memories to me. I mean don't you get it? I remembered when we did Magus Luna I. It was definitely an experience. Like a dream you can never forget.

Fairytales.

That's the theme for Magus Luna this yr.

Let's see... I dunno what to say about it really.. hahaha..

Anywayz, to the girls of 3 wishes. Well done! It actually came as a surprise for me that you guys stayed to the roles that were given during your "audition". But you guys were good. Don't doubt that. You stayed true to the essence of your role.

There were colourful costumes, colourful characters.

oh ya, there was a particular cat and unicorn that i saw during the Magus Luna even though they didnt particularly looked like a unicorn or a cat. I would rather not say what they looked like.. wahahha.. but i've heard that there were people who mistook the cat for a monkey and the unicorn as... hmmm.. that one.. i dunno.. hahaha~!!

The both of them was cute la... too bad we didn't get to have supper yest eh? Maybe next time?!

I dunno what else to say about Magus Luna II. Hmmmm..

Anywayz, it was great seeing the juniors again and some others. I do hope to see you guys again soon. LOL!

Something someone said to me on that faithful saturday night about us, i will never forget. Rite Hally?
---------------------------------------------

On other topics, I didn't go to work today. THAT WAS LIKE YAY! wahahhaa... well, i had slight asthma today.. but i could still go to work if i really wanted to.. but then my mom saw how tired i was and she forced me to go to the doctor and get an MC for myself. Which i did. Gladly. hahahhaa..

Anywayz, my idea has solidified. My decision has been made. I'm not gonna stay long and that's that.

I think i'd be happier without it. Period.
----------------------------------

You know, I have this feeling that i'm currently unstable. I'm not gonna make any other decisions after this.

I'm young. I'm gonna live it my way.
----------------------------------

I need to iron my clothes for work tmr.

And pack my stuff.

I have a photoshoot tmr after work.

Shit.

Its definitely gonna be one long night.

Haiz.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

HARI RAYA'S COMING!

My house is gonna look like a grape! really! don't believe me later Hari Raya come over la.. hahahaha..

I have yet to paint my murals...

Tmr's gonna be a pack day! I'm actually looking forward to it.

I'm meeting my partner at Bencoolen St... NAFA tmr at 12.

Have to be at Bishan at 230

Meeting my designers at 445

Watching Magus Luna II at 730

yerp. Tmr's gonna be a packed day.

But i cant wait though. I havent seen some pple in the longest time and tmr's the time i'll see most of them. hahahaa..

Will blog more once i'm more awake.

*boogies ard*


Why are tears always at the edge threatening to fall?

Thursday, October 12, 2006

I need help badly and soon.

Seriously.

I've never been so confused and guilty before.

haiz.

*Somebody saveeee meeeeee*

Monday, October 09, 2006

I can't get you outta my head...

I keep thinking about it.. its giving me sleepless nights.

I have to stop it... But i can't seem to put it away...

I shouldn't have acknowledged it that much...

Now, its me who's stuck with it...

How i wish the impossible is possible. How i wish things are not what it seemed. How i wish i did not stumble upon it.

There's only so much the heart can take.

And there's only so much the heart can hide.

What if it spills? What if it revealed itself?

Without my consent.



Mungkinkah?

Inilah citra cahaya cinta.
i wanna blog..

there's so many things to say...

but...

i'm blank rite now...

haiz...

anywayz, why do i get worried over things that i shouldn't be worried over?

maybe i should not blog for now..

Saturday, October 07, 2006

THE HAZE IS A BITCH!

Thank god for the NEL line that i take everyday to work that i'm spared from the haze outside half the time.. I don't even know what's the condition like outside till the time that i go home and i need to cross the overhead bridge to the train station.

But that also like 5mins only.

Wednesday, when i had training, that wasn't bad.. coz, my mom's partner picked me up from training and send me home.. so i was sparred of the pollution in the air. AGAIN.

But i wasn't about to get lucky the second time round. Friday came. I met Hally & Shahdon. We went shopping. And then ran into Shaiful coz Don & Shai was going to watch a movie.

Walked outside. And then the Haze got to me. I started coughing. And coughing and coughing.

---------------

And i shall stop for now coz i'm pissed with my grandmother..

I'm bloody pissed. I'm going out of the house... before i'm going to quarrel with her big time.

i'll be back later.
Its saturday...

And it feels weird...

Coz, its the first saturday that i'm actually lazing at home... *faints*

In front of the comp... with nothing to do... with time on my hands... and looking at my phone every so often to see whether anyone will beep or call to ask me out..

Just feels alittle odd.. Oh well.. if it happens often.. i'll get used to it.. LOL!

ahahhahaa...

For the first timeeee... When i loook into your eyes... For the first timeeeeeeee... iiii know who you areeeee...

Wahahaha.. ok i'm being crappy.. that's Rod Stewart btw. LOL~!

I'm leaving the house soon for a short rehearsal.. i wonder if i have any plans later.. if not i shall head home and be the good girl that i am..

And i'm itching to change my blogskin again.. lOL!

Ish. Nad is toooo free.. Oh well. maybe its just today!! hehehee..

Friday, October 06, 2006

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF DOING WHAT I'M DOING!!

I wanna cry already la like this..

Rubbish...

This goes on and on and on.. and it doesnt seem to end..

Seriously, i would rather get locked up in a room with books to read and that would still be more interesting than now. Or maybe even get locked up in a room with nothing but a window is also much more interesting la.

Haiz..

I should just stop complaining... Coz, thats what i'm good at wat... getting into things that i don't really like doing...

YOU KNOW WHY?!?!?!

Coz, i never seem to get what i want. NEVER EVER.

Well, so it seems.

Ok.. I think i'm in one of my moods today...

*buries self*

Ok ok.. I have to think happy stuff.. i'm going out later.. cannot be wet blanket.. cannot cannot..

And as i scroll up to read this entry again..

I realise that this is one of my most schizo entries ever..

*jumps off edge into pool*

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Everytime i hear this song.. And when the chorus comes along..

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill
Fifteen percent concentrated power of will
Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain
And a hundred percent reason to remember the name!


I tend to remember alot of things... And then grin to myself.. wahahah.. i dunno whether or not some people would have the same thoughts crossing their mind when this pass thru their head...

Tmr's friday.. and i'm totally looking forward to it!!! I mean halo!!! ITS BLOODY FRIDAY LA!!

Oh and guess wat? I fell yest during training and i have sucessfully twisted my ankle. But its not hurting.. so i'm fine.. its jut a little sore..

I'm meeting Hally tomorrow! Dinner reservation is made. Phew! I've learnt my lesson every time I go out and there never seem to be any place vacant for pple to break fast... it sucks. BIG TIME!

i'm gonna spend Hally's money tomorrow!! *grins*

Speaking of spending money, i'm gonna strangle mel if he makes me buy something this weekend! That is if i happen to meet him... *rolls eyes*

Oh and and and.. NEWSFLASH!!!

HARI RAYA'S COMING! IN 2 WEEKS TIME!! YAY!! wahahaha.. BUT, i still have yet to search for my Baju Kurung.. This again.. Sucks. BIG TIME! I simply don't have the time to go anywhere man.. Grrr..

Oh and the watch on my blog... Where i put as my latest indulgence.. just to clarify to some people..

like hally...

I OWN THAT WATCH NOW!! wahahaha..

Just something my mom force me to buy to remind me of what i got myself for my first pay... I didn't really like it at first.. but now.. i'm falling in love with it.. lol.. Its hard not to.. doncha agree??

Anywayz, that's all for now.. i'll update again soon...

Monday, October 02, 2006

This...

My faithful readers...

Is my latest indulgence..

what you guys think of it?

And yes, i've been shopping.. LOL! and i should stop soon.. LOL!!! wahahaha
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo!!!

Its Monday already!!! I wanna cry!!

wahahahha..

and i'm still awake.. i should just go to sleep now.. seriously!!

But first.. i shall put up some pics..


The Casts & Director/Playwright for SAVING LOUKAITIS.

We went to substation for our reading the other.. i totally enjoyed abusing mel~! WAHAHAHAHA...

From left to right: (TOP) Danny, Mas, Me, Yana (playwright cum director) (BOTTOM) Mat Noor, Mel & Idil

And the best part? We're all hardcore camwhores! WAHAHAHAHHA!!! Idil poses nearly everywhere he can pose...

Hmmmm.. *looks at clock* Shit.. its so late already.. i'm gonna kill deena..

anywayz, i gotta go.. we'll see what i shall update on some other time.. I cant seem to remember wat to type!! haiz.. sadded.. so i shall floats off to bed i suppose.. wahahha.. bye bye!!