Now, i understand why people ask me why i didn't have much of a reaction when whatever happened. Its like as though i didn't have anything happening to me.

I mean ya. true. I am happy beyond words. Elated, excited, whatever else you could find in that catergory and just put it there. It will definitely be applicable.

Why wasn't it apparent?

Fear was the answer i suppose.

I swear no one would believe how afraid i was of things. I remembered bursting into tears once, simply by just thinking about it.

Until of course my cousin knocked some sense into me. Literally.

At the end of the day, i know that i'm not the only one with fears or an overimaginative mind. I guess its normal to have it rite?

Wahahahaha...

*Dodges any other possible abuse from my cousin*

Hidey ho!

Its another entry here before i bounce out of the house to meet my cousin and my aunt.

So what did i do yesterday?

I WENT TO WORK. ya well. yesterday was the last saturday of the month... So i cant complain tooo much about it.

So i met the other 2 yesterday for celebration.

We went for Ghost Rider, dinner at Giraffe, dessert at B&J and met others at Terminal 2.

Its been such a long time the 3 of us met. its damn farnie lor. And to think that we didnt have a cammie! MY CAMMIE SPOILT CAN!! Soo all of you who always go out with me... Please be informed that my cammie is spoilt and that i officially have no more cammie as of now.. and please therefore bring camera for future camwhoring sessions as you can no longer rely on my cammie.

ITS SO IRRITATING.

the 3 of us were so well dressed yesterday and we didnt have a camera to actually take beautiful pictures of us. ARGH!

All the more i'm pissed at cammie for being such an ass for giving up on me at a time like this.

But anywayz, we went to watch Ghost Rider and yes, i still want that tee with the skull.. i shall go hunt for it at zara.

And then i love Giraffe!!!! Its such a cool place... i wanna go back there again to chill!! i love the fish.. it was fun la.. totally scenic and ya... TOO BAD NO CAMMIE!

i'm so affected with the loss of cammie or rather the lack of cammie. its so... SUCKY!

we went to have b&j's merlionster despite us sayign that we were full... and its even shocking that the ice cream was gone in a matter of minutes.. its like a natural disaster has hit the bowl.

we headed off to the airport at about1030 reaching airport at about 1050.. its totally classic why i havent headed home and my mom didnt even mind me reaching home abit after 12. LOL!

and then ya... 1st public appearance.

ITS CLASSIC CAN! ahahahahhaha...

But watever it is... i enjoyed yesterday, it was fun la.. the 3 of us should go out more often instead of every 2-3mths or something. lol!

hahaha.. and my mom just messaged me when she's in the room and i'm out here in front of the comp. WAT THE RITE?

ok ok.. i get the hint.. i need to change and look pretty and meet my cousin and aunt.

CIAOZ!

Someone once commented not too long ago that my blog is a must-read now. Its sooo happy that its contagious. LOL!

I have no idea whether is that a good thing or not you know. lol!

I do have the emo-side that has yet to come out you know. hahahaa.. only that i dont have as much time as i used too to actually blog everything down. Even though i have the itch, i just don't have the time.

It will take a toll on me, sooner or later.

How's work? I'm tired!

So when is the 3 of us flying off to BKK? i wanna apply leave already! WAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

Beware!!! whatever you will read below is something not a normal happy entry of this blog. It is something that was hidden for 2 weeks prior to the word vomit that you are about to see below.

If you're in a good mood, please don't read it as it will result in you being affected by it. If you're in a bad mood, please don't read it as well. coz, it will just make you even more depress.


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They always say nightmares are recurring. This one always comes back when life is perfect.

Why should i even bother?

No matter how much, please don't shed those tears for me.
I don't deserve it.

No matter how much, please don't beg.
I have not done anything at all to deserve it.

No matter how much, please don't plead.
I'm not worth all those pleadings.

No matter how much, please just don't say anything.
I have not done enough to get anything more.

Maybe pride is in my way?

Or maybe its just the hurt that refused to disappear...

Or maybe its just fear has taken over and build the wall that not many has managed to break.




At the end of the day, i'm just your daughter only by name.
I've not done anything more, other than knowing that i've made you proud.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

So what did i do this chinese new year one would ask...

RELAX, CHILL & HANG.

So that was my aim this extra long weekend... lol! Wanted to relax, chill and hang out and clear the mind and be refreshed or watever that you call it...

On Saturday, i ended up at SENTOSA!! YAY! its been exactly a year since i last dragged my ass there...

I swear i needed it! lol... My cousin, mom and i happily bounces (i think the bouncing was mostly me...) off to Sentosa on Saturday and we took the bullet train there...

When was the last time anyone saw me or my cousin looking this stressed? LOL!

So when we reached Sentosa, we found a spot and then immediately ran to the water to splash and swim and talk and crap and do whatever shit the both of us always do... Oh yes, swim across to the small islands. LOL!

I've definitely gotten over my fear of swimming in the sea. So i'm taking my diving soon. If i can swim across like that without a life jacket... then i think i can swim anywhere sia! lol!! The both of us were happily competing with each other who will reach the island first and all...

With conversations ranging from our love lifes all the way to her telling me to get myself a bikini (I swear she's out of her mind, ok not exactly.. BUT STILL!! not yet la ok! haiya!) all the way the term Gatal Shark.

By the end of the day, the both of us was sunburnt. Why? coz, my cousin forgot to take her sunblock out and to actually put it on and i dont have sun block wat, instead the both of us just rushed into the water...

this is what pple always say... SERVE YOU RIGHT!!

We're as red as the drunken prawns and the next day? WEARING A BRA IS TORTURE OK!

so i didnt go out on sunday, i met up with her again today (Monday)! We went to Pasir Ris Park to "chill".

CHILL MY ASS LA! lol!!!!

It was raining so heavily, the both of us started running around in the rain and climbing the spiderweb in the rain, bought ice cream 3 times for ourselves, ran around the park, jump in puddles, rent a bike and taught my cousin how to ride a bike, sat on the rock while it was raining heavily eating potato chips... (mostly [OK.. fine.. ALL OF IT] my fault la.. i come up with all these kinda things and force her to do it with me)... all of these happened when it was raining cat and dogs and the both of us didn't bring a change of clothes.. hehehehe..

And she couldnt believe that we're acting like kids..

Helooo.. its fun ok! this kinda thing only happen when you have idiotic cousins like me around to suggest doing stupid things like that lor... lol!

Where was our parents? both of them was in the tent enjoying the weather and the view and talking about everything that i'm not too sure wat.. lol!!

So what am i doing tmr?

Most prob i'm going swimming coz my cousin is having wake boarding tmr in the afternoon, might be going out after that... but for now? i'm going to swim IF getting into my swimming costume wouldnt be a torture thanks to my sunburnt... *faints*
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HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MELVYN!!

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RANDOM PICS

Me and Deena at Vivocity Ben & Jerry's.

Eeeks... THERE'S A TOYOL AT THE BACK!! *runs around screaming* *Dies laughing*

Ain't we're just the sweetest??? WAHAHAHHA!!

We're sweet and we know it!!! *faints*

We're in style! Welcome to the Retro Era!!!

With them, i believe that friendship lasts forever! Its been ages since we last see each other, no matter how much we couldnt stand each other at times, no matter how much we have changed... We're still together... the ENTIRE group has yet to meet up!!

Whose the cutest?? LOL! (Me me me!!! *jumps ard raising hands)

The bouquet that left me speechless.

I can't believe i watched Sepet! Wahahaha... I totally understand why its such a controversy across the causeway... It touches the REAL issues. LOL! Issues that they have always avoided.

The script's witty.

I love it.

There are just some points in the movie that i totally cannot take it can... Some of it is TOTALLY FUNNY! I think the Orked's best friend is cute and farnie!! wahahahaha... The script can be soooo sweet la some times... the letter to her was the best!! lol!!

Let's see whether i can recall... hmmmm *scratches head* Ok i think i only remembered the second half of the letter coz its totally touching plus the entire situation of the scene and all...

"Sayang, I've attempted to write poems about you but no words could describe the things on my mind. In the end, i've written several poems and i've thrown all of them away. I started to panic and prayed to god. Then i came to realise that all these while, i've written poems as a letter to god, for him to listen to me. As a form of my release, waiting my whole life for god to give me an answer. Then my panic subsides as i realise that god has answered my prayers. Coz, he has given you to me. I've waited my whole life for you, what took you so long to come to me? Orked, you are now the words in my poems. I love you."

i was like.. OMG! Is that romantic or is that romantic? Ok fine.. its cheesy but i still think its sweet.. wahahahaha!!!

and the tears successfully fell from the corners of my eyes as i stared at the tv screen witnessing the scene unfolding before me. (chey chey chey... and i cant believe i just admitted it here that i cried over a romance story... spoil reputation! ish!)

btw, i love the ending... it just shows how a love lasts even in the afterlife... For her phonecall to be answered by him was classic la... when in actual fact, the viewers' know that he's dead. Simple and sweet and yet it shows so much. But ah, its like one of those forwarded emails about how you must tell the person you love that you love the person before everything's too late? ya like that la.. wahahahhahaa...

Conclusion? I LOVE THE SCRIPT! Funny. Sweet. Romantic. Crappy.

I'm happy with everything that's happening in my life.

Got home from work EXTREMELY LATE today! OK la not THAT late as compared to the previous time. This is like the 2nd time this week. the last time i was left alone. Stupid idiot don't wanna accompany me. Lucky the office not scary if not i sure die down there by myself waiting for the stupid fax to US to be cleared.

I need my pay soon! i wanna buy so many things.. for myself and others. Seriously. LOL! i owe people presents.

But actually ah.. i should just give people their presents once they have given me my long overdued 20th b-day present rite? *glares around*

Anywayz, good new to everyone... i dont usually stay grumpy very long nowadays! lol! which is of course a good thing.

I'm thirsty! i should buy loads of all kinda drinks to stock up at work. I'm constantly thirsty!

AND! i dislike Chinese New Year! Thats one of the few reasons why i've been working late this week. SUCKS BIG TIME!

And also that EVERYWHERE will be closed!

And also that i cant meet whoever in particular... and i'm going to Sentosa on Saturday morning to swim and tan! i rock!

And i need to shut up and sleep now.. BYE!

*waves and bounces off to bed*

Today is V-day! hahahaha...

I thought my V-day is gonna be like all the other v-days that i've experienced for the past 20 yrs.

but i was wrong!!!

Getting flowers on v-day is ultra sweet

but...

Flowers delivered to you during office hours in the office on v-day was just priceless...

i was in a daze for the rest of the day till its time for me to go off.. ahahahaha.. thank god i only receive my flowers at 3plus.. wahahahah!!

oh and the message on the card is sweet.

I definitely have forgiven you or else we wouldnt be where we are now would we?

once again, thanks for the flowers and who ever else that is involve in this.. *stares at my suspects*

Shit. I've installed the language pack in my computer thinking that all the squares will actually turn into comprehensible paragraphs that i can finally read after so long.

But i thought wrong.

Everything's in mandarin! like that will actually help me like that. Bloody hell.
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But i'm in an extremely good mood today. I am. I really am.

I went out with azi on thursday. I totally miss her can! ok fine, its only been a week from our previous outing but it was fun la with me being pissed with work. I took out my phone and the the next thing you know, i'm pigging out (or destressing) at Swensons with Azi darling. LOL!

Friday was supposed to be spent with Halimah but that girl didnt call me to confirm our outing. Little did i know, we were actually waiting for each other's call of confirmation which obviously didnt come and well.. we end up rescheduling the outing to another which has yet to be confirmed.

The highlight of Friday was the fact that i got to check out and sit in my boss' Aston Martin. Working where i'm working rite now, with everything that's going on... how can i not be inspired?

I WANT AN ASTON MARTIN TOO!!!

I appreciate cars! Have always been, will always be. I TOTALLY LOVE IT CAN~! I want such a car one day too.. it'll be a highlight of my life once that happens, other than other highlights in my life that might happen. LOL!

The last time i was this crazy over a car was when i was driven to school every single day in sec 4 by my fren's mom in her BMW sports. THAT WAS SEXY LA! Its like coming to school in style and one tend to wonder why on earth i came to school in such a manner when me and that fren has never been in a conversation with each other for more than 5mins! LOL!

OK! I'm digressing. So where was i? Oh yes. After Friday... SATURDAY!

My Saturday started even before the sun rises.

I had a 5hr phone call with 2 different person. 3 hrs with hally and a total of 2 hours with someone else. I tell you, thank god my mom is no longer paying my bills if not she'll definitely question who on earth do i hang on the phone with!!! *faints*

I'm beginning to enjoy my weekends more often these days. Don't ask why. I know some knows. And the beginning of my weekend was ok. The day only got better after that.

Went for a meeting and later on headed to town. Before that i had to wait for a particular someone coz he was late from cutting his hair! *rolls eyes*

But everything was fine after that and i had one of my most enjoyable saturdays! lol! Totally dig it!

Ended it with my pri sch fren's b-day party. And they were obviously reminiscing of the old days and i swear my frens parents have to stop remembering me!!! its embarassing can! I dont like it when they remember you and your antics even though they havent seen you for the last 6-7yrs!

And they were like... "aiyah.. you different wat... You clever" I just stared at them and guess what i said? "I'M NOT A NERD!", screams in horror.

And later on they did assure me that i never was a nerd! i'm just mischievious. Have always been, always will be they say.

I'll post up the pictures one day together with the pics from shai's b-day also. lol! i know that's totally outdated.
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Sometimes you dont realise the importance of someone in your life till things happen
Sometimes you dont realise the joy it brings you untill they're near
Sometimes you dont realise how much you miss a person till its time to say goodbye

Its been a month since everything.

Even though people say alot of things since then. But i've never been happier. I've never felt so contented in the longest time. I'm just happy. Just the fact that now i know. Even others see the change.

I know i don't say anything much about it. I prefer to keep some things to myself. Always have been that way. If i tell, i'll tell. If i happen not to, then i won't no matter how much bribery it will take. I still won't. Understood? Even if no one does. I'll just take it that its understood.

I'm gonna make it clear. I respect yours. You respect mine. Period. Anything else between us is exclusive to us only unless otherwise stated.

I permit anyone who reads this to blame it on PMS. Maybe it is contributed by PMS. Maybe i'm just in a piss-y mood. But then again, its only Wednesday and i'm having a sucky week. So deal with it.

I've made it clear and i'm not gonna repeat myself.

Let's see how was my weekends.

I was annoyed on Friday night. I was beyond annoyed. I was pissed.

Teasing me is one thing. Putting me on the spot is also one thing. I seriously never realised my tolerance level to these things till recently. But to do it not only to me, is ok fine if you really want to have fun.

Going over board while doing it is A whole different story altogether.

Saturday was ok. Had fencing training, i came late and i was sooooo lethargic la.. i practically havent wake up when i reached there. Coach, " Dear, why are you so sian?" My answer? I just stared at him blankly. WAHAHAHAHA..

trashed people, talked on the phone, met azi, hung out at my house, went out, came back late.

Sunday came. i had fencing training again. Maybe something was really bothering me. My coach complained that i was distracted during my training. What can i say? I don't even know why i was so distracted.

Had sparring session. Fenced with Morgan. I was leading 10 - 5. When i broke my blade. SHEESH! It broke cleanly off my guard. I literally scream when that happen la. Haiyo. They were like, "Wah! Nad you damn violent you know!" and Morgan was like... "you're seriously trying to kill me aren't you?"

I nearly died laughing at that sia. That was after i recovered from my shock of staring at my guard with no blade and the blade was at the other corner of the training centre where it landed after it broke.

I blame the violence on pms.

Met hidayah after fencing for dinner coz my mom was at Chinatown and she didnt allow me to meet her coz it was crowded and that i'll have to lug my equipments around and it would be hassle. Since there's no food at home, i decided to meet Hidayah.

Well i got a scolding after that.

What else is new?

All in all, despite the little perks, my weekend sucked.

I had such a great monday. yeah rite. emotionally unstable is much better phrase.
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Wheee...

Hip Hop class was fun just now... Totally fun and crappy!

I've made up my mind. i'm gonna take that up plus a few other things.

This week has been tiring. i've been caught up with publication datelines and memberships and everything else and the latest bidding event. Definitely a change. Proof reading an article until i think i was close to becoming cross eyed! lol!

So ya, for now one of it is settled till April and i have 3 other publication datelines for other magazines to chase pple for their article(s), especially when its a short month and CNY holidays are around the corner. LOL!

I've found my inspiration working here. I know there was once i was wondering whether i would really wanna pursue for my law degree. Well, now i do. i definitely will pursue that. For more than one reason.

Even though i'm not doing legal stuff now. I've definitely found my inspiration and yes, i definitely know now that i want that degree.

Working here is definitely different. That's for sure. Doing things i've never dreamt of doing.

So far, everything's ok. and i hope it will stay fine for quite some time.

OMG! I have fencing tomorrow and i'm actually feeling quite lazy to go.. i might not be going for my Malaysia Open due to some unforeseen setbacks and my coach is definitely unhappy about it.

Well, i hope that i still can go since its rescheduled and that's what made my coach pissed off to begin with.

haiyo. I feeling very lazy to drag myself out of bed for training. wahahaha.. i'm gonna get strangled by coach if he sees this.

What shall i do tmr after training?

Hmmmm.. we'll see who's free to go out tmr.. and other than that i have a feeling i do need to go out.. i need to buy some stuff... February is not a good month. There's just too many celebrations!

Its the 2nd of February 2007 and its a FRIDAY!!!

SO HAPPY CAN!

Not for reasons that i'm going out tomorrow ok.. i'm not! *pouts and stomps around* lol.

Its just the fact that its Friday la that i'm so excited and i'm not working tomorrow... and guess what? i'm kick boxing later! WAHAHAHAHHA!!! The music is HIP HOP today!! *wiggles eyebrows and boogies abt*

and everyone is like.. "we are so going to see Nadira's true colours today!"

Totally NOT can!

i'm going to maintain my polite and "demure" reputation that everyone thinks i am. WAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Anywayz before i forget,

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY HALLY THE MERLIMAH!

Its not that i havent wished her.. i wished her past midnight ok! lol! dont play play!

Anywayz, stay happy girl, even though i know you missing your darling alot alot rite? tsk tsk tsk.. until no appetite to eat rite? tsk tsk tsk.. so poor thing.. *evil grins* and because of that you start picking on me rite? *smacks hally and stuffs hally in a bin*

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My entire body is aching for the past week la! HAIZ!!!! and i'm currently dizzy (and no! i'm not finding excuses to get out of kick boxing).. i've been nauseous the past week. not say i'm not eating properly and its not as if i havent been sleeping late or anything..

there was once i was walking in the office and it started spinning can! haiyo. Maybe... ok i shall not start thinking of anything bad.

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Oh and one thing i dont like about my job is that i have to inform candidates if their interview was unsuccessful and all that... and also going through resumes and having familiar names there and people asking me about those resumes and there's nothing i can do but just give the most neutral answer i can give.

and no i'm not going to state here where i'm working and what position i'm holding.

at least not yet. LOL!

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