The One of A Kind

Of Pine Trees and Memories

I've been sick for the longest time and its been awhile since i've been incapable of doing anything the way i am rite now. Only the worst of memories came flashing into my mind and I hope that there won't be a repeat. A lot of things will be at stake if that happens!

I remembered a time where I was saying that I wanted to destress. Maybe next time when I wanted that, I shouldn't take it too lightly. Tears flow for no apparent reason this morning and breathing was beginning to feel as though it was something alien and new.

Tears fell as I proceeded to bed yest. My sleep began to be more of a chore as this year comes to an end.

I want to say it out loud. But I just don't know.

The right side of the back failed as 3am comes, reached for a medicine that could no longer help. Like a mouse, she ransacked the room for it. Prednosolone. 7mg or 25mg? The cramps began eating upwards, she felt as though everything was in the way. Her hair, her clothes, everything. Took the higher dosage and made her way back to the bed.

Fell asleep. Sleep filled with dreams and familiar faces. Woke up to a phone call. She couldn't decide who it was and decide not to pick it up. Timecheck: 723am. But there was a problem, she couldn't move.

She lay there hoping that she would just turn invisible. She was feeling much better tho. Only her chest was heavy, it was affecting her posture. She sat there. Sat and stared. Her mother asked wat's wrong and she shrugged her shoulders saying that she doesn't know. Her chest was heavy and it felt too tight for rib cage. She doesn't know what's wrong.

Her mother asked, "are you stressed?" Like a missing key, the question engulfed her and tears flowed. Flowed and did not stop.

It was all I could do to stare in the 3rd person.

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X'mas is around the corner. I wonder how christmas will be this year. I don't celebrate christmas for its real meaning, but nevertheless, i love the feeling of it. I missed my christmas of yesteryears.

I remembered when it was tradition to head over to Uncle David's house for Christmas. Where candles light the house, christmas tree was decorated, the turkey was just delicious. the whip potato was to die for and the homemade american brownie just lay there on the table to be consumed.

While the cats eyed the turkey on the table.

I remembered playing soccer with the guys in the back yard with their friends and there was one girl in each team. Me and my cousin. It was fun.

I remembered how me and them will be in new clothes and the girls in pretty dresses. Even though my dress dont stay the same by the end of the night. I blame it on soccer!

I remembered presents were exchanged. Sometimes, Christmas was the day to get rich. HAHAHAH~!

I remembered how the night goes into the wee hours of the morning and I will talk to them and our laughter rang through the night till the 4 of us fall asleep on the bed.

I remembered how I will look forward to Uncle William's and Sabrina's call and look forward to receiving my presents from them.

I loved how I was allowed to join in every other festivity just coz the family does it...

I loved how we still maintain certain things that we have done since young even though alot of things have changed in our lives.

I love how we still go crazy finding the right gift to fulfill the gift exchange tradition.

I remembered when I first started working, and Christmas was around the corner. I remembered the tree, the decorations, the presents, the conversations that went into the night in the midst of files and trials and KFC delivery.

I remembered last year's christmas and it was nearly ideal with whatever I had in my mind.

I wonder what it will be like next yr in Australia?

I'll most probably finally manage to get that pine tree christmas tree in the house!

fine fine.. i know the needles will drop! but i'll make sure it wont! hahahah.. just to prove you wrong! LOL!!!!

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My heart misses more then what my mind allows to admit. greatness.com.