Today was just... GREAT!! I didn't go for MG just now coz i feel that it's time for me to spend time with my mom... so we chilled out. (az... Heard you were there all alone with vit today.. Soo sorrie...) hehehe... Kinda told her everything... What's been happening... School, projects and Friends... Confusion, frustration and a little of anger... seeps in and out through the entire consultation session with my mom... :) There was disappointment too.. somewhere out there in the blur pool of questions...
I told her all the things... my unanswered questions... Asking her to help me figure out my frustration.. or whether i should or should not feel anger, frustration and disappointment to that certain someone... Or was it betrayal?? I was so confused... But my mom, patiently (I wonder where she got all her patience.. really..) listened me out... asking me questions that really helped me out... Helped me to figure out wat's wrong... to figure out my emotions... feelings.. that i was so unsure abt... Even though, i've told her some of the stuff b4, i havent told her everything... So, today... i told her everything on wat i've kept to myself for the past 8 mths or so... Obviously nothing on those missing lectures... :P.. I'm not going to risk my life on that.. hahaha...
There were many times since the beginning of poly life... That i wanted to stop.. That I wanted to give up... That i've made really bad decisions.. That i was sooo unsure of myself... I tot i wouldnt even manage to last till now... The questions were rising.. the doubts were "nearly" getting out of hand... I've believe in myself so little that I thought that I can neva do this... And i've neva thought like that ever b4.. and I dunno why... NOW... in this new chapter of my life that I'm thinking like this... There was even a point where I kinda feel that I've made a huge mistake in choosing this path... Even though.. One of my principles is: Never to regret what you've done coz, it will always pull you down... But obviously that was the beginning... Now that doubtfulness is gone.. only to be replaced by some other issues...
I dunno why... Maybe its coz, its been a long time since i've had a session with my mom... Therefore, none of my questions are answered.. And today... I've realized lots of things too... That for one thing.. the exact same frustration i'm feeling for the person rite now, is the exact same frustration that I have each time I met my dad... At least with this person, i can let my frustration out... but with my dad.. I have to keep my silence... and at the end of the day.. when I reached home... The day will end with me... facing the pillow crying in frustration till i fall asleep.. in hopes that no one will hear... hehehee...
well.. now i can practically hop ard again.. hahaha.. and bounce ard... but there's something else.. a new feeling.. not frustration.. not disappointment... not anger... just eagerness... about something... i dunno wat....
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