All first tutorials are done and I am currently quite happy to be where I am. YEAR 2. heh. people should be proud of me i think.

Despite the fact that I have a ton of stuff due in approximately 3 weeks time. As all of you would most probably already know. 3 weeks is NOTHING! gosh.

But year 2 is different. I can see the change and I can feel it too. Amongst familiar faces which I have bumped into over the past year. Everyone's alittle more sane me thinks. And I? I am still the same. =)

I found out that the guys are in Malaysia for the Malaysia Open. Somehow, I don't know why, I was kinda down after finding that out. Even tho they tell me still about their trip, but I just feel bleargh. hmmm its the 2nd year since i came back into fencing that i've missed Malaysia Open.

I don't know. I miss fencing. A hell lot. I should be turning up for training at the uni. But its just not the same. I don't have anyone to fence with. The guys don't talk to me for god knows what reasons and its been a year since I had a proper training.

Being in the only girl in the team is not a new experience for me. I have always been the only girl in the team and I've never been isolated before. *shrugs*

Truthfully, going there and being treated the way i'm treated is the only thing that makes training a chore. 2 days in a week. 2hours a day. Doing one of the things I really love, alone (practically alone k, i do my own drills, i run on my own, so yeah).

But yes, if i have to admit. I miss fencing. Doesn't help that I didn't do much training when I was back the other day.

Its like an unsatisfied craving.

OF TOPIC GUIDES AND TUTORIAL PREPS.

I am currently turning suicidal after reading my Third World Politics Topic Guide. Oh god. Help.

Yes, I think i'm going to kill myself with a root of the tree outside my room. I'm serious. Doesn't help that my topic convenor is bitchy as fuck. Its like she's constantly not satisfied with the attention her husband is giving her (now, that i really wouldn't know).

I was suppose to go for my Australian Government and Public Policy lecture... its a 2hr lecture in which i fell aslp and arrived in school for the second hour. but how can i forget that public policy lectures are held in Social Science North Lecture Theatre 3. Yup. I had the same lecture theatre last sem when I was doing Government, Business, Society (its like a year 1 subject of politics and public policy).

So coz of that, and the supposed break that was suppose to happen in the middle of the lecture didnt happen, i ended up NOT going for the lecture.

Coz, the lecture theatre is THAT SQUEAKY. its like a bloody dinosaur entered the lt even when nobody is walking on it but just shifting from one seat to the other. So can you imagine if I actually came late for the lecture and me dressed the way I am. I'm ONE HUGE AND COLOURFUL DINOSAUR pls. bleargh. so can you imagine the sound it'll make?! it'll be like a bloody earthquake.

argh. but yes, rite now, i'm just panicking at the fact that i think my semester is gonna be hell. SO MUCH FOR 3 BLOODY SUBJECTS AND 3 BLOODY DAYS IN SCHOOL! ITS ALL LIES I TELL YOU! LIESSSS!!!

I will have to print my topic guides out at the end of the day later. haiz. Coz, I emailed my Third World Politics topic convenor rite if i could get a copy of the topic guide and i got a curt and short reply from her asking me to collect the topic guide from her tmr. BUT i sense the underlying sarcasm in the email. let me show you wat the reply was...

"Dear Nur

Most people attending the lectures would have received one. You may pick it up from my office Tomorrow. Room (insert room number)

Regards
(insert name)"

Its like... WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG SIA?!

so I didn't attend the past 2 lectures. Pls la. my lectures and class are back to back you really want me to wait for the bus until the birds migrate for a bus ride that is 5mins and turn up for a 50mins lecture when classes are cancelled? NO RITE.

anyways, i think my third world politics lectures are compulsory.

Oh wells. I should go and find the textbook for tutorial later since i can't find it in the bookshop~!

Australian Government and Public Policy ftw! *rolls eyes and dies*

Dear John

watched it the other day with rochana...

How was it? I would say that its your typical romantic movie. The hot macho soldier who is clumsy and sensitive at the same time falls in love with the sweet, good uber good looking girl (i've never seen amanda seyfried look that good in my life before) which he helped at the beach.

Some of the scenes are so expected that I could just roll my eyes. But the script was good nonetheless, many would say that the book is so much better than the movie but i really wouldnt know coz i've never read the book before. Besides, its just an adaptation. And channing tatum is my all time fav. so that's another plus point! lol!

I would rate the tear jerker, heart wrenching moments 4 out 5. YERP! its that cry worthy! Please don't tell me you won't cry if you see someone as macho as channing tatum break down? LOL!

but anyways,

as expected as it would be, i think the girls would watch it just because of channing tatum and the guys amanda seyfried and some guys, channing tatum as well =)

how can you not wanna stare at him for a whole hour? simply yummilicious!

Alice in Wonderland

Finally caught it the other day with mel... And truthfully I have no idea what to describe it yet. After awhile in the movie theatre, I was more conscious of my sweater making me comfortable and that my eyes were getting drooopy!

Well the mad hatter cant seem to make up his mind whether to be captain jack sparrow, willy wonka or what. The one thing I like about the mad hatter is his make up and costume.

The chesire cat was cute. lol! but he's a cat that's afraid to get in involved with politics sooo... what else can he do rite to influence the story?

The things that I find worth watching was the two queens. They're just plain entertaining. The red queen coz of her tantrum and the white coz of the trying to uphold her demure-ness.

Alice was expressionless. I don't know if she is suppose to be expressionless but she doesn't even look confused even tho her script suggested that she was confused. LOL! am i making you all confused yet? HAHHAHAHAHAHA

But the script was not bad tho, even tho the near-to-monotonous tone taken on by Alice is quite grating.

So Alice in Wonderland? I think you guys buy the DVD better or watch it when you really have nothing else to watch. LOL!

SNOOZE...

Yesterday I accidentally slpt late and thanks to that I woke up damn late resulting in me still being awake rite now.

time check: 5.37am Adelaide time.

I'm tired but I can't fall asleep so here I am, wide awake and blogging.

I have to wake up early later coz I'm meeting Mel to watch Alice In Wonderland and he ends class at 1pm! god help!

But I will definitely tell you guys about it.. cant wait to see the much discussed movie amongst critics!

and i definitely can't wait to see my favourite cat!

I'm just sad that the cat is not in its traditional magenta and baby pink! Its white with blue stripes. But whatever it is. It looks cuter than the traditional chesire cat. The one in the story books just look smack-worthy. Yup. It actually looked annoying. HAHAHAHHAA...

And rite now, I am feeling narcissistic. So I will upload a few pics of myself! =)

Pretty not? Pretty not?!?!?!

Dont anyone think i look slim in this pic? So reminder to self: Pout more often while taking photos!

Ok a decent picture before the end!

GOOD NIGHT WORLD!

And yes, I like my hair now despite what deena and mommy says! btw, i think my hair is long already. tsk. see.. told ya my hair grow like grass no matter how short i cut. LOL!

But hair. I LOVE YOU!! SO DONT BE SENSITIVE AND STOP GROWING K? JUST CONT GROWING THE WAY YOU HAVE! love love~

Of mystical creatures and imaginations...

Does normality exist? Cant they exist in storybooks?

Science fiction allows the imagination to run free. Allows me to embrace the world that I can never have. Allows me to feel the wind of a faraway land in my hair and smile to mystical creatures that reality could never comprehend. But even then, can't certain things just be normal.

Abnormality is so common in reality but do story books have to embrace it as well? Does the only escape i have from reality can no longer be what I can regard as an escape? Its all too familiar. Stupidity of the female character, blinded by infatuation and dreams of what can never be - drive the plot to unfolding the adventures of various characters. Dragons, mystical beings, adventures of the sea, high society.

Story books used to be about what is rare in this world. What used to be rare is now common. So can't story books just write the stuff that used to be common. stuff that allows your heart to flutter with imagination and smiles to be carved just as your imagination run with each word and phrase you read off the book and embrace the colours it brings to the deepest corners of your mind?

Of Joys and Children

I may outrightly state that i dislike children. Most likely coz I don't have the patience to tolerate them. Yes, I salute mothers. For having the patience I, obviously, lack.

But I do not deny that children make me smile. Their antics so clueless of everything, their laughter rang with so much innocence - its refreshing.

I care for my godchildren more than I would allow myself to admit and receiving pics like this in my mailbox coz i'm so far away and its her first day of school just makes me smile even more.

Day #2

Its my 2nd full day back in Australia and a calming effect has taken over. I'm back to being able to sleep soundly at night and have dreams.

Dreams.

They're the words of the unconscious mind are they not? They're the words of what have beens, would haves and wat will not. If only they don't exist anymore. Could I survive without it?

I've changed it seemed. I think I'm more bitter about certain aspects of my life now more than ever. Career. Yup. That's the one thing that's making me bitter that even bile seemed sweet.

I want it so much I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever get it. *smiles sadly*

I've been disappointed too many times in this lifetime that I'm afraid to hope anymore. But I'm still so young. I'm only 23 going on 24. I have a whole stretch of events waiting to unfold. OH WELLS.

Fear. The one thing that makes me aware that I'm alive. I'm good at hiding it though... rite?

Secrets. Words hidden, feelings kept, facade displayed like a scene ripped off a play.

and when does it unfold then?

Yeah. When the lights go out, and diamonds appear upon the velvet backdrop.

Then it'll be back to square 1 wont it? Dreams.

Backstreet back alrite!!

Love!!

You can have whatever you like~ eyyyyy.

Remember I told you that I was out with my cousin last tuesday coz she needed to get her fiance a valentine's day present? Actually this valentine's day present was also like some sort of an engagement ring. Coz he said that since she have engagement ring. he also want!

Tsk. Men nowadays. *shakes head*

Hopefully, she have given Kunyit the present or else this entry will Kantoi lor seriously. But I don't think Kunyit reads my blog. So its fine... rite? LOL!

We went to various places even topshop became a target. She picked a particular ring from topman and i walked out of the shop leaving her behind. SERIOUSLY, it was hideous.

So we headed back to Calvin Klein (the worst part? she knows her fiance was eyeing rings from CK)

We ended up getting the ring below but the clear crystals instead of black. I think its damn sweet la. Looks expensive for that kinda price. I would think that... Its a well bought present! The rings from the Calvin Klein Accessories this time round is quite eye catching!

After that, she realised that she hasn't bought for me my birthday present for when I turn 23 last october! So she asked me to pick anything i liked in the accessories collection. But truthfully, I hate it when someone will ask me to do that. Coz I will feel so damn guilty~!

I like this ring I saw on Calvin Klein website but I cant seem to find it in the shops tho!

I actually thought the ring below was nice... don't you think? but my cousin didn't like it... she said it looks fake! KNS. So we put it back after trying it on...

I thought this was nice tooo.. but my cousin didn't like it as well she said that it didn't look feminine enough. Thinking back, I kinda agree now coz I think Mel's rings are mostly like this... LOL!

Then we both came to an agreement that this Calvin Klein double stacked crystal ring is nice!!!

But it didnt have my size! It was out of stock! So I ended up getting a dog soft toy for my bday instead... Which I didn't really mind... But now when I was surfing online.. this particular ring can't seem to get out of my head.

I might just get it myself one day! BLEARGH~~

We Are The World

I'm beginning to think that this kinda songs will appear on a yearly basis...

Anyways,

Love the actual collaboration...

But...

I love this one too! The YouTube Edition.. =)

Dolce... And... Gabbana..

Fendi... and...

This is my new D&G Shades.

Only diff is that its black frames instead of silver!

hotness??

One Week, 7 Days, 168 Hours...

Yerp. That was how long its been since my last post on valentine's day. LOL

WARNING. LONG POST AHEAD.

And its been awhile since I slept properly. After my last entry about Super Junior: M, I stayed awake the whole night unable to fall asleep. What else is new rite? I should enrol myself into insomnia anonymous or something.

Is there even such a thing? hmmmm... *ponders*

But anyways, my cousins drove in from Malaysia on Sunday afternoon. Basically, its for them to see me for the last time this yr before I fly back to Australia.

So I was bought rite? Guess wat I did? Especially after being bored at home and pissed off with my grandmother about comiing home late.

I MADE... HAZELNUT CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE.

Yup the same one that I made when I was in Australia. But this time round, it was PERFECTION. not bad for something made in the wee hours of the morning while being in a bad mood. LOL!

So my cousins came on sunday (14/2) and once again I had difficulty falling asleep! By then, my cheesecake is gone and buried in various people's stomach... And I ended up baking Chocolate Paradise. Its a chocolate cake and its fudgy and extremely rich that it was gone in approximately 8hrs upon completion. LOL!

Monday (15/2) came along.

And once again there was nothing to do. I mean, seriously, CHINESE NEW YEAR IN SINGAPORE? what on earth is open rite? So my cousin, Mawar, came with the intention to shop but to her dismay, I told her nothing's opened.

Me and the rest ended up at Kallang Leisure Park to ice skate. BUT. they rink was temporarily closed coz they wanted to re-iced it so while waiting we ended up in the arcade playing stupid games and creating a crowd. I'm SERIOUS! so we were so caught up in our Para - para dance moves that we didn't realise that an hour has passed and we needed to head to simpang to meet the rest of the family for dinner. BLEARGH~!

and again, we didn't get to ice skate.

Baby and Angah wanted to club but WHAT IS OPEN ON A MONDAY RITE? well if there is something open, please tell me so that I can keep it in mind for future reference. LOL.

So by the time al of us headed home it was about 1230am and we were all munching and watching King Arthur on Channel 5 when someone (i cant remember who) asked if the theatre's open!

Went online, checked and BOOOM! those who were asleep woke up and was ready in 5mins. that's a record breaker pls especially if you all see how leceh they can be each time we wanna go out.

So we head out to Grand Cathay for the 255am showing of Percy Jackson and the lightning thief.

How was it?

It was interesting la... Not bad story line, good looking casts, very harry potter-ish, you know the kind that goes like... GOOD WILL TRIUMPH OVER EVIL *cues inspiring music and lightning bolts* LOL!

Movie ended at about 530-ish and we headed to Kallang Macs for breakfast before heading home at 630am.

Woke up at about 10am on Tuesday, 16/2 coz Mawar still wanted to go shopping for valentine's day rite... Tsk. People now got fiance wat. V-day also cannot miss one. Even tho the poor cousin was dragged out. HMPH!

And we headed home at 3pm and met the family at Pastamania for lunch and they left for Melaka shortly after that.

And surprise, I left with them. It was an impromptu outing la. Very unexpeced.

SO when we reached Melaka about 8pm, headed out for dinner at Dataran Pahlawan at Old Town White Coffee, where Mawar bought me a soft toy!!!! thank you thank you!

and then proceeded to hang out with angah and baby and friends and then the siblings stayed up watching soccer - AC MILAN VS. MAN U. I surrendered at 4am and went to bed. Soccer ended at about 6am for them.

by 10am on Wednesday, 17/2, I was awake coz i wanted to go and do my hair. Since mawar needed to go back to KL on that day, Baby woke up early to drive and accompany me at the salon.

But first we ended up at a new shopping centre, AEON for lunch at Papa John's Pizza. Its not bad la... quite Ok the food. and ended up getting myself a D&G shades which cost about RM1.3k on 30% discount.

So in an attempt to pacify myself, I shall continuously tell myself that I practically made money on the shades. hmmmmmm...

Reached the salon only at about 3pm. and by the time i finished doing my hair it was about 7pm and then I made nano cut her fringe after that we headed to Dataran Pahlawan again to meet up with Angah coz he needed help to choose v-day present for his gf and then I got another soft toy present... FROM ANGAH!! WAHAHAHAHAH... so sweet! i never thought the day would come lor seriously. LOL

Met my aunt and uncle for dinner, headed home at about midnight and headed out to Pure Bar where Angah have already made plans with his friends to club. We reached there at about 130am. Club closes at 230am. Went for supper/breakfast at Hang Tuah Mall. Headed home about 430am and Angah and friends was at home watching soccer!

So I fell asleep with Baby and woke up at 9am on Thursday, 18/2 coz my bus back to singapore was at 11am. Baby decided to come back with me to singapore again with her friend, Hadi coz they wanted to get a bicycle frame. They claimed that Singapore is cheaper. I have no idea. If they say so, then maybe it is! *shrugs*

My uncle was unwell so Angah had to send him back to the hospital at 9am, came home and then send me and baby to Melaka Sentral at 1030 am together with Nano coz she needed to go for tuition and then he headed to his uni library at 12 to do his research for his FYP.

power not? LOL!

the story have yet to end.

So Baby, Hadi and I reached singapore at about 430pm on Thursday. Went to Hadi's relatives house for late lunch, came back to our house and fell aslp. Woke up at 7 or 8pm and headed downstairs for dinner, came home about 10pm and changed and headed out to Zirca. Met Mel there and the 4 of us was having the most interesting clubbing experience... ever.

We left the club at 4am, Friday 19/2, and headed to macs at Liang Court for supper/breakfast and then headed home at about 5-ish...

Woke up at 9am and bathe and woke my cousin up and her friend to get ready and called the bicycle shop. Went to bicycle shop at 1045, got the bicycle frame, called mel at 11am to wake him up coz he needed to meet his friends and then we went home, rest awhile

2pm - left the house to send my cousin to lavendar street coz their bus is at 230pm from Singapore to Melaka. Headed to Sim Lim after that to change my keyboard.

Met Tuti at 430pm at Bugis and passed her some shoes of mine as promised, did a manicure and chit chat, headed to ION after that with her and met Deena at about 7pm. Then three of us went to Far East Plaza for dinner till about 10pm.

Haizad picked me and deena up. Tuti's husband picked her up. Reached home at 1030pm, lay down on my bed and the next thing I knew it was Saturday, 20/2...

I was like... OH SHIT! WTF!

why such a reaction? coz i was supposed to call Mel at midnight to wish him HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

sheesh~ so here goes:

SORRY MEL!

BUT ITS BETTER LATE THAN NEVER!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! You're 24. Therefore, you're old. HEH! Thursday at Zirca was just pre-bday k? We'll celebrate again once we're both back in OZ!

Your birthday pressie you wait awhile la hor? LOL!!

take care! dont scrutinize your wrinkles and fine lines! you still look fine. if everything else fails, there's still Dr. Rohan! LOL!!!

Don't hate me! LOVE YA! MUACKS! WAHAHHAHAHAHA

-Dee

As the clock strikes Midnight...

And it reflected the dawn of Valentine's day...

I chanced upon something and fell madly and hopelessly IN LOVE!!

Can you see the hearts floating above my head?

Guess wat I fell in love with?

Yup. this... *points below*

They're a Korean boyband (sub group) SUPER JUNIOR-M that was created specifically for the Chinese market and all their members are of chinese and korean descent.

If I were to have boyfriends like these guys... Want to dress up and go on date also so damn shiok. LOL!

WOOT WOOT~!

Btw,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR ALL!

Eyes are used for staring

Its been an interesting night.. and this is the first time i'm blogging from my phone. Yes i'm currently using the new motorola dext mb200..

I'm still at the chinese new year dinner and i've been introduced as my mom's daughter.. Obviously. And the constant reaction?

"WAH! Your daughter so big already ah? U sure this is the same one as last time? The one that always run ard with the pigtails ah?"

Me: -.-"

Haiz.. i have no idea what time this is gonna end.. i"m talking to mommy and blogging at the same time..

Nine

Nine:

Dinner tmr which I'm not exactly looking forward for. But I know, I'm the only hope left. The only source of normality he will ever have. The only one who will not be a disappointment.

Eight:

Material things are important to a certain extent i suppose. But I dont really bother about them much.

Seven:

When warmth have its own place and time and sometimes you just hide it away oh so well.

Six:

You wonder if you're in the right frame of mind to still be able to think and feel that way. Many wonder the exact same thing that crosses your mind... Who am I kidding anyways?

Five:

Its really time to change the keyboard... its pissing me off quite badly...

Four:

Something just crossed my mind the other day. Apart was something that have never happened to us before. What if one day it will happen? How will that be? Wouldnt that be the same as losing a limb? Or maybe, it might not be felt at all? Shadows do fade one day too rite?

Three:

Pity? Is that all i've been feeling all these while? Maybe guilt. Or maybe a sense of unconscious loyalty. There have always been something that i've always seen in my head but at the same time i've always known that it will never happen even if i wished otherwise.

Two:

When things in life don't go your way. You just turn oh-so-impatient. you'll turn scared of something that you don't even know anymore. Your faith tend to waiver. Your hope alittle bleak. But you keep on going as tho there is some unknown force pushing you on.

One:

Love comes in many forms. Disappointment comes from love. Only when you love then you'd be able to be disappointed. When you get disappointed, can you give another chance? Another chance at life. Another chance of you being there. Another chance of strength.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do cats really have nine lives? If yes, I hope you have the lives of a cat. You're part of my tiger. I just pray that your nine lives have yet to be used up.

I want something different for you. I want a change for everyone. I want you to start over even if it means you'll have to go somewhere else. I want you to live the life that you were supposed to live. I want you to at least have a glimpse of the perfection. Yes, the perfection that this imperfect family can give.

I just hope you'll manage to get out of this one. And I want you to promise me when I see you that this will be the end. This will be the last. This will be just part of your past and a memory you would not want to revisit anymore. I want you to promise me that you'd give the world to the little ones and never let whatever that happened repeat itself in them.

Please.

Just hear the wishes of my heart and make me this promise from a brother to his sister.

Stomach Flu

As many would know from my facebook status updates I was in Jakarta over the weekend. Yes its one of the many random things I've done eversince i cam back from Aussieland. LOL!

If only I could travel for free, you know like... fully sponsored! yippe yum yum. LOL. Yes, no harm rite. A girl can always dream.

Sidetrack: I have a pimple on my nose. Fucking painful.

So I came back on sunday-monday at midnight. And then on tuesday I felt as though I was going to die of stomach pains. It felt like menses cramps only that its all over the tummy instead. So for all you girls out there you can imagine my pain. HMPH!

My doctor was gleeful at the sight of me simply commenting that I should just take this as a FREE DETOXIFICATION.

Free Detoxification? Kns.

Basically, not eating keeps me feeling perfectly fine. the moment i consume something remotely solid and would need digestion, the pain is.. yes. EXCRUCIATING. HMPH!

And its always at times like this that... you tend to have the weirdest cravings. And I am currently craving for MACDONALDS. can you believe it?

bloody hell.

Anyways, I have no photos from Jakarta. Just followed my aunt coz she needed to get some things for her spa. And I bought cheap ass MAC products at the cosmetic centre. Now I'm wondering if I were to sell these make up, think got people will buy?

One MAC blusher at $15. hmmm *ponders*

2010

realised how I didn't exactly welcome the new year in?

1st january was a friday. People always talk about how peaceful and holy fridays can get. Yes, maybe it was the perfect day to welcome the new year.

Many things have changed. If some things will not be changing, I will be a Year 2 student this coming academic year. If some things don't change, I will still be there.

2009 was eventful.

I left for Australia in such a haste that sometimes, I still can't believe I did it. Looking back, the feeling's surreal.

The freedom that came along with living on my own. It was exhilarating. As much as I hate to say it. I love it.

2009 was also a year of many mistakes. Maybe I was in that much of a haste to leave. But I've always been taught to never live in regret. So, I didn't regret it. Coz I learnt so much about myself in the past year.

I grew up. To be a more patient girl then what I was a year back. I'm the same girl that left singapore in early 09, just some enhancement in personality and character have occured.

2010 was welcomed with joy and always something good to remember. The fact that my cousin got engaged. She's lucky. especially to get someone like him. He's a nice man. And he's lucky too... to get someone as fiercely loyal as her.

Some have asked me when's my turn. I don't know actually. There's still so many things to achieve and to look forward to in my life and I think marriage won't be in the list for at list another 7years.

But who am I to say if fate gives me a different direction rite? Marriage is after all god's will. At least I know that as of rite now, i've yet to be match made or found out that I've been betrothed to someone since birth. lol Now that's paparazzi worthy. heh.

With certain glitches aside, 2010 have been somewhat kind so far.

To all my friends who have recently gotten married, CONGRATS!

To everyone else, may this year bring wonderful memories.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"The trick is to recognize that a goodbye can be a good thing. where it can be a chance to start again."

- Ugly Betty, Season 4 Episode 11

As everyone knew, I failed my politics in year 1 semester 1 and there was no supp papers for that bloody module.

I die die wanted to overload my semester 2 coz well, I WAS SO BLOODY FREE AND I NEEDED THE DAMN MODULE FOR A CLEAN TRANSFER... duh.

So i emailed my bachelor of arts administrator and she told me that I could not overload when i asked her why coz i really needed it, she told me that i have yet to fulfill the necessary 18cu requirement before overloading can be approved. I was like.. WTF.

so this sem, in the midst of all the shit that has been thrown at me since the new year has started, I decided to just choose my bloody modules in case i have to stick in this bloody undergrad program rite.

this sem, i'm only allowed to do 3modules coz each modules is 6credit units coz i'm already doing upper level subjects as i will be graduating from Bachelor of Arts (w/ (hopefully) triple major) end of next yr.

so i actually can put all my classes in one day and be free the rest of the week but i can bet you. when essays come piling in, it will be oh so joyous.

and because of the stupid module i failed last yr, i have to retake one yr 1 module. So i emailed my admin rite. and guess wat she said? she said she is not in charge of overloading requests and she gave me someone who is in charge of it.

And do you know wat else is stated in the request? THERE IS A REQUEST FOR OVERLOADING APPEALS AND SPECIAL CASES. basically, for idiots like me in my situation last semester rite?

THE LEAST SHE COULD DO WAS TO TELL ME THAT. Rite? KNN. KNS. what's the point of having a student advisor when they don't bloody advise at all? fuckers.

They gave me the shittiest offer which I accepted, currently putting me through the shittiest hell hole and isn't really helping me at all.

And you know wat?

All I wanted is that law degree. Is that really too much to ask? I am willing to give my life up for it. People don't understand why I've always wanted to be a lawyer. I have a long list of reasons. Its the only way I can give back.

sometimes, i tell myself, get over it nad. There is other things out there that you can do so well. Yeah. Maybe. Its just a law degree isn't it?

I'm just very put off rite now.

I need coMfort.

CONGRATS

As most of you know, I was in Melaka over the new year weekend coz my cousin was getting engaged....

It was definitely memorable in more than one ways...

once again, Congrats Mawarni!!

Stay good to him hor!!!

So my aunt now is waiting for me to get engaged next before allowing her other children to even consider getting engaged... I just told her that she better allow them to cross whatever line there is coz it will take me a long while before i'm getting engaged. LOL!

The trip was interesting. I think I will be going back there again one day soon before I fly off to australia!! YIPPPPEEEE~~~!!!

I kinda got my way with it. Or so I think.

Anyways, I like it there.

Hate the pollution tho. I still wonder how people survive there. I think they're born with bionic lungs or something. The air is constantly foggy and the sun is practically red there. And it looks as if the sun is looking in on the country, the light had the tunnel effect.

Macau was beautiful. The casinos and all...

Zhu Hai was fashionable. Guangzhou was windy and cheap!

Ok. practically everywhere in China would be cheap for us.

On the highway from Zhu Hai to Guangzhou, all you see is fog and a faint silhoutte of tall furnace towers. And the surrounding is grey. It is just like in those industrial movies! and if you dare to wind down the windows, like I did, you'll smell nothing but burnt plastic! LOL!!

China is a health hazard for someone like me. Asthmatic. Why?

ON TOP OF THE AIR POLLUTION, everyone in Zhu Hai smokes. In the toilet, in the restaurant, in the shopping centre, in the cab, in the hotel room. Its like the entire state smells of cigarette.

everyone stares at me in hopes to strike a conversation asking me if i understand mandarin... my answer was: Yi tian tian (alittle bit) and they stare at me in awe. me: -.-"

then they asked me why is it that i'm from singapore and i dont know how to speak mandarin...

and my answer was... malay-ren, pu tong man-yun. ing-yun only! (Malay, dunno how to speak mandarin. English only)

WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

so they are in the opinion that I am beautiful, pretty, good looking, and my eyes are mei ren... which i found out meant amazing. coz i was staring at the sales girl in confusion when this guy came up to me and translated it to me. by the time he finished translating, I was red. By the time he agreed with everything the sales girl said... I could no longer maintain eye contact. LOL!

And yes, I had the moses effect when I was there. I parted the red sea when I enter a shop and it grew quiet and then I will be the only customer with various sales assistant literally standing in my face staring at me. It is actually quite unsettling.

But hey, their compliment actually made me feel good about myself. and seriously, to be complimented by those girls, i was honoured can... They're so good looking. I can't help admiring them lor!

So who am i to complain rite? just grateful and embarrassed.

I bought a panda soft toy... and called it... Post. In memory of a particular cute, grin worthy incident i had in Guangzhou.

If you guys were wondering, Yes, i did try the casinos... and yes, with my mom's permission.

Everytime I'm with them...

I don't need to prove anything.

I never feel shit.

I never been treated like shit.

We talk about everything under the sun. Politics. Travel. Clothes. Porn. Restaurants. Alcohols. Family. Relationships. Movies. Songs. Dance Moves.

They know my moods. But I guess, that's not coz of due to the years of friendship. That's due to the fact that we've been put in a situation together.

With them, I've always been treated right. I've always been taken care off. I've always been bullied but its still different.

With them, they treat me as their equal but still respect me as a girl.

With them, I always feel that there's hope still for the world. LOL.

They're not my cousins. They're not related. But they're like the brothers I never had. They're one of those that I've missed in Australia.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Fencing competition was shit. I didn't realise that the body wire was spoilt till Matt kept on asking me to test it after each point and then finally he told me to change it. The point was 11 - 2.

Yes. Mine was 2. In a 15 points bout. I wanted to cry by then! I wanted the individual medal so bad! And losing that badly to the opponent i was fencing against, it was... well. an insult.

Guess wat happened immediately after I changed the body wire? The bout ended 30 seconds after I changed my body wire.

I still lost. But guess wat was my points?

yup. the bout was 15-12.

Conclusion: I should have changed my body wire sooner.

-----------------------------------------------------------

my ankle is beginning to act up again. hmmm...

Turn Around

You know how worried i've been the whole year rite? Because of the pending transfer. Well I received the approval of transfer via email last week! I was shock since my results were not out yet, but i was thrill nevertheless.

My dream is like an arm's length away! Yayness!

Eversince that day, I've been the luckiest idiot around. Apart from small minute things such as dinner reservations or cab bookings, i won a $200 jewelery voucher! lol.. it was so random that voucher!

I have a reason to celebrate the end of this yr! I have yet to do it!

heh.

But i'm beyond happy tho.

i'm just really grateful to everyone who have supported me

and really, thank god.

It was an interesting flight home.

Its been a rather interesting week.

But truthfully, i'm bored.

I was bored 48hrs after reaching home. haiz. I dunno. Sometimes, I don't know what to expect from homecoming.

Sometimes, I don't know how to feel being the only rare one who is not working when everyone already is.

Sometimes, I don't know how to feel being the rare one without a partner when everyone is having a serious one.

I always think to myself that it doesn't matter if I can fend for myself. But sometimes, I can't help thinking that it will be nice to have someone taking care of me 20yrs down the road.

I had my secondary school class gathering. While I know some envy my life, I envy theirs even more. At the end of the day, I'm a girl. I wanna be carefree sometimes. To not worry how my life will turn out to be. I wanna feel as though I can own the world and hop about merrily.

I think I'm allowed to dream, even if its just for that split second.

And then, reality hits and realise that I will not allow anyone to have that power over me. I will have that power over myself.

I am no one's but my own.

And that dream of that girl gets pushed aside into the deepest corners of my mind and heart till it resurface again when events trigger it too.

So, till then. *shrugs*

STARING

staring blankly out the glass walls of Adelaide airport waiting for the Qantas plane to come parking itself in the designated berth.

I'm so damn hungry! When is the plane gonna arrive?!?! I can't wait for my lunch liao! I'm currently regretting the fact that i brought my fencing stuff home coz i can't check it in so i have to put it in the overhead compartment.

Fencing. I miss fencing. A HELL LOT! so maybe i cant regret that much since its not that applicable if you miss it rite? lol

hmmmm....

I can't remember my unit number. which is fantastic.

oh. McSpicy! I'm coming! LOL!

that one is like my closet husband.

OH LOOK! QANTAS PLANE HAVE ARRIVED. THANK GOD. I have no idea what to do already. dying of boredom already pls!

guess what my aunt's cooking today? RENDANG AND KETUPAT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!

shit. i'm so gonna grow fat. and then after that cannot fit into my kebaya and corset for my cousin's engagement. then i'll be in tshirt and shorts. the most tak glam outfit ever created for mankind. bleargh! and then it will be remembered for my whole life, my cousins' whole life and her fiance's whole life and my future nieces and nephews' whole life!

i'm gonna die.

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA~

Bottom line: i'm not dramatic. I'm just hungry!

so yes pple, i'm heading home today.

See you guys soon, in a country where the grass is literally greener!

Seriously. No one messes with Nad.

No one.

She obviously think that she can just get away with it. Oh trust me. I may be leaving on Tuesday, but that doesn't mean that hell can't break lose.

She will realise what a selfish, self-centred bitch she is by the time i'm done.

I am the wrong girl to piss off continuously.

EXAMS ARE ENDING!

Tomorrow's my last paper!

Professional English! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

Grammatical errors are gonna make me fail! lol

LESSONS

Its odd really, how one of my most valuable life lessons was learnt when I was lying in bed, witnessing the world spin twice its normal speed and shivering under 2 blankets trying to keep warm on a weekend.

But I would say, nothing is impossible...

Have you ever had flashbacks when you were sick? Either while you were sleeping or when you're awake but you're so dazed that you're more unconscious than conscious?

ya that. I always remember things when I'm sick. Maybe coz only then will my guard be down. Most of them memories that I've kept locked away you know. Maybe some of these memories gives me the strength i need to recover and some just keep me happy while i go through them like an old movie while i'm sick and unable to do anything else anyway.

And these are the things that kept me sane through one of my most upsetting weekends ever.

Why upsetting? Well, it was then that I told myself never to be so sick again that I would need someone's help ever again.

People. People are just sometimes unreliable. Selfish. and mostly they think that the world revolves around them.

And pple ask me why do i find it hard to trust someone. Well its because of that.

For me, friends are not to be taken for granted. That I learnt when I was 11. Friends are those who will stay. Acquaintances are those who stay just because you have the influence, money, brains and desert you when everything goes wrong.

Its funny how A would constantly ask me why I would do almost anything for B. Why is it if I were to ask to choose between A and B. I would definitely choose B.

That's coz, B is someone whom I have grown to trust over the years. Who knows me so well that he doesn't really have to ask much to know what's wrong. B is surprisingly one of the 4 people that i have ever broke down in front of in my entire life. When I mean broke down, like literally grow limp and cry. B have always been there by my side, taking my side or not agreeing with me but still take my side but scold me later on. B is 1 out of 3 person that I could say anything I want, filtered or unfiltered. B checks on me constantly when B knows i'm sick even though there is nothing else B could do. B calls or messages when B realises that its been that long since we last spoke or meet up. B may not be the easiest person to understand but B genuinely cares in B's own way even though he may show it differently.

Unlike A who have countlessly shown over the period of these recent 6 months that she just needs me to be there for her through her problems, sleepless nights, loneliness, adapting, needing to adjust to be independent and have proven to be unable to help when i finally need help, i.e. saturday when i needed to go to the doctor, coz surprise, she was SUDDENLY busy on the day and time agreed upon the previous day.

So does A really wanna know why I would choose B over her? I doubt it.

Coz unlike A, I know how to value my friends. There's 4 people in my life that I would trust my life with and B is one of those people. Beside my mom and these people, B is one of the people who I would stake my life for.

NO CHANGE

didn't think it was worth it. So i'll be arriving as initially planned.

-----------------------------------------------

I hate it how pple always say i'm rich just coz i'm an international student and how i dont have to work hard and not to have a care in the world and i will still receive a monthly allowance.

Truthfully, I feel insulted. Totally insulted.

While I understand where you're coming from, at the same time don't judge me coz i've never judge you alrite. You don't know my current circumstances then don't just give me some flippant remarks just coz you think you know better.

well, if you are persistent that my mom is rich. Then, *shrugs* AMEN. Hopefully, one day she will be.

I would just say that my mom is blessed.

And I am blessed to have her. A single mom singlehandedly supporting both her family back home and me here in Australia.

So yes.

God, thank you. *smiles*

PERSONAL BANKER

My mom has been gleeful eversince she got her new personal banker.

why?

she thinks that he is good looking and a really nice boy.

why is she telling me this?

She can't wait to introduce me to him once i'm back in Singapore.

She say.. Meet one of your criterias already!

Me: What criteria?

Her: He chinese lor!

Me: I DO NOT SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR CHINESE!

Her: Yeah rite. Anyways, I think he's good looking and he's really nice.

Me: *thinks to self* of course nice la.. my mother his client wat.

Her: If you see him confirm you drool down there. I asked him how old he is yesterday. He say 26. Not bad rite?

Me: -.-"

I seriously dunno what's up lor. And what's wrong with being attracted to Chinese man? I think ok wat. I like their traditional cultures and find me a malay man who would be able to accept me the way someone of a different race could. ha. not easy rite?

Truthfully, if my mom didn't marry my dad. I would definitely already be a Nadira Lim Li Mei or something instead of being the mix that i am now lor! That, I know for a fact. HMPH!

So the women in the maternal side of the family prefers our fairer skinned counterparts. Except for my grandmother. That one in denial. Forever have some remarks, genuine or sarcastic. Sometimes she forget lor, her own father was chinese. bleargh! -.-"

List of Theatre Productions

1. Beauty & the Beast : 25 Nov - 19 Dec 2009
   
   
2. Bedrooms - I would wanna catch the Baba Malay Version if I can be back in time: 25 - 29 Nov 2009 Malay
   
   1 - 6 Dec 2009 English
   
   
3. The Jungle Book: 5 Nov - 13 Dec 2009
   
   
4. Maksim Concert Classique (fine, i know that's not a theatre production, but its Maksim! He's like.. PIANO GOD! *drools*) : 18-19 Nov 2009 OK. NVM I JUST REALISED I WONT BE HOME FOR IT
   
   
5. Menopause The Musical (ITS BACK!!!!): 26-29 Nov 2009
   
   
6. Cat, Lost & Found: 3-5 Dec 2009
   
   
7. Swan Lake: 17-20 Dec 2009
   
   
8. Narnia - The Musical: 20-21 Dec 2009
   
   
9. Chestnuts Does Christmas - Like a Hard Candy Virgin: 28-30 Dec 2009
   
   
10. GREEN DAY CONCERT ON 14 JAN 2010~

THAT'S ALL FOLKS~!

ANNOYED.

I'm as annoyed as annoyed i can get. So, I need to rant.

I currently have ZERO TOLERANCE for the male species that I've categorized as my acquaintances only.

Seriously, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?

goddammit.

WHICH PART OF I HAVE LOTS TO DO BEFORE THE EXAMS IS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND? WHICH PART OF DON'T BOTHER ME TILL FURTHER NOTICE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Is it my problem that your interests in me seems to be alittle more than the average human being?

So stop being so bloody sensitive when I snap/spit/bite/breathes fire when you so much as say Hi and ask me stupid questions online. Find me another girl who would remotely be in a happy mood to see you online and entertain your stupid questions despite the lack of sleep and having the same life changing exams to sit for; then I will reconsider my attitude towards you.

One thing, the normal male species doesn't seem to understand. I AM NOT LIKE YOUR TYPICAL GIRL THAT YOU MEET EVERY OTHER DAY.

Get used to it.

Cb.

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

There's tons of things constantly reeling in my mind.

1. My Women Studies Analysis due tomorrow and I'm only halfway through it. I'm just scared that I am not on the right bullshittng track. If you know wat i mean.
   
   
2. The 10 topics that i will have to remember out of the 25 that is gonna appear in my Politics paper on Tuesday next week. Which I have not touched on, coz I thought that Criminal Justice was next Tuesday. Not Politics. Well, at least i realised it sooner.
   
   
3. My entire semester's worth of grades kept on replaying itself in my head, constantly telling my sub conscious mind that I need at least a Credit for the exams to get straight Ds and CRs in my result slip.
   
   
4. My conscious mind telling me to calm down and take things one at a time
   
   
5. Its strange, this fear. But I guess, I want it that bad... *shrugs*
   
   
6. My chest and back... hurts.
   
   
7. I need something to distract me right now but I can't bring myself to have fun coz it keeps on appearing in my head.

As a result?

Tonight.

A night where I can't sleep and I can't do anything coz I'm stumped. At a loss for actions.

And surprise, its already 8.05 am and the sun have been up for ages. And I'm mentally tired but I can't go to sleep and I will be heading to school soon. Since I need to get away from temptation at home such as the bed and story books and well, I do need to finish my Women Studies Analysis inclusive of footnotes. So ya. I need other kind of books.

Haiz.

EXAMS TIMETABLE.

		Date	Day	Start Time	Topic	Title		Duration			Building
		17-11-09	Tuesday	17:45:00	POLI1009	Govt, Business & Society		2:00			Sport Centre
		20-11-09	Friday	13:15:00	CRIM1004	Criminal Justice System		1:30			Sturt Gym
		25-11-09	Wednesday	13:15:00	ENGL1001	Professional English		3:00			Sport Centre

I have no idea why i was under the impression that Criminal Justice Exams is tuesday and not friday.

HAIYO! now i have to kill self after my women studies assignment.

And my paper ends at 8pm on Tuesday!

Callin' U

Just what I need to remind me to have faith. It came at the right time... This is the first time I've heard them... And truthfully, my respect goes straight out to them. *salutes*

I'm callin' U
With all my goals, my very soul
Ain't fallin' through
I'm in need of U
The trust in my faith
My tears and my ways is drowning so
I cannot always show it
But don't doubt my love

I'm callin' U
With all my time and all my fights
In search for the truth
Tryin'a reach U

See the worth of my sweat
My house and my bed
Am lost in sleep
I will not be false in who I am
As long as I breathe

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't feel nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

I'm callin' U
When all my joy
And all my love is feelin' good
Cuz it's due to U

See the time of my life
My days and my nights
so it's alright
Cuz at the end of the day
I still got enough for me and my

I'm callin' U
When all my keys
And all my bizz
Runs all so smooth
I'm thankin' U
See the halves in my life
My patience, my wife
With all that I know
Oh, take no more than I deserve
Still need to learn more

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

Our relationship, so complex
Found U while I was headed straight for hell in quest
You have no one to compare to
'Cause when I lie to myself it ain't hidden from U
I guess I'm thankful
Word on the street is U changed me
It shows in my behaviour
Past present future
Lay it all out
Found my call in your house
And let the whole world know what this love is about

Yo te quiero, te extraño, te olvido
Aunque nunca me has faltado, siempre estas conmigo
Por las veces que he fallado y las heridas tan profundas
Mejor tarde que nunca para pedirte mil disculpas
Estoy gritando callado yo te llamo, te escucho, lo intento
De ti yo me alimento
Cuando el aire que respiro es violento y turbulento
Yo te olvido, te llamo, te siento

[Translation:]
I love you, I miss you, I forget you
Even though you never let me down and always are by my side
For all the times I've failed and hurt you deeply
Better later than never to give you a 1000 apologies
I'm shouting silently, callin' you, I'm listening to you, I'm tryin'
You nourish me
When the air that I breathe is violent and turbulent
I'm forgettin' you, I'm callin' you, I'm feelin' you

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U...

oh, no, no
i don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
MY one and only

I don't need nobody
& i don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
all i need in my life

- Outlandish

COUNTDOWN

Seems as though everyone has begin their countdown for my return. Its 2 days ago when i was talking to deena that I realise I will be leaving here in approximately 3 weeks. yup.

HMMMMMMM...

it will be good to be home i suppose.

Chest Attacks.

Something that is hard to get, is ALWAYS worth it. She says.

I hope as hell she is right. Coz, I haven't been in the right state of mind since.

It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it.

I'm sure it will be.

.... At least, I hope so.

Conflicted.

At the end of the day, despite everything, it is morally right... isn't it?

Dear All,

Thanks for the birthday presents that arrived yesterday!

It was definitely a pleasant surprise!

I love it all!

The watch, the earrings, the swirly decorative thing and yes lili, the care bear too. Even though, i am not going to bring it around to sch... or am i?

MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA... LOL