The trip was interesting. I think I will be going back there again one day soon before I fly off to australia!! YIPPPPEEEE~~~!!!

I kinda got my way with it. Or so I think.

Anyways, I like it there.

Hate the pollution tho. I still wonder how people survive there. I think they're born with bionic lungs or something. The air is constantly foggy and the sun is practically red there. And it looks as if the sun is looking in on the country, the light had the tunnel effect.

Macau was beautiful. The casinos and all...

Zhu Hai was fashionable. Guangzhou was windy and cheap!

Ok. practically everywhere in China would be cheap for us.

On the highway from Zhu Hai to Guangzhou, all you see is fog and a faint silhoutte of tall furnace towers. And the surrounding is grey. It is just like in those industrial movies! and if you dare to wind down the windows, like I did, you'll smell nothing but burnt plastic! LOL!!

China is a health hazard for someone like me. Asthmatic. Why?

ON TOP OF THE AIR POLLUTION, everyone in Zhu Hai smokes. In the toilet, in the restaurant, in the shopping centre, in the cab, in the hotel room. Its like the entire state smells of cigarette.

everyone stares at me in hopes to strike a conversation asking me if i understand mandarin... my answer was: Yi tian tian (alittle bit) and they stare at me in awe. me: -.-"

then they asked me why is it that i'm from singapore and i dont know how to speak mandarin...

and my answer was... malay-ren, pu tong man-yun. ing-yun only! (Malay, dunno how to speak mandarin. English only)

WAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

so they are in the opinion that I am beautiful, pretty, good looking, and my eyes are mei ren... which i found out meant amazing. coz i was staring at the sales girl in confusion when this guy came up to me and translated it to me. by the time he finished translating, I was red. By the time he agreed with everything the sales girl said... I could no longer maintain eye contact. LOL!

And yes, I had the moses effect when I was there. I parted the red sea when I enter a shop and it grew quiet and then I will be the only customer with various sales assistant literally standing in my face staring at me. It is actually quite unsettling.

But hey, their compliment actually made me feel good about myself. and seriously, to be complimented by those girls, i was honoured can... They're so good looking. I can't help admiring them lor!

So who am i to complain rite? just grateful and embarrassed.

I bought a panda soft toy... and called it... Post. In memory of a particular cute, grin worthy incident i had in Guangzhou.

If you guys were wondering, Yes, i did try the casinos... and yes, with my mom's permission.

Everytime I'm with them...

I don't need to prove anything.

I never feel shit.

I never been treated like shit.

We talk about everything under the sun. Politics. Travel. Clothes. Porn. Restaurants. Alcohols. Family. Relationships. Movies. Songs. Dance Moves.

They know my moods. But I guess, that's not coz of due to the years of friendship. That's due to the fact that we've been put in a situation together.

With them, I've always been treated right. I've always been taken care off. I've always been bullied but its still different.

With them, they treat me as their equal but still respect me as a girl.

With them, I always feel that there's hope still for the world. LOL.

They're not my cousins. They're not related. But they're like the brothers I never had. They're one of those that I've missed in Australia.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Fencing competition was shit. I didn't realise that the body wire was spoilt till Matt kept on asking me to test it after each point and then finally he told me to change it. The point was 11 - 2.

Yes. Mine was 2. In a 15 points bout. I wanted to cry by then! I wanted the individual medal so bad! And losing that badly to the opponent i was fencing against, it was... well. an insult.

Guess wat happened immediately after I changed the body wire? The bout ended 30 seconds after I changed my body wire.

I still lost. But guess wat was my points?

yup. the bout was 15-12.

Conclusion: I should have changed my body wire sooner.

-----------------------------------------------------------

my ankle is beginning to act up again. hmmm...

Turn Around

You know how worried i've been the whole year rite? Because of the pending transfer. Well I received the approval of transfer via email last week! I was shock since my results were not out yet, but i was thrill nevertheless.

My dream is like an arm's length away! Yayness!

Eversince that day, I've been the luckiest idiot around. Apart from small minute things such as dinner reservations or cab bookings, i won a $200 jewelery voucher! lol.. it was so random that voucher!

I have a reason to celebrate the end of this yr! I have yet to do it!

heh.

But i'm beyond happy tho.

i'm just really grateful to everyone who have supported me

and really, thank god.

It was an interesting flight home.

Its been a rather interesting week.

But truthfully, i'm bored.

I was bored 48hrs after reaching home. haiz. I dunno. Sometimes, I don't know what to expect from homecoming.

Sometimes, I don't know how to feel being the only rare one who is not working when everyone already is.

Sometimes, I don't know how to feel being the rare one without a partner when everyone is having a serious one.

I always think to myself that it doesn't matter if I can fend for myself. But sometimes, I can't help thinking that it will be nice to have someone taking care of me 20yrs down the road.

I had my secondary school class gathering. While I know some envy my life, I envy theirs even more. At the end of the day, I'm a girl. I wanna be carefree sometimes. To not worry how my life will turn out to be. I wanna feel as though I can own the world and hop about merrily.

I think I'm allowed to dream, even if its just for that split second.

And then, reality hits and realise that I will not allow anyone to have that power over me. I will have that power over myself.

I am no one's but my own.

And that dream of that girl gets pushed aside into the deepest corners of my mind and heart till it resurface again when events trigger it too.

So, till then. *shrugs*

STARING

staring blankly out the glass walls of Adelaide airport waiting for the Qantas plane to come parking itself in the designated berth.

I'm so damn hungry! When is the plane gonna arrive?!?! I can't wait for my lunch liao! I'm currently regretting the fact that i brought my fencing stuff home coz i can't check it in so i have to put it in the overhead compartment.

Fencing. I miss fencing. A HELL LOT! so maybe i cant regret that much since its not that applicable if you miss it rite? lol

hmmmm....

I can't remember my unit number. which is fantastic.

oh. McSpicy! I'm coming! LOL!

that one is like my closet husband.

OH LOOK! QANTAS PLANE HAVE ARRIVED. THANK GOD. I have no idea what to do already. dying of boredom already pls!

guess what my aunt's cooking today? RENDANG AND KETUPAT! MUAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!

shit. i'm so gonna grow fat. and then after that cannot fit into my kebaya and corset for my cousin's engagement. then i'll be in tshirt and shorts. the most tak glam outfit ever created for mankind. bleargh! and then it will be remembered for my whole life, my cousins' whole life and her fiance's whole life and my future nieces and nephews' whole life!

i'm gonna die.

WAHAHAHAHAHHAHA~

Bottom line: i'm not dramatic. I'm just hungry!

so yes pple, i'm heading home today.

See you guys soon, in a country where the grass is literally greener!

Seriously. No one messes with Nad.

No one.

She obviously think that she can just get away with it. Oh trust me. I may be leaving on Tuesday, but that doesn't mean that hell can't break lose.

She will realise what a selfish, self-centred bitch she is by the time i'm done.

I am the wrong girl to piss off continuously.

EXAMS ARE ENDING!

Tomorrow's my last paper!

Professional English! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

Grammatical errors are gonna make me fail! lol

LESSONS

Its odd really, how one of my most valuable life lessons was learnt when I was lying in bed, witnessing the world spin twice its normal speed and shivering under 2 blankets trying to keep warm on a weekend.

But I would say, nothing is impossible...

Have you ever had flashbacks when you were sick? Either while you were sleeping or when you're awake but you're so dazed that you're more unconscious than conscious?

ya that. I always remember things when I'm sick. Maybe coz only then will my guard be down. Most of them memories that I've kept locked away you know. Maybe some of these memories gives me the strength i need to recover and some just keep me happy while i go through them like an old movie while i'm sick and unable to do anything else anyway.

And these are the things that kept me sane through one of my most upsetting weekends ever.

Why upsetting? Well, it was then that I told myself never to be so sick again that I would need someone's help ever again.

People. People are just sometimes unreliable. Selfish. and mostly they think that the world revolves around them.

And pple ask me why do i find it hard to trust someone. Well its because of that.

For me, friends are not to be taken for granted. That I learnt when I was 11. Friends are those who will stay. Acquaintances are those who stay just because you have the influence, money, brains and desert you when everything goes wrong.

Its funny how A would constantly ask me why I would do almost anything for B. Why is it if I were to ask to choose between A and B. I would definitely choose B.

That's coz, B is someone whom I have grown to trust over the years. Who knows me so well that he doesn't really have to ask much to know what's wrong. B is surprisingly one of the 4 people that i have ever broke down in front of in my entire life. When I mean broke down, like literally grow limp and cry. B have always been there by my side, taking my side or not agreeing with me but still take my side but scold me later on. B is 1 out of 3 person that I could say anything I want, filtered or unfiltered. B checks on me constantly when B knows i'm sick even though there is nothing else B could do. B calls or messages when B realises that its been that long since we last spoke or meet up. B may not be the easiest person to understand but B genuinely cares in B's own way even though he may show it differently.

Unlike A who have countlessly shown over the period of these recent 6 months that she just needs me to be there for her through her problems, sleepless nights, loneliness, adapting, needing to adjust to be independent and have proven to be unable to help when i finally need help, i.e. saturday when i needed to go to the doctor, coz surprise, she was SUDDENLY busy on the day and time agreed upon the previous day.

So does A really wanna know why I would choose B over her? I doubt it.

Coz unlike A, I know how to value my friends. There's 4 people in my life that I would trust my life with and B is one of those people. Beside my mom and these people, B is one of the people who I would stake my life for.

NO CHANGE

didn't think it was worth it. So i'll be arriving as initially planned.

-----------------------------------------------

I hate it how pple always say i'm rich just coz i'm an international student and how i dont have to work hard and not to have a care in the world and i will still receive a monthly allowance.

Truthfully, I feel insulted. Totally insulted.

While I understand where you're coming from, at the same time don't judge me coz i've never judge you alrite. You don't know my current circumstances then don't just give me some flippant remarks just coz you think you know better.

well, if you are persistent that my mom is rich. Then, *shrugs* AMEN. Hopefully, one day she will be.

I would just say that my mom is blessed.

And I am blessed to have her. A single mom singlehandedly supporting both her family back home and me here in Australia.

So yes.

God, thank you. *smiles*

PERSONAL BANKER

My mom has been gleeful eversince she got her new personal banker.

why?

she thinks that he is good looking and a really nice boy.

why is she telling me this?

She can't wait to introduce me to him once i'm back in Singapore.

She say.. Meet one of your criterias already!

Me: What criteria?

Her: He chinese lor!

Me: I DO NOT SPECIFICALLY LOOK FOR CHINESE!

Her: Yeah rite. Anyways, I think he's good looking and he's really nice.

Me: *thinks to self* of course nice la.. my mother his client wat.

Her: If you see him confirm you drool down there. I asked him how old he is yesterday. He say 26. Not bad rite?

Me: -.-"

I seriously dunno what's up lor. And what's wrong with being attracted to Chinese man? I think ok wat. I like their traditional cultures and find me a malay man who would be able to accept me the way someone of a different race could. ha. not easy rite?

Truthfully, if my mom didn't marry my dad. I would definitely already be a Nadira Lim Li Mei or something instead of being the mix that i am now lor! That, I know for a fact. HMPH!

So the women in the maternal side of the family prefers our fairer skinned counterparts. Except for my grandmother. That one in denial. Forever have some remarks, genuine or sarcastic. Sometimes she forget lor, her own father was chinese. bleargh! -.-"

List of Theatre Productions

1. Beauty & the Beast : 25 Nov - 19 Dec 2009
   
   
2. Bedrooms - I would wanna catch the Baba Malay Version if I can be back in time: 25 - 29 Nov 2009 Malay
   
   1 - 6 Dec 2009 English
   
   
3. The Jungle Book: 5 Nov - 13 Dec 2009
   
   
4. Maksim Concert Classique (fine, i know that's not a theatre production, but its Maksim! He's like.. PIANO GOD! *drools*) : 18-19 Nov 2009 OK. NVM I JUST REALISED I WONT BE HOME FOR IT
   
   
5. Menopause The Musical (ITS BACK!!!!): 26-29 Nov 2009
   
   
6. Cat, Lost & Found: 3-5 Dec 2009
   
   
7. Swan Lake: 17-20 Dec 2009
   
   
8. Narnia - The Musical: 20-21 Dec 2009
   
   
9. Chestnuts Does Christmas - Like a Hard Candy Virgin: 28-30 Dec 2009
   
   
10. GREEN DAY CONCERT ON 14 JAN 2010~

THAT'S ALL FOLKS~!

ANNOYED.

I'm as annoyed as annoyed i can get. So, I need to rant.

I currently have ZERO TOLERANCE for the male species that I've categorized as my acquaintances only.

Seriously, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?

goddammit.

WHICH PART OF I HAVE LOTS TO DO BEFORE THE EXAMS IS SO FUCKING DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND? WHICH PART OF DON'T BOTHER ME TILL FURTHER NOTICE DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Is it my problem that your interests in me seems to be alittle more than the average human being?

So stop being so bloody sensitive when I snap/spit/bite/breathes fire when you so much as say Hi and ask me stupid questions online. Find me another girl who would remotely be in a happy mood to see you online and entertain your stupid questions despite the lack of sleep and having the same life changing exams to sit for; then I will reconsider my attitude towards you.

One thing, the normal male species doesn't seem to understand. I AM NOT LIKE YOUR TYPICAL GIRL THAT YOU MEET EVERY OTHER DAY.

Get used to it.

Cb.

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

There's tons of things constantly reeling in my mind.

1. My Women Studies Analysis due tomorrow and I'm only halfway through it. I'm just scared that I am not on the right bullshittng track. If you know wat i mean.
   
   
2. The 10 topics that i will have to remember out of the 25 that is gonna appear in my Politics paper on Tuesday next week. Which I have not touched on, coz I thought that Criminal Justice was next Tuesday. Not Politics. Well, at least i realised it sooner.
   
   
3. My entire semester's worth of grades kept on replaying itself in my head, constantly telling my sub conscious mind that I need at least a Credit for the exams to get straight Ds and CRs in my result slip.
   
   
4. My conscious mind telling me to calm down and take things one at a time
   
   
5. Its strange, this fear. But I guess, I want it that bad... *shrugs*
   
   
6. My chest and back... hurts.
   
   
7. I need something to distract me right now but I can't bring myself to have fun coz it keeps on appearing in my head.

As a result?

Tonight.

A night where I can't sleep and I can't do anything coz I'm stumped. At a loss for actions.

And surprise, its already 8.05 am and the sun have been up for ages. And I'm mentally tired but I can't go to sleep and I will be heading to school soon. Since I need to get away from temptation at home such as the bed and story books and well, I do need to finish my Women Studies Analysis inclusive of footnotes. So ya. I need other kind of books.

Haiz.

EXAMS TIMETABLE.

		Date	Day	Start Time	Topic	Title		Duration			Building
		17-11-09	Tuesday	17:45:00	POLI1009	Govt, Business & Society		2:00			Sport Centre
		20-11-09	Friday	13:15:00	CRIM1004	Criminal Justice System		1:30			Sturt Gym
		25-11-09	Wednesday	13:15:00	ENGL1001	Professional English		3:00			Sport Centre

I have no idea why i was under the impression that Criminal Justice Exams is tuesday and not friday.

HAIYO! now i have to kill self after my women studies assignment.

And my paper ends at 8pm on Tuesday!

Callin' U

Just what I need to remind me to have faith. It came at the right time... This is the first time I've heard them... And truthfully, my respect goes straight out to them. *salutes*

I'm callin' U
With all my goals, my very soul
Ain't fallin' through
I'm in need of U
The trust in my faith
My tears and my ways is drowning so
I cannot always show it
But don't doubt my love

I'm callin' U
With all my time and all my fights
In search for the truth
Tryin'a reach U

See the worth of my sweat
My house and my bed
Am lost in sleep
I will not be false in who I am
As long as I breathe

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't feel nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

I'm callin' U
When all my joy
And all my love is feelin' good
Cuz it's due to U

See the time of my life
My days and my nights
so it's alright
Cuz at the end of the day
I still got enough for me and my

I'm callin' U
When all my keys
And all my bizz
Runs all so smooth
I'm thankin' U
See the halves in my life
My patience, my wife
With all that I know
Oh, take no more than I deserve
Still need to learn more

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
all I need in my life

Our relationship, so complex
Found U while I was headed straight for hell in quest
You have no one to compare to
'Cause when I lie to myself it ain't hidden from U
I guess I'm thankful
Word on the street is U changed me
It shows in my behaviour
Past present future
Lay it all out
Found my call in your house
And let the whole world know what this love is about

Yo te quiero, te extraño, te olvido
Aunque nunca me has faltado, siempre estas conmigo
Por las veces que he fallado y las heridas tan profundas
Mejor tarde que nunca para pedirte mil disculpas
Estoy gritando callado yo te llamo, te escucho, lo intento
De ti yo me alimento
Cuando el aire que respiro es violento y turbulento
Yo te olvido, te llamo, te siento

[Translation:]
I love you, I miss you, I forget you
Even though you never let me down and always are by my side
For all the times I've failed and hurt you deeply
Better later than never to give you a 1000 apologies
I'm shouting silently, callin' you, I'm listening to you, I'm tryin'
You nourish me
When the air that I breathe is violent and turbulent
I'm forgettin' you, I'm callin' you, I'm feelin' you

Oh, no, no
I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U
My One & Only

I don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but U...

oh, no, no
i don't need nobody
& I don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
MY one and only

I don't need nobody
& i don't fear nobody
I don't call nobody but you
all i need in my life

- Outlandish

COUNTDOWN

Seems as though everyone has begin their countdown for my return. Its 2 days ago when i was talking to deena that I realise I will be leaving here in approximately 3 weeks. yup.

HMMMMMMM...

it will be good to be home i suppose.

Chest Attacks.

Something that is hard to get, is ALWAYS worth it. She says.

I hope as hell she is right. Coz, I haven't been in the right state of mind since.

It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it. It will be worth it.

I'm sure it will be.

.... At least, I hope so.

Conflicted.

At the end of the day, despite everything, it is morally right... isn't it?

Dear All,

Thanks for the birthday presents that arrived yesterday!

It was definitely a pleasant surprise!

I love it all!

The watch, the earrings, the swirly decorative thing and yes lili, the care bear too. Even though, i am not going to bring it around to sch... or am i?

MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHA... LOL

Turning 23

in Adelaide!

was spent with Melvyn, of course!

No words could describe how I felt yesterday! Love the food, the company, the time.

THANK YOU FOR YESTERDAY! *smiles*

Love Always,

Dee

There's one person that i've always taken for granted.

Mawarni.

The one cousin that has always been with me from far. The one cousin that I always have sibling rivalry with. Yes, we're close enough to have such things.

We're so close that we're exactly a year apart from each other.

25th October 1985 & 25th October 1986.

Maybe its because of that, that we're so close. Apart from the fact that we're cousins.

We're the same zodiac sign but we're the direct opposite from each other. The one similarity we have is that we're both fiercely jealous beings and we're both super loyal.

But those are the traits of a scorpion. Yeah.

She never failed to sense if something is wrong. She has always managed to cover for me. She has never failed to tease me about the guys in my life. She has also never failed to make have the urge to claw her eyes out sometimes.

At the end of the day, she is one of the few people that I know that would practically do anything for me. Even though we're currently further from each other then usual, she still makes her presence felt.

Happy Birthday you!

I'll see you soon at the end of the year!

Love you always!

Dear Soulmate,

Thanks for finally coming around. I'm still coughing and my voice is still low but I am generally fine! =) and no I have yet to start studying. Heh.

Hope your list is getting better soon. Well, at least we both know that exams will be getting out of the way one day soon and the list will be therefore be getting shorter. I'm glad the huge red soft toy is keeping you company.

I love you too, soulmate. And I miss you tons as well! But I'll be back home soon. Its less than a mth to my first paper and soon it'll be done and I'll be home!

So till then, take care.

And the music video is the perfect ending to an entry. LOL!

Hey you! Yes, you.

what's going on? Haven't heard from you in ages! well, at least it can be considered ages in our definition.

Read your blog. Hmm, don't tell me things are still not settled? Call me alrite?

-----------------------------------------------

So where am I rite now at 9.39am Australian time (which is 6.39am Singapore Time)? I'm at Politics lecture. MUAHAHAHAHA!!! the first one i've attended this sem! lol!! i'm oh so proud of myself!

Guess what the lecture is talking about? Internet Censorship. You know ah, some topics would be the last on my mind to be catergorized under Politics... But ya...

--------------------------------------------------

Now here I am in the library after Professional English tutorial and the presentation which i was annoyed about on my facebook status. Well, I was bent on doing an individual presentation when one of my group members caught hold of me sometime this week and I agreed on doing the pair work...

But anyways, that's done! YAY YAY! And I have fixed my attendance for English with assignments.. so that is goooooddddddddd~~

*bounces about*

I wanna fix politics attendance tooooooo~

--------------------------------------------------

Exams coming sooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn~!

SURPRISE SURPRISE

This is abit weird for me to post up here on my blog... -.-

But since I was too free and instead of studying, I entered this:

http://www.exploremodeling.com/Contest/Faceof_ELF_2010/16060/Nur_Nadira_Zainal.aspx

So... (This is the first time I'm saying this for myself.. it is kinda weird...) VOTE FOR ME k?

WAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

*buries self*

Topman & Topshop...

COMING TO AUSTRALIA!

like... finally.

Glee Episode 7

Is my favouritest episode so far!!! Woot woot~! Something i can relate too i suppose...

'

Love love this song!

I actually love Mercedes's style! Woot woot!

Until Mel told me this just now, "Don't you think Mercedes is looking more and more like you from episode 3 onwards?" I was like.. really?! hmmm...

Exams coming sooooonnnnnn....

Am annoyed with group members.

need to start studying soon...

Cough is killing me.

Truthfully,

I am worried.

I wonder how badly have i screwed this semester up. Not because of assignments i've missed. more like my tutorial attendance.

This semester passed by in a blink. I'm not sure if i can say a blink.. but ya... i dont think I was about to blink and BAM! I'm at week 10 already.

I've missed alot of tutorials, i think.

Coz of assignments and/or waking up late (or not at all) the day after. and yes, finally, falling sick. i've been sick twice this sem. once upon returning from singapore; flu. and then, now; mild asthma.

So yes. I am... quite worried.

Dunno what i'm doing also la.. like.. i'm so busy.. sometimes i cant remember if i attended class or not. ya. -.-"

watever it is... I need to, at least, pass everything... yeah, even though I hate whatever I'm doing rite now. bleargh~

RANDOM-NESS

Its hard finding a friend who understands, what more a boyfriend rite? So stop asking me if i'm attached or not. If there's someone new or not. seriously.

LOL!

hmmm...

I'm currently doing my essays and the last one of the semester!!! I think. hmm

anyways,

the senoritas are having their jalan raye today and I hope its fun! just kinda sad that i couldn't be there tho! *sobs*

I think my cousin is an idiot. I'm serious. If i were there, she most probably already gotten a tight slap from me. And yes, I mean it this time round. I'm pissed off. Yeah. I mean at the end of the day, when you feel as tho you lose everything, you'll still have your pride. Don't ever lose that. Gosh, seriously, woman? Don't tell me, even that I have to tell you?

I seriously dunno she have brains for wat lor sometimes. Yes, I am really really really... pissed.

on other news, I'm just worried how badly have I screwed up this semester. yeah. *HUGE SIGH*

God, help me~

Of Tears & Heartbreaks...

Hope you're feeling better, really.

I don't know what else to say. I think everything have been said and laid out in the open. Its a choice to be made now i suppose. Its always the messiest thing when parents get involved. Trust me, I know.

I've never wish for you to go through all this. Its painful. Yup, really painful.

Everytime you asked me what was it that you have done wrong to receive all this. I have no answer to that. I've asked myself that a thousand time and have yet to reach an answer. How can I give you one? I've looked at the rest of us and have wondered for the umpteenth time what have we done wrong. And for the umpteenth time, I don't have an answer.

I know you do feel envious of others. So do I, even though I don't admit it. But hey, I truly believe that we're currently in whatever situation we are in because we allow ourselves to be put through this. Loyalty should be banned. lol!

I really hope you're alright. It really sucks that you're there and i'm here and its just so difficult to talk.

It really pains me to see you like this. You're worth more than this. I just hope you remember that and not let anyone put you down.

haiz...

-----------------------------------------------------------

I am so tired and lazy to do my essay that I am still stuck on bloody Criminal Justice. Oh god, help me pls! Now is really not the time for me to be sick and tired of school work. Just give me the strength for another 2 mths. If everything all fails, then...

Haiz...

I dunno.

Of Festivities, Happiness and Concerts...

Its the 2nd day of Hari Raya... And guess where am I? Yup, in Australia. Alone.

Its the most unexpected flood of emotions. I miss something. Somehow I dont think that it is home that I miss. Its just the absence of something but I cant seem to put a finger on it.

One thing for sure was that there were many tears from the other side of the webcam when I was talking too on the eve of hari raya and on the day itself.

I wont deny that going through this was hard. It did not help that I was alone. Yup. Of all the promises you forgot, you had to forget the one you made for this period.

On the day of Hari Raya, I couldn't cry. I just stared at the webcam and saw everyone trying to put a brave front for me. These are the things that people at home have told me about Hari Raya this year...

• How my house was quiet on the morning of Hari Raya coz nobody had to wake me up through various abusive measures
  
• How everyone have yet to eat even though it was 1pm Singapore time, coz i wasn't around running through the house going at top volume that I'm hungry.
  
• How my grandmother was still asleep at 1pm coz no one was there to bounce on the bed to wake her up
  
• How they only cooked sambal goreng and rendang coz there isn't anyone to complain about the lack of food...
  
• How my mom was the only one still awake at 4am singapore time on eve of hari raya finishing weaving the ketupats
  
• How my house isn't overfilled with flowers coz i went on a spending spree the day before
  
• How my nieces have decided, it is not hari raya if they don't get to meet their aunt on the first day. -.-" I told them, don't be stupid.
  
• How I found out that Deena still emote more for me then I ever have emoted for myself in the presence of others.
  
• How Deena ended up getting dressed coz I was pestering her on MSN and her dad just shook his head smiling when he saw me waiting on webcam and Deena went to find her Baju Kurung..
  
• How my cousins webcam me when they arrived in Singapore before going out so that they can ask me if their hair is ok... Just the way it always happen everytime i'm back home

And by the time we ended the conversations and closed the webcam, I felt shittier and more miserable then when the day started.

Hari Raya as I have realised meant more to me then some i suppose. Back home, Hari Raya have always felt like another day of festivities. Only till I came here then I realised the things that I've been doing every year for nearly 20years when Hari Raya is around the corner.

The lack thereof was definitely... upsetting.

I definitely miss

• The smell of cookies baking on the weekends when I wake up (it has reached a point where I wake up here and I thought I smell things baking from the kitchen and then I realise.. who the hell is gonna bake in this house other then me?)
  
• Weaving the ketupats on the eve of Hari Raya at high speed and every year my grandmother will get on my nerves (no idea whether on purpose or wat) about her surprise that I know how to weave the ketupats and where on earth i've learnt it from
  
• The smell of home cooked food on the morning of Hari Raya
  
• Disturbing my cats with the veins of the leaves while taking a break from weaving the ketupats
  
• Trying on my Baju Raya again to see if I have lost any weight since.
  
• Trying on the Baju Kurung my aunt makes and constantly going into her room and telling her too big la, lopsided la, cut this, cut that, why like that? till i get chased out of the room by the end of the night...
  
• Going on a spending spree for flowers at the nursery and bringing it home to my mom's annoyance coz I spend so much money on something that will last only a week, tops. And my retort will be, "nice wat. my money my wish ah!!! i cant decide what colour rose and daises I want then you like lillies wat! So I must get it also wat!!" - but seriously, 150 on flowers from nursery is definitely a hell lot of flowers even for my house.
  
• The yearly tradition of running to the tv at 10pm with the coconut leaves in hand on the eve of Hari Raya to plonk myself in front of it and watch Salam Lebaran on Suria.
  
• And then the one thing i miss most would be hearing the takbir rite after breaking fast on the eve of Hari Raya. It has always been humbling hearing it. This year, knowing consciously it was Hari Raya and couldnt hear it at the exact moment was hollow. that's the only way to describe it.

But but.. i think by next year, i'll get used to it.. I will have too.. if i'm not going back. but then again, if every one is in singapore for Hari Raya by the time i start working... I would be on leave and back in Singapore during this period rite? yup yup.

----------------------------------------------------

BTW, I'M NOT GOING FOR BEYONCE'S CONCERT TONIGHT! HMPH!!!! COZ NOBODY IS GONNA GO WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They said that Beyonce is too expensive! Coz the only tickets left are the Gold class tickets, silver and bronze sold out can. I swear Adelaide can be so weird sometimes, why cheap tickets sold out first also I can't fathom!

HMPH! I sadded lor. You know how much I wanna hear Beyonce sing Halo live? ALOT!

Deena! where you when I need you to go to Beyonce with me? haiz. you confirm will go one rite? haiz.

Glee

This drama series is my new past time apart from Big Bang Theory and the new season of Gossip Girl...

I love love love love their version of Gold Digger as compared to Kanye's original obviously... hmm..

Here it is:



And I think the character Mercedes is such a joy to watch.. And with someone her size, it is surprisingly pleasing to watch her dance. Love love love this scene!! Attitude! You go girl!



Seriously think its something worth watching... People should make more of this kinda bollywood worthy tv series.

High School Musical was a hit.

Now, Glee. *nods*

The vocals in Glee is definitely awesomer then some of HSM.

So yes, I am officially proud to say that I'm a... GLEEK!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Btw, this is totally random but I think Taylor Lautner looks farking hot as Jacob Black in the New Moon trailer. YUMMY!

LOL!

Guess What Arrived This Morning?

Kuih Makmur, Kuih Tart and M&Ms Choc Chips Cookies, Card Raya, Other Miscellaneous stuff and my GREEN PACKETS!!!!!!!!!!

haiz.

Confirm my housemates wondering what on earth is going on back home. Yesterday I received a small package. Today I received an even bigger one... -.-"

THANK YOU

Guess what came in the mail today?

4 Hari Raya Cards from my cousins in Malaysia.

I thought I was gonna be fine. I started grinning from ear to ear. And I opened it, and tears started falling.

I'm gonna miss you guys this Hari Raya.. Do a fashion shoot for me aite? =)

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin! Kalau ader terkasar bahasa, tersilap cerita, tersakit hati... Harap dimaafi! *muacks*

RAMADHAN

has ended for me.

YUP YUP!

God i'm so tired and my lower back is aching so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

standing and leaning my tummy against something seems to be the best and most comfortable position and I have no idea why!!

I'm like the walking dead... i'm serious! I just say when I think its time to go home, hungry or pee! sheesh.

-----------------------------------------------

btw, is it me? Or are things really awkward between us? And may I know why exactly?

Of Bus Stops and Scenic Walks...

Many would have known by now that I have moved down hill from Eden Hills to St Marys. But I am still unfamiliar with the buses that goes around my area... I know. Sad. But ya.

So there I was fasting and all rite. On Friday was the first time I took the wrong bus. Or was it Last thursday? I think it was last thursday. i was from Marion (its this huge shopping centre in the suburbs) and was waiting for the bus to go home when the bus 213 arrives.

See. I can take any bus that goes along City via goodwood road.

So I took 213 instead. What I didnt realise was that 213 actually goes City Via Goodwood Road and Daws Road. I am staying on Cashel St rite now. SO.

Daws Road is the main road adjacent to cashel st. So you think what's the big deal rite? I can just take 213, stop along daws road and walk home.

So I only realised that it went along Daws Road when I was in the bus, OBVIOUSLY. I stopped and crossed the road and saw on my left No. 1 Cashel St and on my right No. 2 Cashel St and straight ahead is along road through Cashel St.

Wanna know what's my house number? 128.

Yup. Its approximately 3.5km walk to my house. Its a long winding road steadily going uphill. I can't be bothered to wait for the bus that goes in coz I didnt know the timing.

So yes, I was walking. 3.5km all the way home. Hungry and tired and with the need to pee so bad and the grocery bag that was on my shoulder and my books!!! I couldn't take it anymore that I started eating Hungry Jacks that I bought to break my fast with while walking on that ultra long and scenic journey.

So you would think I would have learnt my lesson by then rite?

No. i didn't.

Yesterday, I took F40 back home. The reason why I took this bus is coz i always see the bus passing by everytime I'm climbing up the small hill to take the bus to uni. So I thought, ok. It passes by my house.

What I forgot was that, on the main roads leading into the City, the buses don't stop at every stop. They're what they call here the Transit buses. Where the journey to the city seems to be cut short.

SO yes, it stops at my suburb. only that it stops at Pasadena Shopping Centre. Pasadena Shopping Centre isn't exactly a shopping centre. Its like a building with a huge Foodland in it (Foodland is like NTUC).

And guess how far Pasadena Shopping Centre is from my house? Yes. About 2km.

Half way through my scenic walk home *rolls eyes* i need to pee. Again. Haiz.

So yes.

BUSES HERE CHEAT MY FEELINGS! Cb.

------------------------------------------------

So here I am at the Sturt Campus typing this out whhile waiting for 7plus to go for fencing. yes, I have decided to go for fencing today. After going MIA for about.. 6weeks? yeah. its been that long. Oh well watever la.

Btw, I prefer the Main Campus library than the Sturt Campus one even though there is more couches here as compared to the Main one.

But the comps here lag so bad!!

When Hari Raya Haji comes along...


Ever wondered if those kambings could sing? How they would sound like? I just found the perfect video of singing kambing before getting slaughtered!

The Waitress

I didn't know why I didnt watch the waitress when it was out...

hmm...

It made me cry and laugh all at the same time.. yup really like it.. even though streaming it online was a pain in the ass.. lol!

-------------------------------------------------------

Everyone back home is asking me what am I gonna do or prepare for hari raya... truth is, i don't think I will be doing anything. yup.

I'm not making any festive cookies... Even though I have grudgingly allowed my mom to send me festive cookies.. *shrugs*

Maybe I just wanna survive here without being reminded of Idul Fitri back home.

My nieces are txting me, so are my cousins.

No guys. I wont be home for hari raya. Won't be back for it for the next 5yrs.

What will i be doing instead? I have alot of essays due soon. So yes.. I'll be doing that instead...

PHOTOSHOP.

I MISS YOU!!!!!!

Why? Coz of this, I was looking through one of my blogs... yes i have a few for different purposes - most under same usernames.

I remembered how much I use to take pictures and edit them with exerpt of poems some from mine and others which I've found online.

Then I saw this.

The one picture that made me smile even when i was editting it... =)

Dont you think my cousins are just awesome? LOL!

Hally, Remember this?

You know wat? There are many many things that I wanna say.

But I dont know how to start. yup.

oh wells.

Life has been somewhat interesting for me. Yup. Interesting. *Smiles*

Maybe its coz of fasting month? Coz the same thing happened last yr as well. lol!

One reason why I like being here... (Most Impt, me thinks)

1. I'm grateful for my roots. For the first time since 5yrs, I no longer wish that I was of another religion or race.

At least nobody judges here. I no longer have to look into a person's eyes being able to read the stereotyped hidden beneath and knowing that I have already been judged and concluded before even given a chance.

I don't mind fighting to prove others wrong. Sometimes, its just tiring. Very tiring. I need a break too.

So I guess, this is my break? =)

Whatever it is, at the end of the day, I know that at least someone cares. =)

If I were to...

have Alex Pettyfer's child....

It will look like this!

(came across the site when i was bloghopping)

DONT YOU THINK ITS JUST TOOO CUTE! I most prob wouldn't be able to stop staring at the child. LOL

OR... If i do have his child. I think my son will end up looking like me dont you think? LOL!

Pet Names

Surprise surprise! I found out I have a pet name amongst some. Purely by chance and maybe some mistake of nature. *rolls eyes* Yup, amongst people I don't know well enough but I guess talked about often enough to be able to be bestowed such an honour. I should be flattered.

I wonder, what else am I classified as?

oh well. I should just concentrate on trying to finish my Politics assignment which was due today, but I cant finish it yesterday due to the last minute spirit council meeting in which i was asked to attend.

Sooo toodles, before i live up to my pet name's reputation.

Ramadhan

Its already the 5th day. Hmmm now that I think about it.. its kinda fast. 24 more days to go..

So what did I eat tonight?

Stir fried chicken, egg and rice.

My pantry is running out of essential cooking ingredients. hmph! i lazy lor wanna go grocery shopping. haiz.

I need garlic, chilli, rice, fishball, tauhu, chicken ham, nutella..

shit. i just remembered i've ignored my bread in the fridge. DIE LIAO! confirm green already! haiz. Now I have to add bread to the list. bleargh~

then my light soy sauce, oyster sauce and sesame oil also finishing. -.-" Which means I have to go to the city one of these days...

I need to buy spring onions too.

Wheat flour for my chwee kueh. haiz. this is not gonna be cheap. WAAAAAAA!!! I shall just postpone this in 2 weeks time la when my allowance come in. bleargh!

Of Boyfriends and Birthdays...

Me and my friends... I know too well just how much they will do anything for people who matters. Coz, I do the exact same thing. I guess birds of a feather really do flock together.

You know, when either of us is/are/were attached, we cherish our partners so much that even a slap from a parent doesnt matter. Disapprovals are just countered with challenged biased opinions of our partners even though deep down inside we all know, our parents might just be right. But we ignore that nagging thought and the parental department keep their opinions to themselves after awhile after seeing that maybe their daughter(s) might just be right... But us girls, we never voice out such things. We keep it to ourselves.

I really hate it when I see my friends quarrel about birthday celebrations with their partners about petty issues such as wearing the inappropriate outfit either too revealing or too short.

Truthfully, I find it heartbreaking. Don't you have any idea how much a girlfriend would put into planning a birthday celebration for you?

We plan for months. We survey locations, call up restaurants to see if we can request any change in the menu becoz our partners don't eat it, allergic to it, etc.

We look for presents, locally and internationally. We survey shops after shops. And for presents such as gadgets or things that we are not familiar with, we go to forums after forums and sometimes research too much about it to the point that it appears in our dreams. Coz at the end of the day, what you like matters most.

And some, even save money for months coz where the boyfriend is concerned, there is no such thing as a budget.

We spend hundreds and maybe thousands of dollars to make that one day that happen annually perfect and special.

We search for weeks for the perfect outfit. On the day, we take extra time to look nice, be pretty, smell good and doll up more then usual just coz it is after all his special day and you are his special girl. And you want to see that smile that he feels lucky to be yours... and vice versa.

And how do you think we would feel that after all that, when you see us, you turn temperamental just coz you think our outfit no matter how much you like it is just too revealing and what would pple say...

And even after all that, we still swallow our pride and still smile to salvage watever it is that we can to try and make that day perfect even though inside, we can hear our hearts shattering in disappointment.

and trying hard to keep a smile instead of tears, our thoughts louder then your words. Unappreciated.

You know, we don't even have to hear thank you but a beaming smiling face or a pleasant attitude just on that day would be enough to tell us that it was all worth it.

in 20 minutes time...

I will be breaking fast for the first time by myself away from home.

heh.

If you all wanna know, i'll be eating my nasi lemak and sambal ikan bilis and telor which I made yesterday evening... =)

My attempt at...

Sesame Dumpling with the recipe I found online.. yippee! she's my new cooking idol. Its really damn easy. I was quite surprised myself! I felt cheated for paying all that money to Banquet or any other coffeeshop! HMPH!

check it out! I'm so proud of myself!

And my attempt at making this korean snack Ddeokggochi, its like skewered fried rice cakes la is somewhat a failure. I tried it with Deena when we were going to go karaoke with the girls... So happy lor when we were eating it! I have to remember that next time I shall put it on satay sticks and pan fry it instead of deep frying it. lalalallalala...

Truly Melaka

So yesterday was the cooking spree that i was blogging about rite? So end up we didnt go marketing in the morning, I went to the city for marketing in the afternoon and then waited for mel to pick me up. Yup. HE WAS LATE! but nehmind nehmind, Adelaide peak hours 415pm onwards. -.-" SO I WAITED CAN! haiz. so long lor. he only arrived at 5 i think!!!!

Yesterday, as Mel puts it, was the happy-fying meal. I didnt buy black glutinous rice so we didnt make bubor pulut hitam. I think chendol would have completed yesterday's meal like with a huge big round and smiling full stop. lol!

Reached my place and... wah lau.. we both cook for ourselves like macam party you know.

Lemak Chilli Padi

Tauhu Goreng

Beef Rendang

Udang Assam

after that... we both sat at my living room mcm babi lor.

Anywayz, here's the pics from yesterday... Yesterday is really cook until tired that kind. but not bad la quite fast despite my blur sotongness from being sick and seem to be throwing every other ingredient into the dustbin.

2 down.. 2 more to go!

check out my kitchen!

The chefs of Cashel and Bailey St

Meal ready! I have no idea why the blog is uploading this side ways.

Mel just have a problem with this thing. That thing is btw, my tissue box cover. since I'm having flu, lady bird had to grace the dinner table. He thinks that my lady bird is smiling smugly at him. -.-"

Fruit Tart (Recipe requested by S.C.)

Ingredients

CRUST

22g (8 oz) unsalted butter
150g ( 5 1/3 oz) castor sugar
3 eggs
500g ( 1lb 1 1/2 oz) bread flour

PASTRY CREAM
2 cups ( 500ml / 16 fl oz) fresh milk
1 tsp vanilla essence
4 egg yolks
125 g (4 1/2 oz) castor sugar
50 g (1 2/3 oz) corn flour (cornstarch)
100 g (3 1/2 oz) butter

FILLING
some melted chocolate
fruit of your choice
apricot jam, warmed and mixed with a little water to glaze

*beans

METHOD

1. Prepare crust. Cream butter and sugar until smooth. Add eggs one at a time followed by flour. Roll dough into balls and cover with plastic wrap. Leave to chill in the refrigerator for 2 hours before rolling out thinly to line tartlet tins OR the huge tart pan.
   
2. Bake blind, covered with aluminium foil and filled with beans (you can use nuts - almonds or hazelnuts, for a more aromatic flavour to your crust) in an oven oreheated to 175 degrees celsius fir about 10 mins until crust is golden and base dry. Discard foil and beans. leave crust to cool.
   
3. Prepare pastry cream. In a saucepan, bring milk and vanilla essence to a simmer. In a bowl beat egg yolks, sugar and corn flour into a smooth custard. Slowly add hot milk. Pour custard back into saucepan and continue cooking over low heat until thick and bubbly. Add butter and turn off the heat. Leave to cool slightly before refrigerating to chill.
   
4. Start assembling tarts when pastry cream is sufficiently chilled. Brush melted chocolate over the base of pastry shells. This keeps the pastry from becoming soggy when the pastry cream is added. Pipe in pastry cream and decorate with fruit.
   
5. Brush tarts with warm, melted apricot jam heated with a little water to keep the fruit fresh.

the end. Happy trying SC!

Cooking Spree

I'm going on a cooking spree tmr! With Mel!

Yup yup!

so much so that we're going marketing at 9am before school.

yes you read that right! I. AM. WAKING. UP. EARLY. TO. GO. MARKETING.

to go pasar you know!

totally wth. i know. totally domesticated. cb.

Anywayz, here's the pics of the last time I was too free and made Chocolate Macadamia Cheesecake and some other things. I have a full frontal pic but i'm not gonna upload it, coz I kinda destroyed my perfect round cheesecake when i was trying to get it out of the pan, coz my choc was a little too sticky.

The cheesecake isn't as smooth la.. but wth, this is my first try anywayz. Its yummy tho. Trust me, I don't eat cheesecake. Heh. And Surprisingly easy. =D

My grandmother's Lemak Chilli Padi, but of course, in Australia, the Chillis are temperamental. So normal chilli would suffice. LOL.

my CHOCOLATE CHIP MACAROONS! Yum Yum. I made this while watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle on my lappie! LOL! it's that easy!

will update today's escapade with pictures soon!

Anywayz, SC, i owe you my tart recipe rite? Will be up in the entry after! Will post it at a more godly time of the day!

love ya'll many many!

I'm back...

Truthfully, I'm dead tired. But what can I do rite? I'm back rite smack in the middle of an ongoing semester.

Singapore was definitely memorable.

And I've just been gone 6months.

I came back totally random without informing anyone including my mom coz I was still deciding about 10hours before my flight if I really did want to go back. Only 5 people back in Singapore knew I was coming back. Mom only found out about me coming home 20 minutes before i boarded my flight. heh.

I was somewhat at peace.

Truthfully, I thought that I won't be caught up in a back to back meet ups every other day till the day I fly off. I feel the pinch of the lack of salary. haiz.

I haven't been online much for the 2 weeks that I was back. The irony of it all. I came home to unlimited internet only not to use it at all! sheesh.

Singapore was alot of things.

Dramatic was one of it.

Yup boring old Singapore, dramatic. Weird isn't it?

Reminded me why I ran away sometimes. Yup, I ran away.

I've decided, until I put up the 3 things I wanted to put up, till then I'll be part of it. After that, no more. (Dont bother asking me what this is about, only one person know what these 3 things are.)

I'm somewhat happy to be back here to settle into my quiet somewhat boring life of a student all over again.

200 more words to go. 3 and half hours to deadline. Smart me fell asleep this morning.


Oh and Kay, I do not avoid you in front of my friends. If you're thinking why I replied other pple and not you, that's coz they usually txt me to check my tagboard.

And Shah: yup it was definitely memorable. See you end of the year. hopefully.

My cousins drove in over the weekend in hopes of seeing my face before I fly off.

Mawar is doing well. The new job is treating her well I see. Vice President! LOL! happening yo.

The siblings are doing well after all the hoo haa that happened last month and they have kept me updated everyday via Yahoo Messenger. They're growing up. They're good people. yup.

Mawar's gonna get engaged next year. 25. I guess that's a not bad age of getting engaged and 26, married. But then again, marriage isn't the age. Its about whether you're ready or not rite? If a person is ready at 19 then by all means, go and get married lor...

I will be busy driving in and out of Malaysia end of the yr I guess... yup yup... Since she trusts me in deco and even her outfit.. =)

Mom has a new fear. She is now convinced that I will never get married due to certain reasons. She told me about it after she talked to my cousins and then they were telling her about their dream wedding. Yeah. Even the guy knows what he's gonna wear on his wedding day. heh. cuteness.com.

I? I just zoned out and played with my pet on pet society. When they left the room, my mom stared at me. My instant reaction, "what? Am I next in line for the interview? If you have to know, I never thought about how my wedding will be like." And she just laughed. She said, "No... As for you, I'm just worried you'll never get married.."

And the marriage topic has finally set itself out in the open on me.

I hate growing older.

There are many times where I didnt wanna come back here.

Today I was proven right.

Truthfully, Adelaide would be perfect if all of my friends are there with me and my family visited me occasionally.

My mom trusts me more. Why can't everyone else do the same?

Its just been a week and I've started quarreling and crying. I dont wanna think about when I have to stay here for 3 months.

I'm 23 not 5.

The way you talked about things that have happened, lovingly. You know what I call it? Hypocrite.

I came home not to stare at the walls. I can do it in Adelaide. Oh wait, I've been doing it for the past 6 months.

I left the one place I've called home my whole life, ran away from all familiarities because of so many things. Then I realised maybe this was one of those many things.

Kau jangan keluar malam malam. Asal asyik nak keluar dengan kawan kau. Macam perempuan kabaret. Keturunan aku tak der pun perempuan kabaret. Mungkin keluarga kau yang banyak perempuan kabaret. Kau makin duduk jauh makin pandai menjawab makin kurang ajar.

Ye lah nek, agaknye keluarga dee memang byk pun perempuan kabaret. Keluarga nenek kan semuanya alim alim. Ustaz, Imam... Tapi yang nenek takut sangat aper orang fikir pasal dee dee tu kenaper? Nenek ingat dee dee kisah sangat aper orang nak cakap? Orang nak ngumpat, ngumpat la.. sendiri yang dosa.

Of course my friends will be more important to me then you. They dont judge me, they never have. I'm beginning to think that my friends know me better then my own grandmother. Ya well. If all she can see from my face is whatever she has concluded then too bad for her. Here I thought that 6 months would have changed a lot of things. It changed everyone. Except her.

When coming home suddenly felt anything but right.

Hello Home

Its been a difficult time adjusting.

I havent been sleeping much. I just can't sleep.

Its too warm. Its too bright. Its too noisy in the middle of the night. And I stay awake, waiting for the night to get darker as it progresses. I waited and waited. And soon I realise, the sounds of engines being turned on gets more frequent, people starts sneezing, coughing, toilets flushing, water running through the pipes. Yup, people are waking up to go to work already. And I am still awake.

Haiz.

And yes, I am currently in Singapore. Its just one of those random moments of mine which I am so famous for but people have agreed that this is by far the random-est of it all. I've had enough. Had enough of boredom and void of human contact. So i've decided to just fly back here.

My aunt (my mom's sister in Malaysia) thinks and is convinced that I am homesick. But I'm not. Seriously.

I was too bored and I've had enough of staring at the wall and later on the ceiling of the house with no one to talk too or hang with for the entire day OR DAYS. Yup. Some form of random activities and human contact would be good. but oh well.

Its funny how when I was in Adelaide, despite the boredom, I did not miss home and now that I am home, I am somewhat missing Adelaide. The quietness, the peacefulness, the tranquillity. And you know what's worst? When I landed at Changi Airport on Monday, strangely enough, I didn't get the feeling of "i'm home" the way I usually get when I return to Singapore from somewhere. Bleargh!

And you know what else is funny? I can no longer understand the Singapore Accent. I'm so used to the Aussie pronunciation even though I do not have their accent. It has reached to a point where I have constantly turned to Deena and ask "how much did he say?" Yup. Its annoying that I can't seem to catch the totals of the bubble teas or Macs which I'm suppose to be paying for. And therefore, I have now officially given up in trying to decipher the amount and have resorted to passing a large note to pay for the stuff resulting in me having more then enough change! -.-" ya.

Truthfully, somehow I suddenly feel out of place here. And its ONLY been 6 months since I left. I feel like a bloody alien in my own country, simply by not being able to catch what others are saying! bleargh~

APOLOGIES~

I know that i havent been blogging much since the last I blogged about me moving remember?

Ya well.. let's see alot of things have somewhat happened i suppose... lol! Hols ends this week or rather tomorrow and guess what have i been doing? NOTHING. great isnt it? yup.

I'm so grumpy angry frustrated at the fact that I've been bored with nothing to do. Yup. I do get annoyed when i have nothing to do no one to go out with. its the same kind of feeling i get when my grandmother decides to shut down on me back home and I cant go out.

I'm the kinda person who gets restless easily and boredom doesnt really sit well with me. I feel kinda useless.

Anywayz, i went into some house trouble but now i've been moved. followed my housemate and moved with her. SO its all good at least for now. My room is spacious enough but its kinda far from the toilet and with the sprained ankle, that's not really a good thing especially when its already uber urgent. HMPH!

Soooo.. how did i sprain my ankle?

Remember the fencing comp that i was blogging abt last week or so? yup. I had fencing comp 2 fridays ago and I sprained my ankle in the first bout of the Foil comp. And yes, I know I fenced Sabre but I was supposed to fence all 3 weapons in the competition. The last I did that was in Sec School. -.-

SO I sprained my ankle rite? I pulled out of foil and epee and continued fencing sabre in which we won. HAHAHAHAH! Sprained ankles and all. It was quite hilarious how we won the sabre comp coz I can barely move! lol! One of the reason why I still wanted to fence despite the sprain was coz I stayed in Adelaide during sch hols instead of flying back to Singapore was for this comp. so ya.

But ya my teammate have proudly announced that Flinders have a candidate for Paralympics! annoying rite!!??

The first 3 days of the sprain was a nightmare. I couldnt move and it hurt so bad. All i wanted to do was cry. HMPH! Whooops!~ i shouldnt have admit it here. lol! But Mel helped feed me over the weekend. he send dinner over!! yay!! so nice rite my best friend? *smiles*

SO what have i been doing? I've been doing movie marathons and drama series marathons coz I stole it from my housemate. Yup she gave me her entire external hard drive for me to take whatever i wanted. LOL! so i've been having marathons of

Wildchild
X Men Origins
Dragonball Evolution
Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging
Marley and Me
Click
Transporter 1, 2, and 3
Fast & Furious
Bolt
City of Ember
Bedtime Stories
Yes Man
Changeling
Slumdog Millionaire
Space Buddies
Horsemen
Moulin ROuge

YUP. Thats alot of movies but i've watched it all and some more than once! LOL! its only been 3 or 4 days. Watched Desperate Housewives too..

But i've been tired from the moving and the energy drained from trying to control the pain from my ankle that i've just been lying unconscious on the bed half the time and it doesnt help that the weather here has been unpredictable and therefore cutting the internet connection off half the time.

Really pisses me off.

Hmmm.. you know.. Mom asked me to go home the other day. But I was half hearted. I don't know why. There were times that I was thinking that I should have just went home, if i didnt sprain my ankle or with the sprain ankle. but at the same time, i keep on thinking that staying here seems like the best idea.

I've adjusted here enough. If I were to go home, it'll be like going back to a craving no? And then coming back here I will have to readjust all over again.

The thing with me is that I don't even know how I feel sometimes. I'm so used to dealing with things sometimes that I have no idea how i really feel. Whether I miss home or I don't? It doesnt help that I'm someone who have never vocalise my thoughts or feelings.... much.

My cousins have been wanting to go for an end of the year get a way. Hope I can join them... I havent been on a holiday in a really long while. =)

Halimah wants to go KL end of the year and she intends to drag me along as well. LOL!

I need to readjust my body clock. bleargh!

School starts next week and I dont wanna goooooooooooo~!!! LOL