A prayer.

God,

Forgive me for my weaknesses. Forgive me for my denials. Forgive me for ignoring the small voice within.

Its been hard. There's too many things flooding in every time I closed my eyes.

I've never felt so alone before. As though trapped in the darkest cave. Too many words hidden, too much feelings suppressed. I'm suffocating. No wait, maybe I'm drowning.

God, its sad. It really is, to see what is unfolding before my eyes. Some friends deserve to be thrown in a pit of fire. I swear. I thought over the years, they'll get over things. I guess... Not.

Is there really something wrong with me? Am i really that bad? That mean? What have I even done wrong to you? Sheesh.

God, I'm falling apart. But no, i can't show my vulnerability to anyone.The last thing i expect is for you to add on to this misery of mine. What I found out from him yest left me shocked. Thanks alot. You, of all people.

Why can't friendship just be simple? I thought friends care and accepted you wholly despite what you have more or less than the other? Are such friendships non-existent now? Or is that a 14th Century mindset that have evolved along with technology?

Dear God, please give them the strength to see me through this. Some have cried for my pain, while i just stare at them emotionless.

Dear God, why do the eyes glisten with tears even when nothing occurs? Why do the heart aches? Why do the head hurt? Why do the eye refuse to open at the break of a new day? I am not surprised at the situation. Its all tooo familiar. It happened before... some time back. It hurt then. It hurts now.

Therefore, i continously try even after many failed attempts. Maybe, like 2-3yrs ago, I'll walk away.

Dear God, please take care of him.

God, thanks for listening. I've talked to you all these while even when I smile and laugh.

3 yestyears ago...

I miss school. I really do! lol!

I was reading thru my past entries when i suddenly remembered of a particular time in lecture theatre where we were so bored with management? or was it company law? that we decided to write stories. there was one line that will never be erased from my head.

"WHAM! The orang utans, slammed into the hippos butt."

That seriously never failed to make me die laughing.

I was reading one entry where I was having Fam Law project. My group was Awi, Caleb, Vik, Mel and myself. It was one of my most interesting group. I remembered how panicky i was at certain periods..

And one of the classic moment i remembered was when i read my blog entry. Mel was supposed to be sending me the Family Law presentation but instead of sending it out, he put it in the recycling bin of his comp.. And there i was sitting beside him in the lab, constantly refreshing my mail at high speed. *faints*

I remembered how we used to skip classes for movie escapades, town escapades, chill out escapades, arcade escapades and even sleeping escapades.

I remembered chatting on MSN while in class and the people i was chatting with was sitting rite next to me...

I remembered SMSing in lectures when the people i was smsing with were sitting 2 rows in front of me...

I remembered how Kay comes to me when she needed help with her assignments and how all of us exchanged points and notes for exams, tests and projects.

I remembered how I started everyone camwhoring the day i got my very first digi cam. and filled 2 512MB memory cards to the brim.

I remembered internship and the craziness of it, the lunch hours, the after work hours.

I remembered prom and how gorgeous everyone looked that night.

I remembered the productions I had, the speech competitions that i've joined, the events i've hosted, the sports that i've joined... Rugby.. How fondly do i remember my 1000 sit ups and 1000 push ups per training! lol!!, the late nights to finish my projects, the early morning macdee's breakfast, And the bustling life of a student.

I remembered how i've grown to love my friends and having a partner in crime.

I remembered how afraid I was that I'll lose contact with the people i've grown to cherish and love.

I remembered feeling like shit when Mel entered army coz I no longer have my partner in crime around so often to bitch and talk to or even go out with. I remembered missing Hally & Shahdon when production ends. I remembered those moments where me and azi have our shopping sprees.

I've never forgotten any of those moments. I've missed you. haiz.

Now? Lonely. yup yup...

----------------------------------------

I won’t ever be too far away to feel you
And I won’t hesitate at all
Whenever you call
I’ll always remember
The part of you so tender
And be the one to catch your fall
Whenever you call

Being sick and alone at home is not a good combination.

Now is one of those times I hope someone would appear at my door to nurse and keep me company at home. Bring food, give hugs. bleargh~

*kills self* Can't seem to focus on anything, everything seems to be a blur. Can't seem to breathe properly, i feel worst than a fish out of water. Can't possibly move, i'm shivering too much. But i need to get my ass to the doctor! But... I can't seem to move. Feel like as if the ground is giving way, the head is too heavy.

Typing this entry is a chore.

How the hell am i gonna drag myself out of the house and down the stairs? Haiz. I'm so in trouble.

Flu bug has bitten me!

I'm the last person to have caught the flu bug from the office despite me being sick last week.

Due to certain promies i've made through out the week, I held on to my health and refused to fall completely ill even though my voice was slowly leaving me.

Despite being sick, I ended up at O Bar on Friday after leaving Ambrosia. Was told not to go MOS since it was boring... So yeah.. I was at O Bar. The first club that I was brought too.



Entered the club with eyes fixed on us. Trust me, we were lucky that we did not wear what we wore last week to O bar. The crowd was rather... Questionable.

Danced and all... It was damn crowded and seriously, it was getting annoying. It doesnt help that I was sick. We both were sick. And being sick, and still able to dance like that, I think I should seriously salute the both of us. lol!!

It was seriously amazing how we both were looking out for each other despite me having headache and her having flu.

We would have saved alot of money if we were more awake with all the drinks that we have turned down. But seriously, with that kinda crowd, i would seriously not take my chances.


I decided to leave, coz it was getting way toooo hot inside there... and i thought that i would faint anytime soon. Besides, some people were just not happy that we were getting attention. If O bar has a platform like zouk, i think the both of us would have been pushed on it. *rolls eyes*


So before anything happens, we left. We concluded that it was a place to go with, with the brothers or our partners, especially when you're sick. LOL! but it was fun. The both of us might consider going back there together when we're fully well. lol! So as to be able to face anything and anyone without worrying. LOL!


-----------------------------------------------------
Argh Nad. You should just get better. Seriously, nobody's gonna care if you're sick. Even if you've been falling sick so often recently. No one's gonna bother.


Another thing Nad, just send it. Send it and see what happens. You're not needed here. You're not important. to anyone and not anymore.


I am going insane. I'm talking to myself. yay.
------------------------------------------------------


I'm sick.. coz...


no no.. can't be. but then again, it just might be.

Sex And The City

was disappointing! Maybe I expected so much more from such a highly acclaimed drama series. The movie was as though browsing thru a book at a bookstore. Flipping the pages at high speed.

yup yup.

Looking at the 4 characters in the movie. I see myself like that 20years down the road with my girls and we would do the exact same things that they did.

Shopping down 5th Avenue (singapore context: Paragon, Scotts, Taka)
Having coffee with each other on the weekends.
Going to fashion shows.
And helping each other through life.

Watching the show was very deja vu.

I even turned to Deena at one point and asked her, "Don't you think all this is a little too familiar? Its like as though we've said this kinda thing before."

Deena: "Yeah. I know, its so us lor... I think 20years down the road we will still be this kecoh"

And Deena... we will always be each others' Charlotte eh?

Some things in the movie made me quiet. Some things are all too familiar. Words. Reactions. Situations.

-----------------------------

I may be a very good actress but I've always been a bad liar... no?

Elliott Yamin Lyrics
Wait For You Lyrics

Have always been loving this song even though its currently giving me a hard time. Doesn't help that its been playing in loops the past few days even though i've state in my previous post that i've been avoiding songs.

ANYWAYZ, I think out of all the Singapore Designers, My favourite is still Ashley Isham. He is like... yayness! High fashion all the way yo! Love it. Love his runway shows, his runway themes. Not that I'm saying the rest are bad... I mean pple like Kenneth Loh and all have very interesting styles... I just find Ashley Isham very TOP MODEL! wahahahah!! I like~

Btw, you guys should see his Singapore house. GORGEOUSNESS.COM.

Sometimes I wonder, if i did not accept Law & Management, would i have been in Fashion instead? And alot of those times, the small voice said, "yeah, i think you will." LOL!

Can you imagine? My name gracing the runways and being the hottest, most sort after labels. Right beside Salvatore, Calvin Klein, Anna Sui, Gucci, Prada, Tommy Hilfiger... you'll have Nadira Zainal.

Being in Paris/Milan Fashion Week, the stars doning it on the red carpet and having top models like Naomi Campbell, Gisele Bundchen or Adriana Lima gracing my runway shows; strutting their stuff with my label, my collection, my designs.

Nadira Zainal.

Talk about exotically appealing. Yummy.
--------------------------------------------

Talked to Deena about some things yest. Yes, maybe i'll really do it this time round. yes yes.

I wish I may, I wish I might
I wish upon a star so bright

A Mess.

My head's a tangled mess and its no joke. There's so many things I wanna say but for the first time in a very very long time I have no one to tell it out too. I'm back to before and trying my best to hold everything together and not fall apart.

My random moments are kept mum. I used to remember few years back, I found comfort in something and finding it strange that it was as such and the same person felt that way as well.

My mind's been going in pictures, songs, words, phrases, incidents, expectations, standards.

My blogging is gonna be a lot of random things where no one will understand. Well not many will i think.

If I were to grow up in another country with lesser legal restrictions with the kind of mismatched family i'm in, I'll be one of those daughters of really really rich underground families who really hates what's happening in her life and really have no idea what the family is doing but she knows that she's different but no one will see it.

The other day was fun. I might be doing it again next weekend. The two of us girls should go again, maybe it will be 3 next week.

The most interesting part about it is when everyone's asking us if we're locals. When we say yes... they were like... "Oh cool! So you guys eurasians rite?" My cousin just stared at me and turned back to them: "Nope. We're Malays." You should see the shock on their faces and the WTF look that followed it. "Malays? You guys gotta be kidding rite?" Me: "Errr... Nope" Them: "Oh... Wow."

I swear that night was a confidence booster. LOL!

LEONA LEWIS - Bleeding Love.


Leona Lewis Lyrics
Bleeding Love Lyrics

I don't know why they're like so into this song. When one phone rang, and the other rings, nobody realises that its 2 different phones ringing. *rolls eyes* I mean I don't deny that the song is nice la.

I lost my IC. lol! It was funny though, no matter how serious a matter it is.

BABYFACE - Nobody Knows It But Me.


Babyface Lyrics
Nobody Knows It But Me Lyrics

The song was playing in the car yesterday. Damn the radio. But then again, Class 95 was playing really good songs.

Don't you think expectations are getting a little high? No no. Seriously, I have nothing to offer to anyone. Period. I'm just a normal girl, not exactly very special i may add.

I've stayed away from various singers now, namely Babyface, Elliott Yamin, and yes. Even backstreet boys.

I was watching Princess Diaries 2 the other day and again yesterday night on channel 5. I think the song Breakaway fits that entire situation of the movie. I don't know why but everytime it plays in that movie, never fails to make me feel hollow inside.

Prince Caspian is hot even though I hate the uncertain attitude of the character. And I think King Edmund looks like Ali. Which I find disturbing since I find Edmund cute and well Ali is my cousin. And Ali is annoying and Ali also cannot find out that I find the similarities between the both of them or he will never let me forget that.

My mom's current favourite song is Babyface - What if. I hate that fact that she tends to play it in loops that i've begun to memorise it already. Now can even sing it without the need of the song.

I've always found inspiration in Legally Blonde. Even more now actually.

Papa. Hmmm... Don't even know where to start. Yesterday's kenduri was cute. The kids were really cute. The Darul Ma'wa kids were singing some weird ass song which after awhile got stuck in my head. "Watermelon, Watermelon. Banana, Banana. Kici kici kici kici. Rambutan, Rambutan" I still have no idea what fruit is Kici Kici.

We took pictures recently and she commented on how i look. She said that something is wrong. Its a smiling picture and yet... Then she realised. The eyes. I guess those who know me will realise. *shrugs*

You know what i hate? I hate politics. Especially, office. These hypocritical buggers are pissing me off. I'm tired of politics. I've had enough of it from the prev place. I just don't want anymore. Is it really tooooooo much to ask?

I'm tired. Can't anyone see that?

I promised something. I am here to deliver it even under the most unfair circumstances and under the most painful situations. I know many wont understand. But there are just some things worth more than anything else. When I've given my word, nothing's gonna it.

I should go karaoke one day and make a fool of ourselves eh Deena? LOL! Before or after bowling?

Suddenly, I don't know whether I can live up to expectations. Haiz. Woes be me.

Fading away. I can survive this. I hope.

Its 7.30am and here I am blogging in the office.

Yes, I am in the office at 7.30am on a Friday. Argh. I have a Board Meeting that's starting 45mins earlier than expected. My boss is not in yet. I should have known. He and his dreams of waking up early.. PUH LEASE!

----------------------------------------------

While I appreciate certain things, I don't need calls in the middle of the night to interrupt my sleep. There are many things that I would need to make clear. Right now, I can't go to sleep easily no matter how tired I am. And when I do go to sleep, I can't wake up.

So in other words, when I do end up asleep, I really don't need any interruption. My mind is already having a mind of its own to begin with. When I am fine the entire day, be rest assured the following day I'm not. So I really don't need such things.

I am fine with emergency cases. Like me waking up in the wee hours coz you're in trouble. But if it concerns my well-being, save it. Seriously. There is always the hours where the sun is shining and the birds are chirping for such conversations.

----------------------------------------------

There are just times where I wish everything was perfect. Imperfections in the eyes of others, but, completely perfect to me.

Broken Soul
As the mask slipped and what lies beneath surfaced...

The mask she held on slipped away unconsciously. 72hours. She knew that and yet beads of tears still stained her cheeks. Her thoughts running havoc. She has no control over. Trying to be strong, "fine" was the only word that she managed to utter. She stared out in a daze telling herself that she has come to a junction.

She took naps to stop herself from thinking only to wake up and feel worse then before. It doesn't seem to end. In fact, the feeling just keeps getting worst. Maybe it was better not to wake up at all.

The feeling of lost engulfed her as though even daylight will not be strong enough to penetrate. Losing after trying is in itself a victory. But losing without trying made her feel as though it was never worth enough.

She know of her ability to be reasonabe at this time. For her to accept it fairly. She knows that even if she wants something else and something else happens and if it was something that she didn't like, if it was the right choice, she'll see it immediately. She'll feel it in her heart. Even if it was grudgingly.

The words that came out of her mouth to them, her concerns shocked them. They wondered, why even at this point in time, she still didn't think for herself?

If this is for the better, then why doesn't it feel right at all?

She walked in a daze, like the living dead. Laugh in tiny pockets of happiness only to be pulled down again. Her heart dead and silent. Cries rang out in the silent of the night and attempts to calm her down, failed.

Pray. That was the only thing others manage to tell her. She stared, silent and broken. Tired and helpless. She could not bring herself to look deep within herself to find the inner peace. She could not find the strength to pray.

Never was she this broken. The girl who was deemed heartless, have a heart afterall.

Fairytales dont exist in real life. It really dont. If everyone beg to differ, then there's really nothing much to say.

Leonardo Da Vinci once said that there is only one match made for you. To fully complement you and for you to know that you will not be able to find one like it ever again once you've walked past it.

Never in my life would i expect for me to find that match at such a young age.

My heart bleeds at the thought of things. Tears unconsciously fall as I stare out in space. I've begged for it to just be a dream. I thought I would be strong enough for this. But I'm failing. I'm succumbing to that corner.

Everyone suddenly realised, I'm actually human. But I know there is one person that knows that I've always been human.

How can 2 individuals perfectly in love, 2 souls made for each other been torn apart by everything else but not them? How can society still be this prejudice? Forbidden Love? How can one refuse to see that we make each other perfectly happy? How can they fail to see that things are perfect? How can everything else be more important than that? Isn't happiness and love the key to nearly everything?

I should have realised that the rest of society still is not open to certain things like the rest of my environment.

Even royalty was never this difficult. Trust me, I should know.

I know for a fact I will never be able to love the way I did anymore. First love comes once.

I just hope we will be strong enough to face each other and not lose everything. I will not be able to take it if I lose everything and more.

I thought I would be able to face it but as always, we both know each other better than ourselves and I'm grateful. I'm already not taking things well as it is.

But as always, I'm good at putting on a mask. Look hard enough, and you'll see that everything has crumbled.

Time. Its our only choice.

--------------------------------------------------
I won't be running away even though the temptation is very great rite now. But there will come a time where I will take my leave. I have a lot of things to prove to the rest of society. I suspect the reasons for the prejudice. I am not as what they deemed me to be. I am different. I will make known that fact.

When the journey begins, thou shalt know.

It seems as though her dreams were not just dreams. They were real things that actually happened in the day to her loved ones. Her dreamscape has told her of many things. Quarrels, Arguments, Happenings. Desires, Truth, Secrets.

She thought never could she be ever spot on on such things. Until something happened. The conversation about the quitting. She thought, wasn't it all a dream the other day? But how was it that she could see the quarrel in third person and for him to tell her about it later on.

It was a different kind of deja vu.

It became something she feared off when she closed her eyes. This is her actual dreamscape.

About 1 and a half weeks ago, she remembered complaining to her cousin and bestie that she wished that she wasn't what she is. She wished, she would actually look different. They asked, why the sudden topic? She answered, its just a feeling she had recently.

There was once, recently, she was sitting out there waiting for bestie to arrive. She was gazing out and day dreaming when someone whispered in her ear, Be Strong. She turned in shock to find no one. There was no one. Everyone else was a good 200m away from her. She closed her eyes and shook things aside.

She dreamt that night. Of a certain conversation. With someone unknown. He told her to be strong, to be patient. She woke up, calm and at peace.

And she wants to tell him that, she will never walk away from him. She will not leave him alone and vulnerable to go through things by himself. As long as his feelings are true, if she is meant to be with him, she will be with him irregardless of what's happening right now. She will be there. If she is meant to take things a step at a time. To cross the sea without a life jacket or a boat. She will. If she has to fight for it, she will.

Alot of things have happened. Things that he know that she knows, things that he doesnt know that she knows and things that were told to her to break them up and he doesnt know.

But what others don't know is... She always have faith in him.

She knows deep within her heart that she will always be there for him. She hopes he knows that.

Its times like this where I realised my heart's true emotions.

Its times like this that it overflows.

Its times like this that I am so glad to him.

Its times like this that I unconsciously smile to a memory.

Its times like this that I'm grateful he allowed this to happen.

Its times like this that I actually feel lucky.

Its times like this that I believe this is love.

Random Things.

1. Shahdon hates my hairstyle. He thinks that I look like a witch. Thanks ah! *grumbles*

2. Been feeling lethargic lately. My spinning head is back.

3. I think I'm gonna change hairstyle again soon...

4. I need my bed. Now.

5. My girls' bf and exes are pissing me off. I will refrain from blowing my top at their partners. Especially a particular person's ex. He is pissing me way beyond I thought he could piss me off. I thought the previous one was annoying enough. This? This definitely take the cake.

So much for no distraction down there aie buddy? Learning and trying to be closer to god will be easier if you have a pure heart without having to think about other things? I believe... That was the reason back then no?

You know... trying to be close to god doesn't include hurting people in the process. Doesn't include being mean. Maybe you should look in the mirror before you start preaching. Maybe you should look inside yourself before saying all the things you've said. One more word to her, I'm stepping in. Get it?

Even if it means its gonna be a fucking long telephone call.

6. I wanna be pampered.

7. I will never win if ever the day come where I have to compete, comparing to them. I will never look like them.

8. I am currently wondering what he is doing right now. He must be busy... He's been so quiet.. haiz.

9. I have a bad temptation to shop rite now.

10. And what's up with everyone getting married? bleargh~ Is it a good year or something?

11. I'm beginning to believe now, more that ever.. that INTELLIGENCE IS SEXY. I am attracted to intelligence. LOL. It has always managed to catch my eye! *smiles* So basically, intelligent guys, beware! lol!! Dont worry (too much), I'm already attached to an intelligent guy... khekhekhkehe

Wenjoyable Weekend.

Saturday
Met the 2 idiots. Was dragged to a manicure. Yes yes, I know I seem to be going for manicures quite often this month. LOL~ Anywayz, I prefer this one more than the previous one. I really won't mind if I have to travel allllll the way there to see here... She did a great job.

Only that I find my nail's colour quite disturbing. Its no longer cotton candy pink like the prev one. It is like hot metallic pink. Bleargh~

This month is pink month or something. I can bet you in the magz pink will be in 3 mths time.

Met Deena rite after that, went to watch Over Her Dead Body. Like finally. Since Mel already watched it! bleaargh~

NOW. THAT WAS GOOOOODDDDDD!! khekhekhehke..

The highlight of the day: Was when we couldn't stop talking about certain something and even Haizad continued it till I reached home. But the downside? 3/4 of the topic revolved ard me. Seeing the subject matter, its not flattering. I swear.

Sunday
I went for training on Sunday after being missing for 5weeks. Yes. 5 WEEKS! and coach said that I've been missing for 5 months and gained 3kgs!

I just gave him the death stare. GAINED 3KGS EH??

Thank god Matt sided me. He said i've lost weight! THANKS MATT! khekhekhekhe... Which coach obviously didn't believe. He said.. "ok lor.. if you think you've lost weight, can look at the mirror and cont. denying."

I took my equipments and was preparing for training... "eh coach, i lost weight ok! wah lau."

Him: how much?
Me: 6 kgs lor!
Him: When was the last time i saw you?
Me: After KL wat! KL was in march...
Him: 6kgs only.. next time lose 10 or 15 la..
Me: Still loosing can! At least i lost 6kgs not gained 6kgs! BLEARGH~!!

So while training... Even though I died fast... I was faster as well...

Coach: "WAH MAKCIK NOT BAD AH~ you very fast today.. must be coz of 6kgs lighter rite?"

Annoying rite? haiz haiz haiz haiz!

BUT...

We got a mini competition. Coach was so confident that he will have all victories. And he wanted to fence me first. coz he say the easiest to die! ha! nearly won him then. lost by a point. At direct elimination... I ELIMINATED HIM!

There la. Told him already... Don't dare me. Don't wanna listen... LOL!

The highlight of the day: Was that I won my Coach in a little mini competition between the 6 of us! I came in 2nd place!!!! The last time i won him was when i was 15 - at the peak of my career. Now, 4 yrs later! After coming back for a yr!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!! This is gonna be a greater motivation to lose more weight!!

VICTORY WAS SWEETTT!! -boogies about-

Promises.

I guess promises are meant to be broken. Disappointment accompanies you. Words of yesteryears.

I shouldn't have listened then. I shouldn't hope now. I should just take it as it is... and throw it immediately away.

I should have known better. Sometimes, I hate the fact that I can remember things so vividly.

Promises. Ha. Those are just mere jokes ain't it?

Today was bad. Like as tho my wk wasn't bad enuff as it is. Pardon my sms lang. as i am bloggin frm my ph 4 d very 1st time. Am pissed but am also 2 tired 2 go to d study rm 2 turn on d comp. bleargh~

so here i am bloggin on my bed as i do not haf a lappie. note 2 self: go get one

work was one annoyin bitch! i shld haf juz left. arh! called him on impulse n started rantin. 2day put d cherry on top of d alrdy piled up shit!

met shah n kin wif my couz. i'm gonna miss u shah!

What's Important to You... And What Isn't:

For you, your career is usually your number one priority. You find getting things done to be fairly satisfying. You like feeling accomplished. Your most important priorities get your attention. You are happily able to let the less important things slide. You want money to be a high priority, but you don't often get around to it.

The Priority Test

Harold & Kumar: Escape from Guantanamo Bay.

Now, that show is hilarious shite. I think Harold Lee is so cute! lol!! I'm serious. khekhekhe... As in looks-wise as well. No? *grins*

Watched it twice and dragged Mel when I watched it the second time coz Harold Lee totally reminds me of him when I first watched it. khekhekhkhe... And he agreed. kwang kwang kwang~~

And I do think the Poem of Love - Square root of 3 is sooooo sweet. lol!

Intelligence is sexy. I'm serious. lol!!!


Ps: Got meself a new scent. YSL Babydoll. LOVING IT! Its sswwweettttt. lol.

Oohhh & Aaahhh

My weekend was filled with laughter, ooohing and aahings. No i didn't do anything kinky.

I met my godchildren.

A'liah, Aniq & Aryan

Triple A yo!

Bought shoes for the twins and soft toys! CHIP & DALE! soo cute! Even Mel had to admit that the soft toys were cute. LOL!!!

Despite the little awkwardness abt me handling children (you guys shld see! everyone was laughing at me... By everyone, i meant everyone.. -,-"), by the end of the day, I want my own kids. Serious! WAAHAHAHHA!

So cute and so loving and their eye twinkles when they smile and when they snuggle into your hugs and when they hold on tight to your fingers... you just unconsciously smile.

You feel needed. You're warm from the smiles and snuggles. You talk cute and you don't care. You feel the need to protect.

And shit. My biological clock's ticking.

Pictures will be up soon~ *grins*

Pickled Fickled.

I could go on a rant rite now... But I am trying to control myself. Therefore, as a result I have gone against my diet and ate carbo for lunch. I ate Wanton Noodles. Yup I ate NOODLESS!!! argh.

I am so gonna get scolding for that. ARGH!

On top of that, I bought the single scoop ben & jerrys' cookie dough from 7-11. Bleargh~ I am going to gain all the weight that i've lost!! *screams*

But rite now, i'm feeling a little TOOOOO full. really feel like vomitting.. Doesn't help that I was nauseous the whole day!

*scolds self* Nad nad, you should know yourself better.. next time if nauseous eat light... And not eat heavy food and now at the risk of throwing it all out again.. BLEARGH!

ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Get me a job pple. I'm driving myself crazy here.

Paranoid & Fickle is not a good combination. It doesnt drive the person in question crazy.. It drives the ones in their surrounding crazy. I thought bosses are leaders. Leaders are not suppose to be indecisive. Rite now, I feel like biting someone. bleargh~

I'm currently typing from a place that one would never expect me to be in anyway.... Especially right now and seriously of all places!

I'm at the office of 2 jobs ago typing away on a blog entry. khekhekhekhe... I'm on leave today... Well, not exactly on leave... but yeah.. Nevertheless, On leave. LOL! am i confusing anyone? LOL! nvm then..

I am definitely not gonna consider whatever it is that I was supposed to do this morning. Annoying. I was damn annoyed lor that one. Seriously unbelievable. I will definitely tell him off the next time he calls.

So right now, here I am at the law firm (my ex-boss is traveling btw.. PHEW~~), typing away on a blog entry while waiting for my ex-colleagues to be done with work and proceed to lunch...

Now now now... What shall I have for lunch? bleargh~ They're dragging me to Nasi Padang place next door... butttttt... I'm on a diet leh.. .How? *pulls hair*

Fear Grips

Thoughts swirling in her mind. Fear grips her heart. What a time to be pondering about her past? But she did. In the most inappropriate place and time. She brought herself back to 2years ago. Just as she finished school. She remembered complaining how long that particular year was. She couldn't wait for it to end only to be awarded with a year of ups and downs with it ending in the most unforgettable way she could ever imagine. The last she expected was that.

She hopes once again for a better new year. A blank page with thousand possibilities. A clean slate, unrefined, waiting to be polished. It started of with a huge dent on her slate, she spent the beginning polishing the dent... To make it disappear. Maybe it did. Its not as visible as before.

Now, she likes her current situation. She doesn't want it to end. Desperately hoping that time would freeze and allowing her to dabble in it for a longer period of time. But she knew this year would pass sooner or later.

Then? What'll happens next? The possibilities and uncertainties filled her mind. Worry paced her heart. Fear saunters in.

Now, she can only hope for the best. And she talks, to him in her heart and prayed.

------------------------------------------------
Like a lost soul taken by the wind.. She went in search of the Northern Star as guide to take her home.

Out Of Bounds

Yes.. I am out of bounds to you people. Seriously. ARGH! Annoying.

You wanna know what's corny? THIS is corny! *Points to below*

"Heaven must be missing an angel. coz i can see one right now , and i hope we can be friends"

O C'mon. Try again mister. Do I look blonde to you to be falling to sucha crappy line? BLEARGH!

Next time if unsure, just stick to the first line and try not to make yourself look dumb by continuing it.. *faints*

I'm at work and its MONDAY! I'm having Monday Blues~!!

Since Azi thinks that i'm gonna be bored enough at work to want to do 10 random things starting with T, so i was the only one tagged on her blog. Bleargh~

But i'm not bored at work.. Actually not yet. But i'm gonna do it anywayz. So here goes.

1. Trimmings, fittings & everything nice

I can't say that every girl has their dream wedding. Coz, I'm a girl and I've never had a dream wedding floating in the corners of my mind. In fact, I've never envisioned my own wedding before.

If someone ask me, how it'll be... My answer would be: "It will really depends on my fiance." Many have said that I'm a true romantic. But I can't help it. My wedding will be something planned with my fiance... If I already have a vision of how it'll be in my mind... I can assure you.. It is really far from the whole thing. It is just half of a full circle no?

Most probably, I'll be one of those really rare brides that will freak out the night before the wedding when it finally hit me that I'm getting married the following day and most probably disturb my equally freaked out fiance and freak out together! WAHAHAHAHAH!! That is, of course, if I do get married.

And the reason why I'm having a wedding as part of a topic is coz... I'm a wedding planner in the making. LOL!

2. Temper

I have quite a temper actually even though not many has witnessed it. The last time I blew my top was at a particular meeting during dreamscape. A figment of my temper. LOL! Yeah not the full blown temper explosion, just a sneak peak of a possible volcanic eruption.

But the good thing is that, i'm not as short tempered as before! Don't believe me? Ask Deena. She shld know how much my patience has increased! lol! Not that I blew at her... I just blew at someone else or a group of other people in front of her. That's all.. *innocent grins*

I didn't do that much damage though.. Only that a few cried after that and some others started bowing and greeting me everytime they met me at the corridor... (-,-)" It did feel kinda weird. bleargh~ Did try to stop them though, but in vain. Oh well. that's one of the funniest memories in sec sch. LOL!


3. Telephone


I'm finally stating here which phone I got. I got myself the Motorola V9. *wiggles eyebrows*


4. Talent

This is the same as azi's catergory. I do wish I was more talented. Like, I can sing really well or something. Play the piano! (I can play the guitar, mommy taught me when I was really young.. can't really remember that much anymore).

My entire family can sing... and it sucks that I cant. Well, at least I don't think I can. ARGH! so annoying.

But one thing i know i can do really well... Is drawing, painting, colouring... khekhekhe.... I'm not boasting but i'm just taking solace in that fact. That's all. WAHAHAHHA! It was fun when I was young especially when 1/3 of the art exhibition was your work. LOL!!

Two of my favourite art pieces was my chinese calligraphy and of coz, my 'O' levels practical. Never underestimate the works of Picasso.. Cubism was a bitch but a great satisfaction.

But of course, due to certain events that took place, I've never picked up my brush since.

5. Thespian

Its been awhile since I took the stage. I miss acting with my fellow casts. A certain group of 5. I'm not exactly a great actress. But I try my best. *smiles* It wasn't something planned... It was something I stumbled upon.

6. Theatre

Its a place where magic takes place. I'm serious.

7. Trainings

Its been a while since I last trained! BLEARGH! I MISS THEM! I can't believe I'm stating that here... The only reason why I've lasted in this particular sport for so long is coz, its the one thing that doesnt bore the shit outta me.

I'm someone with really short attention span. When I mean short, i mean SHORT! I get bored really easily, this getting bored also applies in alot of other aspects of my life.. like when I'm watching movie, never catch my attention, that's it lor! I'll start fiddling. There are times that when I go out and suddenly say that I'm bored! out of the blue.

There was once I was on the threadmill with Deena beside me... We were running for awhile already... and Deena was gonna die... and me? I just turned to Deena and said: This is boring. Can we change machine now?

That's the reason why i hate to run. I find it stupid. And that applies to a sport that I can summarize the entire game into a sentence. I.e: Rugby. The team was great, I just find it boring.

Anywayz, my new motto will be: I may be good today, I'll be better tomorrow and you'll be worst next yr. khekhekhe..

8. Timbaland, T-pain, etc.

I wanna go clubbing~! Initally thought of going on Wednesday... But then, now i think there's no one to accompany me. SOOOOOooooo.. I wanna go on Saturday instead. Khekhekhekhe. I think its a much better day.

9. Tresses

My hair's long already. I can change hairstyle soon! khekhekhekhe... Soooo can't wait!

10. Transition

There's alot of transition taking place. Would I just be passing through a certain place only to end up somewhere else? Sometimes you wonder, if it's really you.

If sleep is a space between life & death? Is there really a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Is the grass greener at the other side? Is confusion part of a solution? Are desires a form of motivation?

Do dreams really come true?

I AM IN LOVE


With...

MY NEW RED ELECTRONIC WEIGHING MACHINE!

I am NOT sick. I am just paranoid!


On a small sidenote....

I changed my phone. The reason why this is classified as a small sidenote is coz I have not told bie what exactly my new baby is! heee...

And I miss him lor. I hate the fact that he is in there and i'm out here. ARGH~ nvm. it's gonna end... soon.

----------------------------------------
Rinduuuuuuu... Serindu rindu nyaaaaaaaaa

Veil of Images

I think I should start painting or drawing all over again. My hand itches so bad to reach out for that brush, that colour, that crayon, that charcoal...

And yet I stopped myself. Its been too long.

There's just some things going on.
----------------------------------------

My sleeps haunted with dreams.

Dreams of everyone and everything. Found answers in some dreams. Found truth in some dreams. I'm beginning to wonder. Was I really dreaming? The conversations, the situations, the scenarios... seemed all toooo real.

People intertwined with each other. Do they know each other in reality?

There is this one person that I met in my dream. Someone who didn't manage to accept me willingly at first.

Why am I having my own Dreamscape 3.0?
-------------------------------------------

Right now, all I wanna do is fly to Thailand to slap some people's face and bring her back with me.

Guys. They really need a tight slap.

Just becoz girls give in so easily, girls are emotionally attached to some things... You take advantage of the situation? You really think its fun to get your heart torn out and shredded in pieces and thrown back to your face?

#1
Just becoz you have problems with your fucking girlfriend you turn to someone else for attention, to that one person you know have a crush on you. You know wat i call that? I call that... WEAKNESS!

#2
Just becoz that one person that you had that moment is not around for the past few mths, the person who has been constantly thinking about you (to my annoyance) returned only to find you hugging and holding hands with another girl and when that other girl is not around... you hold her?!

You dont elevate a girl up to the highest of high and then plummate her down to the lowest of lows only to confess your undying love for her later on. You think us girls dont feel?

Fuck.

Right now, its all I can do not to say, I told you so. She better make this trip her last.

I am beyond pissed. Its just ridiculous.

Annoyance.

I am annoyed at myself for not being able to stay true to my diet. I am pissed with myself. I am depressed. I am beyond paranoid. I am just stressed. I mean I better not gain watever that i've lost.. It was a chore to lose it to begin with!

CB!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just very upset rite now. I shall go in search of an electronic weighing machine!

*wails*

Look me in the eyes...



Nick Jonas is so cute! lol! with the curly hair covering the face and all!! I am such a teeny-booper. Bleargh~! But don't you think this is the modern age backstreet boys? lol~


To you:
When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.

the hardest thing to do is say... bye bye

IT IS STATED IN THE DAMN BILL THAT ITS WIRE TRANSFER!!

YOU TELL ME WHICH IDIOT INVOICE SOMEONE WITHOUT THE NECESSARY DETAILS IN THE INVOICE. OBVIOUSLY NO ONE WAT!!!!

DON'T MAKE ME PISSED JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE PISSED. YOU'VE IRRITATED THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR THE PAST 2 DAYS AND I DONT NEED IT RITE NOW. I SWEAR. I'M ON THE VERGE OF FALLING SICK AND I DON'T NEED ANY FORM OF IRRITATION RITE NOW.

AND I AM THIS CLOSE TO BLOWING MY TOP.

YOU ARE PISSED OFF WITH PEOPLE WHO CANT SEEM TO UNDERSTAND YOU. YOU ARE FRUSTRATED OVER WORK BUT I SWEAR PEOPLE DON'T DO STUPID THINGS. WHY DO YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY ASK FOR THAT THING TO BE SUBMITTED TO FINANCE? WHEN IT DOESNT EVEN STATE THE REQUIRED INFORMATION WHEN IT WAS ALREADY STATED IN THE THING THAT I HAVE ALREADY HANDED IT TO THEM.

YOU STOP GETTING IMPATIENT WITH ME AND THROWING A TANTRUM IN MY FACE COZ I'M SERIOUSLY SICK OF IT. READ MY LIPS: SICK OF IT!

YOUR FUCKING PARANOIA IS PISSING ME OFF. I SWEAR.

AND ITS JUST 10.50AM.

Back At One

One - you're like a dream come true

I am currently just oh so bored. I've been doing filing and clearing of some things on my table. bleargh~ My boss has gone missing... He better appear before my Grp MD looks for him again.. lol~ Seriously, sometimes, he annoys me more than any lawyer has ever did while i was working in a law firm. BLEARGH~!


Two - Just wanna be with you




Myspace Zodiac Comments




Graphics for Zodiac Comments



I was looking through those glitter graphics... Don't worry la.. me choosing this 2 particular zodiacs... don't think it means anything... lol! i mean i know i know... its like mine and his but I was just looking through and was wondering...

What if 2 zodiac signs were to combine and make one whole new person... wouldn't the person be living in extremes? Well take his and mine for example... We're like the direct opposites of each other as stated above .. no?


Three - Cause, it's plain to see, that you're the only one for me

I was wondering... At the rate prices are going up, things are beginning to be so damn expensive! BUT... It seems as though everyone's driving a Mini Cooper. Everywhere i turn there will be a Mini Cooper driving past. Even in my own neighbourhood estate, at least 5 of my neighbours are driving a Mini Cooper. The public carpark downstairs' beginning to look like a car showroom. REALLY!

Maybe i'm staying in a well-off estate. i have no idea. But with everything going up and everyone is still living luxuriously... so is it me? or is Singapore progressing toward Japan's living standard? BLEARGH~

And four - repeat steps one through three

Definitely, Maybe - the movie... Yes. Nice script. Witty dialogues. but its too draggy! I think its the most disappointing romance flick this year so far. Compared to Definitely, Maybe... 27 Dresses was a much better movie within a period of this 6 mths so far.. I can't comment on P.S I Love You coz i didn't watch it.. But from what i hear i Don't think its that bad...

So yeah, I really don't recommend Definitely, Maybe. Unless of course, you're too rich and have too much to spare and well.. don't really mind draggy romance movies.. (I don't even know whether romance is the right catergory for it... Its like.. not very romantic also lor! lol!!) then yeah.. by all means..

its annoying how it goes one BIG circle so that it can fit into a 2hrs slot and be catergorized as a Movie. Even Horton will be a much better choice then Definitely, Maybe... any day.

five - Make you fall in love with me

If ever I believe my work is done
Then I'll start back at one.

Will someone really believe that their work is done and starts back at one and make you fall in love with him all over again? :)

Itchy Mouth

I should control my urge and itch. I swear. I've been going against my dieting plans. REALLY! Must have more willpower~~

Even though my new clothes are loser than when I tried them on at time of purchase... I cannot take certain things for granted and should not be lenient to myself.

*constantly reminds self of the abovementioned*

I have yet to reach the desired weight and I better continue and stay stressed by obsessing about my weight. lol!!

------------------------------------------------------

I'm embarrassingly broke. Its annoying, And I'm so tired. Things have been weird on my side. Weird... Really weird... Its playing with my mind...

I'm trying so hard to break free from the clutches. I'm so stressed. Really. Stressed, confused, depressed and feeling quite inferior at the moment. I'm feeling very useless as well.

-------------------------------------------------------

Work has been bleargh~~ I don't know what else to say... I'm just surprised at how long i've managed to last here. That's for sure. Very very shocked...

------------------------------------------------------

This is a mindless blog entry since my head isn't functioning very well and my mind is floating waiting for 6pm to arrive! Its 5.05pm and there's 55mins to go.

-------------------------------------------------------

Today marks the beginning of a new month for us. Its been... *counts fingers* I'm not telling! *chuckles*

I don't acknowledge the passing of months that when I do acknowledge it, I surprise myself. Interesting no? Its been one amazing journey... On my part and hopefully, on his as well. The image of him still wonders so freely in and out of my mind as though it was something that happened recently.

I constantly underestimate how much I feel for him or vice versa that I'm constantly left speechless everytime I'm proven wrong. I smile at even the slightest memory and I'd know his silhoutte even at a glance. He means so much to me that even words fail to quantify or describe how much... If I could shout out to the world how much he means to me. I would. :) But now, all i could tell you is... I'm really glad you're mine. Actually, Glad just doesnt begin to describe it. *winks*

I love you dear. :P *sticks out tongue* Bluek!

The 12 quotes reflected on my Calendar...

1. Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner - Les Brown
   
   
2. One way to keep momentum going is to constantly have greater goals - Michael Korda
   
   
3. Any man who selects a goal in life which can be fully achieved has already defined his own limitations - Cavett Robert
   
   
4. The path to success is to take massive determine action. - Anthony Robbins
   
   
5. Your goals are the road maps that guide you and show you what is possible for your life. - Les Brown
   
   
6. Life is full of beauty. Notice the Bumble Bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and firght for your dreams. - Ashley Smith
   
   
7. The wise man bridges the gap by laying out the path by means of which he can get from where he wants to go. - John Pierpoint Morgan
   
   
8. Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inerta - Alexis Carrel
   
   
9. You, too, can determine what you want. You can decide on your major objectives, targets, aims and destinations. - W. Clement Stone
   
   
10. All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come to you on their own accord. - Earl Nightingale
    
    
11. This one step - choosing a goal and sticking to it - changes everything. - Scott Reed
    
    
12. We keep moving forward, opening new doors, doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. - Walt Disney

Repeat it should not...

My stalker era better not repeat itself or i'm gonna scream myself silly. I'm serious! The last time it happened I was ready to bring a knife everywhere I go... I mean, it gets freaky when a guy msges or calles you outta blue telling you that he knows where you are and what you're wearing... And I don't even know who he is...

My "friends" got hell from me. And I did not tell my mom this until much much later on when things did get alittle out of hand.

And today I received a missed call and a msg from an anonymous person who claims to know me. Weird msges.

Rite now, I'm just hoping that its some April fool prank that someone has decided to play on me.

4ty - Nine

Mommy turned 49 on Saturday and well, I nearly quarrelled with her. haiz.

But anywayz, the day took a turn for the better after I actually made my way to meet her from town.

Its the first time in a really really long time that I had no idea what to buy for her bday. Well, not that I didn't know what to buy for her.. its just that I didn't have the time to get it for her and I was worried I would go beyond my monthly expenditure budget.

The thing that I have in mind is this below:

Prada spectacles frame which just came out last week. I saw it in a Mag. LOL! But I was too busy with some other things (which I can't recall what a the moment) that I keep forgetting to go check it out at the Optical shop.

But anywayz, I was in town with Iggie after YCP and we went around looking for a Braun Buffel cardholder which my mom has been eyeing or rather telling me, about it for the past few days. Which we failed to find btw.. and by the time i was suppose to go off to meet my mom, I have yet to get anything.

I was so damn guilty. I mean, last year, I went in search of her watch and drove Rohaidah crazy before i actually settled on the Marc Ecko.

So met mommy at Vivo for dinner and before we actually arrived at Mussel Guys, I remembered the Optical shop beside M.A.C. So yeah, endded up dragging my mom there..

I went in there and started ordering pple ard pls.. *Sheesh* I have to stop doing such things.. It is actually disturbing.

I went in and i was like, Do you have the Prada specs frame that just came out last week?

Sales man: Oh, I'm sorry... but its sold out..
me: Wat the...!! What about Versace or Fendi?
Salesman: We don't carry the thick frames for Fendi and we don't carry Versace here...
Me: -.-"

Then i looked around and I was like.. what about the Gucci? I mean you must at least carry a Gucci? The one that looked alittle like Prada but it came out in about 4 different colours?! There's a Dior one that came out same time as the Prada also rite?

I made my mom tried on the Tag Haeur which I made Mel tried on a few years ago. It is still the same price btw. lol!

I nearly bought the Dior one but my mom was going on and on about how expensive it was... And there was this YSL one that was really sweet but I refuse to allow my mom to settle for the black one and force the white one instead and she decided to just stick to the Gucci. LOL!

Soooo.. this is what my mom got for her 49th Birthday! lol! i think its cute. lol!!

But ultimately, thank god my mom liked her Birthday present.

New Zealand in November?

Tempting... but... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!

Only both of us and thats the shocker news that i've received and I haven't even hung out with the person in question for the longest times and I haven't talked to the person in question for the longest times as well... When i say long.. I mean long...

Like, say, about 3yrs plus!?

ish.. how?!?!?!??! 13 days in New Zealand with a total stranger... Ok ok.. Not a stranger... but a stranger nevertheless... you know what i mean!

But the costs is reasonable and the destination and activities are just plain tempting. hmmmm.

*ponders*

Wiggles Out The Door!

I'm currently waiting for the clock to strike 6. The week seem to be passing faster than expected. I mean especially for someone like me.. who has been, well, staring aimlessly at cthe comp and looking thru random webbies...

Things been odd on my side. Seriously. I've ranted somewhere else but here. I hope the other 2 wont mind the word vomit that they will face there. I really truly apologize for it. But I really couldnt take it anymore.

I wanna watch Step-Up 2: The Streets.

Don't ask me whether I've watched it already or not.. Coz i will act as if I didn't hear you even if I've already watched. Coz even if i have... I wanna watch it again. lol! If you think the girl is hot in the poster, think again... With the absence of photoshop in the movie... The girl is not exactly what I would call hot. lol!

Her figure is something I would want. Not too toned, not too skinny... Just nice. I like.. Now why didn't I just continued dancing previously? Tsk. Nad nad...

Seriously. If dancing in the rain is this hot... They should just make open air clubs. Its less stuffy and dancing like that, in that kinda environment... I swear it'd make me high. Higher than how I already am to such music on dance floors... Wahahaha~~

And does anyone know where sells white leggings?! sheesh. lol!

Ok its 6... i'm logging off. I'm too free and i think i'll go walk ard.. muahahaha~~

Leaning to the left... or right??

And here I am once again at this point of my life... where I have to choose over 2 new males that I've been checking up on.

My previous affair, did not last very long. It lasted for about a month plus before things just dissolve into thin air. I did not really enjoy it very much... It was a mismatch rite from the very start. But then, nobody could stop themselves from getting attracted to a good looker.

He was lagging and the voice quality sucked. For clarity, I had to constantly be on my handsfree set. I thought I was the unlucky idiot.. But I just recently found out that a friend of mine (whom I met at a class reunion) was still stuck to the same idiot and complained to me that he deserved to be dumped. She, however, assured me to thank my lucky stars that mine went up in smokes and that I do not have to deal with it anymore.

We both mutually agreed that we will not be seeing any of more of those things from the same agency.

And by this, I meant the affair i had with my SAMSUNG E840 that I bought some time last june.

Right now, I'm torn between 2 good lookers.

MOTOROLA V9 (Mahogany) & LG VIEWTY - KU990 (Black)

The LG Viewty specifications win hands down of course with its 5mpg inbuilt digital camera and design similar to the Iphone as compared to the Motorola V9 2mpg inbuilt digital camera and design that stayed through to its Rzr family - classic phone.

To assist me i've read the reviews from various websites.

I guess people have more to say about the LG Viewty (read: 5pg review on nearly every webbie) as compared to the Motorola V9 (read: 2pg review on some webbies)

I WILL NOT BE CHEATED ANYMORE!

Review Links:

http://www.3g.co.uk/PR/Oct2007/5305.htm

http://www.mobile88.com/mobilegallery/phonereview.asp?prodid=20673&cat=25&review=lg_viewty__ku990&pg=review

http://www.phonearena.com/htmls/LG-Viewty-Review-review-r_1893.html

http://www.letsgomobile.org/en/review/0036/lg-viewty/

http://reviews.cnet.co.uk/mobiles/0,39030106,49292601,00.htm

http://www.gsmarena.com/lg_ku990_viewty-review-167.php

Review Links:

http://www.phonenews.com/review-motorola-v9-razr2-att-2543/

http://reviews.cnet.com/cell-phones/motorola-razr2-v9-at/4505-6454_7-32452794.html

http://asia.cnet.com/reviews/mobilephones/0,39051200,40571020p,00.htm

http://www.phonearena.com/htmls/Motorola-RAZR2-V9-Review-review-r_1842.html

http://www.mobiledia.com/reviews/motorola/razr2-v9/page1.html

http://www.letstalk.com/reviews/reviewdtl.htm?pfId=1361&nopud=1

I seriously need help in choosing this time round. My mom's partner thinks that LG Viewty will be a more feminine phone as compared to Motorola V9 due to its design...

But I know for a fact that Motorola phones are more durable... Judging from my previous phones and my mom's current V3 that is currently in my hands. LG phones are equally durable too... but the LG Viewty (judging from its design) is rather questionable.

But the reviews seemed to be siding towards LG Viewty.

The only bad thing i'm getting out of the LG Viewty reviews are the lagging shutter speed and how some are not used to the scrolling mechanism.

But that is really personal preference no?

Comparison: http://www.gsmarena.com/compare.php3?idPhone2=2070&idPhone1=1990

The LG Viewty is definitely more expensive that the V9. But at the same time, Singtel's price is not as high. It is still considerable.

ARGH! how?

help.

SHUN OGURI.

1.83cm.

25yrs old (Muahahha!)

The actor from the Japanese show that I watched the other day. Hanazakari no Kimitachi e.

Shun Ogari as Izumi Sano!!! Cuteness pls!

The one line that made me go awwww in the show. Oh wait. It didn't made me go awww... it made my breath stuck in my chest (lol!) was when the character said, "Don't go. Coz I have not made that jump for you on the official stage"

Wah!!! meltness lor!

This is hotness! Can I play with the hair.. Pretty pls.. *angelic smiles* And look at his lips! *wriggles eyebrows*

Omg. I better not let my fantasies get spelt out here... wahahahha!

And pls hor pple, I still love my boyfriend... heee..

Its been a long weekend.

Wasn't up to many things other than watching movies, dvds, sleeping, going out. And i'm having terrible a pimple breakout.

And tomorrow, its back to work all over again. BOO HOO HOO~~

oh well. What to do? I can't have everything... can i?

Watched Japanese Drama over the weekend.. *wiggles eyebrow* hehehe.. yes azi, I still can't get over the character, Izumi Sano!

*screams* IZUMI-KUN! *screams* And even mommy agrees that he looks like Jonathan Leong. WAHAHAHAHAHAH!! but of course, much better looking than Jon. lol~

I don't know why but i seem to relate to the weirdest shows. I'm serious! LOL!!

And an entire paragraph stayed inside my head the entire weekend.

I want to laugh when you laugh
I want to have fun when you have fun
I want to smile when you smile
I want to be there even when you're sad

Love. You have know idea what the possibilites and what you're capable of doing, till things happen. It really is a powerful thing huh?

---------------------------------------

Others were busy the whole week. I stayed away from my phone to avoid disturbing people. And yet, my fingers constantly composed msges that remained unsent in the end.

Its been more than a week? Since we last met.

Only god knows, the feelings within.

I miss you so much and I surprise myself, at how much within a short period.

---------------------------------------

I'm off to bed. There's really nothing else to blog about and i houldl send myself to dreamland before I cannot wake up later! lol!!

*bounces off to bed*

Bloop~ And the world goes round and round.

Its been Nausea and Giddy spree on my side.

Been nauseous the past few days as though there wasn't enough oxygen being circulated in my brain. My world was dissolving! Seriously. As if my lack of energy and nutrients circulating in my blood wasn't enough, Cab drivers need to be able to drive properly now. Some of them have been going from bad to worse. The jam brakes, the clutches - drives me crazy man!

I can go from just tired or feeling alittle unwell when i stepped into the cab to trying to stop myself from puking by the time I stepped out of the cab. And i seriously hope that whoever that might drive me in the future would seriously have better driving skills or I would just recommend an Auto car.

On Monday, I was already having the worst headaches that i've ever faced due to the ultra long Board Meeting (I need to be ready for the next one, its gonna be longer.), straining my ear to hear the Directors (I'm gonna make the company buy a tape recorder since the Directors already think they're the only people in the room), and staring at my laptop for 3hours str. and sitting in one of the most confusing Board Meeting.

And I had to rush for training after that.

So on top of having a really long day, I had a sucky driver as my cabbie. By the time I reached UBI from BUKIT MERAH, I was ready to run to the nearest longkang and collapse.

Crawled up the stairs to my Coach's place and just sat there stoning and trying to focus on my surroundings. I had the worst training ever even though I lasted throughout (without any post training effects).

I was nauseous.

My world wasn't focused, everything was a blur and I was in automode.

Sparring with the guys that night was a serious chore. I was swaying back to my starting point and my reaction was lagging by about 1-2seconds. It took me 3cans of 100plus and 1 can of red bull to make me feel alittle better.

That night... was torture.

Anywayz,

One of my colleagues' boyfriend has terrible driving skills too. Trust me. I went from fine... to wobbly by the time I stepped out. And I will always try to find excuses to politely decline the offer of being sent to somewhere now. lol!

On the other hand, doing minutes is a pain in the ass. For high and rush, I've been surviving on Mentos mints & Coke Light. I hate both btw. So, Go figure!

My current take at work.

I'm a shopaholic. Always have been and seem to be even more now. Need to control my temptations. But i realised...

But at the rate i'm shopping, i think a psychiatrist might be cheaper for me. lol! Since I am embarrasingly broke rite now and its about a week from pay day... which I will most probably be on the verge of being broke after i've paid off my bills.

Gosh.

Screenings & Coming Soons.

There's nothing that interesting on Sistic nowadays. I wonder why. Last yr was like.. WHOA~ i have my face plastered on my comp screen every month to check out what's new in the theatres! this yr.. mcm.. HAIZ!

However, there's one show/dance/movement performance that caught my eye.

1,000 camels - 21 & 22 March 2008 ($35 - Esplanade Theatre Studio)

Talk about eye catching title rite? lol!


SYNOPSIS

“An expedition with 1000 merchants was sailing to Singapore in search of 1000 matrimony proposals. They brought along 1000 camels as part of the marriage proposal…”As the long journey wears on, the number of camels slowly decreases and the whirling Indian Ocean mysteriously mutates the surviving camels into a new breed of creatures...

1000 Camels is a surreal depiction of the intercultural "marriage" and transition of Arabic culture in Singapore over the past years. Collaborating with Egyptian musician Tarek Abdallah playing live for the performance, choreographer Elysa Wendi explores the possibility of mapping of Arab Street in search of a new cultural emergence. As the story unfolds, this imaginative dance performance will keep you on the edge of your seat with anticipation!

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Should i watch it? hmmmm... Its on the 21st and 22nd of March.

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OOOOOO. i wasn't aware Siti was having a concert this coming Friday. This is interesting. There was nothing on about it and no one was going on and on as well.. hrmmm... Wonder if Datok K will be there. I wonder how he looks like up close. Must be better than the pics rite? lol!

Eh hally, wanna see how Datok K looks like? LOL! i think you would rather watch the 1000 Camels with me rite?

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27 - 30 March - Giselle ($26 - Fort Canning Park)

its a ballet performance! I WANNA GO! I should stop looking at Sistic. I'm already broke. lol!!

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Pinocchio's Complex - 3-5 Apr 2008 ($35 - Drama Centre Black Box)

Seems like its interesting enough to watch. It takes inspiration from the original story, which was a much darker story as compared to the ones published by Disney. tralallala

Maybe i will watch this one. Anyone wanna watch it with me? Mellllyyyyyy!

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And i have a ton of newly added movies to watch into my list. Muahahahahah!!

Ruffle my feathers,
and prepare to die.

I'm sorry if your inadequate ability to hear properly limits your level of understanding. However if it inadvertently insults my intelligence level, then save it missy. If i were blatantly showing off my lazy bone to the world, an MC is the lamest piece of crap that I'd use.

Especially when my explaination that you caught and heard right was that I have informed my superior of my whereabouts this morning in advance. If it slips out of his head, then, apologies for any inconvenience caused. There might be a communication breakdown on both our part. If today slipped out of your head, trust me, a repeat of it will definitely have an outcome worst than today.

And yet, you sarcastically replied "how can you foresee in advance that you were going to take MC?" That my dear, was the insult I was referring to. Do you think I was that stupid to have such a cheapass excuse? The least you could do was ask me again where did i say i went. Not assume that you heard it right the first time round.

Assumption. A dangerous thing to do, ain't it? If this happens again, she would receive more than just a death stare that i've learnt and mastered from him.

Now now, Let's see... There is someone else that really need to be taught a lesson. If working here changes a person into the majority I've seen here. Then its really sad. I thought you were more than that. Much much more.

Dont you know what you are? Or suddenly that is the norm now? Especially when you're in the environment, surrounded by all these? Expecting everyone to be nicer, more polite, helpful. And yet, you are turning into the exact same people that you've been complaining to me abt daily. Wow. Then you try to make things fine again by stating that you've had a long week.

Hello? So did i. My grandmother is not getting any better. But do you see negative vibes spilling out of me?

Suddenly, its all about you now isn't it? Careful now. You might just regret that. Curt and polite replies are what you're getting today. But tomorrow? It might not stay the same. I love a variation in my days. Hope you'll be able to like it too.

XOXO
Countess Dee

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Just when I just changed my mind and told myself... to just give this job another chance.

THANKS AZI!
Coz, i read her blog and realise that i'm one of those that she tagged for her 10 random things post.

1. I just got back from tournament in KL over the weekend. How'd i do? I did good actually. I was suppose to bring back a medal... But hey.... there's others superior powers beyond my control. Like how the referee sees things and award the points. I was leading goddamit. BY A WHOLE LOAD OF POINTS. Even though, there was no way the other girl could have won me. I was quite certain of it. I was pissed and disappointed. I WANTED A MEDAL!

2. I've been shopping. ALOT. I blame it on stress and my sudden urge to get more stuff to wear to work. I blame it on a few factors. lol! I've overspend this month and by the beginning of this coming month i'll be broke. LOL! really! I've contributed a whole load to my mom maybank points just within the first mth of receiving the Visa Platinum. She better not confiscate it. lol! I'm gonna be a Debt collector once my credit card bill comes. Ard 300bucks on the card isn't mine. lol! yup yup.

3. I got scolding by various people for going to KL. Reason? They missed me. *faints*

4. The guys were great. They calmed me down alot after the competition. Morgan didn't even dare to come near me the moment i ended my bout. I literally plastered on a smile to show my sportsmanship and shook hands with my opponent when in actual fact I couldn't even smile anymore. I was tooo disappointed. Too pissed and just very down.

5. A year has passed and suddenly things hit home for me. Funny ain't it? Is this how its suppose to be? Not complaining but its funny nevertheless. It hit home at the weirdest of times and place. It still feels as though it just started. Amazing. Really amazing. Is it normal?

6. I went to UAE Embassy just now only to find out that I needed to go to Academy of Law first. So off i went and made my way to City Hall. Braving the humidity and the traffic of that area I finally reached Supreme Court. I was literally melting. The best part, the weather's cloudy! annoying. But I decided to drop by my previous workplace after my ex-colleagues decided to bug and beg me to drop by. lol! So i went up. amazing really. But i refused to go in... due to certain reasons of course. so they were hugging me out there, when Denise stepped out of the lift. And the following conversation took place:

Denise: HEY!
Me: *smiles* Hi!
Denise: Did you pass by Sup Court just now?
Me: Yeah. I was from SAL. Why?
Denise: OH OK! it was you then! I saw someone walking pass and i was thinking to myself that... Oh wow, this girl look like Alicia Keys with the hair and the outfit and all... And now I realised.. It's you!
Me: Ohh.. hahaha.. thanks. *peace sign*

I swear that made my day. lol!

7. Tmr will be a long day. Will be going to SAL after lunch to collect the stuff and run off to MFA to get more things done. Then after that I need to go to Somerset for something. Might reach earlier than my appointment. lol! And then I'll be seeing my dearest darling honey sweetie pumpkin baby pie! OK I think alot of pple will not allow me to forget that entire sentence! LOL! i didn't know i could even put that in the same sentence. lol!!!

8. I'm not gonna be able to watch P.S I LOVE YOU! SO SAD! Nvm... I shall go and buy the DVD and will force pple to come over to my house and watch it with me! =) We shall have a DVD spree k?? heeee...

9. I was nagged at for not loosing enough weight. ANNOYING! So from now onwards, they have decided that I will have to write down every single thing i eat and they will review it every 3 days! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shall think positive thoughts. But seriously! Its hard. It reminds me of school all over again! haiz.

10. I look at my lifestyle and there are times that I get worried that I will not be able to take care of myself in the future. The way I'm living rite now. I'm not some rich spoilt brat. But i've been pampered. That I don't deny. Some of the things I do or own will be considered as extras to others... But its been that way for very long. Its just been my way of life. Deena has a worst problem then i do. LOL! And then I want that degree even more. Argh!

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If i were to have to pick 10 people to do this 10 random point posts.. it'll have to be...

Halimah, Suk Ching, Shahdon, Shikin, Mastura, Mel, Syazana, Huda, Becky and whoever who wanna do it. LOL!

FISH OUT OF WATER

That is currently the state of mind i'm in right now. I've no idea what's going on. Ever felt so incompetent? Well.. WELCOME TO MY WORLD THEN. Ever felt as though someone has made you seem so incompetent? Then, I'm welcoming you once again to my world.

Here look, I've rolled out the red carpet, photographers of magazines are invited, limousines to send you and pple around to witness your arrival. How grand... How warm...

Suddenly, you realise what you've been doing have been your work constantly and well... not well informed of alot of things. And right now, its all you can do to survive on a daily basis. Its like as though you've just started all over again. But only difference is that, you didnt and pple have expected more out of it.

I'm like a fish out of water and I'm trying very hard to survive. Harder than usual. Not in a very good state of mind and i'm looking for an outlet.

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Really on verge of screaming and tears
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Shredding into bits & pieces

Rite now, I just feel like strangling someone, biting something or rather someone and just like abusing something... i'm serious...

I feel like screaming also.

I knew it was coming. I swear. I'm serious! This is annoying! I feel like killing things.

SIAK AH! I'm currently so geram rite now. Dah pergi jauh jauh pun lagi menyusahkan aku sak! GERAMMM NYERR!!!!!!! Babi ahhhhh...

I have fencing later. How perfect rite? Someone's gonna get beaten up bad by me. Go figure.

I just need to call someone later.. but rite now, i cant even complain... my batt's flat. YAYNESS!

Surprises...

Met Mel on Saturday... Have already told him about Saturday since 2 months ago if i'm not mistaken and told him to make himself free... He, on the other hand, have no idea what's happening.

It was a belated birthday celebration for him since i did not get to see him during his birthday... and didn't expect to see him during that period.. but i did... BUT, i already planned for saturday so i literally ignored the fact that i've not given him his birthday present. lol!

It was fun planning it.... but efficiency plays a huge role in all of it... including your friends.

Planning something like that while you're working, i swear is not the easiest thing around. I was so worried that I will not complete some stuff in time lor..

PARANOID i tell you. lol!

But it was fun. No doubt. And to tell you the truth, very memorable... lol! The process and the day itself. Well at least for me, i know it was... =)

There are just some things that I still amaze myself with. Seriously. I'm not exactly the most romantic human being around... Well, at least you know, not in this department... hehehhe... But I've found joy in pampering him... lol!

I'm really grateful that he still went through some of the things I planned... Especially that one particular thing. I felt so guilty throughout that... I wouldnt have mind if he said no before entering it. I'm still glad I get to go on it with him... It was priceless.

I just hope he did enjoy the whole day... =)

I was literally grinning from ear to ear the whole day.. WAHAHHAHA! I think he must have believed that his girlfriend was a chesire cat in her previous life. lol!

Gave him his birthday present. I tell you... His first reaction... My paranoia just disappeared and evaporated into thin air. lol!

Thank god! But he told me he's not gonna use it... Tooo precious he says...

(-,-)"... I got no comments lor. If everything I give so precious, then how like that? *faints*

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We're like kids all over again. Smiles. Laughter. Running around. Teasing.

Showed him a part of my world.

I love you... Mel.
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